


Black Cat Bone

by eruriotica (minxiebutt)



Series: RDA series [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Ownership, Past Torture, Physical Abuse, Prescription Drug Abuse, Terrorism, Victim Blaming, warnings posted per chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:23:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 89,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8484022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minxiebutt/pseuds/eruriotica
Summary: "A black cat bone is a type of lucky charm used in the African American magical tradition of hoodoo. It is thought to ensure a variety of positive effects, such as invisibility, good luck, protection from malevolent magic, rebirth after death, and romantic success."  X
 
Erwin Smith has big plans for the advancement of the Organisation, an anti-government terrorist group working to secure the rights of the people, but first he must collect his newest asset, a boy who says he will give his life to Erwin in exchange for learning the truth behind his grandfather's disappearance.





	1. Good Luck Charm

**Author's Note:**

> i finished early and decided not to wait. this story will continue in the schedule of updating every other monday, meaning chapter one will arrive on 21 november. 
> 
> thank you for all the love on rda, you guys are awesome!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [cover art](http://minxiebutt.tumblr.com/private/156748878768/tumblr_okse602IfX1s1v78y)

_ “You did a splendid job with that boy of yours.” _

 

“Thank you, Major General.”

 

_ “There’s no need for titles anymore, Smith. You know why you’re here; you’re being promoted to colonel.” _

 

“Sir, I’m deeply humbled--”

 

A chuckle interrupts.  _ “Your brand of flattery is too rich for my blood, so let me get on with your newest responsibilities.” _

 

“Of course, sir.” 

 

_ “You’ll be taking over the commercial rental properties on our end in addition to everything you already oversee. You will also act as stand-in Major General in my absences. Are we clear?” _

 

“Of course, sir.”

 

_ “Good, because having to shoot you would really set us back. It’s a wonder that we accomplished anything before you came along.” _

 

“Sir, I believe you’re flattering me.”

 

_ “Shut your mouth, Smith, and take a seat.” _

  
  
  


;;;

  
  


Somewhere in the apartment, his cell phone vibrates enough to fall and hit the floor with a sickening crunch that jolts him awake. 

 

Erwin Smith opens his eyes to a mop of black hair illuminated orange by the street light filtering in from the window above; his boy, his prize, pet, pride, and joy, is sprawling over his chest. The comforter is still lazily tucked around them, but September nights birth a chill that has permeated their living space enough to make him conscious of the skin exposed to the air.

 

The vibrating starts up again, the staccato pattern letting him know he’s getting a call.

 

“Katze,” he starts cautiously, fingertips brushing the silver-pink keloid where the shell of the boy’s right ear is missing. “I’m getting up.”

 

Levi stirs just enough to ask, “Already?”

 

Erwin doesn’t reply, simply begins to roll himself out from under the surprisingly heavy body. Levi was a wispy thing when Erwin got a hold of him, but he’s started to fill out now that antidepressants no longer choke his appetite. Mike is also to thank for the increasing strength that Erwin knows lies under Levi’s skin, for taking Levi off Erwin’s hands for a few hours most days to work his muscles into exhaustion. The progress is beginning to show.

 

He stops by the toilet first and then makes his way to the dining table where he last had his phone, finding it on the floor without any cracks, fortunately. It’s three in the morning and he has three missed calls from Hanji. As the fourth starts, Erwin slides to answer. “Yes?”

 

“I already have journalists contacting me about your boy,” Hanji says. She’s exasperated, he can tell, and therefore not attempting to mask the fearful vibrato in her voice. “His missing person’s report was dismissed six hours ago, so did you change the plan without telling any of us again?”

 

“A police officer recognised him and took him in, that’s that. I was twenty feet away, I saw it all happen.”

 

“Why didn’t you step in?”

 

“Lieutenant Church.”

 

Hanji clicks her tongue and curses in understanding. Had it been anyone else, Erwin could have easily intervened and assured the officer that they were mistaken, that the boy in question was definitely  _ not _ Levi Ackerman, but Church knew him too well for that to work. 

 

“Before you ask, no. We can’t go prodding the officer that brought Levi in, Hanji, that’ll look too suspicious.”

 

“No... I just.… Erwin, do you realise what this will do to me? And my reputation?”

 

“You’re a doctor, Hanji, but you’re not perfect. You were wrong about him. That’s all.”

 

“No, Erwin, that’s not  _ all _ .” She swears again, sighs again, and he can hear the shakiness multiplying in her voice. “The things I said, some of them breach patient confidentiality, now that he’s ‘ _ alive _ ’ again. If the rest of my patients feel that my office is no longer a safe space--”

 

“Hanji, you already know that I’m going to tell you to come back to the Organisation full time. We need a physician on our payroll.”

 

“I have a goddamn mortgage, Erwin. And my kids are here on school holidays. You know that’s not plausible for me,” Hanji says, and Erwin can visualise her rubbing her hand down her face, her glasses pushed up into her hair and messing her bangs. “That’s not exactly an environment I want them exposed to yet.”

 

“Right, because we’re so much worse than the other children shoved in their classrooms everyday.” Erwin moves into the kitchenette and puts on the kettle. He’s awake now, and there’s already work to be done, so there’s no hope in rejoining Levi. “Just think about it, Lieutenant.”

 

“My answer is the same as always,” she reminds him. “So, what do we do about the hands grabbing at Levi? They are gonna want to talk to him.”

 

Erwin pauses, setting a pair of mugs out. “He’s safe here, but he can’t leave the building. I’m sure the attention will wane naturally over time. Six hours was all? That means someone in the police department sold the information. Is there any chance we could--”

 

“Find out who? Yeah, but what good does that do? We can’t touch any of them without looking suspicious. Wait until Darius tears you a new one before you start scheming,” Hanji chuckles. 

 

“You know I’ll walk in with enough options to secure my ass, and Levi’s.”

 

“He’s not gonna kill your pet, Erwin. But he might demote  _ you _ .” Hanji fiddles with something on her end that sounds like paper. “You need to bring him in close to you, Erwin, or else this will all blow up in our faces. There’s no such thing as a life without vice, and you need to become his dealer.”

 

“Already done,” he informs her. Hanji isn’t up to date enough to know that Darius trusts him to act as stand-in commander of their operations, meaning the chances of being relieved of his new position are scarce. “Alright. Hanji, I’ll need to call you back later.”

 

“No, let me call you, okay? Bye.” Hanji hangs up before him, and he sets his phone on the counter. 

 

In terms of traditional vices, Levi has never touched a drug outside of his prescriptions.  _ However _ , he is a creature of steadfast habit, consistency giving him a sense of security that allows him to grow under Erwin’s careful hands in exactly the ways that Erwin wants. Next time he speaks with Hanji, he needs to tell her that he fucked Levi, and ask if that is vice enough. Judging by the way Levi’s been begging for it, Erwin knows it should be.

 

Levi is sitting up when Erwin comes to perch on the arm of the couch, still naked from last night aside from the comforter hanging off his shoulders. The side of his body where Erwin jabbed into his ribs is indeed bruising beautifully, blossoming blue like vining flowers along his obliques but other than that, he looks no worse for wear. He rubs at his eyes with the back of his full-fingered left hand and then scoots over to lay his cheek at Erwin’s hip.

 

“I’m sore,” he says, not too sleepily, his body stretched out along the couch behind him. “But I want to be fucked again.”

 

“You’ve got to wait.” Erwin ruffles Levi’s hair and then spears his fingers through it, collecting it up and back to expose his boy’s face and neck. The light catches the identification tags on the collar around his neck momentarily in a flash of gaudy pink ownership that serves as a reminder. With the events of last night, he didn’t write his daily report to add to Levi’s file, and he needs to do that now before the day leaps on. Combing Levi’s hair back with his fingers, he says, “Go back to sleep.”

 

Erwin knows it’s unlikely to happen, but if he tells Levi to do it, then Levi will at least put in the effort. Even if he doesn’t sleep, his boy will lay there quietly as if he were. It’s this kind of obedience that he’s been working diligently into Levi, and it sparks pride in him. Erwin dresses just in time for the kettle to whistle and he then makes two cups of his strongest green tea. Taking one to the dining table with him, he opens his laptop, and begins to work. He writes Levi’s daily report in as detached a manner as he can, and then he prints a copy that he gives a home in the back of a manila folder labelled  _ Ackerman, Levi _ . 

 

It is just a few hours later, as the sunrise becomes convincing, that Erwin receives the call inviting him to the courthouse for an early morning meeting. Instead of just sending Levi down the hallway, he walks with him so that he can have a moment of privacy with Mike after Nanaba ushers his boy inside.

 

“You fucked him,” Mike says, a statement rather than a question. “He didn’t look either of us in the eyes.”

 

“So you know, then.” 

 

Mike’s nose twitches and he pushes out a chuckle through it. “His missing report was dismissed and you finally gave him what he wanted to keep him close.”

 

“You are correct.”

 

Mike shifts his weight and crosses his arms. “Where are you going?”

 

“Darius.” Erwin moves to match his old ROTC mate. “Hanji thinks I’ll be demoted.”

 

“She doesn’t know you’re colonel yet,” Mike says. 

 

“This is a minor hiccup, I doubt there’s anything to worry about for either of us. But I’ve still prepared a few courses of action should he decide this can’t be overlooked.” Erwin takes a half-step closer to Mike, dropping his voice when he says, “And once we get Darius where we want him, we’re getting that old bastard out of the way.”

 

“You’re a dangerous man and you’re going to get us all killed.” Mike doesn’t look bothered, nor does he reject the proclamation. 

 

Erwin’s eyes flick over Mike’s shoulder, thinking momentarily of Levi, his black bewitching kitten with claws that kill on command. He smirks. “I’ve got a good luck charm that’ll bring me everything I desire.”

 

;;;

 

Darius is putting on his judge’s robe when Erwin enters the office.

 

“You wanted to see me, sir.”

 

“Take a seat.” Darius motions to the couch along the wall beside the door, opposite the desk, and Erwin sits exactly in the middle of it.

 

“If you’re concerned about your boy, this is all I have to say on the matter: keep him on a tight leash, or the moment he begins to stray and threaten the Organisation, I’ll order you to put a bullet between his eyes. I trust that you’ll take whatever means necessary to correct his behaviour and ensure his continued service to our cause.

 

“I didn’t bring you here to only talk about that, however. There’s a potential recruit down in Denver that may be of value to us. It will also be a chance for your boy to lay low; people don’t look too closely at one another in large cities. I need you to go down and gather information on this person, retrieve them, and bring them back here. Are you familiar with the property list for that area?”

 

Erwin perks up. “Yes, sir. There are five homes in the eastern suburbs, and an operating bakery serving as a front for money laundering in the southern metro area.”

 

“Excellent. You know what to do then.” Darius walks over to his desk and picks up a folder, opening it and flicking through a few pages. Aloud, he reads, “‘William Perry Arlert the third’ but when I looked it up in the system, I only found a first and a second for that name. Maybe you’ll have better luck tracking this fellow down.” He passes Erwin the open file.

 

Erwin scans it. There is a blow-up of a driver’s licence for William Arlert the first, a greying man in his early senior years, and there’s a death certificate dated fifteen years prior for William Arlert the second. Sure enough, a print-out informing the search engine that no ‘William Perry Arlert III’ exists in the Colorado DMV system confirms what Darius told him. Erwin flips back to the driver’s licence and finds a street address rather than a post office box. That’s where he’ll start.

 

“How much time to I have, sir?”

 

“I don’t leave for a few weeks.” Darius sits heavy in his desk chair. “Either this fellow joins us, or he disappears. He’s been hacking into my computer and sending me emails from  _ my own _ account.”

 

Erwin turns over a few pages to find the emails. There’s several, all of them identifying Darius as a member of the ‘terrorist’ group, the Organisation, and expressing a desire to join. Interestingly, there are no threats of the information being disclosed. Before signing off with his full name, William writes that his skill is in the workings of computers and technologies, especially in breaching security ‘as the vehicle for this message proves.’ Erwin would laugh if Darius weren’t looking so troubled over it. William will be a value asset indeed-- there’s no member in their small branch with these capabilities. 

 

“I understand.” Erwin closes the file and stands. “I won’t come back empty handed, sir.”

  
  
  



	2. Graveyard Dirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten witnesses a punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to point out that I wrote the plot for BCB before the american election. Also, i’ll accept a drabble prompt from the person who can correctly point out what passage I was writing on the night of the election. I've changed the 'prologue' to chapter 1 because the weird AO3 count will annoy to me no end otherwise. and chapter titles don’t have any bearing on the story (or do they?), they're just items involved in voodoo, spells, etc etc. I didn't have my usual co-conspirator so I consulted the suspiciously sweet Valisi, who assured me that a problematic scene was not off-voice. Thank you! 
> 
> another early chapter because of IRL circumstance. next update 5 December.
> 
> Warnings at the end!

  
  
  
  
  
  


Mike opens to the door for Erwin with a finger pressed to his lips, asking him not to speak, and ushers him inside the studio apartment with a soft click of the lock. Neither Levi nor Nanaba are anywhere to be seen and Erwin assumes they’re out of the domicile until Mike points over past the room dividing curtain and Erwin goes to take a peek. The two pets are wrapped tight around one another in Mike’s bed, Levi only visible by the tufts of black hair sneaking out from under the covers, and Nanaba by the platinum blonde curls. Erwin knows that the pair have been getting closer since he brought Levi here almost two months ago, but he’s never witnessed this kind of closeness between them. He looks to Mike, who shrugs and turns back toward his neat little kitchen.

 

Erwin takes in the view for a few more moments before he joins Mike at the tiny table, taking up the only other chair opposite him. As quietly as he can, he murmurs, “Is she feeling ill?”

 

Mike shakes his head, rests his elbows on the table and laces his fingers to create a perch on which to rest his chin. It’s still  _ acceptably _ morning, not yet midmorning, but Mike looks about as worn down as Erwin feels. Nanaba is usually exceedingly healthy-- a true blessing considering she can’t be taken to a clinic or hospital-- and is rarely sick. The few times she  _ has been _ sick, though, have been the kinds of illnesses that leave her husband up all night, monitoring, checking, pacing, waiting for a fever to break, or for her to keep down fluids even on a heavy dose of antiemetics. If her immune system weakens, it crumbles down like the walls of Jericho, and every time, the question of her mortality looms. Every time, still, she pulls through; but they all know that there will be a time when she will slip away, when she will quietly leave Mike to dig her grave and bury her in an unmarked resting place. 

 

Mike looks Erwin in the eye when he finally murmurs, “Noah.”

 

There’s a dawn of understanding in that name, rarely thought and even more rarely voiced aloud. Nanaba, physically, is well. Nanaba, mentally, is not. Erwin is more than familiar with these spells, these periods where her longing sweeps her feet from under her and leaves her like an empty vessel. Hanji says that she still hasn’t processed her twelve-year-old grief, but Erwin always wonders if the psychiatric drug cocktail listed in her medical file from her involuntary holding didn’t warp her somehow, loosen screws. The way she’d molded under Mike’s hand, Erwin is almost  _ convinced _ . 

 

He isn’t surprised, now, that she is tucking up in bed at an hour when she is usually chipper and chirping. When she gets caught up in Noah, she’s a terrifying creature so unlike the woman that she is day to day, too unpredictable for Mike to do anything but drug her into a state of repose that protects her from herself. They’d learned the hard way that this isn’t something that she just  _ gets over _ and gets back to normal from. There’s probably still a scar from the gash she sliced through Mike’s shoulder blade that has him aching when the weather changes. He’d gone to grab her and hold her and coax her into breathing deeply to stave off the hyperventilation, but unprocessed grief is as deadly as an attack dog, and now Mike keeps his bitch on a tight leash and does not leave her to her own devices. Nanaba must be drugged out of her mind right now, and that is not a surprise. What does surprise him, though, is the way his boy is snuggling up with her. 

 

Just like always, Mike reads Erwin like a deck of cards, answering the unasked question. “He climbed in with her on his own. It happened right before you dropped him off.”

 

Erwin takes that information and slips it away to chew on later. “What did you give her?”

 

“A muscle relaxer and a Valium. That’s all I have.” Mike rubs his nose against his hands. “I need to see Hanji about getting a lithium refill.”

 

“When you talk to her, remind her that we need a full time doctor. I don’t think I’ll be able to see her before we leave.” Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose and then rubs his fingers into his temples. It’s been a long morning and it’s going to be an even longer night. “We’re being sent to Denver to deal with a pest.”

 

Mike nods like he knows exactly what Erwin is talking about. “Nile called.” Erwin hands the man the file then, and Mike looks at the pages with the two results before he says, “A minor.”

 

Erwin raises his brow but Mike is still looking at the page. “Erwin, you’re looking for someone without a driver’s license or state issued identification, that’s why he didn’t come up in the system.”

 

With an unusual name as William Perry Arlert, it was obvious that the three were related, descending directly like links in a chain with the numerals of their names as indicators. But it had never occurred to him that there was a minor clamoring to join their ranks. Incompetency eats at his heels with the realisation. 

 

“Arlerts One and Two have twenty years between them, so it’s a fair assumption that the age gap repeats for your missing pest.” Mike taps the date on the death certificate. “Fifteen at the youngest. And unless Two had Three in high school, you’re looking for someone under eighteen.”

 

“I can’t kill a kid if he doesn’t join.”

 

“Then make him.”

 

“I’m not in the market for another pet.” Erwin flicks to the print-out of the emails. “No potential recruit who can do this should belong to anyone. He came after us, I’m confident that he will come of his own volition.”

 

Mike nods, gives the folder back, and looks toward the other end of the apartment, which pulls at the collar of his t-shirt and exposes a square dressing slapped over his sternal head. There’s bright red blood trying to pool and push through the plastic coating. It’s fresh.

 

Mike catches Erwin’s eye, nose twitches when he smirks. “She needs an attitude adjustment if you need to put some fear back into Levi.”

 

“These episodes aren’t really her fault, Mike,” he chides. “Are you offering or are you asking?”

 

“Asking.” With that, Mike stands and goes to the coffeemaker, signalling the end of the discussion. Erwin  _ can _ refuse. He can pull the weight of his rank and send Nanaba off to Nile and his dressing whip but Mike makes a valid point; after last night, he does need to remind Levi that he is to be fearfully respected. He forgave his boy, yes, and fucked him, but that doesn’t mean it will be a usual occurrence. This fine line, keeping Levi close while allowing him to believe he serves Erwin as his own decision, will take time to solidify and in that time, all manner of bad habits could set.

 

As much as he does not enjoy the idea of what Mike is asking, it’s necessary and it benefits both men. The gash through Mike’s shoulder years ago earned the girl a backside of black and blue. Back in those days, when they were all grieving, all directing their anger in the wrong places, they made mistakes with her training, but consistency makes demands regardless of whether they know better now or not.

 

It’ll be good for Levi, seeing Erwin’s careful and calculating epidermis peel back to expose his ruthless, merciless core; to see it lashing out at Nanaba, to be reminded how  _ that _ level of viciousness can all turn onto Levi should he misbehave. Erwin’s taken a backseat to let his boy explore his own bloodlust but it’s about time Erwin come back to action.

 

When Mike sets a steaming mug in front of Erwin, he nods his thanks, says, “Alright.”

 

“I would have done something earlier but the timing was off.” Mike smooths the corners of his moustache with his thumb and index fingers. He tells Erwin what happened that morning, just as the lazy September sunrise was coming up over the horizon. The frantic restlessness had been present in his bitch since ereyesterday, and when he woke to find her out of bed before him, something unusual, he knew that the time to act preemptively was then and there. Ironically, it had been those preemptive actions that had set her off. He’d brought her the pair of pills, and when she’d refused to take them, he forced them down her throat, and because of that, she’d latched onto the muscle in his neck and bitten him. The bottles of Valium Hanji gets for them come few and far between, so she sneaks them stronger doses, and because of that Nanaba had been neutralised before Mike could give her any punishment.

 

“Nothing overly cruel,” is the major’s only boundary. “Whatever you’d give Levi.”

 

“I put a chain around his neck and left him on the porch for a day and a night,” Erwin reminds him, running his fingers over the long-gone teeth marks. “Less often do I discipline him physically. You’ve seen how hungry he is for affection, and you’ve seen how he gets when I take that away.”

 

Mike nods, sniffs. “Whatever you’d give him  _ and _ a good slap. I don’t want her to hurt too much.”

 

Erwin weighs a few options in his head before he decides on one. The last time he’d utilised it was over a year ago, for reasons he can’t quite remember, but he knows that the problem in her behaviour had been corrected and never resurfaced. It’s not exceptionally ferocious, but it should be just this side of enough to instill a healthy fear in Levi. He tells Mike to keep a rope ready on-hand.

 

They wait for an hour before the sounds of shuffling come over from the bed. Erwin has been going over the small file endlessly, making his notes and plans from the knowledge he already has of Denver. It’s the largest city in the area with a population almost ten times that of their modest Sina and the square mileage to accommodate. More people means a better chance to blend in and hide in the crowds, but it also means more video surveillance on the roadways to make up for the shortage of police officers on patrol. Driving will be an issue-- even with fake plates, his truck will distinctive enough to spot, an older model in a sea of newer and shinier ones. Another perk of Denver, then-- the impressively expansive systems of public transportation.

 

The Organisation owns five houses in a more recently built suburb out close to the airport, meaning the neighbourhood should have access to the bus lines even if they run less often. As long as they can get closer to the city’s center where the increased traffic means more opportunity. Erwin is also counting on the fact that pedestrians are ignored, so long as there’s nothing too flashy or out of the ordinary about them.

 

According to google maps, the address on William Arlert’s driver’s license is in one of the historic districts. Erwin will be able to scope things out, but he won’t be able to stay there long without drawing attention, but perhaps he can make some use of his boy. Denver is littered with parks, and if Erwin can find a vantage point for the address, he trusts that if he sits Levi down with explicit orders, Levi will do exactly as he’s told.  

 

Behind a closed door, a toilet flushes and a tap runs, and then Nanaba is poking her head around the curtain. As soon as Mike catches a glimpse of her bed-tangled blonde curls, he beckons her over with a visible snap of his fingers, which draws a confused and bleary-eyed Levi as well. 

 

Erwin knows Mike and Nanaba’s relationship thoroughly enough to understand that a snap instead of a spoken order is bad news, and Nanaba does too, drawing in close to the table even though she swallows nervously, tugging at the hem of her sleepshirt. She watches as Mike lays both his hands, palms down, flat on the table between himself and Erwin, and then she lowers ungracefully onto the floor. Her knees hit the tiles with a  _ thud _ , body still heavy with drugs. Levi watches from a few steps back, his eyes darting between the three and their scene. This is something he’s never seen before. Erwin watches his boy.

 

“Madeleine,” Mike says sternly and she dips her head before raising her eyes to his. He doesn’t look upset, but his emotion is in his actions. Very rarely does he ever use her given name, an old habit from high school JROTC where they met, that carried over into college ROTC and eventually became an integral part of her training, much the same way that Erwin refers to his boy as ‘katze.’ Names have power, even more so in the denial of one.

 

“You know what you did wrong,” Mike continues. She nods along without breaking eye contact. “Erwin is going to deal with you.”

 

Levi’s gaze snaps up to Erwin’s at the same time as Nanaba’s, but she quickly lowers it in submission. This is also new for his boy. Levi’s been threatened a time or two with Nile’s dressing whip, but it’s universal for every pet. Nile teaches etiquette; a fancy way of saying that he’s cruel with his whip until manners are drilled deeply into one’s mind. Levi has yet to visit Nile, having received all his discipline from Erwin alone, and the look in his eye tells Erwin that the boy never once considered that Mike might be an option for punishment. Which he isn’t. But Erwin is in no rush to tell the little noirette that. It would require explaining that Madeleine Nanaba-Zacharias was trained differently and the protocols between her and Levi vary. Frankly, a little fear of the unknown is good for Levi.

 

“Get dressed,” Erwin tells her. Nanaba looks to Mike for confirmation out of habit, but the man stands and leaves the table, making it clear that Erwin is, in fact, in charge of her right now. She rises and does as she’s told, quickly and quietly pulling on jeans and a sweater over the sleepshirt.

 

As she dresses, Erwin makes his way to the front door of the apartment and slips his belt from the loops of his jeans, holding it bent in half. Levi watches his every move, waiting for any indication that he should follow. For the moment, Erwin ignores him. Once Nanaba is done, she comes back to Erwin in his new location and assumes the same position, kneeling in front of him.

 

The first crack of leather across her face is so sudden, so unexpected, that Levi flinches as the woman throws her hands out to catch herself. She knows the procedure though, and rights her posture, her head level and her eyes downcast, even though Erwin can see the spring of tears welling. Mike is watching from where he leans against the sink, an unlit cigarette dangling between his lips, spelling out how unpleasant this is for him as well. In all the years, he’s never gotten used to watching this, but he does not look away.

 

Erwin gives her two more across the same cheek, waiting between each slap of the belt for her to erect, and by the third, there’s a small trail of blood dripping from the affected corner of her mouth and catching in her sweater, but without permission, she will not wipe at it. An angry red splotch is making home on her cheekbone, a deeper violet seeping in her eye socket, and the rest of that side of her face is puffing up already. He gives her the last two lashings in quick succession for a total of five, and he’s glad that’s all, because she takes much longer than she should to right herself from the final one. 

 

“Go see Mike,” Erwin dismisses, loops the leather belt back around his jeans. He takes a deep breath to steady his heart, to clear his head. Only when she passes Levi on her way to meet Mike at the sink does Erwin finally allow himself to look at his boy. Levi looks blank as usual, but the drawing up of his shoulders and crossing of arms speaks of fright, and when their eyes meet, his throat works, waiting for Erwin to look away, not daring to do so first. So Erwin holds him there, unblinking, challenging. The bruise on Levi’s ribs will be a mere stain compared to Nanaba in a few hours and it’s really a shame that they won’t be here to watch how long it takes for her to look normal again. Maybe it won’t be too much of a favour to ask of Mike to send Erwin progress pictures.

 

“There, there, Nana, spit in the sink.” Mike’s crooning for his girl finally draws Levi’s attention and ends their staring contest. Mike is holding a wet paper towel to her jaw, cleaning, cupping the unharmed side in his large grasp. “You’re sorry, aren’t you?”

 

She nods with a wince, leaning into the cool of the towel. Mike looks like he wants to wrap her up tight, but once the blood is cleaned, he withdraws from her again. “Alright, Nana-bitch, go to Erwin.”

 

If it weren’t for the ripple up her spine that stiffens her shoulders for a heartbeat, her fear would be fully disguised. Trustingly, she comes back, but when she moves to kneel again, Erwin stops her. “We’re going downstairs.”

 

He doesn’t wait to give an order to Levi, knowing the boy will either come or Mike will push him along. Together, they all make their way down the flight of stairs and into the tenant foyer and its wall of mailboxes, Erwin’s hand on Nanaba’s neck, fingers pressing gently into the base of her skull, leading her. He stops her at the railing of the bottom step, instructs her to stand under the landing above with her feet flat. Mike and Levi give them a wide berth, the former lighting his cigarette despite being indoors; these kinds of situations concerning Nanaba are never easy for him to watch.

 

“You’ll stay here until I say so, and then you’ll go to Mike. Now, cross your wrists and hold them up.” Erwin holds his hand out to Mike, who passes him a length of delicate-looking nylon rope. He knots around Nanaba’s wrists in a way that won’t cut off the circulation when her muscles inevitably give out from the strain of the held position. Erwin loops the rope through the rail on the landing over her, stretching her out, leaving her feet flat but tugging her arms up in a way that brings her to her toes to ease the discomfort in her shoulders. As she is now, the difficulty of holding position will increase exponentially as time passes. He finishes stringing her up without any fanfare, and when he is done, he rummages through his pockets and digs out his ring of keys. Selecting one, he holds the set out to Levi with the clear orders, “Socks, shoes, sweatshirt. Come outside when you’re done.”

 

Levi steps forward and takes the keys. He doesn’t bother to hide the way his eyes bounce between Erwin and Nanaba, but Erwin doesn’t correct him for it. His boy is only being a curious cat. After he starts to make his way back up the stairs to get dressed, Erwin and Mike head out into the parking lot.

 

The morning chill is fading the longer the sun is up, but in the shadow of the tall buildings downtown, it is taking more time. The first frost isn’t for a few more weeks at most, though it feels like it’s hanging over their heads. Erwin hasn’t checked yet to see the projection of severity for the upcoming winter.

 

Mike sucks his way through the first cigarette in record time, lights another before he can finish grinding the first beneath his heel, and that’s when Erwin speaks. “That will be a pretty sight for a while.”

 

Mike side-eyes him and rolls his shoulders passively. “She took it well.”

 

“It’s not my favourite way of doing things. Yes, I agree that pain is an excellent teacher, but the bruteness of the physical sort-- perhaps I’ve just gotten too used to inflicting emotional pain as discipline.” Erwin leans his back against the cold bricks of their building. “Don’t ever die, Mike. I wouldn’t know what to do with her.”

 

Mike pushes a chuckle through his nose, already halfway through another cigarette. “You been thinking too hard about California.”

 

“They’re falling apart in Monterey,” Erwin says. “Darius is headed out there in a few weeks and I won’t be surprised if he brings all the remaining members here by force.”

 

Mike hums. They’ve all been following the downward spiral in the last week, like watching an imploding star. The dynamics of the citizens out in California are different, much more diverse than their windy patch of the west, and some trivial internal strife has led to their discourse and downfall. The most uncomfortable detail in the implosion is the putting down of one of the pets, a ‘ _ mercy kill _ ’ after her handler was shot in action and left her an orphan. Usual protocol is for an orphaned pet to be taken on by another member, but when she proved ‘ _ too troublesome and not worth the effort of retraining _ ’, her death was authorised by the commander for that branch. It’s becoming painstakingly clear how gone-to-shit things are there. The Organisation does not have the member count nor the resources to waste lives of its own like that.

 

“The key is to fuck her,” Mike tells him eventually, pulling Erwin from the train of thought. “If anything happens to me.”  _ Don’t let her get put down. _

 

Erwin studies his friend, watches Mike draw from his cigarette until he thinks the man’s lungs might burst with the inhaled volume. Mike watches him right back on the long exhale. “I’m serious, Erwin.”

 

“I don’t doubt it.” Nanaba’s melancholy is contagious today. Erwin turns his attention up to the sky when he says, “But nothing will happen to you.” 

 

Mike crushes the butt, crunching his heel on the pavement. “Have them hunt together when you get back. Bonding, all that shit.”

 

“Oh, trust me, they looked quite cozy upstairs.”

 

After nurturing life into his third smoke, Mike asks, “Mad?”

 

“Maybe we should have them fuck. You know, ‘ _ bonding _ ’ and all that.” Erwin is only half joking, already thinking of the pros and cons to  _ that _ , but it’s hardly even a possibility. To dwell would mean he foresees Mike’s demise, and he  _ doesn’t _ . If he’s ever met with that outcome, he will remember Mike’s advice but until then, he won’t let it cross his mind. He moves them on to the next subject. “I believe we can use the major general’s upcoming absence to prepare to remove him.”

 

“‘ _ Remove _ ’ how, exactly?”

 

“He needs to be done away with while maintaining the reputation and informational integrity of the Organisation. Men will betray their creeds to save their own necks.”

 

“What’s not what I asked.”

 

Erwin smirks. Mike doesn’t miss much. He listens to understand, not to reply, and very little gets by his perceptiveness. “A judge doesn’t just go missing. We need to frame a fleeing scenario. And I believe acquiring our Denver pest will be the key to that.”

 

Mike clears his throat and lets out one ragged cough into his elbow before asking Erwin, “How soon can you be back?” 

 

“If William is in agreement, just long enough to sniff out his allegiances. A week.” The worst of Nanaba’s bruising will faded to yellow by then, and that should give Mike enough time to secure lithium to ease her mind and guide her out of this fit. Erwin’s discipline is only a temporary attitude adjustment, after all. “And if he decides to play hard-to-get, we’ll be back tomorrow with an unwilling prisoner.”

 

“We need to bring Nile full in on this. I can guarantee Darius is bringing back two of the orphans for himself, for pleasure.” Ah, yes, that’s right, Mike is friendly with a few of the Monterey members, and secrets make friends. 

 

“Perhaps it would be wise to consider Nile being privy to this but he’s hard to predict. I would hate to shoot him to protect the plan.” Erwin wouldn’t do that to Nile, not with how it would hurt Marie, anyway. While he might not trust Nile with the coup, with Marie, he can. Even if she disagreed with it, she would keep her mouth shut tight-- a gargantuan difference between the couple. “If Nile is getting custody for retraining, that means Marie will come in contact with them.”

 

“Don’t make her keep anymore secrets, Erwin.” Mike doesn’t sound chastising, but he is obviously disapproving. He already knows, from experience, where Erwin’s thoughts are: ten rungs of the ladder up, perfect for mounting the high horse on the tall pedestal.

 

“Alright,” Erwin yields. The matter is not yet pressing. There will be time in the future for him to come up with a course of action and a few conditioning quirks that would give him two new sources of information in Darius’s own home. “Let’s talk about it again when I get back.”

 

“See if Captain Berner will come back up, too. Hanji’s divorce finalised, what, a year ago?” Mike is taking his time on this cigarette, and pairing that with his emerging talkativeness, Erwin knows he’s finally relaxing. 

 

Moblit Berner is keeping an eye on the goings-on in Denver, and though Darius is there often enough to keep it orderly, Moblit has the genuine responsibilities. Erwin last saw him at the end of August, briefly, wordlessly, when he brought expensive reports to The Merediths for the money laundering front. He knows why Mike brings it up. Moblit is one of the few people Hanji will solicit advice from and take it seriously. If Erwin informs him of their need for a physician, it’s probable that Moblit will herd her into it; that, or he will move back from Denver to take the position for himself. Either way, he needs to tell the captain about the need for a doctor on their payroll.

 

“About a year,” Erwin agrees. Moblit did not attend school with their group, nor did he know them before joining the Organisation as a recruit. But somehow, over the years, he and Hanji have developed a mysterious relationship, made all the more questionable by the way he abruptly picked up and left when she got pregnant with her oldest child.

 

They stand in smoky silence for a while, until an eager Levi opens the door and pushes himself in close to Erwin’s side like a lover or a lost child. Erwin allows it. He likes this new little quirk, the visible counterpart to the hold he has over Levi. Mike takes note of the action as well, but flicks his eyes away before his scrutiny becomes apparent.

 

Erwin offers, “Is there anything you need while we’re out?”

 

“A conscience,” Mike says in the heavily disguised jest only recognised by his oldest friend and then goes back inside. Erwin sees him skip up the steps without the barest glance at his little blonde tied to the bannister. 

 

Levi says nothing, following Erwin obediently to his truck, where he dutifully gives back the keys. When he moves to buckle himself into the passenger seat, Erwin stops him, has him sink low into the footwell instead. They sit still in the parking lot to let the truck warm up and Erwin feels Levi boring holes in the side of his head. He looks down to meet those grey eyes. “Yes, katze?”

 

His boy opens his mouth to speak but then closes it and swallows. Erwin gives him a moment, and Levi finally says, “I… can I have a kiss?”

 

Erwin turns his attention back to the truck and eases it from  _ park _ to  _ reverse _ , taking them out of their space in the tenant lot behind the building. He’s expecting Levi’s thoughts to be on Nanaba, who by now must be shaking with exertion, but instead he’s thinking of last night’s new changes in their physical relationship.  _ No such thing as a life without vice _ , and Erwin intends to string the boy out like a junkie until he’s swallowed up by desperation.

 

“What have you done to deserve it?” Erwin asks him at the first stop light on the city street. “You have to earn these things.”

 

He doesn’t look back at Levi, but he can practically bite into the sulking that melts into the silence between them. Aside from an affirmative, Levi doesn’t speak again, and Erwin drives them to the travel station on the outskirts of the town. As he fills the gas tank, Erwin thinks of the time Levi was caught peeking over the bench through the back window, but he’s pleased to see that his boy is following orders today and staying out of sight. 

 

When he emerges from inside the station, he was a white and green box, red cursive of  _ Krispy Kreme _ . It’s mid-morning and he had not fed Levi before duty called him off, and Levi has been waiting patiently without complaint. Erwin’s never withheld food without first making it explicitly clear the reasons behind it, usually part of a punishment, leaving Levi to trust in his man wholeheartedly. Erwin tosses the box onto the passenger seat and watches the eyes trained on it light up. 

 

“Wait until we get back home,” he tells Levi. There’s no pout or sign of disapproval at Erwin’s words, so he reaches down and ruffles the dark tresses, letting his thumb skim over the silver-pink keloid. The traffic has picked up on the way back-- parents out for errands after dropping children at school, businessmen, men in suits, even Nile’s car as he makes his way to the courthouse for another day as a public defender. Marie is most likely already at the tavern to finish up last night’s paperwork and prepare for the upcoming day. Rarely does Erwin go into the front business, which actually pulls in enough money to operate without drug money, and today might be a good day to pay the misses a visit. First things first. They’ve been gone half an hour or so, and a check on Nanaba is in order.

 

Levi waits for Erwin to come to his side of the truck and open the door before he unfolds himself and slithers out, favouring his left leg that must have fallen asleep. Erwin passes him the little white box and he holds it in both hands like a child filled with anticipation.

 

Thirty minutes is not nearly time enough for the transgression of biting, no matter how pitiful she looks. Her hair is plastered to her neck and face, her skin shiny and pale, her sweater soaking up rivers of sweat where they pour down her chest, back, under her arms. The foyer is filled with her gasps, shallow breaths sucked in as quickly as they go out, akin to hyperventilation but without the lack of control. Her hands are gripping the rope, but the nylon is slipping through her slick fingers, leaving her without a relief for the shaking of her shoulders. 

 

Erwin watches her lift onto her toes, seeking to ease the strain. The action brings an unbidden whine, and she drops flat, massaging the cramp in her calf with her other foot, hopping back and forth, rolling onto her heels to stretch out the tired muscles. Her head falls forward, she sucks in a long breath. He approaches from the side, taking in the progress of her bruises. The surging blood flow is darkening them quickly, the apex of her cheek almost black. Erwin lays a hand on the small of her back. She startles. “Do you understand that you are to  _ always _ be in control of your actions?”

 

Nanaba nods, wincing. “Yes, I do.”

 

For a moment, he considers lecturing her, but in the end he doesn’t; the ache that will permeate her body for days to come will serve as lecture enough. “Good.” To his boy, he says, “Sit down and stay here.”

 

Levi doesn’t question it aloud, even though Erwin can feel that he wants to. Instead, he sits against the wall of mailboxes. Obedient. 

 

Upstairs, Mike is in Erwin’s apartment, the folder for William Arlert III open, its contents strewn methodically around the table. He doesn’t explain his presence when Erwin enters, doesn’t need to. He has a key.

 

Mike is no computer genius, but he has enough insides and informants to appear that way. The information collected for Levi before his detention came courtesy of the major and all his sources, his leverage over their heads enough to ensure their silence and cooperation. Mike, for the most part, is a like a gentle giant, intimidating in appearance, soft under his shell; but his observative nature gives him a way to sniff out a person to the core of their character, shows him their weakest points, hands him his needed leverage on a silver platter. Erwin doesn’t question how Mike keeps his sources quiet. In over twelve years, there’s never been a slip up, so he knows the undermining is unnecessary.

 

Darius underestimates Major Zacharias, and that will aid in his downfall.

 

Erwin picks up one of the printed emails to read the annotations made on it. A November birthday, making William sixteen-almost-seventeen.  _ TCHS for Boys-- drop out. Guardian-- Arlert 1.  _ A few phone numbers. An address that matches the driver’s license.  _ Arlert 1-- pharm, research, university health. Paid vacation-- 23 August. Abroad. _

 

Mike picks up his phone and looks at something. “He’s been gone almost a month. Passport search makes a hit in Spain on the twenty-fifth of August.”

 

Erwin takes a pen and adds that to the list of bullet points. “Where in Spain?”

 

Mike shrugs. He hasn’t dug deep enough for that yet. “Where’s the kitten?”

 

“Keeping your bitch company.” Erwin pulls his own mobile out and flicks through his list of contacts. His network is smaller than Mike’s. He depends on the man too much. He stops at Moblit’s name and dials. 

 

A pretentiously friendly secretary answers. “ _ Offices of Berner and Goldberg, this is Shanna speaking.” _

 

“Hello, yes, Shanna, can you send me through to Doctor Berner?”

 

“ _ I’m sorry, Doctor Berner is out, can I take a message?” _

 

Erwin agrees. “Please tell him that the locksmith has the copies of his keys ready to be picked up.”

 

“ _ Yes, sir. And the name?” _

 

“Commerce City Hardware Store.”

 

_ “Alright, sir, I will leave this on his desk. Is there anything else I can help you with?” _

 

“No, Shanna, thank you.” He hangs up, taps the phone against his chin. Erwin still needs to go see the Merediths and have one of them transfer a large sum into one of his alias accounts, preferably at a bank that doesn’t have a withdraw limit on its ATMs. He needs as little evidence of his presence in Denver as possible, meaning he must operate in cash only. He’s confident that his handful of aliases and their bank accounts are unlinkable, but complacency is a deathbed. 

 

Mike reaches over and takes the annotated email to look it over. His nose twitches. “Everything hit a dead end.”

 

Erwin wants to ask if he is sure, but Mike wouldn’t say so otherwise. “This is more than enough. Do you think he dropped out for a purpose?”

 

“It seems that way. Very unmemorable student. Average grades. Nothing special to stand out.”

 

“Doesn’t want attention on his name…. What is he hiding,” Erwin wonders aloud. It’s clear that William wants as little notice as possible, but for what reason? Or, he thinks, maybe it’s just boredom. Extraordinary minds find the monotony of school to be unbearable. Dropping out may have just been that. Erwin takes a few more minutes to look everything over once more before he organises it all in its folder again. 

 

“Mike, I need Colorado plates put on the truck, if you don’t mind.”

 

Mike nods and excuses himself without a word. A vehicle parked along the street might draw a moment’s fleeting suspicion, but a truck with out-of-state plates will send it home. The five Organisation-owned homes are in the northeastern Denver suburb of Commerce City, not the wealthiest of areas, but filled with new developments and above-average real estate prices. To think that there will not be a neighbourhood watch in place would be a rookie mistake. 

 

Levi keeps their apartment tidy, and packing is no trouble at all. Erwin’s clothes are all folded, so are the spare blankets. He hadn’t realised it earlier, but the couch had already been stripped, its bedding set neatly to the side. From his wardrobe comes two changes of clothes, one for each of them, then a bottle of Valium, Levi’s transport chain, a small bag of things from the bathroom. Firearms will be inessential, and he opts for Levi’s large knife and two smaller ones for himself. Everything they’ll absolutely need is packed, a duffel for Erwin to carry, a backpack for Levi, a few of the plushest blankets loose next to the two bags where it all sits along the wall next to the door, his trusty cast iron skillet like a cherry on top. 

 

While he packs, he calls Meredith with his request. Afterward, he bides his time, backs up and then shuts down all of his computers, pulls out their hard drives and locks them in a case before locking that into a filing cabinet. It’s useless, honestly. No one here will be rummaging through his apartment, but it’s a habit from before he moved into the headquarters that he’s never bothered to break. Darius would never allow a search warrant on the premises anyway. Everything here is safe, as long as they cover their tracks and keep their heads down doing it. 

 

Erwin is locking up his apartment when Mike opens the stairwell door and strides down the hallway, taking the duffel from Erwin’s shoulder and the blankets from the floor without a word. Another unlit cigarette hangs from the corner of his mouth, and Erwin understands why as soon as they’re on the stairs. What were quiet gasps have evolved. Shaky moans with hushed wails, squeezing inhales of pain. He tooks down at her from the landing that bisects, and she looks up with eyes cloudy enough to birth thunderstorms.

 

“Alright, Nanaba,” he says, and she weakly follows the remainder of their descent until they disappear behind her back. Levi is watching, too, right where Erwin left him with the box of doughnuts at his side. When Erwin takes back the items from Mike, the man pulls a switchblade from his pocket, ready for the go ahead. It’s been just under an hour, but Erwin has things to do and she looks pathetic enough. Erwin gives his nod. Mike makes a clean slash at the nylon rope and drops his knife to avoid stabbing Nanaba as she collapses with a wail into his arms. 

 

“Katze.” Erwin tilts his head toward the door when Levi jerks his eyes from the sight before him. Mike’s soothing sounds fill the foyer, but Erwin’s voice cuts through it just enough for Levi to stand and hobble over with his box. Out in the nearly noon air, Levi seems to deflate quickly, the tension leaving his body, telling Erwin everything he needs to know about how sitting with Nanaba has affected him. He takes Levi by the back of the neck with his free hand, pressing his fingers into the base of Levi’s skull without tenderness. He can feel the leather collar hiding safely under the high neck of the dark green sweatshirt.

 

“Katze,” he says again, sweetly, contradicting the force of his fingers. Although forgiven for last night, his boy will do well with a threat. “Don’t ever disappoint me again.” 

 

Levi stiffens. Just like that, if there were any slack in the leash between them, it tightens, Levi back at Erwin’s side where he belongs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: physical discipline in the form of taking a beating to the face with a leather belt and being strung up like a piece of meat.


	3. Van Van Oil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten makes new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so some backstory bugged me until i gave in and wrote it, so we start this chapter with nanaba. it's a heavy subject, so if you want to skip it, it's about the first 2k words or so.  
> I'm trying to finish building this world without info dumping, so if you have a question, don't hesitate to ask in the comments! i promise i don't bite 
> 
> updates next on 12 December. 
> 
> warnings at the end!

It started out like a spring flu, when everyone around them was feverish and aching and unable to calm their stomachs, so there were no second thoughts. It wasn't until it worsened that Madeleine allowed Mike to drag her to the campus clinic.

 

“I'm just stressed,” she told him on the way there. “I shouldn't have switched majors this late and I still have to graduate on time for my commission.”

 

“We’re going in, anyway. You won't graduate  _ at all  _ if you end up hospitalised, running yourself into the ground like this.”

 

Madeleine huffed but kept silent. The clinic was empty as they sat, as the clipboard was filled out, as she went back but he stayed out front… as she came back with an arm full of pamphlets, threw herself into his arms where he sat.

 

“Miiike,” she whined, sank to her knees between his legs, spilled the pamphlets over the floor of the waiting room.  _ Welcome to Motherhood!  _ and  _ Your Body is Their Home _ and a list of women’s health centers. “God… Mike….”

 

If anyone knew a way to make this go away, it was Hanji. And she  _ did _ know how, but everything involved a risk. Herbs and hemorrhage, physical manipulation and hemorrhage,  _ anything  _ had the potential to land her in a patient bed, and the county had sentenced dozens women to prison for feticide,  _ suspected _ feticide, assisting in feticide, all in the name of  _ life _ . 

 

“Goddamn conservatives,” she swore. She burned the pro-life propaganda as if she could curse the right wing movement that established personhood on uterine parasites. She sulked. She was withdrawn from ROTC before she could even bargain for her own future. Spring break came. Went. 

 

It shifted slowly in the weeks leading to Easter and Mike was a passive bystander to her war within herself. He rubbed her where she hurt, he rubbed her back bending over the toilet, and he said nothing about his own desires. The student battalion sent well wishes through him, he delivered them without inflection. If he noticed that she went from brushing those words off to letting them wash over her, he didn't say a thing (who was she kidding, he noticed everything, like some longsuffering, emotional bloodhound). But not once did he try to sway her in any direction separate from the one she was on.

 

“We’re having a baby,” she said on Good Friday, moving the laundry from the washer to the dryer. 

 

He only hummed. Madeleine grit her teeth. “Mike. We’re having a  _ baby _ .”

 

“I know.” 

 

“A baby. A human.”

 

“I know.” Over and over they danced, until she said it enough times to convince away her denial, and she looped her arms around his waist.

 

“Is this what you want, Nanabean?” Mike looked down at her with concern. A month of watching her slow acceptance, and still he needed to ask.

 

“Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, I want this.”

 

It was the first time she said those words, the first time they really hit home in her heart, hysterics to show for it. A child, they would have a  _ child _ , and the timing was so ludicrously imperfect that it was, clichéd, a happy accident.

 

“Let's get married, today, at the courthouse before it closes.” Mike looked at his watch. They left, and they came back to clothes over dried and crispy-feeling, with a fresh marriage license ready to be framed. A new name ready for a new lease outside of the dorms.

 

For three months, Madeleine dreamed. Her whole life, she had been so set on her career choice, but the derailing that she hated, she came to love, and she dreamed up a new set of tracks to travel down. For three months, they waited for the bump to appear between her hip bones, then watched as it grew, expanded upward until their little Zacharias announced itself to the world. For three months, Mike would greet her and then greet their baby, a kiss for each, whispered love. Three months of bliss and sugary snappiness.

 

For three months, everything felt incredibly right, and then it felt  _ wrong _ . Dread settled over Madeleine. She couldn't put her finger on  _ what _ , but  _ something _ felt wrong.

 

“All first time moms get that feeling,” her obstetrician told her at twenty-two weeks. “We'll see you soon for your anatomy scan, alright?”

 

A week passed, and then two, and then Mike left class early to accompany her to the ultrasound. Their cheap health coverage allowed for one sonogram, and he wouldn't miss it for the world. Their  _ baby _ . They would get to see their baby, finally, and learn the sex, and pick a name, embroidery a blanket for their  _ baby _ . 

 

Only.

 

It was wrong.

 

The radiology technician turned the screen away from them, frowning, and then stepped out of the room. A few minutes later, her obstetrician and two midwives flooded in, and Madeleine felt  _ wrong _ and learned why. What should have been twenty minutes became an hour became four hours and needles and blood work and a diagnosis she couldn't pronounce and a prognosis that left her hollow. 

 

Life carried on for everyone around her. Mike went to class, came home, greeted her, greeted their son. The third trimester approached and preceding it was edema, her body preparing for birth and breastfeeding as if it were clueless that the life it supported was brainless. 

 

“Anencephaly is rare,” the obstetrician had informed her when it was diagnosed. “The chances of it happening to you again are increased, but virtually zero if you supplement while you try to conceive.”

 

“So,” she had asked, trying to piece together her heart, “when can I end this?”

 

The doctor paused, laced her fingers, looked Madeleine in the eye for the first time that afternoon. “Babies come when they're ready.”

 

“No, no,” she had shaken her head, hated the words she needed to say, “when can I… terminate?”

 

“You can't.” Finally the doctor had broken eye contact. “You're healthy, you're not in any risk, and the baby is still growing within the normal range. There's nothing we can do. However, should something change, perhaps baby isn't reaching his ten kicks per hour, or you don't feel him move in twenty-four hours, come in and we’ll evaluate.”

 

Madeleine shook her head until Mike had touched her shoulder. “No, I… I can't do this, there's no point. I….”

 

“What you are suggesting is legally considered the murder of your baby. Your baby is still alive. I'm sorry, Madeleine, but there's  _ nothing _ we can do right now.”

 

So Mike went to class, came home, greeted her, greeted their son, a kiss for each, whispered love. She grew. Noah kicked. She withdrew. Erwin came by and stole Mike more and more often, and wherever it was they went, Nile and Hanji went, too. She didn't care enough to ask. She didn't care enough for  _ anything _ , and withdrew from school, stopped leaving her apartment, didn't bother to question Mike when he stayed gone all night.

 

She didn't have to. The five of them got together for Erwin’s birthday, somewhere fancy, she wasn't paying attention. It didn't matter. Noah kept up his kicks, kept  _ living _ . 

 

“A toast,” Nile had said quietly, leaning in over the table to keep his words contained below the soft music, “to our future within the Organisation.”

 

Everyone drank but Madeleine. She pushed the food around her plate. How could a brainless baby move so much?

 

“Nanabean, what do you think?”

 

She looked up at Mike, then everyone else at the table. “What?”

 

“We were all promoted to lieutenant.”

 

Erwin said, “We’re all  _ ‘terrorists’ _ now, against the government. The Organisation, Nanaba, remember that bombing at the capitol a few months ago?”

 

She nodded. Erwin sat back with a proud grin. She didn't care. She didn't bother listening to anything else that night. 

 

The days got cold and short and her due date began to stampede in. Erwin came around with Mike more, so did Hanji, so did Nile, and then the four of them would disappear. Mike’s birthday came, the student battalion threw him a party (he was a senior now, this would be his last at the university) but Madeleine didn't go. Every braxton-hick she hoped would break her water, would end this, would free her from the obligation of hosting this fated life.

 

She wished that she had taken that risk in the beginning and purged her body of the pregnancy, and she  _ hated _ herself for it. She hated how much she had grown to love Noah, how many times she had daydreamed of his life, she hated that he was made only to die, unconscious, unknowing,  _ soulless _ . He was her baby, but he lacked any  _ thing _ . He didn't react to her voice, or her touch. He  _ was _ at the same time that he  _ wasn't.  _

 

The night of the first contraction, the first real one that gripped her spine and made her shake and sweat and whimper, she was alone. 

 

“Two weeks early, Noah,” she said, rubbing her hand over her belly. She waddled through the apartment to pack her hospital bag, then gathered her hair into one long French braid. The night passed slowly, the pain grew worse, and then Mike stumbled over the threshold with Erwin. She didn't remember them loading her up, or the drive to the hospital, but she remembered the way Mike asked Erwin to be Noah’s godfather.

 

“He's dead,” she muttered, breathing through a contraction. “It. Doesn't.  _ Matter _ .”

 

The labour was quick, the pushing quicker, raw and unmedicated. She kept her eyes closed for the delivery, buried her face in her hands, only emerged when she heard Mike’s awe. “Hello, Noah.”

 

Madeleine didn't hold him until they were moved to recovery. The nurses said nothing the entire time, or maybe they did but she hadn't heard them. She could not take her eyes off the bundle in Mike’s arms. He squeezed onto the bed and showed her their son, their  _ baby _ , showed her everything, even under his cap where half of his skull had failed to form. She kissed him all over, because he was  _ there _ , he was there and he was her baby and she loved him more than life itself.

 

“He's beautiful,” Erwin agreed, laying a camera at the foot of her bed, and she didn't bother to ask when he had arrived. There was a bassinet in the corner for Noah that they never used. He was held his whole life long, until he passed in his father’s arms where Mike stood by the window, watching the sun bathe the city in a shimmering gold greeting. 

 

A live birth record chased closely by a death certificate, and both would be available to pick up from county in a month. Noah was washed again and cradled into a cedar casket, and Erwin accompanied his small body to the funeral home. She was discharged early, went home, bleeding and breasts swelling with milk but no baby to suckle. Hanji brought her something to stop the prolactin. Her parents paid for the modest funeral, Noah laid to rest in her family’s plot where there was a space small enough for his arm’s full casket.

 

She remembered Mike lowering his son,  _ burying _ their baby, with a frightening clarity, and the sight took the initiative to play in her brain on loop until Erwin called Mike away and left her alone. She didn't bother to undress when she filled the bathtub, scalding, emptied the bottle of codeine, numbing, and sank below the water.

 

Madeleine had given in to the consuming guilt, but the quiet death was stolen from her. The emergency room nurse informed her how she ended up there, wired and plugged in with wrists cuffed to the gurney railing. Fucking Hanji, Hanji had come over to bring her dinner, and found her, and called nine-one-one, and Madeleine felt  _ robbed _ .

 

Everything shifted into dreamlike blurs after that, broken up by moments of confusing cognisance. New surroundings bleached of colour, bustling with strangers, scrubs-clad strangers who encouraged medication down her throat and into her basilic vein, followed by dreamy nothingness. It became so disorienting that Madeleine decided she had died after all, and this was the slow winding down of her brain in preparation for death. Peace came in that. It felt like a tide had come and swept her up, and she went with it, let it drag her out to sea. She swam with the current, lazy strokes, her life forgotten about, that entire side of reality nonexistent, until fire spread across the top of the water. There were hands on her, lifting her from the water, but the fire remained. Burning. She was in a burning building. 

 

“Nanabean.” The flames licked close, but this man held her closer.

 

The last vestiges of her sea dreams vanished and she gasped into consciousness in a concrete room. There was a hand pump spigot and a drain on the wall opposite from her, and she barely made it over before the heaving rippled up her spine and forced bile from her mouth. 

 

Just when she decided that purgatory was four concrete walls and a single fluorescent bulb, a set of stairs let down from the ceiling and touched the floor. Boots thudded on the stairs in time with the new thumping in her heart. Mike, she longed for  _ Mike  _ to hold her and he was carrying a leather collar, followed by Erwin with a leather belt, both wearing unreadable expressions.

 

“Nanaba,” Mike said in the tone that he used on the freshmen cadets to make them piss themselves. “Come here.”

 

;;;

 

Levi stays stiff, his eyes blank, as Erwin drives them through Sina. Erwin’s threat coupled with witnessing him disciplining Nanaba is having the intended effect, reinstating a healthy but not debilitating dose of fear in the little noirette so Erwin leaves him be. Once the interstate takes them past the city limits and riding into the country heading south, he calls Levi out of the footwell, shaking him from the stupor, and onto the passenger seat of the bench. Instead of pushing the bundled blankets onto the floor, the boy hugs them to his chest. It's reminiscent of the way he held his dog bed when they moved back to the Organisation’s headquarters, and Erwin hopes the transport chain will be comfort enough in their temporary location.

 

“Eat something,” Erwin tells his boy, tilting his head to indicate the untouched box of Krispy Kremes sitting inside the cast iron skillet on the bench between them. The last time he bought these sweets for Levi was the morning before Erwin dragged him through a serotonin storm, and he wonders if that’s why the boy is wary of them now, unlike last time when he stuffed cream-filled doughnut after doughnut into his mouth on the way to the little brick house in the mountains.

 

Levi takes the box in his lap, doesn’t lift the lid, pondering. And then he turns grey eyes up to his man in concern. “You haven’t eaten, though.”

 

“No,” Erwin remembers now, he didn’t eat. He had two steaming cups of green tea and forgot to visit Marie in the tavern. She’s a mother in every way, always slipping him something warm and delicious even though he neglects to visit her regularly. In his peripherals, Erwin watches the box open and Levi pick out one of the doughnuts, but it’s not his own mouth he holds it up to.

 

“You first, Erwin,” Levi purrs. Erwin decides to humour him, opens his mouth, and takes a bite right into the center so that a blob of cream filling slides down onto his chin. Levi collects it on his thumb, lets out a startled inhale when Erwin’s tongue darts out to reclaim it blindly, not just licking but sucking thoroughly on the digit. 

 

Erwin never takes his eyes off the road as he lets Levi feed him, and afterward, praises, “Good boy, katze, thank you. Now eat something.” 

 

Levi finally obeys. He eats slowly at first, but by the time they're crossing the state line into Colorado, his appetite makes itself known. With fervor, he devours everything in the box until all that's left is to lick his fingers clean, a move that surprises Erwin because he is usually meticulous about the cleanliness of his hands. Levi looks sated now, like a fat contented cat, as he stretches his legs out and buries his chin in the blankets that he picks back up to hold to his chest. 

 

Manners are an afterthought. “Thank you, Erwin.” 

 

Erwin doesn't reply, simply rests his right arm over the top of the bench, his thumb at the perfect point to stroke Levi’s splenius capitis. It's the middle of the day now, late September noon heat in all its glory, so Levi doesn't sit still for long before he's squirming out of his sweatshirt. Underneath, he's wearing one of Erwin’s white t-shirts, the starkness of the garment giving life to the boy’s skin. Without the sweatshirt, Levi’s collar is on display, black leather and bright pink identification tags, a topmost heart bearing the engraving ‘katze.’ It's a well-established habit for Levi’s dark tresses to be gathered in a knot, showing off his undercut and the scar of his missing ear, so Erwin snags a finger inside the elastic hair tie and drags it out.

 

He combs his fingers through the dark hair. “When's the last time you were in Denver?”

 

Levi leans his head back into Erwin’s touch when he says, “I've never been.”

 

“When did you last get out of Sina, then?” Their city is a hub for the region, nearly one hundred thousand strong, but it's still on the small side. It can't compare to a metro area like Denver.

 

“Before you… never.” 

 

Erwin knows there is no travel history in the ten most recent years of Levi’s life, but he didn't know that his boy had never left Sina before, so he can't hold back the hum of wonder. “Hopefully this doesn't overwhelm you.”

 

“We’re going to Denver?” Levi perks up, looking at him. Erwin steals a glance at those wide eyes and smiles when he looks back at the road.

 

“Yes.” Erwin clears his throat. “Not for long. Less than a week.”

 

Levi knows not to ask why, not to question a mission, but there's nothing ahead of them except for empty golden hills. Erwin continues for the sake of passing the time, “We have someone that we need to bring back. I thought we would need to uncover allegiances, but this person is an adolescent, so it's unlikely that he's in with any other crowds. He wants to join the Organisation.”

 

“An adolescent?”

 

“It means teenager.”

 

“I know what it means,” Levi retorts softly. He speaks louder, “What kind of kid wants to be in on this?”

 

“That's what we're going to find out.” Erwin runs his thumbnail up the notches of  Levi's neck and into the shorn hairs on his scalp. A shiver greets him. “I need you on your best behaviour, katze.”

 

“Of course,” Levi says like that's all that matters in the world, and Erwin feels a bloom of pride for the response.

 

“This will be very unusual for you. We can't harm anyone.” All Levi has done under Erwin’s command is torture and kill, and a mission filled with orders for waiting and observing will be new territory for Erwin as a handler. He knows Levi trusts him, though, and that trust will get them through this. “Alright?”

 

“Alright,” Levi agrees. 

 

Erwin brushes his fingers over the silver-pink keloid. “Are you eager to please me?”

 

“Yes,” Levi admits shamelessly. 

 

“Do you want to make me proud?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That makes me happy. You're such a good boy.” Erwin tugs the leather collar with his middle finger before settling both of his hands together on the steering wheel. Levi saw this morning what would happen should he disappoint Erwin and now Erwin needs to fill him with encouragement, with an incentive to do well. It keeps the leash between them taut, keeps Levi strung out for his affection, hanging on a promise that's subjective to his man’s opinion. “You make me so happy, katze, when you're obedient. When we get back to Sina, if you're good, I'll fuck you again. How does that sound?”

 

Levi says nothing and Erwin keeps his reactions in check while he waits. A shy confirmation eventually comes. Until last night, Levi was a virgin, not that Erwin gives much thought to the rumoured value of the word; the psychological implications of control for being Levi’s only lover outweigh his ego. Hanji has a journal with notes from Levi’s therapy, and before Erwin came along to manipulate Levi into the person he is now, Levi had made his lack of sexual interest clear. But now, the boy is nothing more than a creature made of Erwin's molding, his desires a shadow of Erwin’s own. 

 

“Are you still sore?” Erwin steals another glance. His boy is red from the tip of his nose to his ears.

 

“Yeah, a little.” He shifts, cuts his eyes up at Erwin but quickly puts them back down, hugs the blankets tighter and buries his face in them for a moment. When he comes back up, he slouches down in his seat and leans his head against the door of the truck. “Hey, Erwin?”

 

“Yes, katze?”

 

“We are going to eat more than canned spaghetti, right?” Levi taps the skillet, filling the cab with the dull  _ clang  _ of cast iron and moves it into the footwell. 

 

Erwin laughs. He'd probably ruined the boy’s nostalgia for Chef Boyardee while they were out at the mountain estate. Being stuck so far from the city, they'd eaten out of boxes and cans with the exception of the pickings from the garden and a full breakfast spread every now and then. There were times that Erwin wondered how much of Levi’s emesis was antidepressant-induced, and how much was a sour stomach from choking down food he hated. 

 

Back in the city, their diet varies, even though his boy operates on habit. The delicatessen caddy-corner from their building is his favourite, so much that Erwin recalls his order without fail. Levi is a slave to consistency, to schedules, habits-- and Erwin gives him everything he needs. Levi on his current schedule goes through a lot of energy. He starts the morning in physical training with Mike and Nanaba, and after a few minutes’ rest Erwin sends him out for chores to keep the building from becoming a pigsty. It's something he takes to well. When the sun goes down, they hunt and dispose of their prey, after which Levi falls into a short, uneasy sleep before he starts a new day.

 

At some point during the hours, Erwin looks over to find Levi mimicking a doze. As the traffic thickens and expands near Longmont though, Levi stirs. He erects and then makes a full turn, looking around through all of the windows before twisting and lifting his legs onto the bench so that he can comfortably look out the back at the vehicles sharing the road space.

 

“Three lanes,” he says aloud, face blank but voice clearly impressed. If he's never left Sina, he's never seen anything like this, and they're hardly on the outskirts of the metro area. 

 

“Highways get bigger than this,” Erwin informs him. To Levi, it must feel like the whole of the city is driving around them. “We won't go south enough right now for me to show you the stadium, but we can take the train later. We own a bakery somewhere downtown that we need to stop by.”

 

Cars dart through the lanes, leapfrogging their way around the early afternoon congestion. Erwin catches sight of a sporty little red blur as it swerves from behind him into the adjacent lane and finally in front of him, before it hastily jumps over again and disappears from view.

 

“What kind of bakery?”

 

“Something vague and broad-stroke.” The details of the cover business have never mattered, not when the main concern is to fake realistic paperwork to cover the abundance, and ‘ _ butter, sugar, eggs, and flour’  _ can be combined into innumerable creations. “Eastern European, I think. A master pastry chef works there.”

 

Levi shrugs. The explanation has no effect on him, so either the words went over his head or it wasn't what he was after. 

 

Erwin takes them off the interstate before they get too deep into the city. He doesn't want to overwhelm his boy yet, not when the majority of his attention is in use elsewhere. This is sweepingly new territory. New people, places, smells, and sounds-- enough new information that will take days to adjust to. An overwhelmed pet is an anxious one, and anxious pets don't operate at their peak. Erwin needs to keep Levi level by taking him through their new environment in a way that he can devote himself to his boy, to watch for the more subtle signs of distress before they grow out of control and become a hinderance to the mission. Scope out and retrieve. Erwin has done this countless times-- can do this in his sleep-- but he has Levi now. They need to be perfectly synchronised for their success.

 

“What do you think?”

 

In his peripherals, Levi is still curling up with his legs on the bench between them, watching the traffic through the tint of the rearview window. “It's busy.”

 

Erwin hums agreement to let Levi know he's been heard. They come to a stop at the light after the interstate exit and Erwin gets a better look at the boy. Levi doesn't seem too bothered yet, but he's toying with his identification tags for comfort while he watches the streets. Reaching out a finger, Erwin taps the pink heart.

 

“Lay your head down,” he says and pats his own right thigh. Levi wastes no time maneuvring to do as he's told, and when his head is on Erwin’s lap, Erwin sets a claiming hand over the scar of the missing ear. If it's comfort Levi needs right now, then he'll get it from his man alone. “We’ll be there soon.”

 

The streets stay packed the rest of the way to Commerce City, and Erwin is glad that he put Levi's head down. He takes the same route as always, but it's just different enough to feel unfamiliar. There is now a supermarket and matching strip mall at the incoming corner of the neighbourhood that was previously an empty field, and if Erwin’s sense of placement is accurate, it's less than a mile from their destination. Even a bus stop sits a block back from the intersection. The truck winds through the neighbourhood without event and Erwin parks along the street a few blocks from the house they're going to occupy. Erwin doesn't know yet which one will have an unlocked back door, but the five homes are all side by side on the perimeter of the little suburb with no prying eyes on their backsides. Where he parks, there's no one near enough to get too good a look at them.

 

He strokes his thumb over Levi’s keloid. “Katze, boy, how do you feel?”

 

“Fine.” Levi tests the pressure of Erwin’s hand and sits up when he meets no resistance. He takes in the setting without question, and then they're getting out with their bags and blankets.

 

The house in the middle of the row of five is theirs, the door unlocked and a key on the kitchen counter. Erwin ushers Levi in first and then follows. By the time Erwin sets his things by the door, Levi is drawing his Benchmade-- a flick of his wrist to erect the blade, a smooth twist so that it's held backwards in his three-fingered right hand-- and heading to check out the rest of the house for unlikely squatters. Levi comes back from his check with his knife still opened and gives it home on the counter beside the key. He opens his mouth, brows furrowing, to ask something, but Erwin cuts him off.

 

“Plausible deniability. Trust me to tell you what you need to know.”

 

Levi shuts his mouth and nods, looks up to his man. “Okay, Erwin.”

 

He needs to give Levi something to occupy his mind, so Erwin pulls his phone from his pocket, unlocks it, and passes it over. “There’s a bus stop at the supermarket near here. Find the schedule.”

 

Erwin surveys the house. These properties were purchased straight from the builder somewhere nearing five years ago, and the stagnant emptiness has let the smell of paint and wood settle uncomfortably into the still-new carpeting. There are just enough other unsold houses around for the vacancies not to draw attention, but Erwin is thinking it may be time to utilise these now. The Organisation’s presence in Denver is growing, albeit at a leisurely pace. When Darius is removed, establishing a branch here will be Erwin's first priority. There is no shortage of women and men here whose anger he can redirect from one another back to the system that oppresses them, and he can weed through bountiful amounts of recruits, pruning out the untrustworthy ones with Mike’s help and Levi’s hands. 

 

These fives houses are the next best thing to an apartment building, and perhaps a little more secure in the long run. He knows that his branch’s time in its current location will run out once his coup is complete, and without an advanced expiry date, a backup plan is becoming essential. Full-time members would have no problem making an abrupt move. They're fully dependent on the Organisation and its resources, and pull their weight. Those like Nile and Hanji who have careers and family would be unable to transition on short notice, if at all, and the loss is more than unacceptable. As it is, their branch relies on the protection of Darius being a crooked judge, and if he's going to be removed, Erwin had better have an alternate source of protection lined up or else his coup will be for naught. For the safety of everyone, Darius must remain in place until Erwin has his ducks in a row and his chickens counted.

 

Four bedrooms in each home makes space for twenty units, whether offices or full-time operatives. If he could change anything, he would add basements to these homes for holding and interrogation. Disposal may be tricky, but they manage currently in the bustling downtown of Sina, and Erwin always finds a way. Briefly, he wonders if it will soothe Nanaba’s grief to be in a proper home again, to watch children play on sidewalks and front lawns, to host guests for dinner. Back when Mike was a recruit looking at lieutenant and Noah grew in her belly, that had been all she wanted in life. Thankfully, the solemn memory of a small cedar casket swallowed up by freshly turned earth and calla lilies takes Erwin's thoughts of a would-be life with it. 

 

He must protect his Organisation and everyone who depends on him, and they must keep fighting. That is how they best honour their dead. 

 

“Erwin,” Levi calls, and Erwin turns from inspecting the bolted front door. His boy is holding his phone to him, face out, the screen flashing with Moblit’s contact picture.

 

“Answer it.” Erwin keeps the whole of the living room as distance between them. Never has Levi used his phone before now but he's observed Erwin enough to imitate him.

 

“Yes,” Levi answers sternly, holding the phone to his left ear. A pause. “This is K--  _ Levi _ .”

 

Erwin raises his brow at the curious slip-up. Levi continues to give a couple more affirmatives with intermittent silence before holding the phone out to Erwin. “Needs to speak to you.”

 

Erwin keeps his eyes on Levi as he takes his phone back. “Yes?”

 

Moblit says, “ _ Your boy needs to have a nice heart-to-heart with Hanji. _ ”

 

“Got it,” Erwin says. Moblit finds the slip-up interesting, too. “And?”

 

“ _ Let's meet at seven tonight. Coffee. _ ” Scratching, paper rustling. He has information that must be delivered in person, otherwise he wouldn't offer. “ _ Unless you're working.” _

 

“It's Hanji you should be inviting to coffee.”

 

“ _ Damn. Okay, I already talked to Mike, now both of you lay off. I'll come up to Sina for a bit after you've sorted your little problem. Deal? _ ”

 

“Get me a full-time physician and you've got yourself a deal.”

 

Moblit mutters, “ _ Same thing. _ ”

 

“You sound like you need a drink,” Erwin teases lightly. 

 

“ _ Tonight, seven, yes?” _

 

“Alright.”

 

Moblit gives him the bakery’s address again and hangs up. Erwin doesn't realise he's smirking until Levi asks him what's funny.

 

“Either I never noticed these weak spots before,” Erwin says as he passes the phone back to Levi to keep up his assigned task, “or they got bigger.”

 

;;;

 

Levi is high-strung enough, so instead of a coffee Erwin gets him an orange juice. The shop clerk doesn't even bat an eye at the request, hardly raises her eyes to Erwin even when he pays in a large bill, and she disappears into the back at the first opportunity.  _ Teenagers _ . His boy sits at one of the square tables next to Moblit, scowls at the juice box Erwin places before him but he is a good boy, keeping whatever negative comments he has to himself. Erwin takes the empty seat next to Levi which puts him across from Moblit and leaves one empty space. 

 

Moblit accepts his mug of black coffee from Erwin. “I told Andrew to come, since your little pest has been sniffing around here, too.”

 

“Ah.” Erwin stirs his own pale coffee a moment longer than necessary. “So he's seen William, then?”

 

“I guess,” Moblit says. “But he didn't tell me anything specific. Didn't mention it at all until I called him to say we were meeting and why.”

 

Erwin nods and brings his mug to his lips. “What do you have for me, Captain?”

 

Moblit reaches down into his work bag and pulls up a thick blue folder stamped  _ University Health _ diagonally over the front. He's already poured over this information and made tabs, opens the folder to one of them. “Mike called me with his bit of information, and asked me to pull what I could. Arlert the third is healthy, if on the featherweight side. Sixty-four inches, barely over one hundred ten pounds at his school physical in July.”

 

Erwin looks at Levi, trying to estimate. The two are similar height and Levi was just as lightweight before Erwin came along, but he's been filling out for months and Erwin has not gotten a new weight for him yet (he probably should get an update on stats, he notes, in the event that heavy sedatives come out to play). 

 

“No chronic illnesses, no ongoing medications, but he does wear glasses.” Moblit flicks to a new tab. “Fairly recent.”

 

“Recent changes?”

 

“You want to know if he strains his eyes at a computer?” Moblit runs his finger down the page and then flips to the next one. “Worsening vision six months ago-- that is when he was switched over from reading glasses.”

 

“He's been doing this for years.” Erwin takes another sip, and beside him, Levi fiddles with the juice box. Eyesight doesn't go bad overnight, especially not in someone so young. The new generations grew up with computers, sure, but for screens to have an affect on his vision, William is spending a surprising amount of time in front of them. 

 

“Other than that, he's a healthy kid,” Moblit says, sounding every bit of the pediatrician that he is. “Now, I gave a call to University to ask to speak to Mister William Arlert, and I was told he's on vacation abroad. A little begging, and the girl gave me the number for his hotel, but the problem there is that he checked out weeks ago. However,” Moblit slips a piece of paper out from the folder and slides it to Erwin. It’s in Spanish.

 

“Your Mister Arlert made a stop at a hospital in Spain shortly after leaving his hotel,” Moblit explains. “A little sinus congestion, but blood work was drawn.” The captain points to a topmost line, and Erwin realises he’s looking at the results for said blood work.

 

Moblit slides another sheet, this one dated for a year ago at Memorial Hospital, next to the one from abroad. Erwin finds the difference immediately.

 

“Different blood type,” he says aloud. 

 

“I thought it might be a typo, but look at his varicella.”

 

Erwin scans the pages. Memorial lists Arlert’s varicella as  _ immune _ , and his blood work from Spain has just the opposite. Everything else, from what he can tell, is as identical as it should be.

 

“It’d be impossible to go from having chicken pox to never having it,” Moblit says. “We have a fake. It’s not a simple stolen identity. This is planned.”

 

“Exactly; where is our original, then?”

 

Moblit shrugs, throws his hands up. “Thin air.”

 

“We’re here to sniff out a recruit, and we end up with a missing person.” Erwin tries not to rub his fingers through the skin of his temple.

 

Moblit grins at him while he collects the blood work results and files them away neatly. He replaces them with a single pamphlet and unfolds it. “Not just a missing person: the head of pharmacology research and the hospital’s chief pharmacist.”

 

Erwin slaps his hand over his mouth to stop the groan. He can’t, at the moment, begin to understand how these snippets of information all fit together, but he knows they do, and their ghosts will haunt him until he can lay them to rest whole. 

 

“I’m going to guess-- and this is just speculation, I haven’t read William’s emails-- but I’m going to guess that your pest needs help.”

 

“I’m not convinced,” Erwin says. He steeples his fingers and taps the tops against his chin. “It’s  _ we _ who need  _ him _ , not the other way around.”

 

“You’re thinking too big-picture right now. He’s just a kid,” Moblit reminds gently before upending his steaming mug. Years of whiskey pay off.

 

It’s that moment that their missing party arrives, a carbon copy of Hanji complete with the same wild ponytail and thick glasses. Levi sees it before either of the other two, the  _ snap _ of his knife clicking into place alerting Erwin to the incoming person a moment before the bell over the door. Andrew is at their table before the door to the shop even shuts properly, the energy so overbearing that Levi leans back in his chair defensively, and Erwin knows the knife is at the ready. He smoothes one hand along Levi’s thigh up to the clenched fist and rubs circles in his boy’s wrist until he can coax the Benchmade from Levi’s grasp and lay it, still open, on the table in front of them. Andrew looks down his nose at the revealed weapon and places his hands flat, palms up, on the table with a friendly smile.

 

“I’ll go clear everyone out, then,” the  pâtissier says. He leaves the table and goes into the back of the shop, emerging a few minutes later with the explanation, “I’ve sent the staff home early.”

 

Levi is still bristling over the new addition to their meeting, and Erwin figures that the surprise of who Andrew resembles is contributing to his reluctance to relax. Moblit, being a man built of the bricks of non-confrontationalism, excuses himself with a noisy scrape of his chair across the tiles. The four of them are the only ones here now, so Moblit clicks the manual lock on the door and flips the wooden placard over so that the street’s view says  _ Closed _ . He makes his way back to his chair but doesn’t sit yet.

 

“Katze,” Erwin says quietly, sternly, a warning. Levi finally deflates, swinging one arm over the back of his chair. “There. Good.”

 

Andrew doesn’t comment on that, only laces his fingers and sets his hands on the table in front of him. Moblit takes his seat again and mimics the position. 

 

Erwin takes the reins. “Andrew, thank you for coming on short notice.”

 

Andrew tilts his head back and forth between his shoulders to dismiss the formality. “Nah, it’s good. How can I be of service?”

 

;;;

 

Any last lingering sunlight has fled by the time Andrew escorts them from the bakery and stays behind to clean up. He’ll have to be back in six hours to start prepping for another day in the busy downtown, but Erwin had given him a lot to process. Andrew’s involvement in the Organisation is little more than to be a contact, to provide safe spaces for the other members, and to let his bakery, his pride and joy, be used as a front. On it’s own, the shop is moderately successful, his official standing as a  pâtissier drawing in curious customers wanting to know if the schooling makes a difference.

 

Moblit turns amid the surfacing nightlife. The captain is not so collected that Erwin can’t pick up on the churning beneath his surface, a riptide that will tear him apart if he doesn’t vocalise it, so they all wait under the awning, unmoving, unspeaking. Erwin has Levi tucked into his side, the boy’s knife back in its rightful place in the front pocket of his jeans. 

 

Despite the growing chill, the moon beacons out shorter skirts, higher heels, louder music, and excessive amounts of smoke from cigarettes and other more unconventional sources. Under the smells of dinner, Erwin can pick out the underlying marijuana, duller than the harsh sting of tobacco but bright enough not to be lost. It makes Erwin think of Mike, of Nanaba, and he wonders how she’s bruising. He sends an inquiring text message to the major.

 

“You really want Hanji,” is what Moblit says finally. “Why?”

 

“We pioneered a trial for hyperserotonemia.” Erwin circles an arm around Levi’s shoulders, letting his thumb skate along the boy’s jugular. “I would like to use it for interrogation purposes, but we need a doctor present to fine tune it and to stand by when it’s in use. It would be regrettable to kill our information sources by accident. It’s also advantageous to have someone on call for when our own end up injured in the line of duty, to keep away suspicions.”

 

Moblit drags them into another long silence. Under Erwin’s arm, Levi begins to get antsy, the crowds and the few thousand dollars of cash in his backpack making him uneasy. Living for years on the paltry sum of his mother’s life insurance and a government stipend, this is more money than Levi has ever seen, ever _ held _ at once. Erwin had stuffed it into the boy’s bag and his body language blurted the questions that he didn’t dare to vocalise.

 

“Sina is a crossroad of interstate highways,” Erwin had informed him when they left the bank lobby ATM. He’d kept Levi turned with his face away from the cameras at every moment, the blindspots few but present. “And everything has a price.”

 

Moblit breaks the silence to call for a taxi, but doesn’t speak to Erwin again until he’s about to depart. It looks like it pains him, but he says, “I’m sure I can find a position in Sina part-time, and I’ll split my time between there and the office here. Worrying parents are never in short supply, but pediatricians are.”

 

Erwin nods, and the captain nods back before he disappears into the taxi cab and is ushered off. 

 

“What’s his problem?” Levi asks as they walk down the street, Erwin’s arm back at his own side.

 

“I don’t know,” Erwin lies. 

 

The downtown bus depot isn’t far enough that Erwin thinks twice about the distance, but Levi’s awkward gait is over-pronounced by the time they arrive and board. Erwin sits Levi next to the window at the back of the bus, settles in snug beside him. 

 

Mike replies to Erwin’s inquiry with a message that does not incriminate their conversation. A caption of ‘ _ she’s enjoying herself _ ’ below a picture of Nanaba sitting on the floor at their coffee table and flicking around on a tablet. The light from the screen in her hands illuminates her face and shows off the mottling kisses from his belt, her blacked eye swelled almost shut. Her bruising is exquisite, and it makes Erwin want to lift the corner of Levi’s shirt to explore the tender ribs that he jabbed into just a day ago.

 

Erwin is not a man for reveries, but the bus rolls forward, overhead lighting dims, Levi’s attention on the expanse of the city life around them, and Erwin lets the memory slip over him. It’s been a long while since he’s had to discipline Nanaba, and it takes him back to the mountain estate twelve years ago. 

 

Back then, Mike was the one with a black eye, and also a brand new rap sheet that would see him denied his commission. He assaulted the sheriff, drove his fist so far down the police officer’s throat that teeth were swallowed, when his wife was carted away to the crazy house without any evaluations or consent. Erwin had schemed like he owned the whole world, paid Mike’s bail, picked him up from the county jail with Nile and a  _ promise _ . The teeth identify a burned body, so they found Nanaba’s dental doppelgänger and slaughtered and set the stage.

 

Anyone in scrubs could fake their way in with a lame excuse, and that’s what they did, backpacks of flammables and body parts. Grab her, light the fire, get out. But when they came to her in the middle of the night shift and found the lengths of her blonde hair shorn instead, Erwin beelined for the records room while Mike tried to coax her from her high. Lice outbreak the day before, that’s why her head was shaved. A line up, tubal ligation.  _ Sterilised _ when she arrived a week ago, her consent overridden, unneeded in her ‘incompetence.’ They got away smooth like greased rats with the girl, convinced anyone who investigated the burned corridor that Madeleine Nanaba-Zacharias was dead, perished there in her bed.

 

Bent over the dining table, safe and sound in the mountains, even Hanji couldn't decipher the psychiatric drug cocktail listed without saying, ‘ _ how is she still alive?’ _ and pushing her glasses into her hair. There were enough potentially severe reactions to kill men twice Nanaba’s size. Brain chemistry was not a bulk-sized box of Legos for the shaking. Benzodiazepines with stimulants with antipsychotics with  _ barbiturates _ and on and on, until Hanji declared it  _ impossible _ . But in Nanaba’s patient notes, as if it were a matter of fact, ‘ _ baby killer, _ ’ and Erwin knew that she was being punished for someone’s right wing enjoyment. 

 

Cadavers could’ve coveted her listlessness. Aside from a pulse and respiration, she had laid in the basement exactly where Mike put her, completely unaware of her surroundings for two days before the cocktail wore off. Hanji stayed out there with them to monitor and to handcraft the strategy for reviving Madeleine because they were all in it together now. She mapped out Erwin’s and Mike’s every move and Nile opted to witness it all, intrigued by the idea of  _ creating _ personalities from muddy remains. It was a hail mary of a trial based on Mike’s own idea, even if for more indecent reasons did Darius approve it. And by God, it  _ worked _ . She became the first person Erwin would ever break in a long line of shattered persons, and she shrank into Mike’s side with obedience so steadfast as to make hunting hounds’ handlers green in envy.

 

At his side, Levi twists into him, presses close, craning his neck to gaze up at his man with the blank expression that still unsettles the blonde. “Erwin.”

 

He looks down with reservation. Levi looks romantic in the passing lights, his eyes almost comically heart-shaped, and Erwin decides he needs to know what is in Levi’s mind. “Katze.”

 

“I love you.”

 

Erwin hums and it’s a struggle to school his expression so he nuzzles into Levi’s scalp until he can stifle the grin. This boy is a wonder. “You remember what I told you. Are you going to be good for me?”

 

“Yes.” Levi leans up to run his nose along the underside of Erwin’s chin. He’s begging for a kiss, the second time today. 

 

“And?”

 

“I’ll do anything you tell me to.”

 

“Then stop begging me for attention like a bitch in heat.” Erwin rolls his shoulder to dismiss Levi, who crosses his arms sullenly before turning his face away in favour of the city. Even though Erwin wants to give a kiss to his boy, he can’t have Levi seeking so outright; Levi should be waiting patiently to receive whatever it is that Erwin chooses to give him in his own time, especially because Erwin has already told him this before. “I give you everything you need, don’t I?”

 

Levi nods. Erwin continues, “You earn your kisses. Be a good boy for me and  _ wait. _ ”

 

By the time the bus lines run them out to Commerce City, only the supermarket is open. They fill a handcart with a few things that don't require refrigeration and return to the dark house with Erwin’s phone light to guide them. Inside, only the tiny light over the stove is flipped on so that the neighbourhood isn't alerted to the presence in the usually empty house. Levi takes the modest dinner and valium offered to him, washes his face with cold water from the kitchen sink, and unfolds blankets in the living room for a makeshift pallet. Erwin watches him strip down to his boxers but doesn't join in. 

 

Without antidepressants, the valium needs longer to take affect. Erwin sits by Levi, stroking his hair like the boy is used to. The transport chain is serving its purpose. It's been a long day totally off schedule, and he's holding up remarkably well to the change in scenery as well as meeting new people. The knife had been pulled on Andrew, sure, but he'd yielded to Erwin and that's what matters. 

 

“I love you,” Erwin finally reciprocates from earlier, “so much, katze, you make me proud to have you.”

 

“You're so good to me,” Levi says quietly, gratefully, and he gets a thumb stroking his silver-pink keloid in reward. 

 

When the drug takes the noirette under, Erwin stands and makes his way back to the kitchen. From the back pocket of his jeans, he pulls out the folded set of papers that Andrew had pointedly  _ misplaced _ for him to collect when their impromptu meeting finished. Erwin lays the papers flat, chasing out the creasing with wide sweeps of his hand, and grins. It's William’s application for employment at the bakery.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: fatal birth defects, guilt, suicide, patient abuses, murder, arson, reconditioning a loved one. 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT: with the holidays and trying to readjust my life around some things, I might need to tighten down on my deadlines. i have a lot to to all day every day (fuck bitches get money: domesticated) and if i don't have a deadline for something, it gets pushed back. will anyone really complain if i switch to weekly 5k updates? i'm trying to juggle two stories and a side blog so i gotta figure my shit out pronto.


	4. Ashes of Psalms 91, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A threatened kitten extends his claws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no warnings outside of the usual "read at your own risk"
> 
> Thanks to Heather for reading over this for me so I didn't delete my AO3 :)

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Wherever this is, it is not his  _ home _ , and he jerks upright, thrashing with the realisation that he is somewhere foreign in a world so overwhelmingly vast that his own life is an insignificant ounce on the ten ton scale tipping closer and closer to death. A large and calloused hand slaps on to the nape of his neck and pulls him down, the pad of a thumb searching for his missing ear, and Levi immediately begins to feel grounded from the spike of anxiety. It’s still there of course, it’s ugly teeth gnashing at his heels as the hand on his body drags him from its clutches, but he turns his back to it, refuses to acknowledge it. Monsters undermined have no power. 

 

Erwin is warm beside him, hotter when he slides his body partially over Levi’s to banish any remaining doubts. The hairs of his man’s chest tickle Levi’s back as Erwin slides over him, the hand slipping around from his nape the give a claiming squeeze on Levi’s trachea. 

 

“Katze,” murmurs the man. “Come back.”

 

Levi nods and pinches his collar tags between his thumb and forefinger. He lets his nail catch in the engraving, mentally reciting verbatim,  _ Male 25 Dec 1992 O+ NKDA 1993 HepB Hib MMR DTaP OPV.  _ Over and over in his head,  _ I am Katze and I belong to Erwin _ , along with the information on his tags, until he doesn't feel that he is dangling on the edge of oblivion with death imminent. The memory of his mother’s voice is well worn, but she comes across clear as day in these primal moments of distress, forever immortalised maternal comfort in the rushing of his blood. 

 

_ Mama _ , he thinks, almost feels her kissing his forehead. Levi thinks of his thirteen-year-old-self’s sour dislike for her affection and  _ longs _ to take it back, take it back and take in all of her kisses. He wonders what she might have thought of Erwin, would it have made her happy to know her son was so well looked after? 

 

“Shhh, boy,” Erwin coaxes, tugging Levi more thoroughly into reality. The windows are predawn blue. When the sun comes up, Levi knows he will be himself again, and knowing that the night is receding has him giving up the tension from his body. As he unwinds, Erwin rolls off of him, and then they're both laying on the pallet facing one another.

 

“Sleep,” his man commands him, and there's still enough valium soaking in his brain to make him obedient.

 

Consciousness seeps in next time instead of slamming into him. Levi opens his eyes before he moves, scans the empty living room before sitting up. For the fourth morning in a row, Erwin is absent. Levi looks for his pile of clothes and finds them missing as well-- Christ, Erwin even took the boxers off his body while he slept-- and he doesn't need to think too long to understand that Erwin is out with the laundry. The drug haze is still a thick fog, though. Erwin is increasing the dose Levi gets every night, but Levi knows he must be needing it then. They're charging headlong into a new routine, and every time Levi begins to feel overwhelmed, Erwin comes and pulls him back into his own body, reminds him that he'll have a good fucking if he can just hold out and behave.

 

It's more than enough of a bargain. Thinking of having Erwin inside of him again makes him feel sore even a week later, but it also makes his gut hot and tight and weightless like cresting a steep hill too quickly.  _ Anal. _ Levi stills even thinking of the word in a sexual sense. He had always believed it to hurt, but Erwin had made him feel nothing except bliss, bliss enough to drown out his senses and elevate him to a higher plane, and Levi would be lying to say he didn't want it again. 

 

When did this happen to him? He's never felt arousal before Erwin, never loved another man. It’s not that homophobia was drilled into his head by religious indoctrinations that would make him shudder now. Outside of holidays, his mother had never taken him to church.  _ Fair weather, _ that’s what people like them were called, only showing up when the occasion guilted them into it. It makes sense when Erwin tells him that his mother was strong-armed into her position of activist for the government, because she had never preached to Levi about the law of the land the way that Erwin preaches to him about the Organisation. It’s so clear to see, now, hindsight unhindered, that her heart had not been in her words when she praised The Overturn Acts. 

 

Levi drags himself from the pallet and away from the thoughts of his mother; they only take him to one place and that’s not somewhere he wants to be right now, not with Erwin still out of the house. The water at the kitchen sink is as cold as always when he splashes it over his face and neck. The shock is hardly noticeable. How many valium did Erwin give him last night?  _ No _ , he stops his wondering, it doesn’t matter because Levi knows that he needs the drug to sleep in this new environment, to adjust to the surreality of being  _ here _ . Everything is brighter and louder and noisier to the point that the bus rides every night see Levi clinging to his man, the self-consciousness of two men too familiar in public vanishing in the need for contact. Erwin will let Levi sit with their sides pressed together, but his man does not stand for begging for affection. It leaves him looking at Erwin’s hands instead of lips, wanting to slide his much smaller, thinner fingers in with the catcher’s mitts that are Erwin’s. He  _ wants _ it but he cannot ask, he cannot just seize it. Everything that he needs is given to him in good time, and Erwin has chastised him endlessly to be  _ patient _ and  _ trusting _ . Every scolding feels like a stoning. Every withdrawal of Erwin’s physical comfort is a whipping. It breaks him down.

 

Levi butters a piece of bread too generously in the runaway train of his thoughts. Erwin, if he were here, would tell him that it is too much at once, so Levi scrapes some onto a second piece of bread and then he eats them both sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor. The tile is cold on his balls, cools the fire in his gut; he can tell by the texture that it’s expensive and having his bare ass on it is, dare he say, funny. The cabinets in this house leave only a snug space up top, and that’s where he’s lounging when Erwin unlocks and comes through the back door. It’s a perfect vantage point, right next to the door so that Levi can spy on his man directly from above as he enters with the backpack slung over one of his broad shoulders, holding the promise of clothing still warm from being dried.

 

Nothing is unnoticed by his man. Erwin looks directly into Levi’s eyes, blinks, continues on through the house. Anticipation replaces the lustful fire, and then those two awaited snaps of those calloused fingers lure Levi down from his perch. He can’t make a show of sliding down gracefully, not with the limited headspace in this house, but he slinks seductively nonetheless.

 

Erwin greets him with a hand squeezing the back of his neck once he is within arm’s reach. “You almost lost your fucking this morning.”

 

Levi’s head drops reflexively, baring his neck in submission  _ ‘like a bitch in heat’ _ as Erwin had called him. His man continues, “I shouldn’t have to be reminding you to control yourself, boy.”

 

All he does is nod. The hand tightens. “You shouldn’t,” Levi agrees, pleads, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Get dressed and pack up,” Erwin says and that’s the end of the previous discussion, though his hand is still on his boy for an extra moment before he pulls away with disinterest. “We’ll be going home tonight with a guest.”

 

;;;

 

Erwin lets him eat kolaches to his heart’s desire ( _ “You’re such a little sweet tooth, aren’t you, darling katze?” _ ), but Levi stops at half a dozen. They’re good, to his surprise, and here he’d thought that culinary school was an expensive waste of time. He’s converted. Andrew is just as wild as Dr. Zoe, though, and it still sets him on edge. He is too enthusiastic, too energetic, Levi decides, especially for nine in the morning when most of his customers are only just now shaking off their sleepiness with tall cups of coffee and buzzing cell phones. There’s a bar along the southern and eastern facing paneled windows of the bakery in it’s premier corner lot, barstools facing outward to watch the commuters and pedestrians. Levi hunches forward, watching, practicing observation in the way Erwin has been teaching him this week.

 

Levi keeps a careful eye for anyone looking over at the shop with more than a hungry glint in their eyes for pastry. There’s nothing that he finds out of the ordinary, but beside him, Erwin is trained on a target like a pointer waiting to spook out a pheasant. The blonde raises his mug to his mouth without taking his eyes away, and Levi follows his man’s line of sight until he sees it, too.

 

Erwin’s got his eyes trained on a small teenager. Little, lithe, blonde, cheeks round with childhood half-hidden under a styled bob, the ends curled under to tickle at their chin. They look both ways before jaywalking over with prancing steps, opening the door to the bakery with a jingle of the bells overhead. Levi turns to watch the entrance, but Erwin stays focused on the view through the window, suddenly looking casual and relaxed. The weight of the Benchmade in his pocket announces itself, and Levi palms it.

 

“That’s him,” Erwin murmurs, facing Levi with a smile as if they’d been sitting and having a casual conversation. “That’s our pest.”

 

Levi tries not to be obvious, turning on his stool as if to better face Erwin, but really taking another study of the little blonde in his peripherals where they stand at the counter. But it’s all wrong. The jeans are distinctively feminine, skinny cut, and there are two thin feet planted in a pair of silver, glittery flats. They’re wearing a white blouse under a baby blue cardigan, a crossbody bag over their shoulder playing twin to the shoes.

 

“That’s a girl,” Levi says. 

 

“That’s just rude,” Erwin chastises softly. “Are the masses of Sina really still so backwoods and uncultured?”

 

Erwin isn’t from Wyoming but he ended up in Sina during his adolescence. He’s originally from somewhere on the edge of the Pacific Northwest, or maybe even somewhere else entirely with the way Levi sees his ears perk up when someone nearby is chuntering in a language Levi can’t begin to place. His man is the worst kind of secret keeper, the worst kind of enigma because Levi can’t even  _ ask _ about his life. If Erwin doesn’t volunteer information, it’s off limits and it does no good to try and pry.  _ Trust _ . Their whole relationship is built on the bottomless faith that Levi is ordered to have in him, but it’s not exactly that Levi doesn’t. He’s learning his lesson where  _ that _ is concerned. 

 

Erwin will provide for him what he needs.

 

“No,” Levi says. “What, then?”

 

“Let people live their lives without judgement,” Erwin says vaguely.

 

Levi takes another look at the petite blonde.  _ No _ , even the stance and posture is female, but Erwin isn’t a stupid man and if he declares that to be William, then Levi needs to get his doubts swept up and dumped into the wastebasket. There’s no room for that between them. He’s not completely filled in on why William is so dangerous, either. He’s a  _ kid _ , that Levi knew and that is plain to see. It doesn’t even look like he could hold his own against another person his size, let alone Levi. Why were he and Erwin sent to collect William, then? This could have easily been done by anyone else.

 

“Stay,” Erwin mutters and rises. The heart in his chest jumps into his throat at that, and Levi watches as his man makes it over to William, who seems to sense the threat and turns.

 

Even in the face, William is soft and curved. Youthful. Erwin makes a gesture toward the baked goods on display and William looks at him with a smile and a nod. It’s almost bizarre for Levi to watch this exchange. Andrew serves them without any indication that he knows Erwin, but surely William picks up on  _ something _ . Levi palms his Benchmade again, feeling off-kilter, needing a strong hand on his body to ground him but taking the knowledge of his knife in its rightful place as concession. 

 

Erwin and William seem to be speaking comfortably, though too quiet for the words to manifest on Levi’s ears clearly across the distance. Erwin pays the total and William dips his head in thanks, takes the plate and then turns, makes his way over to Levi. 

 

“Hello,” William greets softly, his voice just as ambiguous as the rest of him. He doesn’t offer one of his manicured hands when he says, “You can call me Armin.”

 

Levi doesn’t say anything, only shrugs and then gives a purposefully blank look to his man, only for it to be ignored. Erwin comes over and takes the seat on Armin’s empty side, effectively sandwiching him between the two Organisation members but it doesn’t bother the kid.

 

“So,” Armin says, tucking his hair behind his silver studded ears. He pushes his glasses back up his nose with a delicate stroke of his pinky finger. From the crossbody bag, he pulls a lavender suede bound journal and flicks through the pages until he finds what he’s looking for before he passes it, opened, to Erwin. “I’ve annotated.”

 

Erwin scans whatever it is quickly and then passes it back. Armin doesn’t offer it to Levi, but Levi gets the feeling that Armin knows who is in control here. Eventually, Erwin says, “Tell me how you got this list.”

 

“I compiled it,” Armin says proudly. Levi has never seen Erwin bristle, but his man tenses visibly at that. 

 

“How.” It’s not a question, but rather a demand for explanation. 

 

“First, I’d like to discuss--”

 

“ _ How _ .”

 

“I need your  _ help _ ,” Armin insists. It’s almost as if Erwin’s looming authority has no affect on him. “My grandfather has gone missing but everywhere I turn, they say he’s in Spain.”

“I need to know how you got this list.” Erwin isn’t going to budge. 

 

“I wrote it,” Armin says. He picks up the kolache on his plate and tears it in half none-too-delicately. “I can tell you how, but that’s part of my offer.”

 

“Go on.” Erwin laces his fingers and sets his clasped hands on the bar between them. He’s halfway facing the kid now. “What’s your pitch?”

 

Armin looks proud even though he doesn’t smirk. He mirrors the position of the man across from him. “I need to know what happened to my grandfather. For that, you get me.”

 

Erwin chuckles. “What can you do for me?”

 

“I wrote this list by starting out with an email sent from Doctor Hanji Zoe to the Gazette.”

 

That seems to pique Erwin’s interest. 

 

Armin continues, “The statement she released about Levi Ackerman’s disappearance in July. It was all  _ off _ , but I couldn’t put my finger on what made it  _ two-inches-to-the-left. _ I looked into the integrity of the original publisher’s systems and their firewall was weak enough that a baiting email with a virus was all I needed. I found Doctor Zoe’s email with her statement attached.

 

“My grandfather is a follower of her research, being in research himself. He thought it wasn’t in her typical voice, the stuff she said. When I compared samples, I came to the same conclusion.” Armin crosses his legs and one of his feet is shaking with nerves. “I think you know what it was about that statement that was alarming.”

 

“Tell me.” Again, not a question. Erwin has got his wings of authority spread today. 

 

“The encryption on it. The file was created and saved in April.”

 

It’s Levi’s turn to get defensive now. There's yellowing along his ribs from the last time he and Erwin talked about the goddamn newspaper and Dr. Zoe, so he presses his fingers into the tenderness there to remind himself that Erwin is so very good to him and only asks for trusting obedience in return. It's hard for him to focus, though, knowing that his man had been thinking of him for so long before picking him up. It makes Levi want to get on his knees and kiss Erwin’s feet with adoration, his man having went through all that trouble for months just to take Levi into custody. No one has ever done anything like that for him. 

 

“The date in the file is thirteenth of April two thousand seventeen, but Levi didn't go missing until twenty-sixth of June,” Armin recites. “The news broke in June, but why else would his evaluation be written beforehand if the disappearance wasn’t planned?”

 

“Tell me,” Erwin drawls, “whether he truly went missing in April or in June.”

 

“June. Doctor Zoe billed his health coverage up until June nineteenth, the last therapy appointment he attended before missing the appointment the next Monday. In fact, Doctor Zoe is the one who reported him missing.”

 

Does Erwin really want Levi to hear all of this? Confused, he looks to his man but Erwin is impassive and impenetrable, ignoring the inquisitive expression Levi gives him. Erwin must want him to, because he told Levi to stay here, and he’s given no other command. But Levi can’t help the anxiety thick in his system, so he hops down and makes a circle of the front of the bakery, never moving out of earshot, skating that perimeter just to loosen his body. There’s no one else around the shop now, so he does what he saw Moblit do the other night, locking the front door and flipping the placard over. Erwin doesn’t correct him for it when he takes up residence on his barstool again.

 

As if Armin needs to give Erwin a cherry on top, the small blonde says, “There’s police officer who sold information to the media both times to create a frenzy: Farlan Church. An hour after Levi was reported missing on--” he pauses “--twenty-seventh of June two thousand seventeen, there were a series of phone calls from Mister Church’s line at the police station.”

 

“Do you want me to believe that you’ve  _ discovered _ all of this without any help?”

 

“Yes.” Armin adjusts his glasses again. “May I finish?”

 

Erwin studies the kid before he gives permission. 

 

“So,” Armin goes on, “The off-voice statement released to the Gazette was written ahead of time. You were planning to abduct Levi for a while. I started at Doctor Zoe’s email and its origination address, which lucky for me, was her personal computer and not her work one. The one in her office is blank.” The pastel journal is opened to a page in the front. “Actually, these are all my notes. You can read it for yourself.”

 

“I like listening to you talk,” Erwin suggests, and the kid dips his head again cutely, lips tucked together and pink dappling his cheeks. Levi grits his teeth silently at the display, bites a mouthful from the jealousy as it slithers around his neck. This is  _ his _ man.

 

“So, yes, alright,” Armin stumbles. His hair hasn’t come down, but he runs thin fingers over where it’s tucked behind his ears anyway. “Mister Smith, I need your help. I know you saw what I sent to Mister Zacklay. That’s what I  _ do _ ; I’m really good with computers. I can get anything you need. I know that my grandfather is dead… but I swear, if you help me find out what happened, I will join the Organisation and give my whole heart to the cause.”

 

“You’re just a child. If I say no?”

 

“I’ll have to go finding out what happened to him on my own.” He straightens up like he’s laying down a trump card. “Now you know I will, and if anything happens, you knew what I was planning. The blood will be on your hands, too, for being passive.”

 

Levi can’t decipher the slowly spreading smile on Erwin’s face, but the jealous boa constrictor looping around his neck suddenly descends on him. He can see Erwin’s face but not Armin’s, though he can guess that the kid is smiling just as broadly right back.

 

Erwin nods once. “You want the Organisation to find out what happened to your grandfather.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And no matter what, just for helping, you’ll join us.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And I’m supposed to trust you.”

 

“Yes.” Armin begins to shake his foot nervously again. “ _ Please _ , Mister Smith, I need your help,  _ please _ .”

 

“You're a high school dropout, Armin. Go back to school, graduate, stay away from all of this,” Erwin says dismissively and makes to stand, but Armin grabs his upper arm. 

 

The knife is erect before it's even out of Levi’s pocket and pressing with teasing expertise into the back of the kid’s neck. Armin’s shoulders bunch around his ears and he holds up both his hands in surrender. 

 

“Katze,” Erwin says, clearly not threatened. Levi holds, presses the knife in to take out his newfound frustrations, presses until a fat drop of blood skates down the Benchmade’s spine and Armin whimpers and Levi imagines plunging between the delicate cervical vertebrae. “ _ Boy _ .”

 

He growls but removes the blade, which Erwin plucks from his grip. Levi steps away from Armin, who practically collapses in on himself in relief, would probably have fallen to the floor if Erwin weren't catching him under the arms and hoisting him back into his barstool. His man even checks the laceration where it sits pretty between C5 and C6, making the boa grow tighter still when he cleans Armin with a napkin. Erwin doesn’t call Levi outright. Instead, he sets himself between Levi and Armin, presenting Levi with his back as he turns his full attention away, switching seats with Levi so fluidly that the kid doesn’t even notice him do it. 

 

“Unlock the door and go help Andrew in the back.” Erwin says over his shoulder, doesn’t even look at Levi, and that’s when he knows that he’s fucked up. 

 

Levi swallows and looks down at the red smear on his hand. What came over him? He knows that Armin wouldn’t be able to land a hit on Erwin, let alone hurt him, but the sight of the frangible fingers gripping his man’s arm like that, desperation written in their curves…. He feels his stomach lurching with unease as he is obedient, flipping the placard and turning the lock on the door before stumbling behind the counter and into the back.

 

Andrew doesn’t ask a single question and neither do the rest of his crew. He looks up at Levi from his work table and points one chocolate-covered hand toward the industrial sink along the very back wall. Next to it, the door into the alley is cracked and held by a milk crate, letting in some of the cooler outdoor air in exchange for the hot air that’s wafting from the ovens. Levi can see pies on rotating shelves inside.

 

The dishes are busy work, meant to keep him physically occupied if little else. His mind runs wild, pan after pot after spoon after pan, so wild that he cuts himself on a knife and sullies the soapy water.

 

“Shit,” he swears, squeezing his left palm in half as best he can with three fingers. Andrew is over to him without a sound, holding a rag with chocolate stains around Levi’s hands to help catch the blood. 

 

“Hold it up high,” Andrew instructs him pointlessly, but Levi does anyway. A familiar face brings over a first aid kit, and Levi recognises the girl as the same one from the other night with Moblit. She empties the sink and rinses everything off with steriliser thoroughly-- takes the sharps and puts them aside-- before refilling the basin and completing Levi’s unfinished task.

 

Andrew sets him on doing something drier for the sake of the gauze wrapped around his hand. Levi follows Andrew’s exuberant example as he folds a flat piece of precut cardboard to create a pie box before the baker is off to empty the oven of a couple dozen apple pies for a special order. There’s, apparently, a wedding this weekend for a bride whose theme is ‘ _ Americana _ ’. Levi stays silent as he folds boxes, letting Andrew’s nonsensical storytelling fill his head and stop him from worrying about Erwin. It’s purposefully done manipulation, he realises belatedly, as if Andrew knows just as much about Levi as everyone else seems to know without his permission. The energetic brunette rolls out an impressive plane of sweet dough on the work table while he talks about his hippie parents taking the  _ ‘twins with similar names’ _ gig too far and “literally the same name, just spelled differently: she’s Hanji Alicia and I’m Hange Andrew, can you believe that?” and Levi wonders if said  _ hippie parents _ did drugs together without a prenatal reprieve. Several times he looks over at the girl at the sink, but she continues to wash the dishes without a complaint. If Andrew notices, he doesn’t say anything about it. 

 

Pies have cooled and been packed into their boxes, sweet rolls are baked and ready for sell now too, when Erwin finally appears in the doorway with Armin at his side. Levi turns his back on the sight as soon as he catches it, but two snaps of Erwin’s fingers have him gritting his teeth and yielding to his man’s will. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't know nothin' about computers but i got some Idiot's Guides from the library so hopefully part two is much more accurate.
> 
> next time, we get to hear why armin dropped out, and levi continues to stew in jealousy :3


	5. Ashes of Psalms 91, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten is immobilised by his scruff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNINGS: dark fic with heavy themes; read with caution!
> 
>  
> 
> next update 26 december.

  
  


;;;

  
  


Levi sits on the steps of the home with his arms crossed over the peaks of his knees and his chin nestling in, hair down and hood up. Several times over the last few days, Erwin had instructed him to wait at a bus stop at the end of this street and observe this very premises, but today is the first time he's gotten close to it. It's a charming two-story mid-century style with white-painted bricks and dark brown detail work, perimeter surprisingly tidy considering Armin has apparently been living here alone since his grandfather disappeared. 

 

Levi uses the neighbourhood scenery to distract from the ruckus of his emotions. Observation is new to him and he wants to make his man beam with pride, so he practices it as often as he can now. So far, the bus has run twice, an incoming and an outgoing. A gaggle of students got off the second time around, loitered, then dispersed cheerfully in the late September afternoon. Two came down this street but on the other side, so Levi didn’t get too good a look at them, but they seemed to be Armin’s age. Where did the kid go to school, anyway? According to the cityscape, this is inner-city but public schools receive funding from property tax and none of these houses could be considered shabby. Moblit had said William Arlert was a pharmacist. Those make decent money. Private school, maybe? 

 

_ What do you see in him? _ Levi had wondered, mentally questioning Erwin on the drive from the downtown into this quaint historic district. This is a modest house, not lavish, but still better than anywhere Levi has had the privilege of calling home.  _ What is it? He's just a kid who plays on the computer. He's nothing special. _

 

The two blondes are inside and Levi is on the stoop of the enclosed porch without his Benchmade which is still in Erwin’s custody after his slip-up. His man seems perfectly collected and unaffected by Levi’s misbehaviour-- not a threatening glance or word or tone, but Erwin has withdrawn from him in a way that  _ hurts. _ He can feel the gap coming between them, can feel that at any misstep he will plummet into the abyss that is a life without the care and consideration of his man. Erwin is nothing but good to him. Erwin gives him everything he needs. Erwin  _ loves _ him, he said so himself and his man  _ does not _ lie to him.

 

Levi isn't even graced with a name when he's beckoned; it's two snaps of the fingers, and when he doesn't appear quickly enough at Erwin’s side, an irritated-sounding,  _ “Boy.” _ He comes through the living room and into the dining room, glad to find his man alone.

 

Erwin meets his best blank stare head-on until Levi has to be the one to surrender and look away. He can feel the heat flooding up his neck all the way to his ears, dragging into his brain a new anxiety that’s finding fuel in his overabundance of regret. Levi desperately wants to be in a place with Erwin that Nanaba is with Mike. More than anything, he wants his man to requit faith and trust back into Levi-- his boy, his  _ katze _ . Levi wants his man to know that he will obey any order to the death, he  _ wants  _ so badly. But these kinds of actions-- drawing blood without an order and without regard for authority-- hinder that seedling from taking root. Erwin can’t  _ possibly _ have confidence in Levi if Levi acts out right in front of him like that. If he is so disobedient under his man’s direct supervision, how much worse could he get when no one is around? Levi needs to clean up his act if he wants Erwin to trust him. It’s no one’s fault but his own if he is discarded. Before his man came and gave him a home, Levi was a stray with nowhere to go and no one to care for him and no purpose in his life but to  _ survive _ . He  _ lives _ now, lives a good life filled with the purposes poured into him by the one that loves him.

 

Unconsciously, his right thumb strokes at the tags around his neck, but before he can center his mind by reciting the engraving, Erwin catches his wrist between the tips of his fingers as if touching his boy disgusts him.

 

“What is it?” Erwin asks, eases out of the contact.

 

Levi tries to shrug it off, but there’s a stinging rejection lacing the question that duplicates his remorse. The fire of anxiety burning through his brain roars higher. “Nothing.”

 

Erwin looks at him like he knows every thought in Levi’s head but doesn’t press the matter. In his palm, he turns over a smartphone that Levi doesn’t recognise. 

 

“Are you gonna recruit him?” Levi baits.

 

Erwin smiles. “Yes.”

 

A fearful ripple shoots up his spine at that. “Do you trust him not to fuck everyone over?”

 

“No,” Erwin says thoughtfully, “but it’s a calculated risk.”

 

Levi crosses his arms over his chest and lets his chin fall forward. He’s leaning against the wall of the dining room, shadowed by a tall china cabinet with fancy dishes set up in plate holders and teacups with handles (as delicate as Armin’s fingers curling around Erwin’s arm) on hooks. Erwin comes around to face him and leans his hip against the heavy table, hands bracing back against it, and Levi can feel those crystalline eyes ripping open his skin.

 

“Look at me when I’m speaking to you,” Erwin says without inflection. Levi tilts his head to the side, his hair spilling out and obscuring his face. “Do you know what I do? I break people, even the willing recruits. That’s how we form trust in them, by making them ours the way I made you mine. I broke them, Nile rebuilt them, and then we sent them off on a do-or-die mission for them to prove their worth. It weeds out the weaklings and it makes the remaining ones that much stronger.

 

“Of course, not all of our members need that treatment. For the rest, emotional investment is enough: Andrew, for example. He gained trustworthiness because of how in-deep Hanji is. Betraying the Organisation would mean giving up the twin sister who paid his way through culinary school. So of course, now he cooperates or else he can be pinned with the money laundering. But luckily for us, he’s sympathetic and believes in the work we do, so there’s no need for threats. 

 

“I do enjoy breaking people, though. It gives me confidence to know that the ones who remain are the strongest.” Erwin says it simply, as if it were natural selection at work, pruning out the people who were unable to adapt. Maybe at one time, it might have bothered Levi morally, but now it only bothers him because he just wants Erwin to spit out his point already. “I should be putting Armin through the routine, but I’m not. His mind is too valuable to risk like that.”

 

Levi tenses. Ten thousand insults push through his brain at once, but he knows he can’t say any of them. He can’t doubt Erwin, but what in all hell is he thinking? When he thinks he can say it clearly, he asks for information he knows Erwin is about to give anyway, “How are you going to make sure he’s trustworthy?”

 

Erwin smiles again but there’s a demonic curl to his lips. “Mike is following a lead, and Armin has qualities that some of our previously inaccessible targets find… objectifiable.” 

 

Levi feels his brows furrow before he can stop them. “What?”

 

“Don’t worry yourself about it, little one.” Erwin leans forward and for a glorious moment, Levi thinks that his man will grant him affection, but at the last minute, he pulls back.  _ “Ah, _ that’s right. You’ve been bad today.”

 

The anxious fire roars until his blood steams through his capillaries and his heart thuds dryly against the emptiness in his chest. It’s the first proper acknowledgement of the incident back in the bakery.

 

“Don’t you look like a little  _ ‘fraidy cat’ _ now.” Erwin leans in but leaves his hips against the table and crosses his arms over his chest, looking like a smug playground bully. “Is that why you can’t keep your hand off your collar?”

 

“Yes.” Levi brings his hands together in the pockets of his sweatshirt forcefully. He didn’t even realise that he’d been touching it again. 

 

“Do you want to know what’s going to happen when we get home?”

 

Levi straightens up and nods. The sooner he can be chastised, the sooner he can have back Erwin’s affection and prove how much of a good boy he can be for his man. 

 

Erwin says, “I expected you to give me your best behaviour and you disappointed me, boy. Not only did you disappoint me, you were an embarrassment.”

 

Levi grimaces at the words. On Erwin’s condescending tone, they slice through the embers of his anxiety and pour gasoline until Levi wants nothing more than to burn into ashes where he stands. 

 

“You won’t fall more than two paces behind me at any time, and you won’t take more than a moment to do as you’re told. You’ll  _ prove _ to me that you can be obedient. If you can’t, Nile is still itching to get his hands on you. When I decide you’re responsible enough again, you’ll get your knife back. And until I tell you to speak,” Erwin warns, “I don’t want to hear another word out of your mouth.”

 

Levi nods again, swallows. This isn’t the kind of discipline he was expecting, but considering the way Erwin has been updating him on Nanaba’s bruising while they’ve been here, Levi knows he’s getting off easy with only a threat to see Nile. Staying at Erwin’s side won’t be difficult because that’s what he’s used to, but the stress on his compliance to the orders he’s given will be harder. Erwin isn’t so cruel as to order Levi into self-harm, but there are other ways; Erwin is not cruel but he is cunning and if the two overlap, it is Levi’s own fault.

 

Armin rounds the corner from the living room into the dining room with a messenger briefcase, a backpack, and his glittery crossbody. “I’m ready.”

 

Erwin pockets the mobile phone he’s been holding. Out in the truck, he puts Levi in the middle of the bench, even buckling him in like an errant child before turning to help their new accomplice. Unlike their bags in the bed of the truck, Armin’s go into the footwell and then the kid climbs in and shuts the door. There’s a breath of space between Levi’s right side and Armin’s left, but the small blonde tucks his elbows in tight, obviously afraid of being this close to Levi again. It makes the drive home tense. Armin eventually wiggles as close in with the door as he can. Likewise, Levi nestles into his man’s side. He can’t lay his head on Erwin’s shoulder without looking as if he’d begging for attention, so Levi sits with a straight back and with a chin raised in proud possessiveness. They get out of the city limits easy enough, halfway home before Erwin is taking an exit and pulling into a gas station. 

 

“Play nice,” He says as he shuts his door and disappears inside the station. With the driver’s side now unoccupied, Levi scoots over all the way and Armin seems to relax a little. He can feel the kid staring at him and when he darts his gaze up, Armin ducks his head and looks away. It’s strange to see again; everyone Levi knows now doesn’t look away. They all meet him head-on unapologetically.

 

He would ask what Armin’s staring at, but Erwin told him not to speak, so Levi huffs and turns his eyes back to the station, eager for the moment when his man will reappear. Before that happens, though, Armin gathers enough to courage to ask, “May I see your ear?”

 

Levi raises his brow at the kid, who stammers, “S-sorry! I wasn’t trying to be rude.”

 

He doesn’t know why, but he decides to humour the kid. Once again watching the station, Levi pushes back his hood and lifts the hair from the right side of his face. Armin doesn’t make a sound, but after a moment, Levi pulls the hood back over his head.

 

“Thank you,” Armin says sincerely and Levi scoffs. If he could, he would mock the politeness in this odd exchange.

 

“Did you two have a nice chat?” Erwin asks when he slides back into the truck and Levi readjusts in the middle of the bench. Armin gives a negative. 

 

“You never told me why you left school,” Erwin says once they’re back on the interstate heading north. It’s all golden, rolling hills from here to Sina, a few outskirts of cities in between. 

 

Armin quarter-turns to face Erwin better as he talks. “I was originally hoping to ex pat. I wanted to offer my skills to another country’s cyber intelligence. But whatever happened to Pop, it’s made me realise that our own country has internal forces working against it who could use my skills, too.”

 

“Which is why you decided to use the information you gathered from your research.”

 

“Exactly, Mister Smith.” The kid laces his fingers and sets the joined hands in his lap. “Once I decided that I wanted to defect, I let my grades slip up. There are tons of kids who drop out at this age and it’s usually a matter of the unlikelihood that they’ll graduate.”

 

“What did your grandfather think of your performance in school?”

 

“He was less than pleased,” Armin says remorsefully. “I never told him what my plan was. I didn’t want to involve him. But he has always-- he had always been so supportive of my lifestyle. I should have told him the truth.”

 

“Don’t focus on your regret,” Erwin instructs him. “Don’t regret your decision. Focus instead on finding answers and moving forward. You cannot honour him otherwise.”

 

“Yeah,” Armin agrees. “You’re right.” After a few moments, Armin moves on to say, “He was working on something before he died. He was researching Congelinex, but that’s all I know. His university email account has been shut down and all of his computers were sent ‘for repair’ to an unnamed third party. There was nothing I could recover.”

 

“We know where to start,” Erwin says for encouragement. “That’s an excellent place to begin, thank you, Armin.”

 

In his peripherals, Levi sees Armin dip his head. Levi wants to roll his eyes at how cute that gesture is. This is obviously the rest of the conversation that Levi was not privy to back in the bakery, so he leans his head back to rest against the top of the bench and closes his eyes. 

 

Instead of getting off the interstate once they reach Sina, they carry on past the city to a place Levi has been only one time: Mike’s dad’s place. It’s among a dappling of other properties, a fork in the road leading to either the double-wide trailer or the fenced junkyard, and just as the trailer comes into view, the dogs rush off the shaded porch. The ruckus draws the attention of Max Zacharias from inside and he comes to stand and watch as he leans heavily on the cane in his right hand. He’s a big man, just as large and broad as his son, and because of his sheer bulk, his knees gave out during his time in the Army. Despite his imposing steel façade, however, Levi feels the same gentle reservedness in him as is in Mike.

 

Armin’s foreign scent draws all of the pitbulls to the passenger side of the truck, so Levi scoots out behind Erwin, safe from the foray. Hobbling his way down the steps and to the truck, Max calls his dogs back, their tail nubs almost vibrating in excitement, and only then does Armin join everyone, bringing his business bag with him from the footwell. 

 

“Max Zacharias,” the veteran says, offering his left hand. 

 

“Armin Arlert.” Armin takes the hand, shakes it, and then proffers his bag. Erwin grabs the handles of it instead.

 

“Just a quick strike on these, Max,” Erwin says. From his pocket, he pulls Armin’s mobile phone as well and holds it up, wiggling it, then pushing it into the bag as well. “And this one, too: strike and reset with the zoned programs.”

 

Max sweeps his arm out welcomingly. “Let’s get inside, then.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time... erwin has some loose ends for levi and nanaba to tie up for him.


	6. Alligator Teeth, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hand scratches behind the little kitten's ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm late  
> Part two on 9 January
> 
> ETA 2/01: sorry I forgot warnings!!!::: mentions of violence against women, gun play/edge play, and the usual "this is very dark please be cautious!"  
> So sorry that I didn't post warnings and I hope no one was harmed!!

 

 

 

 

Dusk is setting in when they get back to the apartment building that evening. Levi can hear the tavern bursting with liveliness when he opens their window to air out the small space. For just a moment, he rests there, willing the tension out of his body from the high-strung handful of days since they got home from Denver. Erwin’s punishment for cutting the back of Armin’s neck sounded simple enough: unfaltering obedience given from his man’s heels. 

 

What sounded simple has not been, though. Armin is staying in one of the unoccupied apartments, but Erwin has him in their apartment all day, discussing things in words that Levi does not understand. All afternoon long today, Erwin’s attention was elsewhere and he gave Levi even less regard than he did on Saturday, Friday, or Thursday. Even worse, he won’t send Levi down to see Mike and Nanaba, and now not only is Levi anxious with unutilised energy, he is lonely. Erwin has hardly looked at him, hardly said a word outside of commands that Levi jumped to obey in the hopes that that time would be the one to change Erwin’s indifference and earn him a speck of affection. Levi _hates_ to go so long without kindness from his man and he is so _fucking sorry_ for putting the tip of his Benchmade through Armin’s skin. One moment of overwhelming jealousy and here he sits, starving for large calloused hands to acknowledge him where he is scarred. 

 

The couch dips beside him-- think of the devil. Erwin is watching his short reprieve with a curious gaze, hands braced on the back of the couch and right knee resting in the cushion, left leg straight as he leans in close. It's the first glimpse of intimacy and Levi feels hyperaware of his vulnerability; in this moment, he would do _anything_ for a fingertip to brush over the scar of his right ear, and he knows that Erwin knows it. The bruises along his ribs are paled yellowing to almost nothing. 

 

“Will you go fetch Nanaba?” Erwin asks. Levi pushes up and off the couch quickly, but Erwin catches his wrist before he's out of reach. Levi turns to face his man, eager, placid, _willing,_ because he's remembering how good it feels to have Erwin’s touch and the taste around his carpals is not enough. 

 

“Wait, katze.” Erwin twists and sits, knees spread, beckoning Levi between them. “Let me hear your voice again.”

 

“Okay, Erwin,” he surrenders, relishes the way Erwin moves those hands up to his hips, thumbs along his hip bones and long fingers meeting over his ass. It makes him feel so small to be spanned so easily, and Levi loves it absolutely, loves this moment because not only does he have Erwin’s attention but he’s being swallowed up by the longing in those crystalline blue eyes. 

 

“Katze, darling boy,” Erwin says, “would you do anything for me?”

 

Unhesitantly, “Yes.” 

 

“Are you my good boy?” Erwin smiles at him. 

 

Levi's breathless from the sudden outpouring. “God, _yes.”_

 

“Yes, what?” Erwin squeezes his fingers into Levi like clamps. Months ago he would have been met with immovable bone, but now there's muscles for him to dig into. 

 

“Yes, I'm your good boy,” Levi breathes with a sigh just shy of erotic. To go from nothing to everything has him dizzy and giddy in a pleasant high. “And I'll do anything you want me to.”

 

“My good little katze, all _mine,”_ Erwin tells him and he preens in the fact that Erwin still wants him after he disappointed and embarrassed him. 

 

“I love you,” Levi whispers, twining his fingers together to lock on the back of Erwin’s neck. 

 

“Love you more,” comes the low reply before Levi’s mouth is claimed. It's all teeth and tongue and no gentleness, and then Erwin is pecking his nose with a hint of finality. “Now, go fetch Nanaba, little one.”

 

It takes all of Levi’s resolve to remove himself from Erwin’s embrace, but he eventually trudges past Armin sitting at the dining table, goes down the hallway to Mike and Nanaba’s front door. After one unanswered trio of raps of his knuckles against the heavy wood, he twists the knob and invites himself in. The space is quiet. 

 

“Nanaba?” 

 

“Hey,” comes the sickly yet sing-song greeting from the sofa. The last time he saw her, Nanaba was collapsing into her man’s arms after taking discipline, swollen face purpling and torso drenched in sweat from exertion. She doesn't look much better now, but in a different way. The side of her face is black and showing no sign of yellow or green any time soon, and her skin looks sunken in now with the swelling gone. Nanaba is the only friend Levi has, and being made to sit and watch her hang from the bannister had unsettled him deeply in a way he could not describe. Watching her dance between feet to ease the strain on her calves or her shoulders, Levi had wanted to rub the ache from her body with his hands, but he'd, instead, _sat_ there. It was her punishment, and he couldn't interfere-- that's what he had told himself repeatedly. 

 

For a brief moment, his jaw locks up on a swallowed apology, but he can’t go behind Erwin’s back and undo his work. 

 

He clears his throat. “Erwin sent me to get you.”

 

She nods and pushes herself up into a sitting position, arms shaking with effort. “Alright.”

 

Levi comes to help her stand when she's unable to do so on her own, and the way she leans against his offered arm so heavily is telltale. He has seen her like this before-- weakened and shaky, paled with the glow of lethargy. The first time he saw it, Erwin had explained it to him in correlation to his own prescriptions, that lithium makes her ill the same way antidepressants make him vomit. 

 

“I'm not fucking stupid,” Levi had said then. “I know what a fucking side effect is.” Erwin had told him to watch his language, and then had given him a kiss on the corner of his mouth when he quieted, so he tried to sass back at Erwin less. 

 

Levi loops one arm around Nanaba’s waist when she stumbles, but the way she trips over herself, they both end up going down. His shins hit the flooring of the hallway with a jarring _thud,_ momentarily reigniting pain in the old breaks. He bears it silently.

 

“I'm sorry,” she wheezes, scrambling to get off of him, only to fall on her butt like a pouting child. Levi collects her up again to lift her to her feet, but she shakes her head. “C’mere for a minute.”

 

Levi goes. Nanaba draws him in and wraps her arms around him before burying her face in his chest; curly hair tickles his nose so he kisses her forehead and lays his cheek on top of her head. This is what his mother used to do for him and he hopes that it does something for Nanaba, because even though he wants to apologise, he knows he _can’t_ do that. However, he's seen Mike give her gestures of affection similar to this one, too-- seen the way it always seems to perk her up, and Levi can tell how much she needs it, like water to a withering lily. Has Mike been withholding from her? _That's okay,_ Levi thinks, because he has enough in his cup running over from Erwin to share.

 

“I'm sorry,” she says again. “I--”

 

 _“Shhh,”_ he soothes, squeezes. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah.” It is unconvincing. Levi is used to doing physical training with her. “Just… a moment, please.”

 

Levi waits quietly because even though he wants to ask how she has been treated this week, he knows Erwin is the only one who will give him a straight answer. When Nanaba begins to push to her feet again, Levi follows her lead, hovering below her, ready to take her weight if she falls again. Erwin doesn't ask what took so long when the pair finally enters the apartment, simply shrugs a bag over his shoulder and then ushers Armin and the pair of pets out. 

 

Erwin chooses the seating arrangement in the truck. The bench seats three, so he puts Armin in the middle and Levi at the window with Nanaba curling down into the footwell. She doesn't complain while Levi shuffles his legs around, and when he settles, she wraps her arms around his shins. 

 

“Tired?” Erwin asks her.

 

“Yes,” she says. “Can I sleep on the way?”

 

“That's fine,” Erwin dismisses. 

 

Levi can tell when she begins to dose. The truck has been running just a minute or two, hardly through the alley and onto the streets, when Nanaba begins to scrunch down, her chin starting on his knee. It doesn't stay. As the slumber takes over, her head tilts so that it's held up by her cheek and a lucky roll of her shoulder keeps her in place.

 

Whereas in the hallway, Levi had not hesitated to comfort her, he holds back now. That, before, was something secret between them that he doesn't want anyone else to see, but guilt immediately suckerpunches him. He should not be keeping this from Erwin, not if he wants his man to trust him thoroughly. Levi needs to be forthcoming about this. It's innocent-- he has nothing to hide, less than that to fear, so why does it bother him?

 

;;;

 

Levi’s knees are bony, but Nanaba finds a soft enough spot to hunker down into even if she can still feel the tension in him. She doesn't know what Erwin and Levi have been up to since getting back to Sina the other afternoon, but whatever it is has her friend on edge. The way he'd held her when she fell before was voluntary, but now it seems like having her wrapped around his lower legs in the truck is out of the question. All she can do, though, is assume that his reaction stems from never having done this in the past. 

 

“Katze, don't let her head loll too much.” 

 

At Erwin’s insistence, thin fingers skate along her scalp from front to back and cradle her head, keeping it in place. His pinky kneads her nape. Her remaining muscle control laxes until she nods off in a dreamy state. 

 

While Erwin and Levi were in Denver, Mike had no work for her to do, and she spent the majority of her time in bed or on the couch. The lithium further facilitates the sleepiness. It makes her ill from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, but it calms her mind, so she opens her mouth and lets Mike push three pills onto her tongue and she swallows them so that Mike doesn't need Erwin to deal with her. Besides, it's not all that bad when he triples her daily dose like this. Every day so far, Mike has woken her from her stupor and fucked her long and hard just the way she loves: tied, gagged, and blindfolded, helplessly sensory deprived just like the prey she catches for him. He fucks her to tears with his pistol loaded and cocked and down her throat, his finger on the trigger shield, his mouth at her ear to praise, _“My good girl, sweet Nanabitch.”_

 

This is the only life she's known, being his little bitch. She knows that there was a life before the Organisation, but her memory blurs when she reaches back too far. There are scars across her abdomen from a tubal ligation that she doesn't remember, and Mike loves to lap his tongue over them when he tells her the story that she doesn't recall. He tells her about how she was wronged at the hands of the government, how her dream of motherhood was robbed from her. There's a scrapbook in their apartment with photographs of a version of herself that she doesn't recognise, and a story that goes along with it. It's easy for her to pretend that it truly is not herself, even if she knows, deep down, that it is. Sometimes, though, when she doesn't feel like herself, she feels like she is more of the person in the photographs-- _‘Madeleine’,_ Mike calls her during those times, calls her by that given name so rarely. And Madeleine _hates_ Mike. Madeleine remembers everything, she understands everything, and she hates Mike for _enslaving_ her. Nanaba doesn't like when that happens. She always lashes out at Mike, and he always has Erwin set her straight. And Nanaba hates Madeleine, because Madeleine stirs up trouble that Nanaba has to pay for, debts extracted from her flesh well after Madeleine has made an exit. 

 

 _“You're not crazy, sweet girl.”_ She is Madeleine and Madeleine is her, even if Nanaba doesn't always remember what life was like before she woke up in the concrete room. _“You’ve got to be punished-- that behaviour is unacceptable.”_

 

Mike always shows her how much he loves her afterward. He always treats her so nice-- after he increases her lithium to quiet her, he brings her back into her right mind by ploughing her into their mattress mercilessly. Or the sofa, or the shower tiles, or even the floorboards. They'll be creeping into their mid-thirties soon, but he gets hard with the appetite of someone fifteen years his junior. Morbidly, she hopes that they die before he ever has a problem getting his cock stiff and stuffed inside of her until she’s feeling split at the seams. 

 

Just the hazy memory is pleasant, and a moment after the moan escapes her mouth, she jerks backwards. 

 

 _“Shhhh,”_ Levi is soothing, rubbing the pads of his fingers in small circles along her scalp. He whispers, “You're safe, it's just a bad dream.”

 

“We’re here now, and so is Mike,” Erwin says, even though Nanaba can feel the slow sway of the truck. The sound of tires on gravel fill the cab. 

 

The thought of seeing her man brings her to full consciousness. He left early this morning without an explanation and stayed gone all day. After a week of inactivity, she knew that he must be busy with work, and that's what kept him away. If they're out in gravel roads and somewhere with Mike, does that mean she gets to hunt and _kill?_ This is usually what Levi does. Mike has her capture the target, and Erwin has Levi dispose of it. 

 

The truck comes to a stop and Nanaba turns her face up to Erwin, but he is looking at his boy instead. 

 

“Get out and then help Nanaba,” Erwin commands. “Armin, you'll stand with me.”

 

“Of course, Mister Smith,” says Armin. Nanaba doesn't know anything about him outside of Mike telling her that he is a valuable asset, but she knows he must be here for a reason. Demonstration, maybe? Erwin is the only other person Nanaba takes orders from.

 

Levi untangles himself from her and wrenches open his door with more force than necessary, then turns around and offers her his hands. He guides her as she sets trembling legs out and he bears her weight as he coaxes her to stand. 

 

“You can do it, Nana,” Mike says from somewhere in front of Erwin’s truck, and having her man’s encouragement is all the push she needs before she is standing at her full height. Levi stays close, though, his arm around her waist as he takes her over the Mike, who is leaning against their tiny two-door Yaris with a dwindling cigarette between his lips. 

 

“Mike,” she murmurs warmly, and Mike’s arm trades off with Levi’s as the noirette goes back to Erwin. 

 

“My sweet girl,” he says proudly, dipping his nose down into her hair. She can feel the small rush of cool air as he breathes in deeply. “You haven't eaten.”

 

Nanaba shakes her head. “I'm sorry. I still feel awful and I didn't want to make anything.”

 

“When this is over,” he promises, says louder, “Erwin, feed these babes when they're done?” From behind her comes Erwin’s confirmation and then Mike says, quietly to his girl, “Put you back on the lower dose, too.”

 

The artificial docility is her least favourite side effect so she nods heartily at that, beams up at Mike and receives his kiss on the tip of her nose. “I'd like that.”

 

Mike eases his support out from under her so that she is standing independently. It feels good out here in the country night air, even if it chills her aching muscles just shy of uncomfortably. 

 

“You'll hunt with Levi tonight.” Reaching around, Mike brings up her pair of leather gloves, helps her to put them on, having already donned his own. He snaps the buttons on the straps around her wrist to keep the gloves from slipping and then raises her hands to his mouth to kiss all ten knuckles. 

 

“What's going to happen?” Nanaba asks.

 

Mike shrugs. “Up to Erwin.”

 

“Why so passive? I never go with them.” She nods her head in the direction of the other two and Armin. “Is this for show?”

 

“Could say that,” Mike agrees in non-answer.

 

;;;

 

“Hang back,” Erwin finishes explaining. “You can control your knife, right? Or are you so bloodthirsty?”

 

Levi shakes his head. He’ll do whatever it is that will make Erwin happy, and if that means stretching Nanaba’s legs instead of his own, then Levi will comply with the order. He is skeptical though, because his friend can hardly hold herself upright, and Levi is unsure what this is about. Armin is here with them, hanging back but watching in interest. Why is he here? The kid isn't even an official Organisation member-- at least, Erwin hasn't mentioned it. It impregnates his mind and births ten-thousand questions that Levi knows he cannot ask his man outright, no matter how they burst holes in his skull. 

 

“It's a favour for Mike,” Erwin says. “I'll make it interesting, little one. State your reward.”

 

Levi’s heart jumps into his voice box and makes him stutter out a breath in shock. _Anything?_ Erwin didn't give a parameter. When he recovers, he says the first thing he thinks of: “Fuck me.”

 

Erwin raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms over his chest. He's standing proud and strong and tall, his feet spread in an authoritative stance as if he needs to use his bulk to cow down Levi when Levi is already so desperate for his man’s hands that he would gut himself on Erwin's orders. 

 

Erwin says, “You want me to fuck you?”

 

;;;

 

“Frank’s skipping. Part of Erwin’s newer duties,” Mike tells Nanaba while she wiggles her fingers in her snug gloves. When she gets well worked up, they peel off like the membrane that separates fat from muscle. Hunting to kill. She hasn't done this since before Erwin brought back his little black cat, and it's been even longer since the last time she did this under Erwin’s call. 

 

Frank is the top dog of his drug ring. He built, two decades ago, a web of _under-the-table_ dealings that now rakes in the equivalent of a year’s university tuition _everyday._ A few too much attention won, too many enemies garnered, and so Frank secured himself legal protection from Darius for a hefty price of thirty percent to be paid weekly. For achieving colonel, Erwin oversees those kinds of business dealings, and if Frank is out here now for her and Levi, then all of his chances are expired. Darius runs a lax routine and allows a generous amount of mistakes, but he is by no means a saint. Money keeps the Organisation running, and anyone who threatens the Organisation meets their end.

 

Nanaba flexes her wrists. “Who's taking his place?”

 

“Number two. Younger but less greedy. Knows how good the deal is.” Mike spits the finished cigarette from his mouth and kicks dirt over it. He doesn't light another. 

 

“You're especially short for words tonight,” she says. 

 

Mike shrugs, probably only just now becoming conscious of the clipping in his speech pattern. “I'm sorry. A little bothered.”

 

“By what?” Nanaba takes hold of his hands, linking her pinkies around his forefingers. 

 

Mike leans in next to her ear and murmurs, “I'm really… _fuck-ing_... horny.”

 

;;;

 

The way Erwin asks, as if for mocking clarity, Levi does suddenly feel cowed. Defeated, he glances at Armin (who is staring off in the distance a little too pointedly) over Erwin’s shoulder and then brings his eyes to the roadway. The gravel will hurt to run on with its sharp rocks, he thinks absentmindedly. 

 

“Alright,” Erwin says without too much pause. “Yes, I'll fuck you. But you have to meet all my requirements.”

 

Levi is all ears now. “Yes,” he agrees blindly, still looking down. Erwin knows his every need and Erwin knows his limits. Erwin won't give him impossible tasks, and if Levi fails then it is nothing but his own fault. “Yes, anything.”

 

;;;

 

Nanaba grins and shuffles her hips against her man’s in weak circles. “Really?”

 

Mike’s heavy catcher’s-mitt-hands reunite on the small of her back just as his nose settles into her hair again. His response tickles. “Yes, really. Haven't seen you all day. Been thinking ‘bout what's between your legs.”

 

 _Oh._ “After dinner?”

 

Mike nods against the top of her head. “I'm taking Armin back early and Erwin will feed you.”

 

It tugs her heart that she won't see Mike again until the very end of the day but she doesn't let it show. Instead, she pulls back and gives her man the best smile she can. “I'd like that very much, Mike.”

 

;;;

 

“You don't make a single move without my permission. You'll count every step. When I tell you to stop, you freeze. If you do that, I'll fuck you, but if you don't, then I'll make you rethink your greediness. Okay, katze?” Erwin grins like a wolf and Levi wants to make himself the lamb for slaughter. 

 

If this will make his man happy with him and proud of him again, then he will do this. “Yeah, okay Erwin.”

 

“That's my boy,” Erwin says and Levi looks up at his man finally. He gives Levi a kiss on the nose that lingers. “You love to make me proud, don't you? You're not going to _disobey_ me like when you cut Armin, are you?”

 

The words take a neat slice right through his abdomen so that it feels as if he's been disemboweled. He thought that Erwin pouring on affection earlier meant that he was in the clear, but being reminded yet _again_ …. Levi swallows to moisten his throat but when that doesn't work, he clears it. 

 

“What is it, katze?” Erwin asks. “What's wrong?”

 

Levi looks away and coughs into the crook of his elbow. He can't hide anything from Erwin, so why bother? “I… I don't like thinking about that.”

 

“Oh?” Erwin grabs Levi’s shoulders, cups them, squeezes too intently. Helpless, Levi whimpers at the contact. With a betrayingly gentle voice, Erwin continues, “You don't like being reminded of your reckless and disobedient actions, katze? You don't want to remember that it disappointed me, do you?”

 

“No, I don't,” Levi agrees truthfully. This stings, but he tries to ground himself to the contact between their bodies. “You said I embarrassed you. I don't want to do that ever again.”

 

“Then _don’t,”_ Erwin says with harsh, frightening finality. Levi flinches.

 

;;;

 

“Nanaba,” Erwin calls, but it lacks urgency, so she leans up to give Mike a promising kiss before turning to her summons. 

 

The colonel is holding a straight knife, hilt outward, and she accepts it. Knives require less accuracy than a gun-- her usual given weapon-- and she's grateful because she is already seeing stars. Levi is standing next to Erwin, looking mostly blank, that dead glossiness over his eyes like he's absorbed in thought. As if feeling her gaze, Levi snaps out of the haze to scowl at her. It's not a menacing expression, she's learned, just his usual face when he's paying attention to someone.

 

“Are you ready?” Erwin asks as he offers Levi his knife. The way his eyes light up at the sight of the Benchmade has Nanaba thinking that it's been out of his possession. Is this the end of a punishment for him?

 

“Yes, I am.” Nanaba flexes her wrists again and focuses on the sensation of leather tight on her skin. Her head is still on her shoulders but it feels like she will lose it at any moment-- everything aches viciously and she's on the cusp of slumbering oblivion. She can do this, though. She can still give her all; she hasn't died of exhaustion yet and a little fainting won't send her to her grave. 

 

“Good.” Erwin nudges Levi forward. “I just told katze that he will hang back and let you do most of the work.”

 

“Alright.”

 

Erwin swings a shovel over his shoulder casually-- she didn't even notice he had one, maybe she's already lost her head, if details like this are slipping past her-- and waves for the two to follow him down the country road. The terrain is fairly even, enough that after just twenty yards, Nanaba can make out a figure in the middle of the road, wretchedly bathing in a crescent’s worth of moonlight. She's delivered people to death plenty, but she hasn't _killed_ recently. The sight sobers her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only read this once. Point at my typos and laugh at me (and then comment so I can fix them)


	7. Alligator Teeth, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kitten and the bitch get taken for a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter as it is was finished on friday but i was disappointed by the length and lack of action so i held on to it longer hoping to be able to write more... and that didn't happen.... so i'm going to go on and post it in all it's half-sized glory anyway. i'm having a hard time with my confidence in writing this so thank you to everyone who has said kind things about the series. you give me the drive to keep going~ and for my lurkers, thank you for reading. watching the hits and kudos rise makes me happy, too~
> 
> now that the holidays are over and things are back to normal, i'm going back to the regular update schedule. chapter eight coming 23 january!
> 
> Warnings: they straight up murder someone.

 

 

 

 

Tight on his heels, Nanaba approaches with them, until Erwin snaps his fingers once. Beside her, Levi stills as well, much more rigid than her and more attentive to Erwin’s body language-- his boy has been desperate to prove his worth all weekend and it’s clear that his intense focus on Erwin is yet to wane.

 

“Remove everything,” Erwin says without assigning tasks to them, and Nanaba goes for the blindfold’s knot with still and sure fingers; Levi plucks out the earplugs and the cotton t-shirt stuffed in Frank’s mouth for a makeshift gag. The greying man doesn't flinch or look surprised, looking instead rather inconvenienced by the whole experience when his full face comes into view.

 

“Hello, Franklin,” Erwin says, holding his hands out. The pets give back the blindfold, gag, and earplugs, and then continue hovering between Erwin and their target as if for protection. Underneath his jacket, Erwin’s holster cradles a silenced Glock, and with Nanaba’s Gerber Steadfast backed by Levi’s Benchmade Contego, there’s nothing the drug lord can do to harm him.

 

Frank raises his eyebrows but does little else before sighing. “So this is it, then.”

 

“You’ve had multiple opportunities to correct your debt.” Erwin uses his most concerned and persuasive tone of voice. “Six months of free protection--”

 

“Cut the shit,” Frank interrupts. From kneeling, he leans forward onto his knees and then uses the momentum to get his feet underneath himself and stand upright, joints popping telltale of a man whose physical activity is not what it used to be.

 

Levi looks to Erwin for an order but he ignores his boy, keeps his gaze level on Frank, says, “Your second-in-command sold you out, you know that, don’t you.”

 

“Course I do,” Frank replies, shifting his shoulders to alleviate the discomfort in his arms, wrists bound behind his back. “Girl’s young and dumb. Don’t know what’s comin’ for her.”

 

Baiting, Erwin makes a blind guess. “Do you really think _that’s_ worth shorting me over a million?”

 

“You don’t get it either, Smithy Boy,” Frank sneers, spilling information that Erwin doesn’t have. “Congelinex is gonna ruin my market worse than that ‘war on drugs’ bullshit. Abuse-proof painkiller’s set to go on sale any day now-- ‘s gonna replace _everything.”_

 

“You’re letting the hype get to you, Franklin,” Erwin chides with false confidence. “That’s impossible.”

 

“Last man said that, makin’ a big to-do and puttin’ his nose in places it don't belong,” Frank chuckles, shaking his head, “ain’t been seen since.”

 

On the outside, Erwin keeps himself cool and collected, but there’s an alarm bell ringing in his head. This is information he needs to pry out from the drug lord without sounding desperate. He has to continue to play off as if he knows exactly what’s going on. It’s risky to directly drop the name, so he goes with something a little less obvious. “That doctor went about it the wrong way. He should have considered blackmail.”

 

“You don’t blackmail big pharma, Smithy boy,” Frank says, failing to correct Erwin’s assumptions. With another dark chuckle, he adds, “Don’t try and expose them, neither. Lose-lose.”

 

Erwin makes another shot in the dark. “They wouldn’t be intimidated if there weren't something to hide.”

 

“Whatever they got goin’ on ain’t none of my business ‘cept what fucks with my business. Speakin’ of.” Frank moves his gaze from Erwin to Levi. “Got a cop on your boy’s tail. Something ‘bout that break-in-murder a couple weeks ago.”

 

Now _this_ , Erwin can almost guess with certainty. It’s a thought he’s already entertained. “Lieutenant Church won’t be a problem. We know now that he sells information illegally and I believe we can come to an understanding.”

 

“Better get to makin’ your move on him.”

 

Despite the uneasiness brought by that insinuation, Erwin remains unaffected. “He seems to have a lot of _spare knowledge_ to pass around.” It’s probably too much of an assumption, but Erwin asks it anyway. “Is your second-in-command going to keep him on the payroll?”

 

“He’s a part-time solution-- bidin’ time until that dumb girl was gonna sell me out. I don’t see her keepin’ him on with payin’ y’all to watch her back again.” Frank doesn’t sound bothered in the least by his impending death, but the first hint of remorse comes when he admits, “I call her a dumb girl, but she’s smarter than me by a long shot.”

 

“Rookie mistake.”

 

Frank laughs once through his nose. “The only shame is that I won’t get to see what she does with the business.”

 

Always looking for an opportunity to make debtors out of beggars, Erwin offers, “Maybe you can.”

 

Frank shakes his head. “I don’t wanna owe you _nothin’,_ Smithy Boy. You’re too conniving for _anyone’s_ good.”

 

Usually, Erwin makes their targets an irresistible offer of freedom-- make it a certain distance back down the road and go free, but don’t let Levi catch them because he’s going to sink his knife between their ribs and that’ll be the end of them. It’s disappointing that Frank doesn’t want to play along-- especially because Erwin wants to see his boy work alongside Nanaba-- but he can’t force participation.

 

Passing the shovel to Levi, Erwin reaches into his jacket and unholsters the G19, checks the silencer, and clicks off the safety. Frank doesn’t even look perturbed as he settles back onto his knees of his own accord, turning so that he faces the open field with the trio at his back. This whole exchange has been an outlier far removed from normalcy, but Frank knew what was coming to him when he decided to stop paying his share and ignore all the warnings. To skip on his dues means to threaten the Organisation; Frank’s business is their largest provider of funding and the money has allowed them to expand so much in the last ten years alone. Nine million dollars a year with thirty percent as their cut, but it’s not charity money. The Organisation protects them fully, makes the ring almost untouchable. Darius being a high-ranking judge and therefore in a position of power over criminal’s legal scuffles, has provided Frank and his crew plenty of escapes, reduced sentences, and granted favours. What’s a few million into his pocket for all the trouble, and the trouble of those covering up the evidence?

 

Besides, Frank’s second-in-command understands how valuable a thriving alliance with the Organisation is. With Sina sitting at a crossroads of interstate highways and railways (one which runs a straight shot south to El Paso and Mexico), the empire of under-the-table pharmaceutical drug dealings is nearly unplaceable. Their country’s current healthcare crisis hand feeds them success, too. Drugs in Mexico sell for pennies a dose, even less when bought in bulk, and well-placed well-paid Organisation members secure safe passage over the border coming back into the United States. Even at a mark-up, the illegally procured drugs sell for a fraction of their American counterparts’ prices, and stocking primarily chronic medications means recurring customers. Just a month’s supply of statins, for example, _imports_ for twenty-five cents just to turn around and sell for twenty dollars-- that multiplied by crates upon crates, day in day out, at a fraction of the copay and retail costs, it keeps clientele on the leash and money in the ring. It’s good business.

 

The only ones privy to the details of the protection deal are those in Frank’s inner circle. Erwin had made sure that their decision to replace Frank and continue a partnership with the Organisation was unanimous-- the last thing he needs is to have his name tipped off to the police before he can come to a civil understanding with one Farlan Church. Darius would keep his colonel from trouble, sure, but it's better Erwin keeps his head a safe distance from the legal guillotine to begin with.

 

Erwin is a little curious to Frank’s defeatedness. Facing death isn't jarring him the way it does to everyone else, and the drug lord seems oddly at peace with the end of his life. Erwin offers his Glock to Nanaba and she trades her knife for it. He takes it, taps the hilt against his chin thoughtfully, then he asks, “Are you sure I can’t make you an offer, Franklin? You can see what she makes of your empire and die at peace an old man.”

 

Frank shakes his head once. “Jokes on you. Got liver failure. I’m on borrowed time.”

 

This is new information and it takes all the fun out of it. Erwin sighs quietly, but before he can speak, Frank adds, “It’s funny. I killed more men than I can count, but I can only die once. Ain’t it just.”

 

Drawing out death like a predator toying with prey isn’t exactly his style, so Erwin makes one subtly crisp motion with the knife, pantomiming gunfire recoil, and Nanaba discharges a single round. What was once Frank slumps forward undignified, and it’s over. Taking a few steps, Erwin gets a good look at the back of the greying head and _tuts_ softly before bending to pick up the shell.

 

“Your shot is off,” Erwin critiques, then turns to Nanaba with an outstretched palm and waits for her to give back his gun, securing the safety and holstering it when she does. He motions to where she shot off-center. “It’s still a clean kill, but it’s sloppier than I prefer to see from you.”

 

Levi, who has been hanging back this whole time, chirps up in her defense. “She’s sick.”

 

Erwin raises his brows before turning from inspecting the bullet entry to face his boy. Nothing needs to be said to assert dominance over Levi, so after a long stare, Erwin turns away and continues addressing Mike’s girl. “I want you to carry him off the road about ten paces, then dig a grave. We need to burn him.”

 

Nanaba doesn’t hesitate, turning first to pick up the still-warm body before too much blood escapes. She struggles, and when Levi darts out to help, Erwin snaps his fingers once. Obediently, Levi stops. The response is cemented into him now.

 

“She’s fine,” Erwin says. Levi nods but instead of coming back to his man’s side, he stays where he stands, watching like a guard dog unnecessarily. This is a favour to Mike, unshakeable Mike who is letting Monterey’s pet slaughter rattle his cage to the point that he wants Nanaba learning to work beneath Erwin.

 

_“Push her hard tonight,” Mike says, rubbing his fingers over his mouth in habit, absolutely itching for nicotine. “She’ll faint before she gives up. Show her that you expect that.”_

 

Nanaba settles for dragging Frank’s body and recounts her steps twice to make sure that it’s ten paces just like she was told. With the spot marked, she comes to Levi and he hands her the shovel wordlessly, even though Erwin can practically feel the concern as it rolls off the noirette like mist from the ocean. The boy stays planted, though, unmoving for half an hour while Nanaba digs a shallow grave. She starts off with promising efficiency that wanes until she’s pausing heavily between, gasps swallowing up the silence of the night, a sheen of sweat on her forehead catching moonlight. But she doesn’t stop. Even when her mop of curls plasters itself down against her skull and she needs to lean her weight onto the shovel handle to push the scoop into the ground. Levi watches in dedication but Erwin paces, mulling gently over Frank’s words and how best to discuss this new information with Mike when they get back to the apartment. The major had long since taken Armin back into the city with him, or else Erwin would quietly converse with him now.

 

Erwin knows that Nanaba is done when she lays the shovel down and takes up Frank’s body again, positioning it down into its resting place. On his way over, he snaps his fingers twice, and Levi follows. It’s a good sized grave, deep enough to keep out wild animals once it’s covered again. He sends Nanaba to get the lighter fluid from the truck, and when she does, they douse their former target and set him ablaze. Once Erwin is satisfied, Nanaba covers Frank’s body with dirt, refills the grave completely, and then stomps it down until it is flat again.

 

“Good,” Erwin says simply as the trio walks at her pace back to the truck. Nanaba isn’t _his_ to lavish on praise, and he knows praise is not a pillar of her training anyway.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get ready for a lot of fictional science, both medical and pharma. 
> 
> also, congelinex is made up. i just smashed letters together in google until i came up with no results.


	8. Thirteen Herb Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten receives a reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone who sent me kind messages! you guys keep me going, honest~ there's a lot going on in my life right now and you guys make me smile, i'm grateful!
> 
> warnings: smut. 
> 
> chapter nine: 6 february.

  
  
  


Just as Erwin parks the truck, Mike is opening the passenger door and collecting up Nanaba into a bridal carry; Nanaba, who fell into a tremor-filled sleep on Levi’s shoulder as soon as they began moving along the gravel road back toward the city, barely stirs and Levi swallows back the spike of concern at her physical state. The clock in the dashboard reads _0020_ , and there is a promise for food if Levi remembers correctly, so he wants to make sure that she gets something in her belly before the night is over.

 

He walks behind Erwin who follows Mike. Armin is thankfully nowhere in sight and Levi knows this means that the kid has already been locked in his room for the night. He’s glad for it.

 

The quartet piles into Erwin’s apartment where there are two greasy-bottomed brown paper bags sitting on the kitchenette counter; eating the first order of business in Levi’s mind, for his friend’s sake. Mike deposits Nanaba on one of the benches at the table and then makes his way to the bathroom, coming back with a damp washcloth that he uses to wipe her down with.

 

“Katze,” Erwin says as he sits in his chair at the head of the table and starts up the loudest of the computers, inviting a heavy _whirring_ to cut the silence. “Get yourself washed up.”

 

“Okay, Erwin.” Levi makes quick work of the task at the sink, using the towel hanging on the door of the refrigerator to dry his hands hastily. He is itching to sit beside Nanaba and make sure she is still holding on. Levi knows from personal experience that overexertion coupling with low blood sugar is a quick way to land in the emergency room.

 

As if his man knows exactly what he's thinking at any moment and would actively work against him, Erwin says, “Tea, my darling boy.”

 

Levi hums an affirmative through clenched teeth and then begins to fill the kettle. As he does, Mike and his deceptively light footfalls come over, the once-white washcloth in his hands a soggy grey-rusty-brown combination that Levi knows all too well. He pops under the sink quickly and brings up the hydrogen peroxide to offer to Mike before moving the filled kettle to the stove top. As the ignition clicks, Levi sees Nanaba startle in his peripherals, and he looks over to see her slumping forward onto the table again sleepily.

 

“Nana,” Levi coos gently, circling the table to come to her side, laying his hand on her shoulder.

 

“Katze,” Erwin says, somewhere between a beckon and a warning. “She's fine.”

 

Levi doesn't move back to the stove. The kettle will mind itself-- it'll whistle when it's hot and _that's_ when he will rise to set out the mugs and the tea bags and the sugar and the milk, preparing it all until everyone is served. But right now to Erwin he nods, “Alright.”

 

Mike turns around from the sink then and comes back over with the washcloth reasonably clean again. He sits on the other side of Nanaba and pries her head off of the table with practiced ease so that he can wipe her face and the back of her neck, his large hand holding her upright by the chin while he does so. Levi can see the way she shivers when cool air meets the newly dampened skin.

 

“Is she cold?” Levi asks, moving his hand from her shoulder while Mike slides under her collar to run the washcloth down her spine. Her shirt is sweat-soaked all over and she needs a proper shower after she's fed.

 

The moustached man shakes his head once and offers nothing else. All at once, Nanaba is clean and the kettle’s whistle winds up, so Levi prepares four steaming mugs for the table while Erwin types something up on his computer. Sneaking a glance at the screen, Levi realises that it's the daily report and averts his eyes before he can give in to his curiousity. Erwin offered to let Levi read his own file weeks ago and Levi had declined, and since, he finds himself wondering what Erwin says about him. He hopes it is good things.

 

“Katze,” Erwin says again, this time his tone a clear request. The blonde holds his hand out, indicating to the empty space on the bench between himself and Nanaba. “Sit.”

 

Levi does, and Mike, after wringing out the washcloth at the sink, brings the paper bags over. It's burgers and fries just as Levi expects, all cold grease and sogginess, but a meal to appreciate nonetheless, and one that Nanaba desperately needs. Levi coaxes her to lean against his shoulder, and she holds herself upright halfway decently, seemingly brought more into consciousness by the smell of food. They eat slowly, Levi putting his own burger down every so often to steady and guide Nanaba’s trembling hands, helping her get her bird bites until she eats all that she can stomach. After he gets almost half of it into her, Levi holds her mug up to her mouth, hoping the warm liquid quells any illness she is feeling. By the end of the meal, she looks even worse for wear, so Levi scoots around to straddle the bench and draws his friend’s head onto his chest. Whatever reservations he had earlier for showing Nanaba affection openly are vanished, but his back is now to Erwin and he feels that much more vulnerable.

 

Mike steps over to the pets and flicks his girl’s ear. She doesn't even budge. He says, “I guess I’ll collect what’s mine and go.”

 

Erwin nods, and a few moments later, the apartment holds only him and Levi, but Levi doesn’t move from where he is astride the bench. Likewise, his man is still planted in the chair at the head of the table, even though the computer has served its purpose and is in repose again. There’s tension between them now without the extra occupants around; Erwin set a wager and Levi, without Nanaba to fuss over for distraction, is _dying_ to know the results.

 

Was he well behaved enough for his man to fuck him? It’s been a long couple of weeks, and Levi wants to cum again. In the few moments of privacy he’s had, he’d tried to touch himself, to mimic what Erwin did with his own hands, but he’d feel instantly foolish by it and stop. If his pleasure isn’t delivered by his man, then he doesn't need it-- hasn't earned it.

 

“Get this cleaned up,” Erwin says, and Levi finds himself jumping at the order eagerly. He wants to continue to prove how good he is, just like he’s been doing since coming back from Denver. He wants Erwin to see what a _good boy_ and what a _darling boy_ that he is. Erwin’s affection is to be earned and Levi wants the over.

 

It’s when Levi is wiping the table that Erwin vacates his seat and moves where Levi can no longer see him. He doesn’t stop in his task, though. In long strokes, Levi wipes the table with a wet paper towel, stopping only when a large hand settles on his scruff and tugs. Reflexively, his shoulders hunch, meaning to protect the precious nerves being pinched by those calloused fingers, but Levi knows he has nothing to fear from Erwin-- he hasn’t been outright disobedient. He’s done as he’s been told. Where Nanaba is concerned, though, he showed some weakness, but surely that isn’t enough to lose his promised prize _and_ earn him discipline, is it?

 

Erwin would want him to be mindful of his friend’s well being, right? Why else would she have come out on the uneventful hunting trip? And besides, Erwin has chastised him plenty about _waiting_ for his rewards, would asking about getting fucked void it?

 

Levi surrenders the paper towel when Erwin reaches for it, and he hears it hit the side of the sink with a metallic _slap._ The one hand is still on his scruff, and he can’t help but marvel at the difference in the size of his man compared to himself, the way those fingers can come so close to meeting over his adam’s apple.

 

Erwin says nothing as he pulls Levi back by the collar, arching him into an uncomfortable position but Levi dares not to complain. If this is how Erwin means for him to be, then this is how he will be for Erwin. _Anything_ to earn being fucked. Breathing comes with a little more struggle at this angle, and Levi drags in small, gasping inhales when his abdominals begin to quiver.

 

“What do you need, my boy?”

 

Levi’s mind is blank. Need? Erwin is always looking after him closely-- he hasn’t seriously considered his own needs since before his man came and gave him a home and made him a pet from a stray. Levi answers, “I need only what you give me.”

 

Erwin smiles and Levi can’t help but reciprocate in relief. The only one subjected to Erwin’s smiles lately has been that shitty kid Armin, and it had tightened the jealous boa constrictor around Levi’s neck every time he’d had to witness Armin being all fucking cute and fucking _polite_ in the wake of Erwin’s dazzling smile. Really, though, Levi knows the fault for Erwin’s withdraw is all his own. If he’d never put his knife through Armin’s skin, he would never have had to go without his man’s tenderness, so Levi resolves within himself to try to never give Erwin another reason to doubt him.

 

Levi longs to be like Nanaba is to Mike, and Erwin will never trust him completely if he keeps fucking up on the little things. Armin is a little thing. Armin is, right now, locked in his room down the hallway, meanwhile _Levi_ is here and _Levi_ is finally the one basking in the glow of Erwin Smith.

 

“You’re such a beautiful boy,” Erwin says and brings Levi upright again. His skin feels hot now, a blush radiating up his neck. _“My_ beautiful boy.”

 

Armin’s habits must be contagious, because Levi dips his head before he realises he’s done it. Erwin doesn’t scold him for it. Instead, his man tips his chin up. Levi nods, “Yes, I’m your beautiful boy.”

 

Erwin smiles again, until his teeth show and wrinkles form around his eyes. “Does my boy want to be fucked now?”

 

“Your boy wants whatever you’ll give him.” The words sound foreign as they ring inside of his head, but they make Erwin look at him like he’s golden, and everything Levi has is given from Erwin, in Erwin’s own good graces.

 

“Go wash yourself,” he is commanded, and Levi comes back from the bathroom five minutes later naked except for his collar and the towel around his shoulders. His man is sitting on the couch in the far corner looking at something on his mobile phone, but he locks it and puts it up on the windowsill to give Levi attention. Warmth blossoms in Levi’s chest under the steady gaze. He feels drawn in to the heat in Erwin’s eyes, and his feet carry him to the blonde until he's standing between the spread knees.

 

Erwin reaches out and strokes the towel between his thumb and forefinger before pulling it gently. Levi lets Erwin unravel him and expose his body, barely moving.

 

“So pink,” the blonde comments, leaning forward to run his palms up Levi’s thighs. “How much more pale will you look if I shave you, I wonder….”

 

Erwin’s finger trails in time with his sentence, up to the space between Levi’s legs to nudge his balls. Levi does his best not to jerk back as a nail presses against the delicate skin or even when he feels the sting of the skin breaking.

 

“You like Nanaba, don't you?”

 

Levi freezes when Erwin asks that, but nods nonetheless, hoping the moment of hesitation doesn't convince Erwin that he doesn't deserve a reward tonight. What's bringing this on? Was his kindness and concern for her too inappropriate?

 

“What if,” Erwin begins, sliding his hands around to take in the globes of Levi’s ass, squeezing hard enough for a whimper to erupt from Levi’s throat, “I told you that you'll be spending more time with her?”

 

It's not that his opinion is being asked. Erwin is telling him that he will be spending more time with Nanaba, whether he likes it or not, but the idea is actually appealing to Levi. If he can learn to copy her obedience, then he can reach a place where his man trusts him as much as he trusts his man. Levi plays along. “I will do whatever you want me to.”

 

“Ah.” Erwin kneads into his glutes and a rogue finger presses closely over his hole. Levi's back straightens, nerves at attention. “Do you like women, little one?”

 

“I like _you,”_ Levi replies because that's the truth. His sexuality was awakened by Erwin, _for_ Erwin. “You and only you.”

 

“Then,” his man’s hands fall away as he says, suddenly all dark and commanding, “don't let me see you fidgety and guilty about touching her if you're not attracted to her. Do you hear me?”

 

“Okay, Erwin.” Levi's throat feels tight with fear at the switch from _lover_ to _commander_ . His mind is racing, thinking back to each individual interaction tonight with Nanaba and how it's landed him here. More so, though, he is anxious to know if what he did was _wrong_ and _bad_ and if Erwin will decide Levi doesn't need Erwin’s cock splitting him open. “I'm sorry.”

 

 _“Shhh,_ there’s my good boy,” Erwin praises, bringing his hands back to Levi’s body, taking him by the hips, pulling. Their chests come flush. He's _lover_ again. “You'll tell me if you ever start wanting someone else, won't you?”

 

“I will never want anyone else,” Levi responds sincerely. He's just the littlest bit taller than Erwin right now, and he so desperately wants to have a kiss.

 

Erwin knows exactly what Levi needs at any time and tilts his own chin up. “Seal it with a kiss.”

 

Immediately, the noirette leans down and presses his lips against Erwin’s and it's _oh, so_ gratifying. After just a moment, Levi snakes his tongue out, prodding gently at the seam of Erwin’s mouth until his man opens up and Levi swears that he sees stars. He's been good enough for a real kiss-- the kind that makes his knees weak and his heart pound his blood straight south. But Erwin is still in control here. He reminds Levi of that by jerking his hips roughly so that it mimics Levi grinding into him, and then, almost violently, he turns Levi around. Practiced hands deftly pull his cheeks apart, and he can't help but clench his ass at the sudden exposure.

 

Erwin gives him a hard pinching on the right cheek. “Is that any way to present yourself, ungrateful boy? I thought you _want_ to be fucked.”

 

Levi's face heats at the scolding and he's embarrassed by his own behaviour. Before he can speak though, Erwin tells him, “Relax your body and hold your ass wide open.”

 

At the order, Levi knows he is red to the tips of his ears, but he does what he's told, digging his fingers into his cheeks and spreading them as far as he can just to prove his obedience.

 

“You scrubbed yourself raw.” One of those large thumbs runs the length of the crease of Levi’s ass where the skin is darker. As if for a little punishment, Erwin pulls on one of the coarse hairs near Levi’s hole until it rips free from its follicle. “You do know it's okay for the skin to be this colour, don't you?”

 

 _No,_ he did _not_ know that, and Erwin bringing it up washes him in shame. He knows so little and he feels so fucking stupid, but at the same time he is so glad to have Erwin to guide him.

 

“I'll shave you all over,” Erwin promises, making the decision for Levi. “I have a preference for bare skin, too. I'll even get you your own straight razor if you promise not to cut yourself while you use it.”

 

“I-I... don't know,” Levi stammers, because he doesn't know how to use a straight razor. Erwin is the one who wields it and clears the patchy stubble from Levi’s face almost every morning.

 

“Don't worry, katze. I'll teach you.” Erwin twists him back around by the hips and Levi lets his hands relax a little. This man knows everything about him down to his thoughts and it always leaves him a little breathless.

 

“Thank you.” He leans down and nuzzles the side of Erwin’s neck to stifle his grin. He's so well taken care of, he wishes Erwin had come and collected him sooner. “Thank you, Erwin.”

 

“Anything for a boy who is obedient.”

 

 _A boy who is obedient_ , and that is exactly what Levi strives for. He rests his forehead on Erwin's shoulder for just a moment in a cloud of momentary melancholy. Erwin will give him _anything_ if he will only acquiesce to every demand made of him, and he fully intends to, come hell or high water. Somehow, the determination that settles into his brain brings him a level of comfort. He wants this life at Erwin’s side no matter what.

 

“Love you,” Erwin murmurs and turns his face to meet Levi's so that he can kiss his boy’s chin.

 

“Love you more,” Levi says. It feels good to be desired.

 

“You're all I have I ever wanted.” The blonde pecks Levi’s bottom lip and wastes no time after that. He brings his left hand to Levi's mouth and presses three fingers in. “Get them nice and wet.”

 

Levi slicks them up with gobs of his own spit, lifting his head to better work his throat around the digits. When Erwin deems them wet enough, he moves them to Levi's ass, landing right on the tightly puckered ring of muscle.

 

“Relax.” Erwin breathes. “Straddle me if it helps.”

 

Levi takes him up on the offer, continuing to hold his cheeks spread apart as he climbs up onto the couch, his shins pressed under his thighs on top of Erwin's own. Erwin coaxes him closer by nudging against his hole, closer until they're chest to chest again. Resting his weight on the blonde alleviates enough tension so that the first finger slips in and Levi grunts at the sensation.

 

“Breathe,” Erwin is reminding him, and on the exhale, Levi wholly surrenders his body. When he slumps further into Erwin, his man lets out a pleased-sounding hum and circles the lone finger around several times before a second is nudging in as well. Unbidden, another grunt comes out of Levi, this one morphing into a whimper halfway through. “Does it feel good, sweet boy?”

 

Levi keens out a strangled, breathy, _“Yeah.”_

 

“Rock back onto my fingers.”

 

At the next press of the second finger, Levi does as instructed and then Erwin’s two thick digits are inside of him, spearing him open. It burns like hell for an instant before settling into a pleasurable heat that makes him rut backwards in search of more. A thin sheen of sweat is already breaking out over his body; the fight to stay relaxed is making him writhe and wriggle in jerky motions.

 

“I don't want to hurt you.”

 

Levi shakes his head before stuffing his face into the side of his man’s neck where he still smells a bit like the dust of the country road. Erwin scissors his fingers and twists his wrist, and Levi's hands dig where he holds his cheeks apart as he rocks back in search of more. Slowly, this is livening up his cock.

 

“Does it still feel good?” Erwin asks when Levi’s slick head peeks from its foreskin to leave a sticky trail between them.

 

 _“Mhmm,”_ Levi whines, lips tight. The next time he opens his mouth, he sucks air in like he's drowning. The pain mingles with the pleasure and the delight of knowing that Erwin will be fucking him shortly-- he's high on the knowledge that he's a _good boy_ who deserves this.

 

“Relax; I won't tell you again.”

 

Levi releases more tension out of his muscles and is rewarded with a brush against something inside of him that makes him see white.

 

“Good, good boy. I want you to move and lean over the arm of the couch. Can you do that for me?”

 

Levi nods and Erwin adds, “Go slowly so that I stay inside you.”

 

Once he successfully shifts and is resting his shoulders along the arm of the couch, he feels Erwin moving around behind him. All the while, his hole is held stretched and the more that Levi relaxes, the better it feels. Those feelings escalate as something warm and wet laps at his entrance with unabashed longing. The moan that leaves him is embarrassing, but Erwin runs his hand up Levi's spine and tugs the collar around Levi’s neck reassuringly before he praises, “That's it, katze, let it out.”

 

The warm breath over his ass makes him shiver but he quickly wills his body down until the only tension left in him is how he holds his cheeks spread. Another lap of Erwin's tongue is chased by another embarrassing moan, over and over until Levi can't even begin to keep himself from trembling.

 

“You taste so divine,” Erwin murmurs, punctuating his words with more delicious stretch. “That's three fingers.”

 

“God,” Levi breathes into the arm of the couch. It seems that he's opening up for Erwin so much more quickly, more easily this time. He's also much more vocal, whereas the first time he was fucked he'd been more reserved. _“God,_ Erwin....”

 

“Yes, katze.” Those three fingers move in squelching unison and Erwin's composure is slipping to match Levi’s state. “Yes, darling boy, that's it. Who is it making you feel good?”

 

“You, Erwin,” he moans, back arching at the stroke that births white hot pleasure. “God, Erwin, _you,_ it's you--”

 

“Is that your prostate?” Erwin asks over Levi’s moaning, brushing the same spot. He nuzzles the wide-stretched hole and his tongue deposits a blob of spit just inside, and when Levi bites on a pathetic whine, Erwin pursues that reaction relentlessly with his fingers. “Such a naughty boy, rutting like a filthy animal.”

 

Levi hadn't even realised it but the words are true. He’s rocking back onto Erwin and then pulsing his hips forward, a carnal reflex in the face of pleasure. He whines and buries his face in the arm of the couch again, knowing he must be red down to his toes by now-- his toes which are curling and uncurling ferociously. His own hands shake where he's still holding his ass cheeks spread.

 

Erwin finishes slathering Levi with enough spit that it is dribbling down into his balls. “Tell me, sweet boy; tell me to fuck you.”

 

“Fuck me,” Levi keens and it's relief. _“God,_ fuck me, _Erwin,_ fuck me!”

 

“That's it, katze my good boy, tell me.” Erwin’s praise gives Levi confidence so he continues his shameless begging until those thick fingers are replaced with something much more solid and hot; Erwin’s cock slides in slowly, a disgustingly wet sound, inch by inch, until Levi can feel the pelvis that meets his coccyx and denim on the backs of his naked thighs. He's so relaxed and loose that it doesn't sting at all this time.

 

It's entirely, overwhelmingly pleasurable.

 

Erwin’s hands pry Levi’s away and laces each pair together before pressing them into the couch on either side of Levi's head. A shallow thrust has Levi whimpering and pushing back in desperation, trying to angle so that Erwin’s head hits his prostate. It still feels good even if the absence of the white hot bliss is frustrating, and he tries to rock onto Erwin’s monstrous cock in several different ways until one well-placed slam of the blonde’s hips takes Levi’s breath away with an agonising amount of ecstasy.

 

Erwin squeezes Levi’s fingers where they're laced between his own. “Are you that impatient to cum?”

 

Levi nods, embarrassed to be receiving a scolding in such an intimate situation. “I'm sorry.”

 

He gets no reply, but Erwin does start to move. It's slow and meaningful thrusts at first, long drags teasing right over Levi’s prostate. There's tightness building steadily in his groin from that. He can feel the aching in his cock, the straining desire for his head to be stimulated that goes unanswered.

 

It turns out, he doesn't need to have his own cock touched. Erwin’s slower lovemaking catches fire and gradually increases speed until he's ploughing Levi without reservation, filling their apartment with lewd squelching, erotic moans and gasps, and the frenzy of skin slapping skin. Levi's never had any other partners and he has no idea about techniques’ catchy street names, but Erwin is doing some downward driving with his hips that lights Levi on fire. He feels his body, just minutes ago limber and pliant, begin to tighten and then--!

 

Levi's mind skitters to an abrupt stop and for one glorious moment, ice spears through his body down from his brain-- before it is chased quickly by fire-- and then the melted runoff is draining out of him-- leaving him feeling contentedly emptied. Erwin’s release comes just moments later.

 

“Fuck, you squeeze so tight,” Erwin gasps, his hips slammed flush to Levi’s ass, his cock spasming as he unleashes his load inside his boy. Levi can only mewl and lift his hips for more and more, wanting everything that is being offered, consciously squeezing now to milk any remaining cum out of Erwin’s shaft.

 

“My good, _good_ boy,” Erwin groans, and the throaty, pleased sound his man gives is _heaven_ . “You're so marvellous; so, _so_ marvellous.”

 

Levi drinks up the praise and lets it nestle deep in his mind. He wants to commit this moment to memory and have it to cherish for the rest of his life, because Levi has never felt more loved and wanted. This is what good boys get and he wants to be the best.

 

;;;

 

Levi rarely, unmedicated, sleeps long enough to wake up groggy. He fights fogginess to gain his consciousness and just as he succeeds, a heavy blanket is draped over him and tucked tightly around him, like a mother might swaddle an anxious child, and it works to quell his confusion. Levi is awake now, but he keeps his eyes closed.

 

“Keep sleeping.” A large, rough hand settles on the side of Levi’s face as he stirs. It pats him twice before disappearing. There are several sets of footsteps and as many hushed voices, and in curiosity, he cracks one eye open.

 

“It's an hourly position at minimum wage,” Moblit is saying from where he leans his hip against the kitchenette counter, intently stirring a cup of something that is steaming. “The good news is that I was able to negotiate my working days for Monday and Tuesday. Did you know things have gotten so desperate that even WIC clinics need doctors willing to basically _volunteer?”_

 

“More people than ever need benefits and the budget allocation for welfare is being choked dry.” Doctor Zoe, standing opposite the pediatrician, rubs her forehead.

 

“It's not so bad in Colorado. WIC still pays decent there.” Moblit passes the mug to Doctor Zoe and she accepts it.

 

“Colorado leans liberal,” she chides in the place of a thank-you. “Wyoming is becoming so radically conservative, and poor people aren't good for the economy, being _‘leeches’_ and all. The aim is to push them all out of the state.”

 

Mike is sitting at the table with his back to Levi but he can see the giant shake his head before adding rhetorically, “What good is that?”

 

“The middle class is getting smaller as the wealth gap grows.” Hanji takes a sip from her mug and frowns into it before handing it back to Moblit. “It's a common concern in many of my patients-- well, the ones who can still afford the copay for my care-- they're all worried about working until they die, and hoping to God that their health doesn't run out beforehand.”

 

Moblit hums and dumps two more spoonfuls of sugar into the mug. He stirs for a moment and then Doctor Zoe takes it again.

 

“No doubt,” she turns her attention to Erwin where he stands on the other side of the table, leaning his back against the wall, arms crossed over his chest, “you've used this as an opportunity?”

 

Erwin nods, looking down at his feet. “You'd be surprised how buying groceries for struggling mothers ingratiates you to them.”

 

“I'm sure your looks have _nothing_ to do with it,” Doctor Zoe snickers into her mug.

 

“Hanji.” Erwin sounds displeased.

 

“Oh right, you've got enough of a problem with Armin and Levi, don't you?”

 

_“Hanji.”_

 

At the sharp tone, Levi squeezes his eyes closed and holds his breath.

 

“I'm with Levi,” Erwin says. Hearing his own name on Erwin’s tongue sounds so foreign and when he opens his eyes, Erwin meets his gaze for a moment before looking to Doctor Zoe. “No one else matters.”

 

“Right, so.” She comes and takes a seat on the bench next to Mike. “Congelinex drops in ten days.”

 

Moblit takes the chair at the head of the table where Erwin always sits and pulls a heavy-looking three-ring binder towards himself. “Hanji and I collected every available trial report.”

 

“Available?”

 

Doctor Zoe nods. “Only Arsa’s trials were published. No independent studies were authorised.”

 

“Conflict of interest,” Mike says.

 

“I'm sure that's what caught Doctor Arlert’s attention.” Erwin agrees.

 

“It's common practice these days,” Moblit tells them as he flicks through pages. “Nothing out of the ordinary, not even a potential for addictiveness.”

 

“And that makes it abuse-proof?”

 

“See, when Arsa totes it as _‘abuse-proof’_ what they really mean is that the current methods of painkiller misuse don’t work. It wouldn’t take long for someone to find a... loophole,” Moblit explains. “It’s a heavy duty drug, there _will_ be a way to abuse it. But in the meantime, just the idea that it can be prescribed freely postoperative, for example, and it won’t end up on the streets makes everything else look like the rotten stepchild.”

 

“Frank felt the hit his business will take was worth skipping out for six months.” Erwin sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

 

“He’s partially right. The initial drop will probably screw with his business,” Hanji replies.

 

“Not his anymore,” Mike supplies.

 

Hanji looks at Mike and Levi can see the furrow of her brow before she turns back to Erwin to ask, “Really?”

 

“Magnolia’s son was born with a condition that requires excessive, expensive care. She understands the value of our protection,” Erwin says. “Surely, mother-to-mother, you understand that she will do anything to afford a good life for her son.”

 

“Leave my kids out of this,” Doctor Zoe snaps. Moblit reaches out and claps her shoulder but she brushes him off. “Why do you think my cheating ex-husband has custody of them? I don’t want what I do to affect them.”

 

Erwin raises his hands in placation. “All I meant was that mothers are fierce beings whose judgements should be respected.”

 

Mike shifts his shoulders once.

 

Moblit gets them back on track. “The retail price of congelinex isn’t any cheaper than the current options; however, if it’s the only thing being prescribed and sold, then that’s where all the money will go.”

 

“Magnolia’s money comes from chronic medications smuggled in from Mexico, so how would painkillers cut in?” Erwin asks.

 

“Congelinex is predicted to own the market. If it sweeps the rug out from under the other brands, then they take a hit and the costs of their other medications drop, too. Cheaper medications mean more people can afford them from a pharmacy,” Moblit answers.

 

Hanji lets out a swear and a long sigh. “I still don’t understand what’s so big that he thought it was worth giving everything up for.”

 

Mike says, “Liver failure.”

 

For a moment, everyone is still, but then a Doctor Zoe takes to her mug like a woman possessed, causing concern to flash over Moblit’s face. After she chugs it, she slams it on the table and declares, “I need a volunteer!”

 

“Define volunteer,” Mike mutters and Doctor Zoe claps her hands together loudly. Erwin cuts his agitated gaze at the giant blonde as if Mike is betraying him by inquiring. Levi watches the way Mike shrugs.

 

“Well, I need Moblit on board for observation. I will be my own control specimen of course, so I need someone to be my variable. We know Doctor Arlert knew _something_ about cogelinex that was damaging enough for Arsa to dispose of him.”

 

“Hanji,” Moblit interrupts. He has his middle finger on the page in the binder. “All the study information is heavily edited. However, the side effects stay consistent. Sore throat, itching skin, dry mouth--”

 

“Narcotic!”

 

“Yes, Hanji, I believe so, however it is _‘abuse-proof’,_ remember? No ingredient list is being released. We need to determine what agents are there to prevent the addictive quality and--” Moblit turns to a new page “--and there were numerous studies funded to ensure that congelinex cannot be abused. Look at this one; they had participants attempt any manner of improper use with no results.”

 

“Narrow down--” Doctor Zoe begins.

 

“Exactly, and then manipulate--”

 

“Right! Easy enough to recreate--”

 

Erwin smirks and his eyes flick to Levi’s for just a moment before he pushes off the wall and takes a seat on the bench opposite Mike and Hanji, the latter engrossed in the half-articulated conversation with Moblit.

 

Erwin clasps his hands together on the table in front of him and addresses Mike. “How is Nana doing?”

 

The movement Mike makes in response, Levi knows he's rubbing his nose in that weird way he does when he's thinking. Finally, he says, “Still halfway dead.”

 

“Well.” Erwin looks at Levi again, lingering this time, and Mike turns around, too, the moustached man’s scrutiny only momentary, though. “If you'd like to collect her and Armin, I'll have my boy make breakfast.”

 

Mike snickers, “You even keep food in this apartment?”

 

“Erwin!” Doctor Zoe cuts in excitedly. “I need Levi!”

 

Erwin steeples his fingers and rests them against his chin before giving his attention to the psychiatrist. “Hanji, I put him through hyperserotonemia. I'm not letting you try to get him high.”

 

She huffs. “But--!”

 

“I said no, Lieutenant,” Erwin interrupts with authority. When she seems to cow under him, he turns back to Mike, and she turns back to Moblit.

 

Levi feels hot in his chest. Is this good that Erwin will not subject him to the experiment? Is his man protecting him… or is this punishment? He closes his eyes and buries his face in the sheets in the couch, his naked skin warm under the heavy comforter. After being fucked last night, they had showered up and made their bed as usual, but Erwin allowed him to share the couch instead of forcing him onto his dog cushion. With the nights getting chillier, Levi is grateful for that. In his sleep, Erwin is a furnace; his corded limbs give off radiating heat that Levi can't seem to produce yet, even though his own muscles are coming in clear and defined.

 

Idly, his right hand comes and strokes his tags, his nail catching in the engraving. _Male 25 Dec 1992 O+ NKDA 1993 HepB Hib MMR DTaP OPV._ His twenty-fifth birthday is approaching and for a fleeting moment, Levi is struck with the giddy idea that it is the first one he will celebrate with his man. Quickly, that thought is nudged back by a more bold thought: when is _Erwin’s_ birthday? In fact, how old is Erwin, even? He's a _man,_ older than Levi, no doubt there, but what gap lies between them? He wonders how he should go about collecting this information. Does he come out and ask, or does he drop hints?

 

A snapping set of fingers tears through his train of thought. Levi lifts his face from the sheets to look at Erwin, only to find everyone at the table is watching him expectantly. Swallowing, he gathers the comforter around his naked body and sits up, going to Erwin and standing before him.

 

Erwin looks him up and down for an excruciating moment before saying, “Get dressed.”

 

Erwin is only flaunting his boy, but it makes Levi feel good because no one shows off something they aren't proud of. When he reaches the wardrobe next to the bathroom door, he hears the chatter at the table pick back up again, most notably the way Dr. Zoe says, “Really?” His jeans are folded on a shelf from last night. He grabs those, a pair each of Erwin’s boxers and socks, and the only other clean shirt, one of Erwin’s white button-ups. The basket in the bottom of the wardrobe is full and Levi makes a note to visit the laundry room in the basement before Erwin has to tell him to. Initiative always earns him kisses.

 

Levi splashes his face with cold water from the sink, rubs the sleep from the corners of his eyes, and brushes his teeth. When he's done, he smoothes one hand over his jaw. If he goes against the grain, he can feel the littlest beginnings of stubble from his slow-growing facial hair, and for a brief moment he considers trying to shave himself. The memory of Erwin promising to teach him to use the straight razor stops him from trying.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to go back and add chapter summaries sometime in the next day. and give the series some general maintenance.


	9. Boneset

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten curls up for a nice nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 10- TBD
> 
> thank you to everyone who sent me nice things and encouragement. y'all are the best. sorry i'm super late with this. 
> 
> warnings: discussions of murder, discussions of implied underage

The dark-haired figure snuggling under blankets over on the couch stirs, and Erwin cuts his eyes over, welcoming the distraction. Levi has rolled onto his belly, his tresses splaying out on the pillow above his head, leaving his shaggily grown-out undercut, collar, and pale neck on display. Erwin can't help but lick his lips at the sight of skin disappearing below the covers, skin that only eight hours ago was flushed and sweat-slick as Levi arched his back sharply, hips raised in Erwin’s tight grip, Erwin’s cock buried deep inside his ass. Levi is trying his best to be a sweet boy for Erwin and that effort deserves rewarding. 

 

He is taking his time in polishing up Levi’s conditioning these last two weeks as well. Every moment of disobedience receives some kind of reprimand, lesser and lesser offenses being corrected until Erwin is nitpicking every little quirk and habit that makes his boy tick. It strokes his ego in a delicious manner when he scolds Levi and Levi, pitiful and pliant, looks up at him with eyes full of longing, the slightest curve of a pout on his mouth. 

 

Despite being harder on Levi’s behaviour, Erwin is fucking him on the regular now. It's nice to have a partner without experience-- Levi submits to Erwin and all of his foul desires, and for fear of losing Erwin’s affection, the noirette doesn't say no. Erwin takes advantage of that. He's got a soft spot for humiliation and Levi thrives with the constant knowledge that everything he has is given from Erwin. Erwin is, in every sense of the word, Levi’s God now. Levi lives the life that  _ Erwin _ tells him to, rules and regulations and rituals set out by  _ Erwin _ , paying penitence at the altar of  _ Erwin _ for his missteps. But he is not a cruel god just to be cruel. When Levi is perfection embodied, Erwin rains down an abundance, be it sweet snacks, sweet words, or sex. 

 

Erwin feels like he's training a whore, the way Levi laps up all his instructions in eagerness to please. His favourite thing so far was teaching Levi to masturbate, because the red shame that painted his boy’s face even until he was panting and cumming into his own hand was a blessed sight to behold.  _ Humility. _ Erwin remembers his own sexual awakening as a teenager and his furious demands for privacy as he learned the ways he liked to touch himself, so he can only imagine how embarrassing it is for Levi to learn under supervision. 

 

It’s not all pleasure. There was an encounter that Erwin had wanted to make Levi bleed for. Instead, Erwin settled for shed tears; counting Levi’s recent sins aloud, telling Levi just how much he was feeling let down after witnessing the boy snapping aggressive words at Armin, especially after all of the kindness Erwin had shown him. Levi took the verbal barrage silently, but there were a few drops down his nose where his head hung. 

 

Erwin had lifted Levi’s chin afterward to ask, “What will you do next time you want to say something mean and hurtful?”

 

Levi had grit his teeth and answered, “I'll keep quiet.”

 

The promise of Levi’s silence was enough that Erwin had rolled him onto his back and sucked him off right there on the floor, and sure enough, Levi began to keep his mouth clean of vulgarity when he spoke with Armin. Erwin fully understands the possessive jealousy Levi feels for him where Armin is concerned, but Erwin will not tolerate that kind of behaviour regardless. Armin is still integrating into the Organisation, and the kid needs all the encouragement he can get. Besides, he's doing wonders for Mike as far as information gathering goes. Even though Erwin understands the jealousy, he is losing patience.

 

It's not that physical aspect of the discipline that gets to Levi, but instead the fact that Erwin is disappointed. What happened to him when he was fourteen left him turned off to physical harm-- not that he is unfeeling, just that he doesn't respond to it as nicely as he does when Erwin withdraws his interest, gives him the cold shoulder. Attention and affection were a large part of his childhood, and after his mother was removed, he went ten years without it, ten years absolutely  _ starving _ for it. Cycling through foster homes every few weeks gave him a sense of being unwanted and unlovable. That hard exterior might have fooled everyone else, but just a week with Levi at the mountain estate, and Erwin had known his true weaknesses. Levi only wanted a sense of  _ home, _ and Erwin gave it to him. 

 

Levi rolls over again, pawing around like he's searching for a bedmate, and then his eyes crack open. Erwin stands and makes his way across the studio apartment to the couch under the window and sets his palm against Levi’s cheekbone. 

 

“How are you feeling?” Erwin asks. He wonders if Levi realises that his dinners have been, of late, laced with a mild amount of sedative-- for research.

 

Levi wiggles his shoulders, freeing his arms from the blankets, and then stretches them above his head until his torso shakes with it. When he releases his tension, he sinks deep into the comforter again. “I feel good.”

 

“Good.” Erwin repositions his hand onto Levi’s throat and gives him a nonthreatening squeeze. In sleepy moments like these, it's easy to almost forget that he is losing patience with this enchanting creature. “I want my boy to feel his best.”

 

Levi blinks long and then raises his head to get a look at Erwin, who moves his hand around to the base of his skull to feel the hair that needs shearing again. When Levi gets his elbow under him and pushes up, the rest of his hair falls around his face, wavy from dried sweat and needing to be washed. 

 

Erwin opens his mouth to tell the noirette that he loves him, but on the table, his phone begins to ring. Instead, he presses his lips to Levi’s forehead and whispers, “Shower.”

 

He takes the call, pleased with the information Mike has for him concerning the lures he's been diligently slaving over for the last three weeks since acquiring Armin. Now, they're needed in Albuquerque. 

 

After opening the apartment window to let out the moisture, Erwin decides to strip and have a hop in the shower as well. Levi is under the spray of hot water, face upwards welcoming the onslaught, when Erwin pulls the curtain aside and welcomes himself in. Rubbing water from his eyes, Levi moves over in the little square shower, but he still ends up with a fair amount of his body pressed against the blonde’s. 

 

“Do you know what a biscochito is, darling boy?” Erwin asks, gathering Levi’s wet hair all together in his hands. He feels the subtle shake of Levi's head and he continues, “It's a kind of cookie and I know you'll like it.”

 

“What kind?” Levi asks, turning. Erwin slips his leg between Levi’s knees and abandons playing with the dark hair in favour of grabbing the globes of his boy’s ass and forcefully hiking Levi up on his thigh. 

 

“They're a sugar cookie that's popular in New Mexico. I would love to get some for you when we go down there tomorrow, would you like that?”

 

Levi doesn't even look skeptical as he nods, poor precious little thing, and neither does he ask what business they have in the southwestern state. 

 

“I need you to play nice on the long car ride. No mean words, no mean mugging, and  _ no cutting. _ You can do that, can't you?”

 

Again, Levi nods. Erwin presses a kiss to his forehead so innocently even though his hands are less chaste in their new movements. “That's my good boy, katze.”

 

;;;

 

Mike has Armin and Nanaba sitting on the floor around the coffee table when Erwin and Levi arrive at his apartment. Erwin isn't bothered by the greeting twitch of Mike’s nostril as they enter, but he knows that behind him, Levi is set on edge with the way the air takes on a sharp tension that draws Nanaba over, asking, “Tea?”

 

What starts as an offer for tea becomes Levi offering to make a hot breakfast again and Nanaba joining in. Erwin nurses his fresh mug of steeping lavender and watches Levi tending to a skillet of eggs while Nanaba stands beside him, a few inches shy of leaning her head on his shoulder while she fries sausages because the stove itself is barely two people wide. The prospect of a good meal is welcome. Man cannot live on fortified-enriched-prepackaged foods alone. 

 

Mike slides into the seat at the little table across from Erwin. “Moblit called just before you came over. They worked out that problem. He has a report for you.”

 

_ They,  _ meaning Hanji in a state of maniacal frenzy while a Moblit played obedient assistant despite her being a lesser rank, Erwin guesses. Not that he's complaining. Whatever the duo’s methods, Erwin is glad for their results, this time being a way to abuse Congelinex.

 

“Perfect timing,” Erwin says. “This puts us closer to finding out what Doctor Arlert knew that was so damaging.”

 

“Hanji’s new knowledge is damaging enough.” 

 

Erwin nods in agreement. “I'm sure she'd disappear before she could publish it, if that were the goal.”

 

“And they'd discredit her first,” Mike adds, referring to the almost-fiasco that unfolded right after Levi’s missing person report was cancelled. She'd been  _ that _ close to jobless and Erwin really wants her at the Organisation full time, but he's not willing to risk her head. It's almost conclusive that Arthur Copperson, their target and reason for being in Albuquerque, ordered the hit on Armin’s grandfather for his reputation-ruining research. And, as fate has it, men of power double as men of sick perversions, and Arthur Copperson has taken interest in the planted rumour of an underage boy toy who is not only discreet, but will provide any services requested for ten-thousand dollars in cash. 

 

It's all coming together. Erwin will plant evidence to incriminate Darius for Arthur Copperson’s murder and then stage the major general’s suicide, securing control of the Organisation for himself. If only he can rediscover what the first William Perry Arlert took to his grave, he will have Armin wrapped thankfully around his finger. 

 

“Armin.” Erwin waves the kid over and then gives him the chair, choosing instead to stand with his arms folded over his chest, his fist gripping the mug handle resting against his other elbow. Levi, being so tuned in to his man, looks over his shoulder for a moment before turning his attention back to breakfast. Erwin asks, “Are you prepared for this? There's no backing out now.”

 

The kid nods unenthusiastically. “Yes, I am, Mister Smith.”

 

“You'll be fully initiated as a lieutenant when we return,” Mike says to encourage Armin.

 

Erwin takes the opportunity to do the same. “It's nothing to be nervous about. It shows everyone that you're serious, so that you can be promoted from recruit. In fact, Mike and I killed a senator by bombing the state capitol for our initiation.”

 

“It was a group of us,” Mike amends. “Everyone has to eliminate a threat to claim rank.”

 

“Think of it as a right of passage,” Armin says to himself quietly. He nods again and looks up to meet Erwin’s eyes even if he's not fooling anyone.

 

Erwin tries to give his best smile. They've been through this several times since originally approaching Armin with the possibility of getting close to their target-- his grandfather’s murderer-- by means of fetish exploitation. Erwin had been mulling over a backup plan the whole time, mostly convinced that Arthur Copperson would not take the bait, but here they are instead. 

 

“Nanaba?” Armin asks, twisting his shoulders around to face her. She looks over at him, and he continues, “What did you do to get initiated?”

 

Mike tenses visibly for a moment, lips pursing in want for a cigarette, waiting for the viper strike of his wife’s answer. Not even Levi has asked for this knowledge straight from the source. Armin is a smart kid, but Erwin thinks that perhaps he should, before reaching lieutenant, spend some time learning etiquette from Nile. Erwin glances a check on the time-- they need to get everything finished quickly so that they can leave around noon for the eight-hour drive, but maybe he can squeeze in a chat with Marie. He'd like to speak to her about the new pets her husband will be training in less than a week, something that further crunches down the longevity of the Albuquerque mission. Darius leaves for Monterey, California, on the glorious Monday, the sixteenth of October; Erwin has had that day pinned to the forefront of his mind because he will assume power in the major general’s absence. 

 

Erwin is confident, though, that Arthur Copperson’s party tomorrow night will be a success, and that the grey morning of Sunday will see them driving back with valuable cargo. 

 

Weather is the only impeding factor. The drive between Sina and Albuquerque is a straight shot along the Front Range, and there's an early winter storm rolling through. Best case scenario, the temperatures stays well enough above freezing and they travel back through rain. Worst-- and predicted-- case, it's a vicious whiteout. 

 

Nanaba turns all the way around now and raises a brow at Armin. “Is this about Saturday? It wasn't  _ that.” _ She responds, cutting through the casualness to deny having ever been ordered to whore. 

 

Armin swallows at being seen through so easily. 

 

“She’s my bitch,” Mike interrupts, the harshness of the endearment bringing a striking reality that spins the gears in the kid’s head. “She didn't need to be initiated.”

 

No, Erwin knows she was never officially ranked because all she is in the Organisation is a weapon to be used, but he remembers that her first kill was a hard won turning point. She'd been more of a blubbering baby than Levi had been with Jeremiah. 

 

As if to lengthen the silence so the point drives home, Levi comes to the table with a small stack of plates topped with a little pile of forks, and Nanaba skirts around him to set a serving tray laden with their breakfast down. Erwin finishes his tea while plates are put together, and then Levi is, as expected, turning around with a plate of eggs, sausage, and fried tomatoes for Erwin, who trades it for his empty cup, which Levi takes to the sink.

 

Armin thanking Nanaba and Levi for the meal is what breaks the silence.

 

“It's alright,” they answer in an unexpected unison that makes Mike’s moustache twitch.

 

“Am I still set for meeting your dad this morning?” Erwin asks. 

 

Mike nods and cuts a sausage in half with the side of his fork while he says, “He’s got new false IDs for all of us but you, Armin, since you don't need one.” 

 

It's a personal observation of Erwin’s, but Mike is verbose today, a true testament to his state of relaxation after having no dangerous work for nearly a month now. In fact, Albuquerque won't be that dangerous for him, though the extraction will suspend his wife’s life on a live wire balancing act.

 

“You really think they don't recognise me?”

 

“There's no need to worry about that. Their qualm was with your grandfather, not you.” Erwin forks one of the tomatoes into his mouth.

 

Armin doesn't look any less concerned, but he doesn't question Erwin again. The kid pushes his food around for a minute and then Nanaba, who is standing beside Mike, taps the nail of her thumb along the edge of Armin’s plate. 

 

“Eat up, you scrawny thing,” she says kindly, “because today is a long day.”

 

It's her words that finally seem to calm Armin again. Erwin wants to say it's a  _ mother’s touch, _ but the idiom only seems cruel. Noah would be just a handful of years younger than Armin. 

 

Levi leans his hips against the sink to eat and Erwin can feel those sharpened silver eyes cutting through his skin the whole time. That’s been happening a lot, along with a not-so-subtle probing. Erwin doesn't call his boy out on the dropped hints even though he sees through them all for the real question:  _ when were you born?  _ Perhaps now is the time to address it. 

 

“Let's have brunch tomorrow,” Erwin starts, casual yet commanding. “I don't know when I last had real New Mexican food, and it's not too often that I can have it on my birthday.”

 

Levi is still staring hard, and Erwin looks over to confirm it only to find Levi ripping his gaze away, turning to the sink and starting to fill it to wash dishes. When everyone cleans their plates, Erwin collects them and takes them to be washed. He comes up behind Levi, his free hand coming to hook around the noirette’s hips as he slides the dirty plates into the warm, sudsy water. Quietly, right at his boy’s silver-pink keloid, Erwin murmurs, “There you go, my curious katze.”

 

Predictably, the exchange frustrates Levi, who takes to the dishes with bunched shoulders. Erwin untangles himself and goes back to where he stood just a moment prior. Time for business. “So, Mike, without knowing details, what do you think we’ll need for this extraction?”

 

Mike smoothes his thumb and forefinger along his moustache in thought. “A gun in every hand and holster. Sedatives. Communications. Rope, obviously. More people. It's going to be a tight shift. And don’t forget some practice. Girl’s not been on something like this is near a year.”

 

The man is right. Erwin will be on the ground with Levi and Nanaba while Mike hangs back with Armin, feeding movements to each of them, and while three is a decently sized party for an inside job, Erwin will feel better about their lack of numbers by having the three of them well prepared instead. This kind of objective is old news for Nanaba. She only needs a refresher, meanwhile Erwin’s boy will need a crash course. He curses himself silently for not having used the last couple weeks to train for this. However, there isn't much for him to need to teach Levi. The boy can control the impact of his weight on landing, sometimes so frighteningly silent that Death Himself might be taken by surprise. His stature lends him the ability to fit in tight spaces, narrow shoulders curling in further like a cat squeezing through a passage. There is, unfortunately, the matter of whether the cold front will affect his bones. Erwin sees the way Levi hobbles in the mornings, and it's not just from a sore ass. The way that Levi rubs at the nubs of his missing fingers is telltale. The weather hurts him. Unfortunately, this exercise will be the first one in less than warm weather, and Erwin doesn't like the idea of variables. He wants to know,  _ exactly _ so, that his boy won't disappoint him. There's always the option of hammering it into Levi’s head that Erwin will not tolerate disappointment, that Levi is to push his body past the veil of failure and only stop when he's told to stop, but the boy can’t control it if the old breaks in his tibiae flare in pain. 

 

Erwin isn't sure where he would give Levi this crash course, either. Nanaba learned through trial and error on real missions and perfected her craft-- it's probably going to be that Erwin places Levi subordinate to her directly, close at her side. Besides, he consoles himself, Nanaba’s training took ages: six months for the breaking and rebuilding, two months of physical training that made her into the wiry gaggle of gangly limbs, and another six months of fine-tuning when opportunities came around. Over a year for her, compared to where Levi’s training is at a measly three and a half months.

 

“Small handguns with silencers,” Mike says, more to himself than to Erwin.

 

“If we do this right, we won’t fire a single round,” Erwin answers anyway.

 

Mike nods his head back and forth in half-agreement. “Glimpsin’ down a barrel gets most people cooperating, though.”

 

It would be easy for Erwin to take out his budding agitation on the major, but he refrains, instead pressing a pair of fingers against his right temple and rubbing furiously. 

 

“We can’t make a plan until Armin sees the house.” Nanaba says as she comes to stand in the space between where Erwin stands and Mike sits at the table. “And I’d rather have one solid plan than two jumbled together.” 

 

“We’ll take more than we need. And then we will scale back appropriately. There will only be a couple hours tops between Armin leaving and us going back in,” Erwin announces. “After I get the identifications from Max, I’ll book space at a hotel and get a rental vehicle. If I’m correct, the International Balloon Fiesta is going on right now. We should be one group of many in the city this weekend.”

 

“I’m taking these two for a nice, long run while you meet Dad,” Mike says, letting his fingers graze his chin absentmindedly. “If you’re not taking the kid, I will.”

 

The thought of Armin wheezing to keep up with the fit trio is laughable, so Erwin shakes his head and says, “I’ll take him with me. I need to visit Marie anyway to see if she has something we can…  _ borrow.” _

 

“These guys are gonna let Armin leave with ten-kays in hand, I don’t think his garments are going to be salvageable.”

 

At Mike’s words, the kids closes his eyes and grimaces, so Erwin leans in and snaps his finger right over Armin’s nose, causing Nanaba to startle and Levi to perk to attention before he realises that it’s not for him. Armin blinks his eyes open and swallows.

 

“They’re not going to harm you. They’ve been doing this for a long time, and that means they know how to stay scot-free. You will be just fine,” Erwin hammers out in authority. “This is your sacrifice to the cause. There is no backing out now.”

 

Of course, they don’t kill children, but there are no former members of the Organisation-- there are members, operatives, pets, and  _ corpses. _ Erwin will not allow Armin’s skill to be placed in jeopardy by breaking him and making him into a pet, not to mention just how useless he would be as a physical weapon. No, Armin’s value is all ticking away in his cute little skull, and Erwin  _ will  _ be using him in the future, so the kid  _ will _ go through with this. Backing out now not only raises the curiosity of powerful men, but it risks their exposure. As much as Erwin likes to think that Armin assembled an accurate list of members because he’s exceptional, he knows the reality of it is that if Armin can do it from passing inquisitiveness, then someone digging for the information specifically can duplicate the results as well. 

 

“You’re right.” Armin breathes in deep. “You’re right. This is going to be fine. I’ll go and do what I need to, and then you’ll get him, and I’ll interrogate him, and then we’ll--  _ I’ll _ kill him.”

 

The hesitation before the final statement is understandable. After this, Armin really won’t be much of a kid anymore. He’ll be an adult, with all the weight and guilt on his shoulders. 

 

;;;

 

Instead of a last minute scramble to leave for Albuquerque at noon as planned, Erwin finishes his thorough planning and the group piles into the rental vehicle at 13:15 that afternoon. Being the tallest of the three subordinates, Nanaba gets to sit in the middle of the back bench in the silver Santa Fe, Levi at her left side, and Armin at her right. It's a roomy enough fit that Levi doesn't  _ have  _ to be brushing his arm against hers, but he does anyway, for comfort. Albuquerque, New Mexico: yet another place that Levi has never been, another big city, further away from Sina than Denver. He's not  _ scared, _ necessarily, but he's not as calm as the other four occupants of the SUV. 

 

Erwin says it's a straight shot down the interstate, so they should only need to stop once, but Levi feels anxious for that stop. He feels that someone is going to recognise him, and ruin all of this, ruin all of Erwin’s hard work and make this mission too risky to complete. After the run this morning, he came back to Erwin’s apartment to find his set of clothing was already packed, so he is still wearing a too-large white t-shirt and a pair of Nanaba’s patterned sports pants. Maybe if he combs his hair evenly parted and lets it hang down-- it's well past his shoulders now-- then he will go unnoticed, or he could just skip the risk of using the bathroom and hold it in. He's that anxious, despite Erwin telling him to relax. 

 

They're hardly out of Sina and into the open rolling hills when Levi feels the edges of his mind beginning to fuzz up. 

 

“Nana,” he murmurs, and leans his head on her shoulder. She's on her tablet, reading something in too fine a print for Levi to see, and she puts it face down in her lap to turn her attention to him. At her other side, Levi can see Armin has headphones in his ears. 

 

“Nana,” he says again. “Tell me about extraction.”

 

“Oh, yeah, of course.” She shifts, gently pushing Levi’s head from her shoulder, and then lifts her hips sideways and lays her upper body across Levi’s lap, rearranging her tablet to sit on his bony knees. “Come down here.”

 

Levi crosses his arms on top of her side and leans down over her, like hugging a pillow, their faces close. His mouth is near her ear, and likewise hers to his, as close to privacy as they can hope for. 

 

“It's easy to me because I've been doing it for so long,” she says so quietly that Armin wouldn't even be able to hear without headphones in. Where Erwin sits in the passenger seat up front next to Mike driving, any sound will come across as a low mumble, half drowned out by the beating of tires on pavement. “You have to be so still but so fast at the same time, and silent while still communicating.”

 

“That's contradicting.”

 

“Yeah, well. You're like a cat, so I'll know you'll be better at it than me in no time.” 

 

“How does it feel? Do you ever get nervous, or….”

 

“Scared? No, not anymore.” Slowly, she brings one of her hands to his and slips it beneath, the back of it to his palm, and spears her fingers through his. She taps out something with her fingers too quickly for him to catch, reminding him of all the conversations he's witnessed her have with her handler without saying a thing. “It's like when you had to kill the target in her home, but instead you have to disarm and remove them. It's easy for the most part, when it's everyday-kind-of people. Copperson has a guarded estate.”

 

“A while ago, Erwin said that Armin would get him closer to inaccessible targets.” It feels traitorous to ask Nanaba rather than trust Erwin, but he does anyway. “What makes him a threat?”

 

“He's behind Doctor Arlert’s disappearance.”

 

“Before that.”

 

Nanaba shrugs. “Congelinex messing with Magnolia’s sales? He's just been a general nuisance.”

 

“How?”

 

“Shouldn't you ask Erwin?” 

 

Levi presses his weight down on her until she gives a gentle  _ “umph.”  _

 

“Alright,” she surrenders, a little loud. Erwin glances over his shoulder at them, as if just realising they've rearranged, and the corner of his mouth quirks as he faces forward again. Quietly again, she explains, “I get the impression that it’s more personal than business. Though, Copperson does own a border security company in El Paso that has come too close to exposing Magnolia’s operations several times, but they’re not much threat.”

 

“I thought the government handled border security.”

 

“If you don't like my intel, then you need to ask Erwin,” Nanaba snaps in a heated whisper.

 

“It's not that. I just…. Sometimes, I don't understand what he has me doing.”

 

“You don't need to understand to be obedient.”

 

It feels like she’s done supplying answers. Levi bites his lip. “Fine.”

 

One moment, Levi is mulling over the short conversation,  _ “more personal than business” _ , and the next, he's jolting back into consciousness by a hand in his hair. He opens his eyes to see Erwin reaching back to touch him, expression unreadable. Levi knows he's giving his man a blank stare, the one that used to make him look away, but it seems Erwin is building immunity to it. 

 

“Sleepy?”

 

Levi wants to deny it, but he can't, and Erwin knows it. Erwin knows  _ everything _ about him. With reluctance, Levi nods.

 

“If you sleep now, you’ll be up all night, katze.”

 

Being hunched over Nanaba feels nice and warm, but he knows that if he stays like this, he’ll doze off again, so Levi carefully sits up, Erwin’s hand falling from his hair and onto Nanaba’s. 

 

“You, too, Nana.”

 

Levi can feel the grumble that she gives as her chest vibrates on his thighs, but as he watches Erwin’s thumb rub circles over her temple, he can feel her pushing herself upright as well. Looking out of the window, Levi finds the area vaguely familiar, and with a quick glance at the clock in the dashboard, he confirms that they’re still north of Denver.

 

With permission, Nanaba shares her tablet with Levi and together they read about treaties and reparations from the first World War. It’s a boring ride for the most part, and the beckoning arms of sleep stay in his peripherals, so when they finally exit the interstate in a city called Pueblo, Levi becomes almost childish with excitement. It’s not much-- Mike, Erwin, and Armin get sandwiches for everyone while Nanaba and Levi are sent for clothing-- but the freedom of being in public, nearly  _ unsupervised, _ is thrilling. Back in the SUV, Levi knows he’s done well because Erwin cups his cheek and strokes his thumb over the scar of Levi’s ear. The praise sustains him all evening, and a couple hours shy of midnight, they pull into their hotel in Albuquerque.

 

;;;

 

At brunch the next morning, Levi eats his weight in New Mexican food a little too enthusiastically, but Erwin gives no indication for him to slow down, so he doesn't stop. Armin, who can barely bite into a red chile without gathering tears in his eyes, watches in open horror as Levi tucks in countless green chiles with his plates of carne adovada and chile rellenos. After the meal, Erwin asks the waitress for three orders of biscochitos, one of which he places in Levi’s lap when everyone climbs back into the car. 

 

“For yesterday,” Erwin murmurs, his lips snug against Levi’s cheek. “The rest after tonight.” And then he drops the pets back at the hotel along with instructions to stay in the room until he, Mike, and Armin return. 

 

The idea of tonight wouldn't grind on his nerves if he could have more than his man’s stern expectation for success, if he could have Erwin reassuring him that extraction was not a goliath. Nanaba gives Levi poorly worded encouragement: “Well, if you mess up, at least you'll be dead so you won't be disciplined.”

 

That only serves to make him more anxious over the mission. Infiltrating and killing is easy, Levi has proven himself in that. This is new territory. Sure, Nanaba will be in charge of him and right beside him for the duration of the mission, Erwin will also be on the ground with them, and that  _ should _ soothe his nerves, but all Levi can imagine is botching everything up, forcing Erwin to administer what would, no doubt, be his most severe punishment yet. And if that happens, Levi feels that there will never be trust held mutually between them. 

 

The two of them are hardly back in the hotel suite before Nanaba is shoving Levi into the bathroom and telling him to shower. 

 

“You're too wound up,” she says, obviously agitated by his worry. “It's going to be fine tonight. Now stand under some hot water until you relax.”

 

Grudgingly does he stand in the shower, until he's pruny and wrinkling, yet it does nothing for the tension in his body. In fact, Levi spends the whole time visualising harsh punishments from his man despite Erwin having never undeservingly hit him. Anytime that Erwin has been brought to blows, it's because Levi has drawn it out of him with bad behaviour that needed nothing less than a firm reminder to set him straight. 

 

With plans to climb in bed and try to sleep off his anxiety, he puts his boxers and collar back on but folds the rest of his clothing into a neat pile that he leaves on the bathroom counter. New Mexico is so warm in October, and he'd been sweltering at breakfast, wearing his sweatshirt to hide his collar, and the bare skin is a welcomed changed. 

 

Nanaba has his bag of cookies on the foot of her bed when he comes out of the shower. She's back under the covers with the television on, something mindlessly entertaining that Levi can't name, and he can't tame the sudden desire to lay beside her. He gives in. She doesn't look at all surprised when Levi pulls back the covers and slips into the overly plush bed next to her. 

 

“I didn't mess with your cookies. What did you do for them?”

 

Before getting comfortable, Levi leans forward and grabs the bag, setting it on Nanaba’s lap in invitation for her to have the first one. When he scoots in close, he discovers that she's mostly undressed too, the two expanses of skin meeting. 

 

“I was a good boy,” Levi explains. “I was nice to Armin on the way down.”

 

“You were asleep most of it,” Nanaba says as she fishes out a star shaped cookie and passes it to Levi before reaching back in for another for herself. “Are you on sleep aids?”

 

She knows about his erratic sleeping schedule, so it's not a wonder that she asks. Levi declines. “No, I think I'm just sleeping better lately. I haven't been waking up in the middle of the night anymore.”

 

“So, Erwin's exhausting schedule finally dragged you down, too? Oh, these taste good, no wonder they're a reward.”

 

“Maybe. It's new. I don't remember ever being this rested.”

 

With cookies needing to be enjoyed, they quiet down, munching away until Levi is swatting the sheets to clear the bed of crumbs. Nanaba isn't eager to help, more content instead to lay in her mess, but Levi  _ shoos _ her from her side and brushes it off as well. Once he's satisfied with the renewed state of it, they sink back into the bed, meeting in the center, entwining. She's taller than him and heavier, but that doesn't stop her from throwing one leg over his and rolling halfway onto him, squishing her face into the crook of his neck. 

 

He knows that she is trying to ground him in the present and he's grateful for it, but even with sugar cookies in his belly and Nanaba heavy on top of him, Levi can feel the anxiety clawing at the back door of his brain, begging to be let in, to infest his mind all over again. Almost too pointedly, he focuses on the show Nanaba has on, but when he loses interest and begins to consider his own impending failure tonight, he scrabbles for the remote and begins to flick through channels. It keeps his mind from wandering for a short time. He brings them to the weather, and in just a few minutes, the calming tones begin to drag him under, the same way they have Nanaba snoring gently beside him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nothing is going to happen to armin, neither onscreen nor off. he will be whole and healthy. don't worry.
> 
> BCB will continue after a short break.


	10. Lucifer's Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lamb is sacrificed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch11 silver dime: 1 May!
> 
> warnings: implied/offscreen underage. to skip that, go to the first break. later on, casual murder. the usual. 
> 
> THANK YOU to my fantastic readers, commenters, kudoers, and cheerleaders. I love y'all. Thanks for helping me get through this hiatus!! <3

By the time the car service pulls up out front of Hotel Chaco, the arranged pick-up location, Armin has sunk below the water of his nerves, finally met the calm underside of the waves. It probably helps that Mister Smith gave him a nip of brandy to soothe his racing mind while still leaving him sharp enough for the mission. 

 

Armin walks between Mister Smith and Mister Zacharias as they make their way through the lobby. The two men, in addition to trussing up Armin, left a little effort to better disguise themselves. They both have their hair temporarily darkened and slicked back, sunglasses on, plain black suits and loafers, like professional bodyguards. Too bad it's so late and the lobby is empty. Armin loves a bit of attention when he's dressed up. 

 

With long-learned ease, he walks in the precarious stilettos, the sound of the heels clacking on the tile is the metronome for leading a lamb to slaughter. 

 

His hair is curled under at the ends, his bangs pinned side-swept with a frilly lace bow. A matching choker sits over his throat, hiding his small adam’s apple from view. The cocktail dress he's borrowing from Marie is black with long sleeves and it hugs him all over like kitchen twine. Underneath is where the eye candy is. He's got on a ridiculous amount of Agent Provocateur, another share of Marie’s, and the fine details and embellishment tell Armin that this set must cost a fortune. There's an unlined bra sitting over his chest, drawing attention to his tiny nipples, a garter belt with opaque black stockings, and a thong that barely holds his petite cock in place. 

 

His skin feels wonderful, exfoliated down and oiled up. He's taken extra care shaving tonight, making sure to get every single hair and leaving his skin smoothe. On his painted face, he's sporting winged eyeliner and gold shimmer powder, and when he looked in the mirror one last time before leaving the room, Armin had thought himself unrecognisably beautiful. 

 

They walk toward the doors. Mister Zacharias leans in to open and hold it so that Mister Smith accompanies Armin to the car. 

 

The driver is standing at the back-most passenger door of the Mercedes S550 Stretch, and when Armin is close enough, he opens it with a polite greeting of, “Good evening. My name is John and I'll be escorting you.”

 

Mister Smith offers Armin some assistance getting in so as to help him keep all his costume in place. In a final flare of nervous anticipation, Armin grips Mister Smith's hand before letting go and being shut inside, alone. He can hear a short exchange but he can't see through the nearly blacked-out windows. 

 

It feels like a closet, and thank goodness Mister Smith let him have that nip of brandy. As the car begins to move, Armin takes the shard of a the map he's been dutifully studying for a week now from his bra and calculates. The dark windows let very little knowledge of his location in, so he must rely solely on himself. He counts seconds to calculate distance and feels out the turns they take, estimating the journey with his fingers. 

 

It's a long drive, taking them outside of the city limits and into very private property, addresses unmarked on his map. Still, he follows the roads depicted and then memorises where he is when he feels the car steadily slowing down. Carefully, he tears the map into tiny pieces and eats them, knowing that when he arrives at the estate, he will be searched for security purposes. It leaves his throat dry but there's bottles of water in the mini fridge so he invites himself to them. 

 

Finally, the car comes to a halt, and after a momentary wait, John opens the door for Armin. Just like he's seen in movies, Armin keeps his knees together and swings his feet out first, keeping his legs closed even as he stands with one of his hands in John’s. Behind him, he can hear the door of the vehicle close, but John stays with him all the way to the front steps where he hands Armin off to a well-dressed, uninterested-looking member of staff. 

 

First things first, Armin is searched and scanned for electronics. He surrenders the decoy mobile phone. His real one is back at Hotel Chaco, and this one is running several disguised parasite programs to breach the networks through the estate, including the security systems. 

 

Throughout the house, he gets a number of hand-offs. It feels like every few yards, a new face is greeting him politely and taking him on another short leg of the journey deeper into the home. Still, Armin focuses instead on the layout instead of the faces, building a model replica inside his head for future reference. He catalogues every doorway and window, pushing the limits of his mind further than he's previously managed. 

 

Thankfully, the last staff member opens a door that leads them into a large den, vaulted ceilings and high glass windows to let in the starlight. When the staff does not further accompany him, Armin straightens his back and struts with pride. 

 

He's not even dressed when he leaves a couple hours later. He's given a long coat, nice brown leather with a complete fur lining, and a Givenchy tote with his clothing and accessories folded neatly inside.

 

When Armin hobbles back out to toward the waiting limo, he runs over the mental replica of the estate one last time, logging it to memory. It distracts him from the pain. The staff, who several hours prior treated him with an aloof sort of politeness, now all but carry him. When he's settled into the back of the vehicle again, a casually dressed woman slides in as well. In her lap, she has a nondescript black purse, and she opens it to reveal several stacks of bills. 

 

Ah, right, it wasn't just intel that Armin suffered for, but money, too. 

 

“Ten thousand, your service charge,” the woman says, all business. “In an assortment of bills.”

 

“Thank you,” Armin croaks and then swallows, clears his throat. “Thank you.”

 

The woman says nothing else as she lets herself from the vehicle, and then Armin is off into the night. He counts the money, another distraction to keep from thinking of what just  _ happened. _ He doesn't want to continue accessing his memory of the estate-- every time he pulls up the mental images of the layout, he will be warping it somehow, and this mission needs to run seamlessly tonight. So instead he counts out the cash, a little pleased to find he's been generously tipped, immediately feeling sick. 

 

His distraction doesn't last long. Armin finds himself mortified, absolutely disgusted with himself. Once it starts, he can't stop himself, and he begins to think of the night, the way he'd been handled and touched, oh  _ god,  _ even the sounds he'd made and the fact that he  _ liked _ it. His body was a traitor against him, taking pleasure from circumstance that he loathes. He'd let himself be fetishised-- his mind, his thoughts,  _ who he is, _ flattened into a cardboard cutout of a clever little sex kitten with big blue eyes. 

 

But his body is not the only traitor. He'd  _ allowed _ this all to happen, he'd groomed himself and walked into the trap and  _ agreed _ in fictitious happiness to everything. 

 

They arrive back at Hotel Chaco and Armin wipes his face clean of tear trails before John opens the door, but it's much more familiar hands helping him out. 

 

Mister Zacharias tucks Armin under his arm while Mister Smith collects his bags and they usher him inside. They've still got the room here and that's where Armin finds himself being sat down on a bed. 

 

Mister Smith has his hands planted on Armin’s shoulders, shaking him gently. “Are you with us, Armin?”

 

Armin blinks several times, barely remembering the way back up here. Slowly, dreamlike, he looks around the hotel room, unchanged from earlier this evening. 

 

“Armin.”

 

He looks at Mister Smith’s chin now, avoiding his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I'm here.”

 

Mister Zacharias comes over with a stange of something carbonated. Armin’s stomach curls at the memory of rich food at the party-- meats and cheeses and hors d'oeuvres that he couldn't pronounce, not to mention the copious amounts of strange alcoholic beverages. Just thinking of it, Armin shivers, remembering Arthur Copperson tipping his chin back and putting a glass to his lips. 

 

“Hey, it's alright,” Mister Zacharias says like he’s encouraging a frightened animal. Perhaps that’s how it all looks from the outside. Armin definitely fits. “It's to calm you.”

 

Armin shakes his head, forcing himself from his misery and into a mission mindset. The pets are in another hotel on the other side of the city, waiting for them. “I need to debrief first.”

 

;;;

 

The boy is a jittery mess of nerves despite her best efforts to soothe him gently like Erwin told her how to, so she resorts to the tactics that she is used to. Nanaba backhands Levi once, knocking him onto his hands and knees.

 

“Get yourself together,” she orders coldly, grabbing him by the collar and dragging him into the front room of the hotel suite. On the sofa is their gear: the four smallest handguns that Erwin owns strapped safely inside holsters, custom silencers, ammunition, thin straight blades and elastic strap-on sheaths, several sets of leather gloves, nylon ropes, and a bag of industrial zip ties. It's a wonder that he's managed to get dressed and she has no idea how he’ll get his gear together with the green sheen to his skin.

 

All day, Levi has been apprehensive about the mission and he'd been masking it decently well, but it was something about the way Armin’s shoulders shook as he was shuttled back into the hotel room that pulled the pin from Levi. 

 

The boy straightens into seiza and nods solemnly, even though Nanaba can see the pulse thumping in his suprasternal notch. He’s  _ trying, _ she can tell, but she can also see the way he’s favouring his right leg.

 

“Get ready,” Erwin says from somewhere in the back of the suite.

 

“We are,” Levi replies, covering up the shaking in his voice. Nanaba watches as he pulls himself from the floor and then over to the sofa, and sits on the arm.

 

“What is it?” She snaps. Usually, she’s more composed, but the excitement is making her restless. It’s been too long since she’s had a good hunt like the one Mike is planning for tonight. She’s stretched her body once to use up the adrenalyn, but there’s more coating her brain. 

 

Levi shakes his head. “I’m gonna fuck this up. I’m going to disappoint Erwin--”

 

“No, you won’t,” she says, and when he opens his mouth to disagree, she interrupts. “That’s final, don't make me hit you again.”

 

When he doesn't say anything in return, Nanaba takes him by the hips and jerks him up, turns him. If he can't finish getting himself ready in time, then she’ll do it.

 

“Think about how good those biscochitos are going to taste on the car ride home,” she murmurs, securing the holster belt to his waist and making sure it is immobile. “You're going to make Erwin so proud, I bet he’s gonna have a hard time keeping his hands to himself.”

 

Levi doesn't react, apart from stretching so the belt is comfortable. His expression is blank and glassy while she attaches a ten meter length of nylon rope. She gives him a firm yet uncruel smack on his unmarked cheek. “Hey, listening?”

 

The smack earns a reflexive jerk and then Levi nods along. Quietly, unsurely, he answers, “Yeah. Cookies. Fucking. I get it.”

 

There's no point trying to soften his anxiety, so she silently gets the rest of his gear in place. She slips an elastic blade sheath up his leg like a garter, all the way up his thigh until it's nestled right below his crotch, repeats it for his other leg. In the upper arm pocket of the activewear hoodie, she leaves a dozen zip ties. Next, she removes the collar from his neck and puts it directly into his hand.

 

“You'll get it back first thing after,” she promises, watching the way he strokes his thumb over the bright pink heart. The memory of her own collar tries to surface, but she smothers it down. It's not the time for that mindset. It's more important for her to focus on a leadership mentality.

 

After she finishes with Levi, she  _ shoos _ him off to go see his man while she dons her assortment of gear identical to how she secured Levi's. The leftovers, she packs back in the duffel and then takes that into the back of the hotel suite where everyone else is.

 

Armin is sitting at the plain desk, drawing out the estate’s floor plan, swaddled in pajamas. He's looking less sick and more like himself, and she's impressed by the almost seventeen-year-old’s compartmentalisation. When this is all over, she’ll have to tell him that. Of course, he’ll probably be spending quite a few sessions with Hanji before he's declared mentally fit again. If he receives all the correct support, then tonight won't be a traumatised black mark in his brain, he'll be able to move on and adjust quickly.

 

“Nanabitch,” Mike croons from the open window. There's an illegally lit cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth.

 

“Yeah,” she comes up beside him and slips her hand under his where his arms are folded across his chest. He marks an  _ X  _ on her palm and she reciprocates.

 

On the other side of the second bed, Erwin is talking to his boy. He's dressed the same as Levi and Nanaba, black activewear and tennis shoes, costumed like cold-weather joggers. 

 

“I'm sorry I didn't practice with you ahead of time,” Erwin is saying, his hands squarely, sternly on Levi’s slender shoulders, “but you'll do everything as Nanaba and I tell you, won't you?”

 

“Yeah,” Levi answers with a small hesitation. Nanaba watches him relax when Erwin leans down to lingeringly kiss his forehead. 

 

“Mister Zacharias.” Armin twists his upper body to look back at him. “It's done.”

 

Mike squeezes her hand and leaves her to go lean over Armin, taking the offered highlighter and conversing quietly with Armin so that the plan can be set. Released from his pep talk, Levi scoots in beside Nanaba at the window, body still rigid and longing for affection. She looks to Erwin, but when he subtly shakes his head, she refrains. 

 

“Gather round,” Mike says a couple minutes later. Despite the hotel’s policy, he's been barrelling through cigarettes. 

 

Levi sits himself on the foot of the bed closest to the desk and Nanaba beside him. Erwin stands.

 

“We’ll be communicating orders to you in seven second increments. Coms go one way only, so follow precisely. Erwin is alpha, Nanaba is number one, Levi is number two.” Mike tucks the cigarette between his lips and uses both hands to hold up Armin’s diagram. Talking around the fag in the corner of his mouth, he explains, “You'll enter here, at the side door on the garage. The entrance code is 1415926535. Get through the garage before the next order. Copperson’s estate does not have closed circuit television, unfortunately. It fucks things up, Armin won't be able to give you Arthur’s location in the house. This is where you'll split up. Whoever finds the target, incapacitate any witnesses and bring Arthur out according to the instructions. This mission is not as coordinated as usual. It will largely be improvised; because of that, shoot to kill.”

 

Armin goes a ghostly pale at that and lowers his head. 

 

Nanaba isn't worried that this will be impromptu. As long as she can hear Mike’s orders, she’ll be fine. It's Levi, however, that poses a risk. It's possible that Erwin will, instead of letting him wander alone, attach the boy to one of them. It's his first extraction after all. 

 

;;;

 

They discuss the base plan for a few more minutes before packing up completely, emptying the room, and heading down to their rental. Mister Zacharias takes the driver’s seat, Armin up front in passenger, the three infiltrators in the back. The kid opens a laptop on his knees and plugs in the decoy mobile phone from earlier in the night once more. The parasite program managed to snatch information regarding the neighbourhood’s surveillance system, and Armin will be able to insert frozen frames into the security feed to keep them out of the video records. He digs a little deeper into the information, translating the code in his head as he goes, and finds that he'll be able to remotely enter a random permission so that the gates into the suburb open ahead of time. That'll be useful on the getaway, too. 

 

Armin focuses on his own tasks for most of the way there. He's glad the car service’s windows were blacked out, so that rerunning this route doesn't give him flashbacks. The driver, John, had taken them in a roundabout way out to Arthur Copperson’s home, and Mike is following the most direct way to the pin Armin dropped in his mobile map app. The roads show up in navigation sans buildings and addresses, but that point on the map, virtually unmarked-- Armin knows how to get there, something he'll probably never be able to forget. 

 

;;;

 

Erwin is about ready to knock his boy out and undergo the mission with Nanaba alone. He gave Levi encouragement back at the hotel. He's not about to coddle. Reminding Levi of the possible punishment won't do, either, so he leaves the boy to stew in his own uncertainty. 

 

Nanaba will be a little rusty but it's not a concern for her. She can follow orders. Just like Erwin has previously expected, he's going to need to tag Levi onto her for this mission. 

 

;;;

 

“Katze. You're tailing Nana,” Erwin says from the backseat, and Mike just about rips the steering wheel in half. It's not his place to intervene in the colonel’s plans, but what in the good fucking Lord is Erwin thinking? Boy’s never done this and he’s sweating like a sinner in church. It ain’t good.

 

;;;

 

Armin looks over at the way Mister Zacharias’ knuckles seem to grow under his white skin, just a glance, before he focuses on the information in the parasite program again. Mister Max Zacharias is quite the genius. After a full career in military cyberwarfare, he's picked up a few pet programs whose coding he knows by heart, one of which is the parasite. It invades any network it comes in contact with, then burrows into any devices connected to the network and sucks out valuable information. In fact, Armin is currently digging through the visitor activity log of the Copperson estate, inputting that into an algorithm that predicts the next three days’ worth of mobility. Thank goodness, there's no anticipated movements for the rest of the night.

 

;;;

 

Contrary to Mike, his bitch don’t even skip a beat. Nanaba issues a quiet agreement before she begins explaining her most basic signalling to Levi. 

 

Mike’s livid with it, because the boy is a liability. There’s pretty good rain on the forecast, and Nana was looking at Levi’s almost unnoticeable limp, the slight drag in his right leg where his tibia was split and sticking through the skin at Mike’s own hand. It’s supposed to be snowing like hell a little further north with the potential to shut down the interstate and any roads going through Raton Pass. They gotta haul ass once they’ve got Copperson. 

 

Raton Pass is Erwin’s planned interrogation, slaying, and dumping site for this mission. Going through the mountains like that, it’s all steep ledges and wildlife warnings, regular bear spottings. While bears don’t usually got a hankering for dead meat, there’s bound to be something else less prideful looking for a full belly, especially with a blizzard and most prey holed up to endure it. 

 

Erwin’s boy has a good way with controlling his body, like one of them acrobat types. He can scale up to platforms and land with nary a vibration in the surface, not even a sound, that quiet. Course, landing and running and jumping with an old break crying for mercy don’t bode well with Mike. Levi giving away his position ain’t Mike’s problem, but if it results in his girl getting hurt, then it  _ will _ be.

 

;;;

 

“Slow down,” Armin says as they approach the neighbourhood. They’re alone on the road, still. “I’m going to block the security cameras. How long will we be here?”

 

Mister Zacharias purses his lips for a moment and inhales a too-deep breath. “Four, five minutes,” he answers on the exhale.

 

Armin nods as he taps away on his laptop, manually fixing the footage to show a static loop, meaning their vehicle won’t be traceable entering or exiting. Once he’s done that, they’re close enough to the gated entrance that Armin opens up the security network and enters a permission code, causing the gates to roll back. They go through without even needing to stop.

 

“Nice,” Mister Zacharias mutters under his breath. Armin tries not to preen. With that part taken care of, Armin then pulls out the map of the house and the one-way comms, passing out earpieces to the three people in the backseat and giving Mike the control with the microphone. As they roll slowly down the street, the Copperson estate still far-off in their view, Mister Zacharias runs everyone through a quick test.

 

“Seven second increments,” he reminds.

 

;;;

 

Nanaba pulls on her leather gloves and flexes her fingers as they come closer and closer to the estate. It’s not a grandiose mansion like she was expecting, but it’s still more expensive than anywhere she will ever live. Of course, it’s not the fanciest place she’s infiltrated, though it’s close. For a pharmaceuticals CEO, she  _ is _ a little underwhelmed, even if this is a seasonal home. Erwin’s intel also gives Arthur Copperson homes in San Diego, Vancouver, Minneapolis, and Miami, so she guesses that maybe he’s just spreading out his wealth comfortably-- that, and, paying off the silence of mistresses and misters is probably no small amount, either.

 

She does the snaps on the gloves around her wrist to secure them, and then helps Levi with his own. There’s sweat beading on his forehead so she wipes her forearm over it.

 

“You’re just tailing, watch and learn.” Nanaba knocks her shoulder against his. “It’ll be fun.”

 

;;;

 

He wants to scream but he can’t. Levi swallows, throat like sand, and gasps. Now that they’re approaching their destination, he’s not sure  _ why  _ he’s so nervous anymore, only knows that he can’t think straight around the beating of his heart. If he could just clear his mind for a second and retrace his mental steps, he might rediscover what led him down into this state of mind and find some peace. As it is now, he’s too far in to be able to.

 

What he needs to be doing right now is focusing on the moment. He needs to forcefully slow himself down until his body follows suit. He needs his collar, he needs to recite. Levi sucks in a staggered breath. Silently,  _ Male 25 Dec 1992 O+ NKDA 1993 HepB Hib MMR DTap OPV. _ God, his fingers are itching for his collar and unconsciously, one hand meets his bare throat, pulling him loose from his chant.

 

“Fuck,” he swears. Levi takes in a slow breath over one reciting, then releases on another, forming a pattern. They’ve almost arrived.

 

“You’re just tailing, watch and learn. It’ll be fun.”

 

“She’s right,” Erwin adds, not unkindly but without compassion. It’s expectation.

 

;;;

 

Mike keeps them creeping up the street, waits for Armin to give him the thumbs up that they’re ready, and when he does, Mike enters the driveway, picking up speed. He doesn’t come to a full stop, only a slow roll, when Erwin opens the back door and disappears around the side of the garage with two shadows. The momentum of Mike taking off again shuts the back door.

 

;;;

 

_ “Hold.” _

 

Nanaba flattens herself along the wall next to Levi. Erwin is at the door, hand poised over the keypad. Excitement crackles in the air around her, and maybe it’s way Levi leans away from her.

 

_ “Enter.” _

 

It takes Erwin a full second to input the code and then they rush into the garage, skinny steps to keep from brushing any of the three sleek vehicles lined up between the side door where they enter and the doorway into the main area of the house. When Erwin’s there, he motions one finger going to the left, two fingers going to the right.

 

_ “Room one.” _

 

Nanaba follows Erwin through the doorway at the order and doesn’t check behind her to see if Levi is on her tail. 

 

The first room she and Levi come to is the kitchen, empty except for one unlucky soul. Deftly, she pulls her gun from the holster and clicks off the safety, taking aim. At their footsteps breaking the absolute silence, the witness begins to turn; they’re not the target. Nanaba fires and Levi runs forward to catch the body, laying the person down gently to keep sound maintained. 

 

Levi isn’t quite back at her side when Mike orders,  _ “Room two.” _

 

There’s a swinging door from the kitchen into what must be the dining room, according to Armin’s blueprint. It’s correct. The room is empty.

 

_ “Room three.” _

 

Levi rounds the corner into an open study, large walls of bookshelves. He aims and fires one shot, landing between the eyes of another witness. Nanaba checks the rest of the space and finds another member of a staff that she executes. It’s a smooth flow for them as if they’ve been working together for years, and between the library and the sitting room, Nanaba chuckles in Levi’s ear, “Told you that you’d be a natural.”

 

By the time they come full circle and meet Erwin at the doorway of the final room, the one Armin says  _ it _ happened in, Nanaba and Levi have fired seven shots, alternating to conserve bullets. 

 

_ “Hold.” _

 

“How many?” Nanaba asks Erwin, putting her mouth at his ear. 

 

Turning his head to whisper back, he says, “Three.”

 

“Seven.” Ten total. That’s how many staff members Armin could count, too.

 

_ “Final room. Thirty-five seconds to return.” _

 

Erwin opens the door and Nanaba slips inside, Levi close behind. 

 

;;;

 

Mike reverses down the driveway so that the hatch of the rental vehicle is right at the side door of the garage, and then he issues the last order. “Final room. Thirty-five seconds to return.”

 

In his peripherals, he can see Armin is twisted around in his seat, looking behind them, waiting. Mike however, keeps his eyes on his stopwatch. To keep with the established rhythm of the mission, he issues countdowns every seven seconds. When he comes to zero and no one is barreling outside with a body, Mike grits his teeth but just that soon, Levi bursts through the door, running forward to open the back hatch. Erwin is next, the mark thrown into a fireman’s carry. 

 

After opening the hatch, Levi runs back inside the garage, and Mike watches through the rearview mirror while Erwin unceremoniously dumps Arthur into the cargo area and climbs in. 

 

“Erwin,” Mike growls when Levi reappears with Nanaba’s arm slung over his shoulder, bearing her weight on the short walk to the car. 

 

“Focus, Major,” Erwin says and then turns to help hoist Nanaba up into the cargo area. She gives a cry at the contact and Mike sees red-- he puts a lid on it, puts it on a shelf for later. They’ve still got the remainder of the mission. 

 

;;;

 

Levi slams the hatch and then comes around the side of the vehicle to climb into the backseat behind Armin, trying to keep his head down, but he knows his missteps will be laid bare in time.

 

;;;

 

Mister Zacharias jerks them into motion and then they’re off into the night. Armin logs in to the Copperson security system’s activity log and deletes it, then accesses the back-up and wipes that, too. There will be no evidence that they entered through the garage door at three-thirty in the morning, very cleanly matching the blank footage at the neighbourhood gates. 

 

Armin remotely opens the gate again for their final outgoing, and then he breathes easy for a moment before the fight breaks loose.


	11. Silver Dime, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bitch is stricken lame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only edited once, please kindly draw mistakes/typos to my attention!
> 
> Next update on 15 May, also check the [series tag](http://minxiebutt.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%3A-rda) for info regarding updates and other goodies!
> 
> WARNINGS: semi-descriptive medical talk, assault, drugging/kidnapping.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Erwin, what the fuck?” Mike shouts, turning onto the main road in the direction of the interstate. It's already starting to drizzle, a forewarning for the approaching storm, and Mike is roaring through the night, racing to beat the inevitable road closures in the mountains where a blizzard is threatening to set in.

 

Erwin lifts his head from securing Arthur and meets Mike’s gaze in the rearview mirror. “I have it under control.”

 

“Like hell,” Mike retorts sharply, protective rumble underlying. “I smell blood. What happened?”

 

“The mission was a success,” Erwin answers sternly.

 

“What happened _to Nanaba?”_

 

Erwin turns away from Mike, refusing to directly explain it yet. He looks down at the pet in question, curled up on her side under his knee, a wet bloom along her thigh and side where several bullets are lodged. He's applying pressure with his body weight, keeping the blood from soaking into his own clothing too readily.

 

“Was it Levi?” Mike demands. The SUV’s engine is whining with how he's pushing it. “It was, wasn't it? Erwin!”

 

“Mike!” Erwin says sharply. “I have it under control!”

 

No sooner has Erwin shouted than Mike stomps on the break, sending all occupants into a jumble as they come to an abrupt halt. The major slams the vehicle into _park_ before they've even completely stopped and then he's out and around the vehicle, all but ripping open the hatch. The overhead lighting is dim, but it's enough for him to immediately see the wetness in Nanaba’s black clothing.

 

“Nana,” Mike breathes, so suddenly deflated. His hands press into her wounded flesh under Erwin’s knee, bringing out pained whimpers. “Erwin, she's--”

 

“She's going to be fine,” Erwin says. He removes his weight from her and slides down to stand on the road. “You stay with her, I'll drive.”

 

Mike grabs his shoulder as he takes a step and yanks him back. “What happened?”

 

“Let’s deal with this in a safer place,” Erwin replies, pulling out from under Mike’s grasp. “Not here. The injuries are minor, but we need to get her somewhere that Moblit can meet us for surgery.”

 

Mike side-eyes Erwin, the veins in his jaw standing out. They stare at one another for a long moment before Mike grounds out between clenched teeth, “Your boy’s gonna pay for this.”

 

“He's all yours,” Erwin promises, placates. When Mike turns away and climbs into the cargo area, Erwin shuts the hatch and then gets into the driver’s seat.

 

Armin is rubbing a forming bruise on his forehead when Erwin slides in beside him.

 

“Is Nanaba okay?” The kid asks quietly.

 

“Yes,” Erwin lies and begins to drive. Mike’s phone is still in the dash and Erwin reaches forward to grab it and turn it over, finding the map application open and directing them toward the interstate. It’s a straight shot, so he closes the app and pulls up the contact list, eyes darting between the phone and the road, until he comes to _Berner_ and dials. It’s four in the morning on a Sunday, he won’t be busy.

 

Moblit answers on the final ring before voicemail. _“Mike?”_

 

“Sorry, Captain, are you still in Denver?”

 

_“Yes--”_

 

“Good,” Erwin interrupts. “I need you to meet us in Trinidad. Nanaba’s sustained several gunshot wounds. No major arteries hit, but there’s a bullet swimming in her guts somewhere.”

 

 _“Shit, Erwin, the weather, give me a moment.”_ There’s a spot of silence before, _“Raton Pass is already closed.”_

 

Erwin’s mind comes to a blank for a heartbeat before he can think again. The interstate is closed. There’s no way to finish the mission under the original plan now-- Arthur still needs to be interrogated and disposed of, but Nanaba needs to be tended to and patched up. Erwin packed only three varying doses of sedatives and the smallest one has already been administered to Arthur. He’ll be unconscious for another hour currently. The remaining two doses would keep a man his size under for six and nine hours respectively, meaning at most, he will be under for sixteen more hours-- that’s only until 20:00. Even if the blizzard blows over quickly, the mission still needs to be refigured.

 

“Moblit,” Erwin says slowly, gathering up the words he needs. “Moblit, I’m going to need your help.”

 

_“Of course.”_

 

“I need instructions on making a sedative from OTCs, as well as something to mimic anaesthesia. And a list of a basic tools for slug removal, inconspicuous when purchased together.”

 

_“No problem, sir, would you like me to text it to you?”_

 

“The surgical supplies, yes. I'll have you explain the drugs to Armin over the phone, to have him copy down.”

 

 _“Let me speak to him,”_ Moblit says.

 

Erwin holds out the phone and Armin takes it and presses it to his ear, a note app opened on his tablet. In the rearview mirror, Erwin sees Mike glaring at him and he leaves it be, focusing instead on getting them as far north as he can.

 

An hour up the road is better than nothing, especially with Nanaba’s injuries, so Erwin brings them to a stop. The rain is pelting relentlessly now, and the AM radio station with weather information is reporting several closures along the interstate in their end of New Mexico.

 

There’s a Walmart on the outskirts of Santa Fe, so they pull into a space at the back of the parking lot and send Armin in. It’s five in the morning and he’s a teenager in pajamas and a hoodie, it’s no special combination that will draw attention. After purchasing everything they'll need to bunker down for another twenty-four hours, Erwin finds the rattiest hole-in-the-wall motel and gets a room. It's tiny and dirty and there's a good chance this room’s usual occupants are prostitutes and drug addicts, but they need to lie low.

 

Erwin parks around the back of the motel, scans for cameras before he determines it's safe enough and they get everyone inside without event.

 

Their target, Arthur, still hogtied and unconscious with a new dose of sedative, gets settled into the bathtub, a mold-ringed porcelain tub that looks like it hasn't been properly scrubbed in a decade. Erwin draws the curtain closed.

 

Back out in the room, Mike holds Nanaba in a bridal carry while Armin opens a packet of black bed sheets and spreads them over top of the of the dingy comforter on one of the queen beds, followed by black towels. Reluctantly because of the way she whimpers when he shifts her, Mike lays her down and begins to peel the clothing from her. Dried blood flakes coat her entire side, something Erwin takes as either a good sign or a terrible indication, from where he's watching. Blood wells, working up into a clot, in the entry holes from the slugs in her thigh and abdomen, but it's not pumping out anymore. The bleeding is lessened either because wounds are sealing successfully or because she's lost so much blood there's none to spare.

 

On his way to the sink to wash his face, Mike grabs Erwin by the upper arm and walks him backward into the corner to threaten lowly, “If she dies, Erwin, I swear to God, it'll be your boy’s life next.”

 

Extracting debts from Levi’s flesh is one thing, but Erwin does not take kindly to having his boy’s life as collateral. He slaps off Mike’s hand and scowls deeply. “No, it won't.”

 

The silence of the room hangs for a heartbeat before Armin opens another package of tools.

 

Erwin meets Mike’s green eyes head-on, firmly, authority in the set of his brow and jaw. Without faltering, he calls Levi. “Boy. Over here.”

 

In his peripherals, he sees Levi peel himself down from the back of the front door and trudge over with his head down, his ragged hair obscuring his face.

 

“Boy,” Erwin says again. His hand comes to cup Levi’s jaw and hold it up, back, almost painfully so, until Levi is struggling to look at them. “Tell Mike what happened.”

 

Levi’s silver eyes shift over to the major before he casts them up into the ceiling. “I failed.”

 

Erwin digs his fingertips into the boy’s skin until he grunts and remorsefully adds, “I failed to obey an order.”

 

“Tell Mike why.”

 

Levi's throat bobs but he doesn't answer.

 

“Tell Mike why,” Erwin repeats, letting nails bite through skin in emphasis. “Who did you see.”

 

“Kenny,” Levi says like he doesn't believe his own admission. “Kenny Ackerman.”

 

Erwin sees Mike’s fists slacken before they clench again. “What?” Mike growls lowly, predatory, bloodthirsty. “That bastard was still alive?”

 

“Is,” Erwin corrects and Levi looks lost in it. Ten years ago, after striking a deal that allowed him to spare his nephew’s life, Kenny had been dealt with for his traitorous actions-- or rather, a lengthy paper trail of falsified documents and reports claimed so. Erwin had a mission for him, all those years ago, that required a ghost. Later, when Nanaba’s patched up, Erwin will shed another secret and bring Mike in on it. For now, Levi.

 

“Kenny was paying our mark a visit when we interrupted. Once he realised our intent, he pulled a gun, and Levi--” Erwin jerks him forward and around to stand completely before Mike, still held captive in Erwin’s grip “--was told to incapacitate Kenny.”

 

“Then what?” Mike demands, his anger focused solely on Levi.

 

“I--”

 

When Mike’s hand snaps around Levi’s throat like a cobra, Erwin releases him and takes a step back, leaving him on his own.

 

“Then _what?”_

 

“I--”

 

Erwin can see Mike’s fingers squeeze at the back of Levi’s neck as Levi’s hands wrap around Mike’s forearm. There's a half-strangled and gurgling, “I'm sorry.”

 

“Tell him, boy, so we can be done,” Erwin orders. “Now is not the time to continue your disobedience.”

 

Mike looks ready to murder. “What. Did. You. Do?”

 

Levi sucks in a breath when Mike’s grasp laxes, but he still has his hands wrapped around Mike’s forearm. “I didn't take the shot, and Kenny shot Nanaba.”

 

Mike drops Levi and the boy staggers back until he meets the solid plane of Erwin’s front, but that's perfect distance for the swing Mike takes. His fist is large, half eclipsing the noirette’s face, and it connects and drives Levi down into the stained carpeting.

 

With a dissatisfied sigh, Erwin takes a step over Levi’s crumpled form toward Mike and claps his hand on the other’s shoulder. He tells Mike, “I would prefer that you didn't do that again. Go have a smoke. I'll need you to hold Nanaba down while we stitch her up.”

 

Mike doesn't react to Erwin’s words but he does excuse himself. The door shuts behind him, a barely caught slam against the jamb, and then Erwin goes over to Armin, who is arranging tools on the bed.

 

Nanaba’s moaning has been so low that it was lost beneath the commotion but now it cuts through the quiet dawn like it means to beckon the sunrise. Under the smoky light of the motel’s dim-bulbed lamp, she looks unhealthily pale. Erwin unbuckles her leather gloves and pulls them off, pinches the thin wrist to get an approximate heart rate, and it's just as rapid as he expects. Next, he pinches her fingers, trying to coax a response. Nothing. She continues to moan with sleepy pain, and Erwin uses one arm to support himself leaning over her so that he can tap her cheek.

 

Her brows scrunch together and her lips part around a truly pathetic whine, but she's alive enough. That's what matters. He needs to properly assess her blood loss before it can be determined whether giving her painkillers is safe. With her history, it could permanently damage her.

 

Armin, with latex-gloved hands, rubs a cotton swab of alcohol down a curved upholstery needle and lays it beside a long cut of fishing line that's already been sterilised. “That's everything.”

 

In addition to the tools to sew sutures, there's an X-acto knife, tweezers, and wooden chopsticks, all in an orderly line and ready to serve their purposes.

 

“Thank you, Armin,” Erwin says and then pulls his own pair of latex gloves from the boxes. After he puts them on and flexes his fist, Erwin touches two fingertips to Nanaba’s wounds. There's one entry in her side, right through her obliques at the bottom back of her floating ribs. At the touch, Erwin is pleased to find no bones shattered, and though they're very likely fractured in the area of entry, they'll heal just fine naturally.

 

“Armin, please, will you call Captain Berber?”

 

The kid takes off his gloves and digs his mobile from the pocket of his pajama pants.

 

Erwin trails his fingertips from the bullet wound down to her thigh where a trio of holes are clustered. From the position, it looks like the bone here was not so lucky, judging from her open cries when making their way back to the car from inside of Arthur’s estate, combined with the limp.

 

“Captain, sir,” Armin says when Moblit must've answered.

 

“Put him on speaker,” Erwin says and prods one finger down into the worst looking hole in Nanaba’s thigh. No longer lusty, her cry is closed-mouthed and low.

 

_“Erwin.”_

 

“I'm here, Moblit,” Erwin says, leaning toward the phone. He gets back off the bed and stands next to Armin, inspecting the tools. “One bullet toward the back, at the second to final false rib and three together in the thigh, I think her femur may be shattered in the middle.”

 

_“What is the diameter of the cluster?”_

 

“Extremely close.”  Erwin holds his forefinger and thumb suspended over the trio and spreads them apart to measure. “Four to five centimeters, about one between each.”

 

Moblit swears and sighs and says, _“I really need to see.”_

 

“I'm sorry, Captain, you know that's too risky.”

 

_“I know. Good news, you've probably missed the major blood vessels in her leg.”_

 

Erwin acknowledges it with a hum.

 

_“Bad news, her sciatic nerve may be damaged if the bullets continued through the bone. What's the exact location at her ribs?”_

 

Erwin measures again and tells Moblit. There's a few minutes of silence except for rustling pages on his end and then a drawled, _“Shit.”_

 

“What?” Erwin asks as the door opens and Mike comes back in from smoking. He doesn't look at the bed as he goes to the sink to rinse his hands.

 

_“That bullet is either in her intestines or her kidney. Very likely her kidney. Is she still being given lithium?”_

 

Erwin looks at the tense set of Mike’s back as he speaks. “Yes. And?”

 

_“Depending on the damage, the kidney may need to be removed-- but that's worst case scenario! She will need to stop treatment. Usually, lithium is perfectly fine to administer so long as there is routine lab work to rule out kidney strain, but in her case, labs are inaccessible and we won't be able to monitor.”_

 

“I don't have clamps, Moblit. If her kidney needs removal, can it wait for a day?”

 

_“I don't know, Erwin.”_

 

Mike dries his hands on his shirt and very slowly turns around. Erwin can see the stress in the way he's holding his body as he steps over Levi, who is still crumpled on the floor between the bed and the bathroom where Mike socked him. When he gets to the bed, Mike takes a pair of gloves from the box as well.

 

“It's already been over an hour, Moblit, do we work the femur or the kidney first?” Erwin examines the X-acto knife without picking it up. The blade is perfectly sharp, but small. It'll be tricky to apply the correct amount of pressure so that he doesn't have to cut twice while also trying not to end up cutting too deep.

 

_“Ribs, definitely.”_

 

Mike climbs up on to the bed and does his best not to jostle Nanaba too much as he pulls her upper body into his lap, presenting her injury readily in a way that he can bend double over her and keep her in place. She barely responds to Mike’s handling, so Erwin decides to forgo the painkillers. They’ve already wasted over an hour, they don’t have time for the medications to take effect either. This needs to happen now.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> friends don't let friends perform bad motel room surgery and neither should you, kids!


	12. Silver Dime, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bitch is stricken lame.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know okay, I KNOW. these tiny tiny chapters are killing me too. but thank you for sticking with this, you guys are amazing. 1200 hits, i love y'all. thank you thank you thank you for everything! stay wild <3 
> 
> WARNINGS: medical descriptions of injuries and body parts, bad DIY motel room surgery. (i spent so much of my writing time on research to make this surgery as believable as I could, but there's still some made up science for the sake of plot.)
> 
> ch13: silver dime part three, on 29 May!

 

 

 

 

The handspan of skin around the wound is red and hot, bruising in the immediate inch around where the bullet entered. Over speakerphone, Moblit walks Erwin through the delicate process of describing and slicing while Armin holds a phone flashlight close to provide a good source of light. Mike holds her shoulders down in his lap while he rubs her hair and whispers comfort, but he's staring at Levi with murderous intent while he does.

 

It had been muffled screams that roused Levi from the floor, and he'd woken with a fright, seeking the source of that noise.

 

“Boy,” Erwin had called, most likely having seen Levi shuffling to get his bearings beneath him. “Come hold her feet.”

 

In the last five minutes since that, holding Nanaba’s feet has turned into embracing her calves, Levi’s right thumb giving wayward yet encouraging strokes. He is not usually squicked in the sight of blood anymore, but something about _Nanaba’s_ blood has him clenching his jaw and swallowing back bile. The unbidden flowing has stopped, but drops of it just keep coming every time Erwin prods inside the bullet hole, coating the white latex gloves. Levi thinks that soon, she’ll have none left.

 

Moblit has been talking Levi’s man through how to avoid the organs and major vessels. It's a miracle that her intestines are unscathed, though it's unfortunate that her kidney is the new home for the slug, Erwin determined when he followed its trail. Her ribs are the most unlucky, having apparently absorbed all of the momentum and fracturing like spider webs; but according to Erwin, all of her deeper blood vessels have miraculously remained intact. Her bleeding earlier was because of the broken skin and burst intercostal vessels which have naturally sealed themselves by now.

 

“I can see it,” Erwin says like hallelujah at last. For a moment of relief, Mike cuts his gaze from Levi to Nanaba’s side where Erwin’s fingers are buried. “It is lodged, but I think I can squeeze it out.”

 

 _“God damn,”_ Moblit swears. _“Alright. Don't drop it or it'll be loose in the cavity. Use something with traction.”_

 

Erwin wipes one sleeve over his forehead and rights himself for a moment. He's on his knees on the bed. “Armin, the chopsticks, please. Mike, I need you to hold the incision open.”

 

Mike unwraps his arms and leans his weight on her to keep her stationary. Carefully, he uses his elbows to keep Nanaba pressed down and brings up his two pinkies to trade places with Erwin’s scissored middle and forefinger. Both hands free, Erwin takes a chopstick in each and leans over Nanaba again.

 

“Keep her still,” he orders one last time and the room falls incredibly still. Only Armin moves as he angles the phone flashlight.

 

Levi watches the wood disappear into Nanaba’s side and feels his heart thumping in anticipation. He knows Erwin has made contact with the kidney when Nanaba’s legs begin to twitch again, weak at first and then stronger, accompanied by primal moaning muffled by a gag. Erwin aligns the sticks parallel and she jerks in earnest, unravelling the silence with a purely reflexive cry. Mike is trying to soothe her, a steady _shhh_ underlying. The sleeve of her jacket is balled up and stuffed in her mouth but it cushions the sound poorly and Levi hopes that neither adjacent motel rooms have occupants.

 

“Almost done,” Erwin assures everyone but he’s paying attention to nothing other than the task at hand. Moblit is quiet, no doubt listening and waiting for his expertise to be called upon. And just as quickly as her cries start, she quiets, and then Erwin is very carefully lifting the bullet between the chopsticks before he drops it on the black sheet.

 

“It's out, Moblit. No new bleeding, only what was there before.”

 

_“Where it was lodged, what did that look like?”_

 

Erwin explains it and Levi closes his eyes, not wanting to know the specifics of it. There's a rush of air like the pediatrician was holding his breath before he says, _“Good, good, one of the renal pyramids I believe, so the renal artery and vein are intact?”_

 

“Nothing is squirting out blood.” Erwin breathes in slowly and holds it before letting out an agitated-sounding exhale. Fine hairs on the back of Levi’s neck stand to attention.

 

_“Good, control any remaining bleeding now, and then basic sutures. I'll fix everything up properly tomorrow.”_

 

Before Erwin can speak, Mike cuts in, “Will you be removing the kidney?”

 

“Well, I, um.” Moblit stutters for a moment, trying to articulate his meaning. “Ah, well, I-- If I get in there to staple in dissolvable sutures and the kidney is presenting failure from damage, then yes.”

 

“And the lithium?”

 

“One thing at a time, Mike,” Erwin tells him as he wipes another alcohol-soaked cotton ball down the bloodied chopsticks. The two men share a tense moment that Levi wants to cower from, his jaw still feeling out of whack from Mike’s blow ten minutes ago.

 

Moblit answers anyway. _“Very likely need to be discontinued. Almost a guarantee. There are alternatives, however. I will oversee it personally.”_

 

“Okay.” Mike nods and withdraws within himself.

 

_“How's the bleeding, Erwin?”_

 

“Minimal,” Erwin sighs. “I'm estimating around twenty-five percent loss.”

 

_“Blood loss is usually undershot. Safe to say thirty to thirty-five. Get a good stitch in there and close her up nice and tight. The car will agitate it.”_

 

There's another bout of tense silence as Erwin threads fishing line through the upholstery needle and then uses tweezers to circle in a line of sutures. Mike watches with unseeing eyes, still holding his wife’s wound open with his pinkies while Erwin mends her insides. Suddenly, on one of Nana’s whines, Mike snaps into focus meeting Levi head on and he bares his teeth. Levi loses his breath.

 

“This is your fault,” Mike growls like he means to rip out Levi’s jugular. Maybe he does.

 

On the road between Albuquerque and Santa Fe, Levi had shed his equipment. He's only got the jogging clothing now. His knife, his gun, and anything else he could've used to defend himself is locked up in the rental vehicle outside; all Levi can do now is pray that Erwin protects him, but the way Erwin’s been exclusively calling him ‘boy’, Levi has doubt.

 

He could have prevented this if he had just taken the fucking shot. Had he put a _single_ bullet in Kenny’s shoulder or elbow or wrist, Levi could've saved Nanaba the pain of four. But he didn't and Mike is right-- this is _his_ fault.

 

But when he had seen Kenny sitting there and their eyes met, Levi had been frozen in place, washed with memories of his mother. There was less than a year between his uncle and his mom, back before she died, meaning that now, Kenny is only in his mid-forties. He'd looked haggard, to Levi, haunted even, and when his eyes had fallen on his nephew, disappointedly _unsurprised--_

 

“Boy,” Erwin says sternly and it snaps Levi back into the present. His grip has slackened, and Nanaba has begun to wiggle freely with the pain, though the way she sighs tells Levi that she is below the surface of it. He's not entirely sure how cognitive she is in this moment.

 

The mumbled apology goes unacknowledged and Levi is hungry for gentle acknowledgement affection. His collar is in the vehicle in the bag with his borrowed street clothes, and without it, he feels so naked, so unwanted, those feelings magnified by the cold shoulder his man is giving him. Over and over, Levi has told Erwin that he would _die_ to prove himself and every time, his actions fall short of his words. The complete trust that Levi has in Erwin can never be reciprocated until Levi _proves_ himself worthy of it.

 

Mike removes his pinkie fingers from the hole and holds the skin puckered for Erwin to stitch shut tightly. The pull on the skin looks painful as Erwin circles the upholstery needle through the sinew and ties off a precise six knots. Mike swabs the area in her side with a cottonball of alcohol quietly, soothing her with _shhh_ when high whines get caught in the jacket in her mouth.

 

“Get ready to hold her down again,” Erwin commands as he wipes the X-acto knife to sterilise it. He spreads the bruising skin of her thigh between his left thumb and forefinger, positioning the blunt end of the tool at the messy trio of holes in her leg. The cluster looks pulverised and from Levi’s vantage point, he can see that it is no cleaner under the skin. Right below the layer of fat, he can see ripped muscles and bone fragments.

 

“Moblit, let me clean out her thigh first,” Erwin says and puts down the knife in favour of the tweezers again. He uses them to pick out small pieces that would impede the healing or spur an infection and drops them beside the bloodied bullet on the black sheet. Levi tightens his arms around Nanaba’s calves, but her tortured movement never comes.

 

Mike is a protective hound. He notices the lack of response immediately. “Erwin, she’s not moving.”

 

Erwin looks up from her thigh, to Mike, then to Levi. There’s fine lines around his eyes from concentration. He barks, “Boy, has she responded at all?”

 

“No,” Levi says. His throat feels rough with disuse and the stress of staying up all night. “Not since the stitches.”

 

“Nana.” Mike shakes her rough enough to make Levi want to stop him. She’s suffering from intense pain and substantial blood loss; Levi thinks she should be handled more carefully, even if he understands the importance of getting her awake right now.

 

She groans out an inquisitive sound trapped by her makeshift gag. Mike removes it.

 

“Nanabitch,” he croons, softer shaking now. “Focus on me. Feel this?”

 

At Mike’s question, Erwin picks out another fragment of her bullet-shattered femur, a pulpy piece nearly the size of a dime.

 

“Hm?” Nanaba’s head tries twice, unsuccessfully, to lift. From her feet, Levi can see the haze clouding her eyes and his heart renews its thumping. She may _die,_ and it will be _his fault._

 

 _“Erwin, look for the sciatic nerve. It should be inside her thigh behind the bone.”_ Moblit describes in gory detail what to look for and for the first time in this motel room surgery, Levi squirms to hold in vomit, toes curling.

 

Levi’s man takes out a limp shred of muscle before sticking his entire middle finger into the wound to open it up better and throughout such an intrusive measure, Nanaba is motionless. Armin is leaning sharply, supporting himself on stretched fingers over the crumpling form, to provide light for Erwin, his eyes wide.

 

Mike continues trying to coax her consciousness, until Erwin says in flustered exhaustion, “It’s severed in two places by the bullets that went straight through her femur.”

 

_“What’s the length between where the bullets hit?”_

 

“An inch,” Erwin says, letting his head bob side to side for a second. “Maybe less. But that space of bone is a comminuted fracture. It’s only the nerve that was severed.”

 

 _“Leave the femur to regenerate but the nerve is lost. Mike?”_ Moblit waits for confirmation.

 

“Yeah?” Mike responds to Moblit, but his gaze is focused on Levi, his eyes narrow and brows pushed together.

 

 _“Use something sharp and prod her leg starting at the wound. Tell me where she gains sensation.”_ Moblit begins to stumble in his words. _“It’s possible to reconstruct, if she were to be seen in a well-supplied hospital in a large city, tended to by a specialist, perhaps, but Mike, she will live through this. Believe me. She will live, but, it’s, she’s-- may need to be... retired.”_

 

Mike blows out a pained sigh on the end of a grunt, like Moblit’s words are a punch to the gut. He’s sticking her with the spare upholstery needle, a quarter of an inch deep, higher and higher until he gets a clear response. Nanaba’s cry catches on her tonsils, wet and warbled, loud enough to carry to the phone.

 

_“Excellent, Mike, where was that at?”_

 

“Right below the butt. Six inches above the bullet holes.” Mike sounds defeated and Levi can’t look at him. The guilt is screaming in his ear. This is his fault. He is the reason for all of this suffering. Nanaba’s suffering is his fault. Anything that happens to her because of her new condition is on him, until she dies, and her death is on his head, as well because it is _his fault_.

 

Moblit makes a sound of thoughtful acknowledgement but stays quiet while Erwin continues to dig out blasted flesh. Everything moves quickly now that it’s known that Nanaba has lost the feeling in her leg. When he’s done pulling out dead flesh and bullets, Erwin turns his face into his shoulder and wipes his forehead on his clothing. After the brief reprieve, he stitches Nanaba’s thigh shut all the way, another tight set, this one uninterrupted by jerks or wriggles or reflexes. Another swabbing of alcohol on both wounds, and then Erwin wraps her with gauze around the waist and leg with Mike’s help. Before disconnecting the call, Moblit gives them a rundown of warning signs and symptoms, a list of things to tend to her basic needs, and a few dietary restrictions until he can assess the state of her damaged kidney tomorrow.

 

Armin goes to the front desk of the motel to request fresh sheets while the Erwin, Mike, and Levi strip Nanaba and wipe her skin down. Carefully, they bundle her in the sheets that Armin brings and lay her on her back before covering her with the fur coat Armin wore when he arrived back from the party. Both the black sheets and the black towels are folded neatly and placed on the wobbly television stand, being saved to protect the interior of the rental vehicle for the long way back to Sina.

 

The motel room’s window air conditioner/heater combination unit rattles loudly and the warm air it spits is tinged with a damp and unpleasant smell, so they opt to leave it turned off. Levi doesn’t know a lot about blood loss, but a third of one’s supply sounds like a significant amount, yet other than the unconsciousness, Levi assumes that Nanaba is bearing it well. She still has vague colour in her lips, and her breathing is only twice faster than usual.

 

Levi settles on the bed next to her at Erwin’s order, and he watches his man at the sink speaking with Mike. They take turns bending over it to wash the temporary dye from their hair, restoring them to blonde; the rush of the water makes their conversation inaudible and Levi can’t see their lips from this angle.

 

Figuring they’re focused elsewhere, Levi sneaks a kiss to Nanaba’s forehead.

 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs against her clammy skin. He’s starving for affection, still nakedly uncollared like a stray, and he thinks that if he can’t receive what he needs, maybe giving it will quell the hunger pangs inside of him.

 

As soon as Mike is done with Erwin, he stalks over to the bed and takes up watch on Nanaba’s open side, pointedly ignoring Levi’s existence but that doesn’t matter once Erwin snaps his fingers for Levi to come. The boy obeys.

 

“I have something for you,” Erwin says as he opens the motel room door and holds it for Levi to exit first. It’s still raining buckets, making Levi wonder what it’s like to drown as Erwin shuts the door behind them. Levi turns so he can keep his eyes on Erwin.

 

“You’re so uncentered.” Erwin’s hot, rough hands come to cup Levi’s face and Levi wants to relax into the touch, never leaving the glory of his man’s embrace ever again. “Let me bring you focus once more, my sweet boy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, pointing out typos is always so very appreciated.


	13. Silver Dime, part three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The little kitten is declawed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "ch14: dream catcher" on 12 june!! 
> 
> EDIT: i am pushing the update back to 19 June, unfortunately!! 
> 
> thank you to everyone who reads, y'all the real mvp 
> 
> Warnings: manipulation and infantilisation

 

 

 

“Let me bring you focus once more, my sweet boy.”

 

“You’re not… going to punish me?” Levi sinks deeper into Erwin’s grip. How can he be saying that? How can he call Levi his sweet boy, as if Levi hadn’t endangered his only friend with his disobedience? Nanaba’s life is teetering in the edge of oblivion and Erwin is worried about Levi being uncentered?

 

“No. I am not,” Erwin says, hands still cupping Levi’s face. His man takes a step forward, forcing Levi to accommodate with a step back, and Erwin continues like that, walking Levi backward until they’re under the flood of rain. “You will talk with me openly now. No secrets.”

 

“Yes,” Levi agrees, and even though Erwin already knows everything about him, he can’t keep falling short. Erwin will never trust him that way.

 

In just a moment of exposure, Levi can feel the uncomfortability of the rain seeping into his clothing, however, he won't dare move until his man wills it. He feels frozen in place, warmed only by the hands on his face, feeling his own blood thumping against the press of fingers. One hand leaves his face as Erwin reaches to open the car door. It’s a struggle to climb in backward, but Erwin hasn’t taken his remaining hand from Levi’s face and like hell is he about to voluntarily break the contact. When they’re both on the back row of seats, Erwin shuts the door with his free hand and moves it to grip Levi’s scruff tightly.

 

“Your failure is my own fault,” Erwin starts. There’s a denial bubbling up past Levi’s lips but Erwin, in a rare show of physicality, lets go of his cheek and smacks the underside of Levi’s chin, causing his jaw to snap shut with a painful _clink_ of teeth. “I’m still speaking.”

 

Levi can only nod, swallowing. In the moment that weighs between them, only the steady, heavy tapping of raindrops on the roof of the vehicle can be heard.

 

“Your failure is my fault,” Erwin starts again, but this time, his hand is no longer affectionately on Levi, no longer stroking the keloid. He’s only being held by his nape like a wayward animal. “I should have known that you weren’t ready for this kind of mission. I should have realised that you weren’t ready to take on something like this without my direct supervision. I’m sorry, my boy.”

 

Levi shakes his head but doesn’t say anything as his world tips sideways. _No,_ this is wrong. This isn’t right. He _is_ ready, he _can_ do this kind of work. Nanaba herself had told him that he was a natural. Together, they’d been seamless in eliminating any household threats.

 

“I’m sorry that I set you up for failure.”

 

He shakes his head again and looks down, closing his eyes, trying to breathe deeper than the iron bars of his ribs allow. He’s ready, he can do this kind of work. It wasn't even that difficult.

 

Erwin has always been so proud of his pet, and Levi knows he fucked up by not taking the shot at Kenny, but he didn’t know that his disobedience was paramount enough to reduce his standing in Erwin’s eyes like _this._ He can handle himself, he doesn’t need to be coddled but at the same time, Erwin _does not lie_ to him, and his whole world is slowly tipping upside down.

 

“You don’t agree?” Erwin sounds curious.

 

Levi shakes his head yet again, eyes still closed, opening them only when he feels the large hand shift from his neck to the top of his head. He doesn’t look up yet.

 

“Why not?” Erwin doesn’t sound angry, only concerned, like Levi is simply misunderstanding.

 

“It’s not your fault, Erwin. You didn’t set me up to fail.”

 

“Oh, katze,” Erwin says with deep pity. His fingertips knead into Levi’s scalp. “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t take the responsibility?”

 

“But it’s not your fault,” Levi grinds out. It surprises him that he’s not angry. Instead, it feels like he’s trying to persuade Erwin, to force Erwin into seeing this his way, that it’s a losing battle. Erwin doesn’t lie to him, but Levi can’t agree with what he’s said.

 

“Levi.” His name caressed in Erwin’s gentle, coaxing tone makes his head snap up, eyes wide. “I saw that you were unsteady, and instead of settling your mind before the mission, I sent you out to deal with it unprepared. And _that_ is why you were unable to shoot Kenny Ackerman. Your disobedience is rooted in my missteps.”

 

“I couldn’t shoot Kenny because.” Levi stops, unable now to think of it. Just a minute ago, in the motel room, watching Nanaba get cut into and stitched up, he’d been able to think on it clearly, but everything is now muddied and unclear.

 

“Because I left you uncentered,” Erwin finishes for him.

 

When Levi shakes his head, it’s weak. Erwin is looking him in the eye with a soft smile on his face.

 

“Yes, it is. I know you want to be strong for me, but listen to me: your failure is the result of my negligence.”

 

“It’s not your fucking fault!” Levi snaps now. The word is beginning to lose meaning in his head, repeated too often, morphing into a strange sound devoid of sense. What does it even mean anymore to be at fault?

 

Erwin doesn’t correct his use of foul language. All he says, like he’s amused while speaking to a small child, “You’re confused, sweet boy.”

 

“I’m not,” Levi insists, but the doubt is already tugging on his thoughts. Erwin doesn’t lie. Feverently, he tries to push out the doubts. “I’m not confused, Erwin, it’s not your fault.”

 

Erwin ignores him. _“Shhh,_ my boy, _shhh._ Use your words for me. What are you blubbering?”

 

“I’m not blubbering,” Levi growls. He’s speaking clear as day.

 

Erwin quirks his brow in genuine concern. “Katze, boy, what’s wrong? Tell me.”

 

Levi tries to pull away from the hand in his hair but the other snakes along his scalp, the fingers lacing behind his head where skull meets neck. “I’m not confused.”

 

“Speak clearly.” Erwin’s hands guide Levi closer instead of letting Levi put distance between them, the insistence diminishing the desire for space yet not completely extinguishing it.

 

“I AM.” Levi says it firmly, with no room for argument. But Erwin only brings Levi’s head down against his chest with a rushing soothe of _shhh_. Levi fights, putting his hands on Erwin’s shoulders and pushing until he flops back and into the opposite car door. The vehicle rocks.

 

“This is what I mean,” Erwin says, closing the distance between them again, cornering him, placing his hands back on Levi in the same fashion. “You’re confused. You don’t understand what’s happening. Calm down. It’s alright.” More slowly, he repeats, “It is alright.”

 

“Erwin--”

 

“Say it.” The man pokes his thumbs into the bottom of Levi’s chin, the rest of his fingers steadfast on Levi’s nape, forces Levi’s head back at an unnatural angle. He’s closed in between Erwin and the car door. He doesn’t remember why he’s disagreeing with Erwin at this point. Fuck, his lungs are so tight and his brain is so muddy, and he’s beginning to feel the pulls of unconsciousness at the edges of his mind. At being told he was confused, Levi had begun to agree with Erwin that some uncertainty was creeping in. In response, his mind is smoothly murmuring encouragement for Levi to trust in his man and everything his man says, to put down his fight and let Erwin take care of him.

 

After all, Erwin gives him everything. He feeds him, clothes him, _fucks_ him when he’s a good boy, gives him purpose, home, belonging. He’d had no one looking out for him for ten years, the first of which he spent in and out of foster homes on a biweekly basis. There had been so many families who firmly believed that they could offer Levi what he needed, but in the end, they had surrendered him back to the system, unable to keep a handle on his behaviour. It’s only now that he’s in his forever home with Erwin that he can understand.

 

Those families had given him too much choice. They’d wanted to bring him normalcy by pretending his trauma was nonexistent, by ignoring it, by sweeping it under the rug. They’d wanted to treat him like a regular fourteen year old boy, as if he wasn’t struggling to learn to write with two missing fingers, as if he hadn’t spent six weeks in a hospital bed until the twin breaks in his legs had healed, as if he didn’t walk _funny_ despite the physical therapy. They’d avoided looking at him from the right side, pretending not to notice the keloid forming, until his hair grew long enough to cover that scar where the cartilage of his ear had been removed. Long sleeves even on warm days met with a pitying smile and a kind question of _cold?_ instead of respecting the fact that he didn’t want the old proof of lacerations on his body to be ogled.

 

He’d been cut up for slaughter and watched his mother’s guts spill onto the floor, and those families had smiled and given him a curfew and encouraged him to make friends with his peers. Had talked to him about his plans for the future, for learning to drive, for college, not shutting up long enough to ask Levi if he even imagined himself living that long.

 

A year, a whole fucking year he’d put up with that before sending himself to the Sina’s only high school that offered boarding. His lawyer had managed to get his mother’s life insurance to pay out despite his age, and it had been expensive for him to spend three years at the school, but he’d found some small amount of normalcy there. He’d had little choice. His schedule was laid out for him, and while he didn’t fully recover from his experience at the hands of the Organisation, he remembers Dr. Zoe remarking about how much more stable it had made him.

 

That’s why, after barely scraping through graduation, Levi had holed himself up in a cheap apartment. He didn’t want to work, felt the variables of regular day-to-day life to be too uncontrollable, so Levi had forced himself to fit into a budget well below the poverty line. Rent for a tiny closet of an apartment. Prepaid minutes for an out-of-date mobile phone that he only used to schedule therapy and doctor appointments with. In exchange for his information after escaping, the government had guaranteed him health insurance without any costs to him. That was nice, at least, and it kept his cost of living low.

 

But still, choice had fallen on him. He had to decide everything for himself. To get up, to dress, to eat and exercise and wash himself. _Erwin,_ though. Erwin decides everything, and all he needs from Levi is obedience. His life is easy now, removed from the stress of managing for himself. Erwin is so good to him, even now trying to coax Levi into a sense of security.

 

Levi remembers feeling anxious before the mission when he was with Nanaba eating biscochitos, but he doesn’t recall the reason. He remembers Erwin speaking lowly to him while Armin and Mike drew out the mission plan, but the words evade him now. He remembers the mission, he remembers getting to the room with their target and he remembers Nanaba twisting--

 

Erwin’s mouth slips across his own and Levi’s thoughts extinguish like candle flame. It’s not a full kiss, just a sensual brushing of lips, and Erwin still making contact when he whispers, “Say it.”

 

“It’s alright,” Levi parrots, surrenders. He has, perhaps, been awake for too long. He can’t keep a handle on himself or his thoughts or reality. Thank God for his man, for Erwin, always there to anchor him and provide him with the truth when his own brain cannot put the pieces together. Erwin will always give him what he needs.

 

“You only disappointed me last night because I failed to correct your state of mind. Say it.”

 

Levi wants to deny it, to reclaim the responsibility for it, but Erwin’s tongue pushes between his teeth and he’s lost in the brief kiss. His mind is a foggy harbour at midnight, clarity a lighthouse beam coming only intermittently. But Erwin, Erwin is the docks for Levi to make his shelter in.

 

“I disappointed you because… you failed to correct my state of mind.”

 

“That’s my good boy,” he praises quietly when they part. Erwin pulls up a bag from the footwell and sets it in his lap as he continues speaking, his firm and commanding tone bouncing from all angles of the vehicle’s interior and becoming an overbearing sound in Levi’s skull. “I will set your mind at ease and bring your focus back, katze, but after this, I will not tolerate another disappointment.”

 

Erwin’s voice softens. “You’re so young still, and you need me to look out for you in every aspect of your life, so when you begin to feel off-kilter, tell me. You’re just a child, katze, and while you are truly magnificent, I don’t expect you to be able to hold yourself together all of the time. When you begin to feel anxious, or worried, you will tell me from now on, no matter what. You know that I will meet all of your needs, and it’s good to tell me. Stating your needs and asking for your wants are different things, you must know.”

 

The gentle scolding takes several moments to seep into Levi’s brain like butter melting on hot bread, and by the time he understands what he’s being told, Erwin begins to speak again.

 

“There will be no more excuses. If I am going to do everything to keep you mentally and physically healthy, then you must provide with me the necessary information to do so. I don’t want to find out how unstable you are in the midst of a mission again, boy.”

 

Levi feels a snake around his chest, squeezing him, so all he can do is nod and agree with a pathetic sounding, “Yes.”

 

“‘Yes’, what?”

 

“I will tell you… next time.” Levi doesn’t want to admit that there will be a next time, another instance in which he will be unperfect under his man’s hand.  But Erwin is telling him this softly, his words laced with clear concern, so it must not be something to be ashamed of… right? It’s okay, then, that Levi will not always be his best? But Levi can’t stomach that thought-- it makes him sick-- to fail Erwin again. Erwin, who took him off the street and gave him love and a home and a purpose to his life, Erwin who unapologetically staked a claim on Levi when no one else wanted him. Erwin, who understood that Levi needed to have the stress of _choice_ taken from him, and who did so. Erwin deserves better than Levi has been giving him, and though he agrees to tell his man _next time,_ Levi resolves within himself to keep a _next time_ from happening.

 

“Good,” Erwin murmurs, and pulls the black leather collar from the bag. Just the sight of it makes Levi feel whole. The tension begins to ease from his body. He yearns. “May I put this on you, darling?”

 

The resulting bob of his head is cautious. Levi sits up and offers his neck to Erwin, who cups a hand to the side of it and pushes his thumb into Levi’s adam’s apple just shy of painfully. And then he’s looping the leather through and fastening it to Levi’s neck with a jingling of the identification tags, the pink heart topmost as always. When Erwin is done, he hooks a finger through the front loop where a leash would go and tugs it.

 

“You let your nerves get the better of you and it set you crooked.” Erwin removes his touch from Levi and digs in the bag in his lap again. “Why?”

 

“I’ve never done extraction,” Levi blurts in the sudden absence of his man’s touch. “I--”

 

“Don’t you know by now that I will never put you up to something purposefully knowing you will fail?” Erwin levels him with a stern look. “You have the potential to excel in everything, katze darling.”

 

Levi feels a hot wash of embarrassment at that. He has the _potential,_ meaning that every time he falls short, it is because he did not do his best, he did not put all of his effort into the task.

 

“I’m going to tie you and put you into sensory deprivation,” Erwin says, handing Levi a familiar blindfold, one that they’ve used on countless targets prior to execution out in the countryside. The thick fabric weighs ten-thousand pounds in his hands. “You will feel some panic when it first begins, but I know that you will calm down quickly. Whatever emotions come to you, embrace them fully, and soon, you will feel nothing but peace.”

 

Levi feels his eyebrows push together questioningly and Erwin tilts his head, expectantly. “Yes?”

 

“I….” Levi pauses. “When I was in the basement for three days--”

 

“You were still on medication,” Erwin reminds him, as if that’s the only explanation he needs. “This is will not be torture. Don’t you trust me?”

 

Levi is quick to nod and swallow back his fear, but he’s not quick enough.

 

“You’re afraid,” Erwin states, matter of fact. “You think this will drive you insane.”

 

Levi can’t say otherwise without voiding everything, and Erwin asked him for the truth when they came outside, so he says nothing, letting Erwin’s words become truth instead.

 

“This will feel good,” Erwin murmurs, leaning in close while massaging the back of Levi’s head. They settle, forehead to forehead. “This will feel like going home to death and being reborn.”

 

Levi’s heart spikes into a succession of anxious thumps, but Erwin is there, offering Levi chaste kisses against his lips between words. “You will be alright, darling.”

 

Really, there’s no reason for Erwin to lie and Levi knows this in his bones. His trust in Erwin is so complete, but it’s the dark corners of his mind that host uncensored doubts, and he wants to drive those shadows away. Erwin is promising Levi a clearing of his thoughts, a total reset on his emotional state, and Levi has the nerve to tingle with fear? Pathetic.

 

“After you are centered again, we will go home, and you will be in Mike’s custody. One of two things will happen. Nanaba will survive the trip to Sina and receive proper medical care; when she is well enough, you will go with her and Mike to Denver to help with the adjustment.” Erwin says. “Or, Nanaba will succumb to her injuries, and Mike will discipline you however he sees fit.”

 

At Levi’s sharp intake of breath and very apparent panic, Erwin sets his hands over Levi’s ear and silver-pink scar. It’s muffled when he says, “In neither outcome will he kill you, katze. You have my word. He may hurt you, and make you beg for death, but you will be returned to me.”

 

“Erwin,” Levi whimpers, truly unlike himself, totally at the mercy of his panic for a moment. No matter what, he will be spending some time away from his man, away from his man’s affection. Levi realises with startling clarity that Erwin is foregoing punishment right now because it is coming later from another. Levi has not escaped it completely, only escaped it for a little while. On one hand, the consistency of eventual discipline brings the world back on track, but on the other hand, Levi _hates_ it.

 

“Make me proud,” Erwin says, more commandment than request. “I will never put you up to a task that you cannot complete.”

 

Levi’s lips part but no words make it past them before Erwin is crushing him with a kiss. Biting into Levi’s bottom lip, Erwin growls like a predator feasting, appreciative and hungry. Levi can’t help the way the sound makes him go limp and pliant in Erwin’s grasp, a hunger of another kind driving into his gut.

 

“The next time I see you, my darling boy,” Erwin promises as he nips at the underside of Levi’s jaw, so close to the scar of his missing right ear, “I’m going to spread you open and roll your eyes into the back of your head with pleasure. You will earn that reward, won’t you, my sweet boy?”

 

Levi means to say _‘yes’_ but the crumpled sound he makes falls terribly short. It’s met with a tender kiss to his temple.

 

“Close your eyes,”

 

He does, swallowing back the snap reaction of his anxiety. Erwin places the blindfold over Levi’s eyes and ties it unceremoniously with a knot at the back of his head. Next, Erwin pulls Levi’s hair up on top of his head, tugging it around until it’s all secured loosely, the new air around his neck causing the fine hairs there to stand at attention. Without his sight, every sound is magnified, his own breathing like the rushing of a waterfall. It roars.

 

“So good, katze,” Erwin whispers with a small amount of amazement. Levi can feel fingers sliding through the shaggy hair that had been shaved a few months back. It’s long enough for Erwin to grip in the spaces between his fingers now. “How are you feeling?”

 

Levi mulls his answer for a moment. In the few seconds since receiving the blindfold, the iron bars of his ribs have slackened, and he pulls in a deep breath, relishing the ease. On the exhale, he says, “Better.”

 

“Better how?”

 

“I’m….” He hesitates. “I’m confused, but I can see-- I feel myself....”

 

Erwin hums when Levi can’t find the words, seeming to understand anyway. There’s rustling and then Levi feels Erwin take his wrists and hold them together, a length of what must be nylon rope securing them. It’s not a tight tie, but it’s solid in a way that does not allow for wiggling. The tying continues, Levi’s wrists being set at his breastbone as Erwin binds him in a firm but untight harness around his chest and arms. Large hands settle on Levi’s upper arms and Erwin tells him to tuck his legs underneath him. It takes a bit of balance, but he obeys, pulling his legs up to sit in seiza.

 

The vehicle sways slowly as Erwin shifts his weight around and then he guides Levi down until he has to turn his head sideways, prostrate on the bench. Erwin slips the tennis shoes from Levi’s feet and then rolls the ankles around.

 

“Relax these,” Erwin murmurs, barely above a breath, but it’s incredibly loud in Levi’s ears. After he obeys, Erwin secures his ankles to his thighs, his heels pressing into his buttocks not uncomfortably.

 

Levi is quiet and still while the rest of the rope crosses and knots over his body. Several times, he jerks in reflex, his body unconsciously testing the boundary given by the tie. In response, Erwin ceases the motions and pets Levi’s hair, his fingers running up along Levi’s nape and onto the scalp, pressing in, Erwin’s fingers gripping the base of Levi’s skull in a pulse on the return, before he continues with his task.

 

The authority in the touch lulls him into a deeper sense of security, and soon, Levi is limp against the bindings. Breath that before this was squeezed and forced is now liquid in its flow, unrushed, lazy almost. Pleasant warmth is bubbling up through him, chasing away the last manifestations of his anxiety and bringing him peace just like Erwin said.

 

When it’s done, Levi is rolled into his right side, but he can’t remember if that puts him facing the seat backs or facing away, and he supposes it doesn’t matter. Erwin must know how sensitive his hearing has become, because when he speaks next, it is below a whisper, consonants caught on the barest flicks of his tongue, sounds that would usually be indiscernible. “I’m going to put a peltor on you. I will let you relax until it’s time to go home, and then I will come collect you.”

 

There’s a chaste kiss to Levi’s lips, but he doesn’t reciprocate the action, only receives. He doesn’t remember packing a peltor, but sure enough, he can feel one being settled over his ears.

 

“I love you,” Erwin whispers, mouth on Levi’s cheek, and it’s the last thing he hears before all sound is completely blocked out.

 

It’s disorienting at first. He can feel the rocking as Erwin exits the car, and it gives Levi the sensation of falling endlessly in space. His muscles tense briefly as if to catch himself, but the calmness, the dark and the quiet and the silence, is stronger than any apprehension that could come, and they seize his body in utter relaxation again.

 

It is like death, but he does not fear it. All the times before, facing the void of nothingness had lit a fire in him, had burned his senses and left nothing but scatterbrained ashes behind. This time is different. This time, Erwin had guided him down to the abyss, and that fact has made Levi strong enough to face it without being afraid.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are exactly two people out there who will know why this chapter was so hard to write. thank you for listening to me~
> 
> i love chatting about this story, so feel free to tell me your thoughts :3


	14. Dream Catcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shorn sheep are sheep nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have the best readers and i want to hug you all. thank you for all the hits, comments, kudos, bookmarks, and subs. i'm incredibly humbled!
> 
> warnings: signs/symptoms of trauma
> 
> ch15 on 10 July (p.s. if rda/bcb were to be happening irl, levi would be taken next monday, 26 june!)

 

 

 

 

“It’s a fitting torture, long and drawn out,” Mister Smith agrees. “Are you sure about it?”

 

“Yes,” Armin says, dropping his gaze to his lap, his stomach churning anew. “Yes. I don’t think I’d be able to…. I don’t think I’d be able to shoot him. Hyperserotonemia is a passive way to… do away with him. I’m sorry that I can’t... I’m sorry.”

 

“I see no reason to apologise, Armin.”

 

Armin purses his lips and breathes in deep through his nose. Nanaba has been in the back for a few hours already, Mike and Levi with her, leaving him alone with Erwin and silence in the dim waiting room of the women’s clinic. Armin is still drained from yesterday’s trip back to Sina, but even now, he’s unable to rest, gripped instead by the worry for Nanaba’s survival.

 

When Erwin had come back into the motel room without Levi yesterday morning, the tension had eased barely enough for everyone to settle into fitful sleep. Mike had stayed next to Nanaba, his fingers in a light grip over the pulsepoint of her wrist, as if he didn’t want her to slip away without his knowing. Despite the several times Erwin had reassured Captain Berner that Nanaba was stable, and Berner had told Mike that she would survive, there were grim glances between Erwin and Mike that told Armin otherwise.

 

Death Itself feels like it is about to finally be introduced to him, whether first through Nanaba or through Arthur Copperson. He’s known people who have given up the ghost, going far away from him and never coming back, but he’s never witnessed someone dying directly. Armin doesn’t remember the accident that claimed his parents, but he remembers his grandmother dying, tucking him into bed one night but failing to wake him the next morning. He’d been six years old at the time, and it was the closest he’d been to Death until his grandfather’s disappearance. And now, he’s expected to beckon Death with his own hands and offer it a sacrifice. In his head it sounds like something straight out of his best friend’s spellbook, and that fills him with instant, distant longing. It’s been less than a month since he left Denver, but Armin hasn’t been able to contact her yet and he knows she worries like a mother might. When he’s officially promoted to lieutenant, he will be able to safely reach out to her, and perhaps convince his higher ups to trust her as an operative. He can only hope that she will forgive him for pulling her into this life.

 

The travel had been easy yesterday; the rain had broken some time in the early afternoon, and road conditions in northern New Mexico and southern Colorado had improved enough for Raton Pass to open. In the unspoken sense of haste that hung around Nanaba and her condition, Armin had been the one to suggest getting back to Sina as early as possible, abandoning the plan to interrogate and dispose of Arthur in the ravenous mountains. Mike pushed for it but it didn’t seem like Erwin resisted anyway, so he retrieved Levi to clean him up as Mike and Armin got everything together. Armin laid the blankets and towels in the back of the silver rental Santa Fe to keep the interior from being stained, and when they were safe from prying eyes, Mike carried Nanaba out and climbed into the cargo area with her.

 

Erwin had placed Arthur in the footwell of the backseat, and Levi, looking more relaxed than Armin had ever seen him, settled on the backseat bench. That left Armin upfront with Erwin driving, no noise but the monotonous tones of the looping weather alerts fading in and out on the am radio station. The rain picked up again in Springer, heavily pelting drops of water that made Armin vaguely nervous for a reason that he couldn’t pinpoint, but the roads were still open, and they would not risk a stop.

 

By the skin of their teeth, they made it through Raton Pass. The higher in altitude that they rose, the more wintery the conditions became, the summit nearly a white-out, and all their roadway companions crept along behind a snowplough with hazard lights flashing. On the downward slope from the mountain, the radio blared the warning for an impending road closure, and as they came into the next township of Trinidad, Colorado, they could see the side of the road going into the Pass was barred.

 

Nanaba had woken in the Pass, the rise in altitude bringing her to painful consciousness, and so they’d stopped to medicate her at a rest area just past Trinidad on El Moro Road. With the excitement from the previous night dulled, appetites had awoken with fierce determination that drove them back into the town in search of a meal. There was a Safeway still open in the face of incoming snow and ice, and luckily they seemed to be the only ones interested in it. Erwin and Armin-- a little embarrassed to be in public in pajamas and a hoodie at that time of evening while Erwin was in a respectable suit-- had gone in to procure food for the group while Mike fueled up the car at the nearest gas station. It was too cold to turn off the vehicle’s engine and its heater, so they’d sat in the back of the Safeway parking lot until everyone, save Levi and Arthur, had been fed.

 

It was easy travel again after that. Even after the sun went down, the temperature stayed just above freezing, and the roads were simply wet instead of slick until they finally drove out of the storm’s reach. For a little bit, Armin had drifted off. When they reached Colorado Springs and the traffic thickened, he’d been roused by the slowing. When he moved to check the time on his phone, Armin found it was dead, but made no move to rectify the issue, instead finding the half eaten bag of crackers from earlier and polishing it off to fill his churning stomach. Erwin had been the first to speak, assuring Armin that they would be back in Sina safely in a few hours, and had asked Armin how he was feeling. Armin had looked around the vehicle before answering. Levi was buckled up in the seat directly behind Erwin’s, his head slumping forward and swaying loosely with the movements of the vehicle, asleep again as he had been most of the day. Mike was nowhere insight, presumably laying down with Nanaba. Armin had shrugged and counted crackers as he ate them, in and out of sleep, until Sina’s lights came into view a small while after midnight.

 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he’d woken on the loveseat in his borrowed apartment, still in the previous day’s clothing and clutching his dead mobile phone in sweaty hands. Mike had knocked and given Armin a twenty minute notice for departure, where-to Armin had not known at the time, so he’d showered quickly, eyes closed to keep from looking down at his traitorous body.

 

When he’d emerged from his shower, his bags from the trip to Albuquerque had been set along the wall right inside his door, and while he usually did not go in public without some amount of makeup, just the thought of digging it from his bag made him sick. Instead, he went to the small chest of drawers at the foot of the twin bed under the window, deciding to compensate his fresh face with his favourite sweater, pink knit jersey under an overlay of gold lace, the sweater his best friend gave him, and he missed her terribly. He wanted to speak to her and be comforted by her, and more than anything, he _missed_ her.

 

The sun was cresting the streets blindingly from the east when they arrived at the women’s health center down the street from the Sina Regional Medical Complex. All of House Street was home to Sina’s physicians and specialists, neatly bundled along the perimeter of the downtown area between business and historic districts. A few streets over in the historical district, were old homes renovated into offices for psychiatrists, well-manicured, home-like settings meant to foster comfort and relaxation in patients. Armin had never been to Doctor Zoe’s office, but he knew it was nestled in with the rest, and that she lived more south of Sina in a modest middle class addition near an elementary school, not quite close enough for her to walk to work.

 

“Sir,” Armin says now, curious, “you said Doctor Zoe aided you with the hyperserotonemia trial on Levi. Will she be able to help me with Mister Copperson?”

 

Erwin, sitting beside him in the stiff chairs of the waiting area, hums in thought. Nanaba, currently, is under the hand of obstetrics surgeon Grisha Jaeger, with Captain Berner acting in assist with Grisha’s son, a young man that Armin had not been introduced to.

 

Mike had carried Nanaba past the waiting room and followed Doctor Jaeger into the back, taking Levi with him. In fact, Levi had not even spared a glance at Erwin all morning, something truly odd, as Levi almost never took his eyes from his handler, always waiting for a command or an order to be carried out; the fact that he followed Mike instead of staying here with Erwin piques Armin’s interest.

 

It is the varying personalities of pets that seems to allude Armin. Nanaba acts largely of her own will and desire, though she heeds Mike when he takes a step up. Levi, however, seems more hollow, more dependent on being filled with Erwin’s will. Armin doesn’t know how much of that comes from who they were before their training, or whether it is the differences in the way their handlers reared them, and he finds his fascination threaded through a moral sense of repulsion.

 

They are people, but they are _property,_ and only officers within the Organisation can own them, but not every officer does. Erwin has allowed him to read select files. There’s a general trend in the overall process of bringing an unwilling person under Organisation control; Erwin uses a specifically tailored process to address the different needs in each person he breaks to insure efficiency; ordinarily, Nile takes the shattered husks and creates for them a new personality so very expertly, whether for business or pleasure. Armin knows, from digging through his computer, that Judge Zacklay owns a harem of pets, but the finer details of it remain a mystery.

 

Armin remembers the sharp fear he’d felt that very first day, when Levi gave him a neat little laceration on the back of his neck. Immediately after sending Levi away, Erwin had explained to Armin how to best deal with Levi, part of which meant offering small insight to the details of Levi’s training. Armin had been nervous about asking to see Levi’s ear on that ride back to Sina, but in the end, Levi had shown him the shiny scar and Erwin was right, it began to make Armin’s position of power above Levi clear. There were, for the first week, times in which Levi figuratively bared and snapped his teeth at Armin, but it was clear that he was all bark and no bite, and Erwin muzzled him into submission in the end. Now, Levi treats Armin with an aloof sort of acknowledgement, choosing to ignore him for the most part, interactions tinted with inferiority.

 

Armin is glad that owning a pet is not an expectation for all officers within the Organisation. To be accountable for another person in that magnitude, to have to provide them with all of their needs and closely monitor them, undermine them and micromanage them, reward them and ration out their rewards or wants, it is too much for him to imagine. Maybe that’s the youth in him, the fact that his seventeenth birthday is in just a couple weeks, but he still feels so far from being an adult. It’s so weird, though, to think that he might one day be in Erwin’s place, and then he can understand why having a cold-blooded killer at his every beck and call would be advantageous.

 

He struggles with his fascination as it battles his morality head on. Does he eventually want to _own_ someone? To have who they are dependent on his perception of them? It is, no doubt, a massive undertaking and heavily taxing, but when he looks at Levi while Levi is looking at Erwin like Erwin personally carries his world, the return seems, though far away, worthwhile.

 

“Uh, Colonel, sir.” It’s the surgeon’s son, standing at the doorway into the back, that brings Armin to the present. “It’s done.”

 

Erwin, almost imperceptibly, jerks with anticipation before he gathers himself and rises with carefully paced ease. “We will come see her. Thank you.”

 

The surgeon’s son nods and comes all the way out so that he can hold the door for them to enter first. Armin follows Erwin, who seems to know exactly where to go and he wonders how many times Erwin has been here with a patient receiving bribed care.

 

They pass dark exam rooms until they come to one that has _‘Removals’_ on a placard above the doorframe, and they enter into a downsized version of an operation theatre, meant to fit into the same standard two-hundred square-foot space of the other exam rooms. Mike and Levi are already inside, blue gowns thrown over their clothing but no traces of blood. They must have been observing.

 

Everything has already been cleaned up, and the smell of blood in the air is masked almost completely sanitisers. Nanaba is on her left side, facing Mike, unconscious, an oxygen mask secured over her mouth. There is an IV pole next to her with a few bags of clear fluids, their corresponding tubes running down and disappearing between the thick blue sheet over her. The surgeon stands over her, checking for a pulse in her exposed wrist, and when he is satisfied with his findings, he tucks her hand under the sheet again.  

 

“Thank you for taking our emergency, Doctor Jaeger,” Erwin says. “I’m afraid we are still searching for a full time physician of our own.”

 

Doctor Jaeger spreads his hands and tilts his head in a mildly accepting gesture. When he speaks, the thriving Boston accent takes Armin by surprise. “Call me Grisha, it’s fine. Let’s leave this girl to some quiet. Please, follow me.”

 

They’re all led, minus Levi, back up the hallway and around to an office. The lights inside are already turned on, and the computer hums quietly alive below the desk and out of view. Everyone shuffles in but no one sits.

 

Grisha says, “Moblit says you’ve got your eyes on Hanji. She’s been your psychiatric lead?”

 

“That’s correct.” Erwin gives him a small smile. Armin doesn’t know how involved Grisha is and for how long, but he doesn’t seem to put Erwin at odds. It’s more like the cordial truce of strangers who respect the potential threat they are to one another, though it's clear that neither wish to upset their balance. Armin, not for the first time, wonders how many people Erwin has under his strategical fist.

 

Grisha crosses his arms and taps his hand against the opposite upper arm. “Well, this isn’t coming from me, but the board is barring her renewal.”

 

This brings Erwin to attention, and Armin can see a barely concealed gleam of pleasant surprise in the man’s eyes. “In all fields?”

 

“No. She’ll have the option to certify and license as an MD instead, if she decides to.” Grisha turns to pick through something on his desk, and when he turns around again, he says, “I believe housecall doctors are making a comeback. I’m sure some persuasion will help her come to the decision you need.”

 

“The bar is persuasion enough,” Erwin says, not in disagreement. “And she has been informed?”

 

“Her renewal is January, I assume so.”

 

Armin’s attention is pulled away from their conversation by a gentle brushing along his arm. When he twists his head in reflex, the surgeon’s son is standing right next to him, and Armin jumps back, into the hallway again, more than a little startled.

 

“Ah, sorry!”

 

Up close like this, in whatever light joins them from Grisha’s office, Armin feels lured in and cornered, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. The surgeon’s son looks at him questioningly and then takes a placating step back.

 

“I’m sorry,” he says again. His accent is more western than his father’s, though Armin can hear traces of northeastern in the vowels. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you okay?”

 

Armin remembers hands on his body in places that still ache when he moves certain ways, and he wraps his arms around himself and nods. Half turning away, he looks down but keeps the young man in his peripherals, nods. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

After a moment of silence, Armin sees him carefully extend a hand.

 

“I’m Eren,” he says. “Are you a recruit, too?”

 

Armin wipes the hem of his sweater sleeve over his cheeks, grateful that he didn’t wear eyeliner when the fabric comes away damp. He lifts his glasses to rub his eyes, and when they’re back in place, he lifts his head and offers a polite smile while he crosses his arms defensively, hands gripping elbows. “Yes. I’m Armin.”

 

“You’re really pretty. How come I haven’t seen you around?” Eren drops his unshaken hand, sounds more curious than anything, and it reminds Armin of a puppy wanting a friend to play with.

 

“I work directly under Mister Smith,” Armin says, more shyly than he meant to because of the compliment that he’s trying to ignore.

 

Eren’s face is overtaken with clear surprise, and Armin realises how nice it is to see emotion clearly again. So far, everyone he’s been around for the last few weeks is so stoic and straight-faced, even Nanaba, though she is the most apt to smiling, but she’s still a long way from openly expressive.

 

“The colonel?” Eren says with reverence. His brown hair seems to rustle with life in his excitement. “Wait, are you the kid from Denver? The one the colonel went to retrieve _personally?”_

 

Armin suddenly feels a spark of panic at the implications Eren is giving him. “I, ah--”

 

“Eren, please,” Grisha says from within the office and that reins in Eren, who takes another step back from Armin, as if his enthusiasm is capable of inflicting harm.

 

There’s a moment of awkwardness between them that Armin dispels by asking, “What’s your… ah, role?”

 

Eren’s thick brows push together and then lift in understanding. “Ah, I’m a sniper!” He exclaims proudly, pantomiming aiming a long rifle and firing, over animating his pretend recoil. It’s cheesy, but something about the lightheartedness makes Armin smile. The last couple of months have been a strenuous race of negativity, and this is a momentary break from it.

 

“I haven’t been on a real mission by myself yet,” Eren explains, “so I haven’t made any rank. But you were just on one, right? That’s how Major’s pet got hurt?”

 

There is excitement underlying the way Eren talks about it, and it makes Armin’s gut twist up, banishing the small moment of joviality. _Hurt._ That’s such a simple way to put Nanaba’s state, a simple way to put Armin’s state, though it is invisible, it is not any less painful, and Eren almost makes it sound like Albuquerque was meant to be _fun._

 

“Yeah.” Armin is a moment late, breaking the struggling flow of their conversation. Usually, he would be conscience of his social behaviours, but he’s still drained from the party and the subsequent compartmentalisation of the events.

 

“Yeah,” Eren drawls, scratching the back of his head. “You’re about to be a lieutenant, right? That's pretty cool.”

 

“Um,” Armin says outloud. Eren’s excitement makes him want to go back to bed for a long, long time and rethink his decision to reach out to the Organisation in the first place. “Yeah.”

 

;;;

 

Nanaba will stay at the clinic overnight, because it compensates for opening on Saturdays by closing on Mondays. Armin is still a little shook to think that it’s only lunchtime on Monday, that this time on Friday, they were packing up to leave for New Mexico. It’s been a single weekend, and in the span of seventy-two hours, Armin has lived an entire lifetime.

 

He does not unpack his bags completely when he gets back to his apartment. He takes the remainders of the clothing he borrowed from Miss Marie and puts them neatly into the Givenchy tote that Arthur gifted him. He doesn’t bother washing them, they weren’t on his body long, and hardly any of it is wearable anymore, anyway. Perhaps, he thinks with melancholy, he is crying out, he is needing to show someone what happened to him without having to say the words. Already, Saturday night is becoming a black hole in his memory, his self-preservation soothing his rattled brain by swallowing everything whole, but at the same time, it wormholes. If he has nothing else on his mind, he gets taken out to sea in a vicious undercurrent of memories that his body responds to in ways that are more than real.

 

To combat it, Armin practices his mindfulness. He takes his tasks, all of them no matter how insignificant, and focuses on them. Every texture or taste, he takes it in until he moves on to the next, and he does not allow his mind to wander, otherwise it will end up opening closet doors and peeking under rugs where he’s managed to sweep away the monster.

 

The fur-lined coat is at the clinic with Nanaba, and Armin intends to let her keep it if she survives. No physical representation that proves Saturday night truly happened can be allowed to stay. He needs to strip himself clean of any reminders of--

 

His stomach lurches and flutters, his heart pounding. Armin doubles over and slaps his hand over his agape mouth, the urge to vomit strong but still suppressible. Instead, his body pushes out saliva in preparation, and when the wave passes, he washes his hands in the bathroom and avoids looking in the mirror.

 

He gets everything ready to take downstairs to the tavern and give Marie, and then falls asleep fully dressed in his bed instead. It’s a sharp set of knuckles on his door that brings him to consciousness several hours later.

 

Muffled, through the door, Levi’s voice, _“Hey, kid. Dinner at Erwin’s.”_

 

Armin wipes a hand over his face and turns around to look for his glasses in the rumpled blankets. He slips them on and runs his fingers through his hair, realising that he’d sweated some in his sleep and now part of his hair shows telltale disorderliness. His phone is still dead on the kitchenette counter, and he figures Levi must have been sent when he never responded to any messages.

 

_“Kid... Armin,”_ Levi calls again after another set of knocking.

 

“Yeah,” Armin croaks, swallows spit as quickly as he can to sound soft and unscratchy. “Yes, I’ll be right there!”

 

Levi is still waiting outside of Armin’s door when he opens it a few minutes later, and everyone is piled into Erwin’s place when they make it down the hall: Mike, Nile, and Hanji on the bench parallel to the wall, Moblit on the opposite bench with Andrew, and Erwin at the head of the table, which has been cleared of all work paraphernalia. Someone has prepared dinner, a home cooked spread of herbed chicken breasts nestled in rice and normandy blend vegetables that coaxes out Armin’s appetite successfully on sight. There’s a place setting between Erwin and Andrew, so Armin takes that spot, expecting Levi to sit at the empty end of the table, a little surprised instead when Levi gets on the floor at Mike’s hip. From his vantage point directly across the table, Armin can only see Levi’s face from the eyes upward, and Mike pats the top of Levi’s head with one of his eclipsing hands in a manner that is mocking. Erwin is pointedly ignoring it.

 

Armin has friends whose parents are divorced, but still get together for things like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter. He remembers hearing about the tension birthed from those gatherings, like pulling a violin string too tight, wondering whether it will be this twist or the next that will snap it, whether the string will cut through skin or not. That’s what this dinner feels like. The serving dishes are passed around the table and no one eats until everyone is served, even Levi where he kneels on the floor with a small bowl on his hands. They spend the first five minutes in the sound of forks and knives on plates, glasses of water being lifted and set back down, ice crinkling, before Andrew says, “Right, so, I get two new hires, yeah?”

 

Erwin finishes chewing before he replies. “It appears that way. Nanaba will pull through after all, which is extremely fortunate.”

 

Mike, who is at the corner next to Erwin, cuts his eyes over for less than a second, something dark like unsatisfied bloodlust that makes Armin’s ears ring with the sound of Mike’s fist smashing into Levi’s skull, Levi crumpling on the spot like a controlled demolition, Nanaba’s flesh being sliced, Arthur’s low crooning--

 

Armin’s fork and knife clatter loudly onto the plate when he drops them to cover his ears. No one looks his way save Hanji, and she studies him with the eyes of a psychiatrist, finding her answer in the set of his body, no doubt. _She knows,_ Armin thinks, and it doesn’t strike him with shame, but with cherished relief. _She knows._ Slowly, he brings his hands down and takes up his utensils again, a tremor in his movements that he hides by cutting through his chicken breast until it’s in several dozen pieces.

 

He needs someone to know. He needs someone to take the weight from his shoulders and dig it a shallow grave and burn it to ashes. It’s a fitting desire, he understands, because that is the fate lying in wait for Arthur Copperson, and Mike’s bloodlust must be contagious. Armin wants to find his closure and he knows how, and his sanity is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t, so he has nothing to lose.

 

Andrew says, “Great, I always need extra help at the end of the year! Hey Ally, are you and the girls coming down again for Christmas?”

 

“David is taking them to Hawaii with Julie,” Hanji says, but she doesn’t sound at all upset about it. Armin knows that she does not like having her children anywhere near the Organisation, and she says her ex-husband’s name without any venom, so the relationship between them must still be amicable. “They leave the Monday after school break starts.”

 

“Darn, alright, I’ll send them cookies before then,” Andrew says. “Does David still put gingerbread shapes on his tree?”

 

“Probably, but Julie is allergic to walnuts.” Hanji taps her throat. “Anaphylaxis. I like her. Don’t kill her.”

 

“Right, right, alright. I’ll be careful.” And it sounds sincere, not the false kind of sincerity born of malicious intent. To Moblit, he asks, “What can I have Nanaba do?”

 

“Sit and look pretty,” Moblit offers and takes his glass to drink.

 

“So, like a cashier? Mind the shop?”

 

“Get her a stool to sit on. She lost a lot of blood, and even with a transfusion, she’s going to be weak for a while. The use of her right leg is gone, but she should be able to walk with a forearm crutch or a cane.” Moblit sets his empty glass down. “What do you think, Mike?”

 

Mike is attentive but unengaging, shrugs. His thoughts are elsewhere.

 

“We get busy from the week before Thanksgiving to around the new year. Will she tolerate full shifts so soon? I’ll schedule Levi as the other front.”

 

Erwin looks to Mike who looks to Levi, and Levi keeps his head down as if he is not being discussed. This stare down lasts only a moment, but Mike says, “Work him hard.”

 

“Or that, too,” Andrew says. “Not dishes, I guess, he’s spacy, isn’t he? He cut his palm last time. I’ve got some heavy lifting he can do and there's always strenuous work to do.”

 

“Good, you’ll have him for a couple weeks,” Mike says, sounding very clearly pleased as he forks the last of his vegetables into his mouth. Levi sets an empty bowl onto the table beside Mike’s matching plate.

 

It’s a little confusing to Armin that Mike is speaking for Levi in the way that Erwin always does, and it finally dawns on him that Mike is taking Erwin’s place right now, or that Levi is taking Nanaba’s, or _something._ Just when Armin thinks he is beginning to understand, something else is unveiled, and while he won’t call the revelations disturbing, there is an element of eerie unsettling in them. He’s glad to have been taken in as a recruit, his autonomy and integrity intact, but it makes him a little sick to think of having that much immense control and responsibility over a human being one day. Undeniably, he is, in a deep down part of himself that he will not yet bring to the light of day, becoming fascinated by the possibility of having a pet.

 

“Possibly longer,” Erwin adds, tentative. “Until I can determine what it is Kenny will want, I need Levi safely hidden in Denver.”

 

“Why don’t,” Mike starts, that bloodlust coming through again, “you tell us about Kenny and we can determine _together?”_

 

Armin can almost hear the clash of meeting swords in his ears when Erwin’s eyes meet Mike’s.

 

“I’d better get going, then!” Andrew seems to know when he’s standing in the way of bigger fish, so he jumps, collects up the dishes, and takes them to the sink, rinsing them and leaving them in the basin to be properly washed later. He does the same quick rinse for the serving dishes and then tucks them under his arm when he leaves after pressing against Hanji’s backside in a hasty, half-hearted attempt at an embrace. Moblit sees Andrew out and then stands at the empty end of the table, arms crossed over his chest and resting his weight on his left leg.

 

The door is just clicking shut when Armin speaks up. “Who else is going to Denver, sir?”

 

Erwin doesn’t look over. He’s meeting Mike’s steel gaze when he says, “Armin, would you please go to the locker and retrieve all of the files labelled _‘Ackerman’_ for me?”

 

Armin lays them out in the order of _Ackerman, Kenneth; Ackerman, Kuchel;_ and two for _Ackerman, Levi._ The first pair are moderately full, on the thin side, but Levi’s are hefty like medical records. Erwin nods his thanks and Armin feels compelled to sit again, mostly because he’s unsure what to do, but he stands by Moblit. It feels safer.

 

Armin is too young to remember Levi’s initial run-in with the Organisation and the subsequent media parade and pro-government propaganda, but Armin knows that it shaped the voting trends and legislature for nearly two years. He knows that the Overturn Acts marked a violent decade in the United States, a time of upheaval and change, and Levi’s escape cemented the public into submission of the new laws. Before that, the Organisation had been seen as little more than a nuisance, responsible for a few deaths here and there, but generally believed to be insignificant in size and unable to persuade more to its cause. And then there had been that weekend in the spring of two-thousand-seven, going on eleven years ago, that everyone realised the true potential.

 

Half of the House of Representatives had been taken out in a single blow, an explosion during a rare Saturday session. At the same time, Kuchel Ackerman, president of the largest pro-government legion in the United States, and her son went missing. There had never been a child victim before, and it raised an outcry that was only mollified when news broke that the young son survived and was safely in police custody at the hospital.

 

Erwin folds his fingers in together and sets his clasped hands on the table in front of him. “Hanji, will you please get Levi out of here?”

 

“Sure,” she drawls happily, as if the tension is exciting to her. “But don’t start without me.”

 

Mike leans his elbows on the table while they wait for Hanji to come back, and rests his chin on his laced knuckles. She doesn’t take long, wherever it is she deposits Levi.

 

“Alright!” She says, leaning her shoulder back against the wall, at Erwin’s side and facing Mike.

 

“Kenny Ackerman is alive,” Mike says. It’s his starting point, where he wants his answers to originate from. Armin can’t help but cross his arms in apprehension. Moblit is tapping one foot.

 

“Yes,” Erwin says. “I made it so that he could disappear for a long term mission breaching Arsa’s illegal prescription drug testing compounds in Florida. For his cooperation, I agreed to wait ten years before taking Levi back.”

 

“You had me cut that boy into pieces for you, only for you to decide to set him free? You swore Kenny crossed us.” Mike doesn’t sound angry or disappointed. He sounds void. It's dangerous, and Armin understands why Levi cannot be present for this conversation. “Can you be trusted, Colonel?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i've made a blog that catalogues ONLY my writing/info/updates, for those interested: [eruriotica.tumblr](https://eruriotica.tumblr.com)
> 
> there's lots of cool stuff in the [series tag](http://minxiebutt.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%3A-rda) too, so have a look see! :)


	15. Bones of Anger, part one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are always fresh tracks after rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if i didn't answer your q's regarding kenny, please remind me in the comments. group convo is hard, guys. thanks for sticking with this story as i continue to learn and grow as a writer! *smooches*
> 
>  
> 
> ch16 on 14 july; ch17 on 24 july.

 

 

Levi's fear turns him into ripe fruit in Erwin’s hands. The boy was sweet and yielding while Erwin tied him with ropes, needing only encouraging gropes and strokes to coax out his beautiful surrender. He told Levi that he loved him in the moment before the peltor cut off the boy’s hearing, and Erwin was not telling a lie. When Levi is submissive like that, afraid yet trusting, Erwin feels a gentle swelling in his chest alongside his pride. Levi is easy to abuse, to misuse; his fear of abandonment, made of his experiences and disappointments, gives birth to desperation that makes him putty in Erwin’s hands, perfect for moulding. Erwin uses that thought to prepare himself before he answers Mike’s question, and it aligns his vision once more.

 

“Kenny Ackerman did cross us,” Erwin says calmly. He has nothing to fear from Mike, but he prefers to keep this after-dinner discussion from erupting. “When he shot your wife.”

 

“Ten years ago.” Mike corrects slowly, impatient.

 

Erwin takes his eyes from Mike and opens the first file, flips a few pages and scans the words before taking it out and setting it before Mike, who does not look down at it. “I forged the report that Kenny Ackerman’s body had been found in Granite Reservoir. I filed all of the paperwork involved all the way up to the death certificate.”

 

“Autopsy?”

 

“Madeleine’s was practice,” Erwin confirms, and it feels empty to say it. “After I filed Kenny’s autopsy under the coroner's name, no one asked to see the body. I got away with it.”

 

“Was there ever a body?”

 

“No.” Erwin doesn’t pretend that it makes him better not to use a decoy. “There were no witnesses. I  _ found _ Kenny in the reservoir. I filed the reports.”

 

“Why.” Mike is not at all cooled. 

 

“Arsa’s compound in Florida, abductees are used for private pharmaceutical trials without consent. The information gathered is tweaked and reproduced several times until approval rates are met. This is how they have guaranteed the release of medicines that are unsuitable to the public. I needed a mole.”

 

“Saw that need ten years ago?”

 

“Fifteen,” Erwin corrects and it scratches his skin. Mike realises just as soon as Erwin says it. It’s closer to sixteen than fifteen that his father’s empty casket has been in the ground. “Armin.”

 

“Yes, Mister Smith?” Armin takes a step forward even though there is a tremor in his voice. 

 

“You told me, when we met, that you believe your grandfather to be dead, and that you only wanted to know the circumstance to gain closure.”

 

Armin swallows without answering, his lips parting around an exhale.

 

Erwin looks back to Mike and Mike raises his eyebrows under his bangs before he says, “Think your old man and his old man had the same end?”

 

“I know it.” Erwin doesn’t need to look at Armin to know that he’s wide-eyed. “These disappearances are the same. My father poked around in secrets the same as William Arlert.”

 

“My… grandfather… is alive?”

 

Finally, Erwin looks back at Armin, to the tears pooling in his eyes. “It is a possibility.”

 

“My grandfather--” Armin gets caught on a gasp. Hanji, who has been watching from where she stands at Erwin’s side, goes to him and embraces him. A few indistinguishable words emerge from the embrace but Erwin turns his attention to Kuchel Ackerman’s file.

 

“Kenny knew that Kuchel was on our hit list. I don’t know why he didn’t fight us,” Erwin lies. Kenny’s tip-offs are the reason she evaded capture repeatedly. “He did, however, disagree with the use of fourteen-year-old Levi.”

 

Mike knows what Erwin means. Erwin had been the one to decide, explicitly, each of the injuries that marr his boy’s skin. Erwin had wanted Levi’s ear taken. Erwin had meant, all those years ago, to brainwash the boy and embed a purpose into his brain and set him free to accomplish it, very similar to how he has Levi now. It had been crucial that Hanji was Levi’s psychiatrist-- after Erwin agreed with Kenny to wait-- so that Erwin could keep a foot in the door of Levi’s mind. Ten and a half years ago, Nanaba’s training was only recently solidified and Erwin had been eager to take the reins on his own pet, but he’d instead perfected his art of breaking people. Levi is his now, wholly and solely  _ his, _ and the wait is of no detriment to Erwin’s original goal.

 

“What he ask for?” Mike scratches at his neck with one hand, passes the unread paper back to Erwin with the other.

 

“Kenny wanted me to wait ten years. He offered me anything in exchange.”

 

“I wonder why,” Mike says without inflection.

 

“Oh!” Hanji pipes up. “Uh, my notes, Erwin, what Kenny said--”

 

“Exactly.” Erwin interrupts. “During Levi’s last moments with his uncle, during their escape, Kenny told him not to be afraid to die, should the Organisation come for him again.”

 

“I never got that ideation out of his head,” Hanji says. “Kenny had wanted Levi to kill himself.”

 

“He asked for ten years because he believed Levi would be dead by then.” Erwin clears his throat and sighs. “It was not entirely selfless. Kenny knew his head was next on the chopping block. Our agreement was based on self-serving advantages. He’d never had much contact with Levi because he disagreed with Kuchel about her pregnancy. He wanted her to have an abortion.”

 

“So the old dog has half a heart, after all.” Mike is amused with the statement. “Whatever happened to Kenny’s kid? You didn’t keep track of ‘em.”

 

Erwin’s heart thumps in his chest because he has indeed kept on eye on Kenny’s child. Armin is quiet in Hanji’s arms, but he’s still listening. He must hesitate a moment too long because Mike says, “You did, didn’t you?”

 

“I did,” Erwin confirms but does not offer details. The girl’s file is under a false name and Mike will not go digging for it. He puts them back on track by saying, “Kenny has all of the information I need on Arsa’s testing compound, and I don’t think he’ll part with the information for free.”

 

“Do you think he’s going to ask for Levi?” Hanji asks, her chin tucked on top of Armin’s head. “He didn’t die and Kenny didn’t want him with us.”

 

“Yes.” Erwin is not afraid of that even though a vulnerable part of him says that he should be.

 

Hanji guides Armin to sit on the bench while she asks, “What was he doing in Albuquerque anyway?” 

 

“After this long, he’s probably risen in the ranks, and he may answer directly to Arthur now. That would explain why he never contacted me again after the first year. For a while, I assumed him to be dead, but I honoured our agreement nonetheless.” Erwin sighs again, and it’s beginning to feel like he can’t keep hold of his breath. “Kenny must see this as a winning situation for him. If he means to spite me, then he wins.”

 

“What about Kenny’s kid?” Mike asks, dragging them backward a step. “What happened to her? Use her for bait.”

 

“Do you think Kenny will care for a child that he hasn’t seen in a decade? A child that calls another man ‘father’? She’s of no use to us.”

 

Mike narrows his eyes at Erwin and tilts his head like he’s coming to realise something. “What was her name?”

 

“Mikasa.”

 

“Mikasa Ackerman,” Mike says it slowly.

 

Erwin closes his eyes for a long inhale. Mike is taking a gamble. “Yes.”

 

“Sir,” Armin pipes up, voice wavering, “I know someone--”

 

“Yes, Armin, and it is coincidental,” Erwin tries to assure him, and truthfully so. 

 

He’s expecting to need to talk Armin down but the young man surprises him by saying, “I can contact her.”

 

“Do not take this lightly,” Hanji warns, suddenly very grave. “Once a person makes contact with the Organisation, there is no escape.”

 

Armin doesn’t even seem to register that. “I can contact her,” he says again, gripping the edge of the table with his frangible fingers. 

 

“Armin,” Hanji says, takes a step closer, and Erwin can see her facade changing. “Whatever loneliness you’re feeling after what happened with Arthur, do not sell out your friend to soothe it. You’re not alone here, don’t do this.”

 

“Kenny won’t take the bait,” Erwin backs her up. 

 

But Mike has found an angle and he intends to play devil’s advocate. “Why not? Made a deal with you to save Levi and he didn’t even want him born. Why  _ wouldn’t _ he try to save his own kid?”

 

“Please,” Armin says, looking directly, bravely, at Erwin. “Let me contact her. Let me bring her in. You’re the acting leader. You make the decision.”

 

Everyone looks to Erwin and Erwin sits back in his chair. Armin’s words are born screaming with finality. He thinks through Mikasa’s file, her lack of outstanding skills and qualities, but he knows that training works wonders. It doesn't seem like she's the kind of person to join willingly, but maybe she'd be more concerned for Armin than herself. There’d be no problem with her disappearance-- she’s a regular run-away with a juvenile rap sheet.

 

“You can contact her after your promotion. Set up a retrieval guised as a meeting. You will be wholly responsible for her after she is in custody, do you understand?”

 

“Erwin,” Hanji growls, “Don't authorise this.”

 

“Mikasa Ackerman is an adult,” Erwin says. “She was born in nineteen-ninety-nine.”

 

“Armin is not yet seventeen,” Hanji defends. “He cannot do this. There is no going back on an impulsive decision like this. Mikasa will be forced to live and die by his hand!”

 

“Do you belittle Armin’s maturity?” Erwin sees an opportunity and he takes it. “Do you mean to invalidate his sacrifices because he is too young?”

 

Hanji points a finger-gun at him. “Don't twist my words around--”

 

“Armin decided to offer his body, and that was fine? But now that he wants to bring us another member, you don’t think of him as mature enough to decide?”

 

The bristle that ripples through Hanji is violent, and in its wake, she is stone when she declares, “You think you’re clever with this scheming, but your wires are tangling, Erwin.”

 

“Perhaps.” Erwin has the gall to smile at her.

 

“You’re not going to survive this storm you’re brewing.”

 

“Perhaps.”

 

“Can you at least refrain from dragging everyone into an early grave with you?” She pleads, maternal and pained.

 

“No.” Erwin tips his head. “Failure is a possibility but not an option. You’ll be thankful for everything on the other side. Now, lieutenant, sit down,  _ please. _ We were discussing Kenny.”

 

Hanji forms fists and swallows like she’s extinguishing her anger. The seat she takes is on the corner of Erwin’s sofa instead of at the table, where she is just inside Erwin’s peripheral vision. The way she’s pulling away like this, she must know that Erwin knows she’s barred from renewing her license, falling right into the palm of his hand to be the physician he’s been pining after. That is, however, not a table discussion, but better as a private one.

 

“It’s very likely that Kenny will come here unannounced, so the sooner Mike, Nanaba, and Levi are in Denver, the better. If Kenny wants to trade information for Levi, then I will agree to it, with a clause. No immediate turn-over, I will deliver Levi to Orlando. I need time to bite into Levi a little deeper after having him away from me, until I’m confident that he will come back to me.” His boy’s birthday is coming up in two months and Erwin knows exactly what he will do. He’s going to overwhelm the boy with spoiling, make Levi’s heart a molten pit so that the manipulation slips into him fluidly, unnoticed. 

 

Erwin is going to need to offer Levi the truth about his initial torture, to build trust, because if Kenny is the one to tell Levi the truth, it will weaken Levi’s loyalty to Erwin. There is also a good possibility that Levi will reject Kenny, for being absent from Levi’s life when he needed him most, when he was a ghost passing between foster homes. Still, Erwin needs to plant a seed in Levi’s mind in such a way that Kenny does all the watering for him, growing the seedling until a vine stretches up beautifully and takes over Levi’s mind.

 

“It sounds so easy,” Armin says. “What about Mikasa? Will taking her be too revealing?”

 

“We will retrieve her after I speak with Kenny,” Erwin decides. “I need to prod his attachments to avoid stepping on a live wire.”

 

Whatever anger Mike harboured before this conversation seems to have waned into resignation. “So you’re not sure about Mikasa?”

 

“If Kenny is still looking out for her, then it’ll keep us even. I don’t kill his, he doesn’t kill mine. Kenny cannot expose the Organisation without exposing himself  _ and _ Arsa. Even with a plea deal or immunity or witness protection, the price on his head would be hefty and inescapable,” Erwin says with his own brand of resignation. 

“I am still interrogating Arthur and disposing of him?” Armin asks. 

 

“Yes. His head is worth more in jar than on his shoulders.”

 

“Lucky you, I’ve got all supplies to do that for you,” is the first thing Moblit adds to the discussion. Erwin smiles with a sinister gladness at the imagery of cowing Arsa’s operatives with Arthur’s head, literally.

 

“That’s barbaric, Erwin,” Hanji interjects before anyone else can speak. “Are you going to exert power over his operations and take them for yourself?”

 

“As lucrative as that option is, I rather plan to withdraw any Organisation involvement cleanly and then take the information to the authorities anonymously.”

 

“I’m done here,” announces Mike, placing his hands flat on the table and standing. “Going to pick up Nanaba, I’ll be back for interrogation. Doing that here, right?”

 

“In the basement, after the tavern closes.” Erwin smiles but Mike sneers. 

 

Moblit smoothes a hand down his face. “I’ll go see Marie about a drink.”

 

“I’ll go with you, I have something to return to her,” Armin says.

 

Erwin looks over at Hanji once they’re alone. She stares back, arms tight over her chest, so Erwin matches her body language. Knowing when she’s being toyed with, Hanji sighs loudly, exaggerating, and brings herself over to the sink, presenting her back as she fills the kettle and sets it in its cradle.

 

“Who told you?”

 

“Grisha Jaeger.”

 

Hanji’s shoulders don’t slouch or show any sign of defeat. “So, I guess you got me, after all?”

 

“Only with your cooperation. You’re looking at captain, you know, after so long inactive.”

 

“Captain or death,” Hanji says clearly. “Not a choice,  _ Colonel.” _

 

“Always a choice,” Erwin answers with genuine affection. “You are skilled in many areas, Hanji--”

 

“Don’t flatter me,” she snaps, looking over her shoulder. “You got what you want. No need to butter me up over it. I knew, the night Levi’s missing person report was dismissed, exactly what was coming. And you’re right, if you’re thinking I was pulling away from you. But. I’m back now. At your service.”

 

“It’s a pleasure, Captain Zoe.”

  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also my irl is a mess so thank you to everyone who puts up with me :')


	16. Bones of Anger, part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are always fresh tracks after rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to be a day late, i didn't get the chance to proofread last night. 
> 
> also, thank you to the five new subscriptions since Monday. i'm crying happy tears, guys. thank you so much to all my readers. y'all are too awesome <3
> 
> ch17 on 24 july or check out my [calender](https://eruriotica.tumblr.com/post/162823023558/update-schedule)
> 
> WARNINGS: torture, needles, murder, body burning. i went vague with it this time.

  
  


Hanji reads from a notebook as Moblit assists Armin in the mise en place. Erwin stays out of their way, standing with his back against the door of the storage room and arms crossed over his chest. Usually, persons under interrogation spend this portion of time in sensory deprivation, but Armin had requested that Arthur Copperson be conscious and alert. 

 

Arthur has been awake since his last dosage of sedatives wore off. There’s a pungent smell of urine in the storage room from when he pissed himself, and Erwin finds it entirely understandable. The whole day, Arthur’s been locked in here alone, waiting. Even now, he waits. Erwin never removed his gag, so he makes muffled pleas, striving for the denied eye contact, but his senses are restored and he’s watching everything that happens before him. It wouldn’t take a genius to understand what’s coming.

 

Erwin wasn’t expecting a gutless, spineless, whimpering man to emerge from Arthur, not after everything he has a hand in, but a good surprise always keeps Erwin on his toes, and he appreciates it. 

 

Hanji can’t decide on a place for her glasses. She pushes them into her hair and a moment later slides them into place on the high bridge of her nose, back and forth until Erwin takes a step forward and plucks them from her face. With the corner of his shirt, he cleans them for her.

 

“I’ve been scraping together the information that I can. Serotonin syndrome is incredibly rare, or at least, underreported.” Hanji is reading from the same notes she took a few months back, on the floor of the living room out at the mountain estate. Levi had writhed so, racked in agony for Erwin that day, and seeing the notebook brings a painful ache to his chest. His boy went with Mike to get Nanaba, and he doesn’t know if he’ll get to see the noirette again before Denver. It’s at Mike’s discretion now.

 

“Does he take any medications?” Hanji asks, tilting her head to the side to indicate Arthur, where he’s bound to the metal fold-out chair. 

 

“Uhh,” Moblit drawls, thinking. “Uh, nothing that would interact with this.”

 

“So, one injection should do it to start and we have three,” Hanji says, pointing to the six syringes laid on paper towel on another fold-out chair. “The rest are muscle relaxers.”

 

“Thank you, Captain.” 

 

Armin pushes his glasses all the way up his nose with his wrist to avoid contaminating his latex gloves. “Mister Smith, should we begin?”

 

“It’ll take time for the injection to work,” Hanji says.

 

“Whenever you’re ready, Armin. This is your interrogation. I’m only here as help,” Erwin tells him.

 

Armin pulls himself as tall as he can and nods, though he looks a little green and sweaty. He’s dressed in black, a tank top and leggings, his hair in a high ponytail with a floral barrette pinning his bangs up. It gives Erwin a fleeting wonder for how Levi might look dressed up delicately, lace and bows and slender cut clothing. It’s only momentary.

 

“Doctor Zoe, please.”

 

Hanji isn’t wearing gloves, so she puts on a pair before she kneels beside Arthur. His wrists are bound to the sides of his thighs, the backs of his hands visible. Tapping one, she says, “This vein is good.”

 

She squeezes Arthur’s forearm to make the vein pop a little more and Armin brings over a syringe. “It’s my first time,” he says quietly, so Hanji shows him exactly how to do it. After the drugs are in Arthur’s body, Hanji also shows Armin the proper cleaning procedure, though it doesn’t matter for now. Arthur won’t live long enough to feel any repercussions for improper exposures.

 

Moblit brings a temporal thermometer and scans Arthur, writes the result on a clean page in Hanji’s notebook. “Let’s begin.”

 

Their prisoner is either smart enough or terrified enough to keep his mouth shut when the duct tape is removed. Armin watches Arthur answer the basic questions-- name, birth date, gender, occupation-- that are easily verified to better gauge a lie, and Erwin watches Armin. The kid is nervous but he hides his clenched fists at the small of his back, keeping his spine reasonably straight. Not bad, Erwin thinks, for the beginning of a first interrogation.

 

Arthur begins to sweat and squirm as Armin digs in deeper. “Do you recognise me?”

 

“The party,” Arthur rasps, dry throat denied water. 

 

“That’s all?” Armin sounds almost disappointed and Arthur nods his head. “You took my grandfather to Florida.”

 

“Lotsa people there,” Arthur says. “That what is about?”

 

“William Arlert,” Armin says. “Is he at your compound in Florida?”

 

“Who?”

 

Erwin sees the movement ripple its way up Armin’s body and into the backhand that smashes across their captive’s temple.  _ That _ is more like it. Armin is a nice kid and a pretty, courteous one, always yielding to his elders, but to see his anger brim and boil over piques Erwin’s interest.

 

“William Arlert! The pharmacist from Denver!”

 

“Relax.” Erwin steps behind Armin and settles a hand on his back, between the blades of his shoulders. “There’s no rush.”

 

Armin dips his head, exposing the back of his neck to Erwin. “Yes, sir.”

 

For a few moments, Erwin keeps the contact, and then he takes up a place against the door once more. Armin’s torso swells with a handful of deep breaths before he speaks.

 

“Congelinex. He discovered your bluff. It can be abused.” 

 

Arthur groans as his head lolls back. That’s unacceptable, and Armin makes that clear by slapping the captive’s adam’s apple, making his head jerk forward as he sputters and coughs. 

 

“William Arlert. He’s not in Spain. He’s in Florida.” Armin is pausing between sentences, letting his words burrow.

 

“Ye-ah,” Arthur moans, mouth ajar on a tense jaw. His muscles are beginning to spasm and there’s a fine layer of sweat on his forehead and pooling in his suprasternal notch. “Pro’ly dead.”

 

Erwin has been underestimating Armin, because the kid’s anger is skittering just under his skin like maggots inside a carcass. Agony is quickly descending onto Arthur and Armin takes perfect advantage of it, offering relief from the pain for explicit answers, pushing Arthur pasts pleas of “I don’t know!” until answers are laid out bare. Erwin lets Armin decide when this first wave is over, and within a few minutes of administering the muscle relaxers, Arthur passes out. In lingering consciousness, he twitches, and then his body stills as his eyelids droop and close.

 

“You’ve done well,” Erwin says, nodding to Armin. The kid pried out superficial information about the testing compound, and in the next round of torture, Erwin would be able to fill in the gaps, rendering Kenny and his information obsolete. Of course, he doubts that Armin has the guts to cut up a breathing, begging man, and this is Armin’s interrogation, after all. His skills belong to Erwin for this, and his rank comes along when Arthur dies. It would be counterintuitive to hijack this.

 

Besides, Erwin has reasonably good faith in Levi. Truly, it’s not the boy’s fault that he couldn’t incapacitate Kenny in Albuquerque. Even Erwin had been shocked silent in that moment, and he doesn’t have the emotional history with Kenny that Levi has. Sending Levi away with his uncle serves another purpose, as well; Erwin’s had his use of Kenny and it’s time for Levi to tie Erwin’s loose ends. 

 

For her second run-in with hyperserotonemia, Hanji observes without a mad dash of note writing. Circumstance differs this time around, too. She knows what it must feel like and she has an understanding of the human body’s tolerance to this, and she explains an efficient course of action to Armin while Arthur dozes. 

 

The recruit is full of potential, a pleasant curl in Erwin’s throat. For all of Armin’s cuteness, his shyness, innocence, and polite mannerisms that give a guise of helplessness; for all of that, Erwin never pegged Armin as having the vicious teeth that gnash through his gums and into Arthur’s jugular. 

 

Hanji pushes another injection into Arthur’s vein and as the twitching recommences, Armin brings their captive back to consciousness only to dig into him without mercy. 

 

The testing compound is on the edge of the Everglades and while there is not a standard address, Arthur sputters out the coordinates in between jaw spasms. The serotonin storm tortures him enough that hardly a hand must be laid on him to garner cooperation, but Armin lays hands regardless. Erwin doesn’t stop him. Whatever happened on Saturday needs retribution and Erwin will not deny that deliverance. Any trace of a lamb vanishes from Armin as a wolf rips from his skin. Cruelty flourishes but Erwin pays it no mind, favouring his attention on the questions and answers until the usefulness is drained of their captive. Instead of receiving a muscle relaxer, the next syringe tips Arthur over the edge. He thrashes wild in his bindings, shouting incoherently, and then his eyes roll back in his head, quieting the room in the veil of death. With a long exhale, Arthur dies. Hanji checks for the fading pulse while Erwin watches Armin, who’d been standing and staring, unmoving, in the moments leading up to it and now looks petrified.

 

“Congratulations, Lieutenant,” breaks the silence, rousing the boy into his right mind, a confirmation that the deed is done. Armin pulls his deceitful wool back together and dips his head. 

 

“Thank you, sir.”

 

;;;

 

The information spilled from Arthur will not be enough to prevent Erwin from needing to yield Levi to Kenny, but it’s enough for Erwin to negotiate with. He pours over files, filling in the gaps of his knowledge, until Mike texts him near midnight that they’re ready to take Arthur’s body to the junkyard for burning. Having Armin accompany them seems to keep the peace while they drive out into the county limits, and after a hasty unloading, Mike disappears inside with Max. The dogs stay outside, seeking the unique warmth of an autumn night’s fire.

 

The weight of his actions finally breaks through to Armin and Erwin fleetingly remembers Levi in the same position, kneeling behind his truck, vomiting and crying all over the rear wheel. While he saw Levi at dinner and he knows Mike will give his boy benign neglect in Denver, Erwin allows himself an indulgent moment of worry. It’s been four months since he snatched up his boy, and oh how beautiful Levi broke for him, but is it enough time between them to prevent Levi from defecting? Kenny, no doubt, will try to undo all of Erwin’s hard work. How quickly will Levi be able to follow through on the mission Erwin will plant in his subconscious? His work is cut out for him, and he has from now until he retrieves Levi from Denver to orchestrate.

 

It only then dawns on Erwin that he will  _ miss _ Levi, that he already misses Levi. This punishment is discipline double-sided. Levi will long for Erwin’s kindness and vow his obedience, while Erwin’s suffering teaches him to provide Levi whatever he needs for success. No more wild expectations, no more threats of disappoint as Levi’s only fuel to push past his limits. Erwin needs to slow himself. Nanaba took so much longer to set straight, and she  _ never _ fails Mike. Erwin should take the same approach and let his vanity burn. Levi does him proud enough as he is, and Erwin is greedy to expect slack-jawed awe over his pet.

 

Tomorrow is Tuesday already. Moblit’s last day in Sina for the week. Darius arrives back by Friday. Erwin needs to make his two newest promotions official, write his reports, see to it that--

 

“Mister Smith?” Armin edges close to the fire’s light. “Can we go back yet?”

 

Erwin side-eyes the kid. “The truck is unlocked. Lay down if that’s what you need.”

 

“Yes, sir.” 

 

Gravel crunches under foot and the truck door slams a touch too hard. Erwin studies the flames and the embers that remain of Arthur. The smell of burning meat is fading, that’s how long he’d been in thought, though it felt like hardly a minute. The weekend still drags on the corners of his mind. He’s tired. So much has happened.

 

And he won’t even have Levi curling around him, begging for affection even in his sleep. Sleeping together on the sofa is tricky business, but when Erwin thinks of settling down without Levi’s weight, it feels too simple. Levi will likely be curling up alone on the floor at Nanaba’s feet. He will sleep alone. There will be no one to hold him and stroke his scars. Erwin’s boy sleeps terribly when uncared for. Mike knows that Erwin has been giving Levi mild sedatives to coax his slumber every night, and Mike is not so invested in trying to spite Erwin that he may discontinue that.

 

“Katze,” Erwin puffs out in a cloud. “Darling.”

 

Mike’s temporary custody is awakening dangerous things, because in the end, Levi is disposable. Erwin cannot allow himself a truly genuine attachment. The moment Levi begins to threaten the Organisation, Erwin will have to kill him. If Levi rips free of Erwin’s control, there is no amount of mind breaking that will ever undo him again, no rebuilding that will be structurally sound. Levi’s life depends on Erwin’s ability to lure him as deep down the rabbit hole as possible before being surrendered to Kenny; it depends on Levi killing Kenny and returning to Erwin like a loyal hound after the hunt. A taste of freedom needs to scare Levi, needs to frighten him into longing for the stability and safety that Erwin gives him.

 

Mike clatters down the steps from the trailer, carrying a walking cane meant for his wife and Erwin understands then, seeing the glittering gold of an eagle’s head for a handle, what he needs to do.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ready to meet kenny? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
> 
> every comment you guys leave makes me grow stronger. i'm like the hulk now <3


	17. Angelica, Archangel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Licensing, rehoming, and breeding require a master's hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch18 on 4 september.

Through the fog comes her first cognitive thought, and it's the realisation of how pleasant she feels. Nanaba remembers a barrel aimed at Levi's head and giving in to her instinct to shield him, and then Nanaba remembers fading in and out, her agony a lighthouse beacon. Death had felt like a companion in those times, It's bone-chilling hand in hers and leading the way into deep water. She'd welcomed It to take her, but Death had only been bringing her to safer shores.

 

She is in a clinical setting, the lavender walls of the recovery room washed in the warm glow of a dim lamp. There is an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. Every deep breath feels like it presses against the walls of her lungs. Her eyes catch several sets of plastic tubes leaving the blanket over her body, and she follows their tails up an IV pole where clear bags of fluid are attached, and then her gaze continues past it, to dark oblivion.

 

She briefly glimpses flashing streetlights and stairs, and when Nanaba wakes again, she is in her own bed, a dusty morning’s pink sunrise filtering through the curtains.  

 

The sounds of shuffling boxes lulls her body into relaxation much stronger than the agony can drag her into consciousness. She remembers leaving the ranch, the sounds of cardboard haunted with her mother’s hushed cries. The land had been theirs since Wyoming’s statehood, several thousand acres in the north near Yellowstone, and a refusal to sell eventually found the Nanabas’ property seized, the family groups given no more than thirty days’ notice. Homes and barns built over the spread of generations, livestock lineages tended to carefully, her clan’s heritage sewn into the earth, all nothing in the end, nothing but a placeholder for commercial gain. 

 

Her great-grandmother had taken her cheeks, fluffy still with baby fat despite being thirteen years old, and explained, _ “Madeleine, we are going to Sina, the big city in the south where they speak English.” _

 

Nanaba jerks awake with a moan, having stretched in a way she should not have. Hands are instantly on her, at her forehead and neck, coaxing her back down. She didn't realise she had raised up. Someone out of sight is shushing her. 

 

“Mike,” she croaks, the dryness in her throat only hitting her then. She tries to swallow, but her mouth feels packed with cotton balls. A straw comes into view and she takes to it before it's verbally offered. It feels like cool relief on her tongue and throat, but it hits her stomach with a violent lurching, so she stops before she can drink her fill. As her body sinks back down into her bed, the exhaustion from the small movement is overbearing. She sleeps. 

 

It's bright again when a firm hand on her shoulder wakes her. The first thing she sees are the bags of clear fluid hanging on the IV pole. 

 

“Hold her arm out.”

 

There's small hands on her left forearm, pulling it from where it's curled into her chest, twisting it to expose the vessels on the inside. The fingers on the maneuvering hand are bony and some are missing-- Levi’s. He’s alive and he’s with them.

 

She blinks away creeping darkness as a cool alcohol pad wipes down the length of her forearm. Plastic tears, and then she can see Mike’s hands, large and tan and weathered hands hidden by latex, precisely wielding a needle. Into her basilic vein the needle goes without any sensation, and Mike works quickly to get a flow into her body. 

 

“Not woken up at all?” 

 

“For a moment this morning. That’s when she drank.”

 

“A few ounces hardly count.” Plastic crinkles like it's being gathered for throwing away, and when Mike speaks again, he sounds farther away. “Have to keep her hydrated.”

 

Levi doesn't reply, but she can feel his hand on her chin, tilting her to look upward. Their gazes meet and Levi looks vaguely relieved. She hasn't seen bags under his eyes since he first arrived in July, but the mottled bruising there now is terrifying. 

 

“She's up now,” Levi says before Nanaba asks him anything. “Looking at me with focus this time.”

 

She can hear Mike’s hurried footfalls, and then he's in her line of vision, pushing Levi away. Mike looks like heaven’s gates have happened, a frantic mix of different kinds of gladness.

 

“There you are,” he says like worship. “You came back.”

 

_ “I'm here,” _ she means to say, but her voice catches in her throat. 

 

“Don’t talk yet,” Mike says. He’s petting her, his hands smoothing down from her forehead to her jaw and over her neck. “I’m going to call Hanji to look at you. Can you drink water again?”

 

Just the thought makes her gut tighten in disgust and Mike, who can read her like fine print from arm’s length, changes the subject. “You didn’t wake up from the anesthesia.” He catches the quirk of her eyebrows. “You did when you were alone?”

 

She tilts her chin down. Mike understands, “Not for long,” and she hums. It feels like a dream now, but Nanaba remembers a brief moment of consciousness in the clinic, and she had been alone in the dim room. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Mike shifts forward and touches his forehead to her temple, the hair along his upper lip tickling her chin. “Shoulda been there.”

 

Nanaba purses her lips and Mike must feel the movement because he explains, “Armin interrogated Arthur.” She purses her lips again. “Killed him, too. Burned at Dad’s.”

 

The hum she gives makes Mike sit back and resume petting her, trying his best not to look worried, but she cannot let that expression go unchallenged.

 

“What day is it?” She croaks out. “What’s happened?”

 

Mike bristles before he tells her, “Tuesday.”

 

Air rushes out of her so quickly that she feels lightheaded, she feels dizzy, she feels almost certain that she does not actually exist. It’s never taken her so long to wake up from anesthesia, meaning her brain voluntary remained asleep to aid in tremendous healing. Mike rushes to supply information, talks to her about the drive back from Albuquerque, the stop in Santa Fe that delayed them, how smoothly her surgery went early Monday morning, the projected recovery time. Her ribs on the right side are badly busted up, and she has miles of stitches there where she was cut open twice. Grisha had saved the kidney that took a bullet and it might eventually return to nearly normal function, but three bullets clustered in her femur and split her sciatic nerve in an irreparable way. Despite the uselessness, the leg was not amputated. The blood loss required transfusions. It’s a miracle she didn’t die before they stopped in Santa Fe. It’s a miracle she’s well in mind without brain damage. It’s a miracle that right now the bags on her IV pole are only to hydrate her, kill the pain, and stop an infection. 

 

Nanaba has questions, wants to know all the details, wants to know why Levi is with them, but Mike presses his thumb against her lips. “Shh. Think you can eat?”

 

After being spoonfed a flavourless cup of oatmeal, Nanaba feels exhausted again. She drifts in and out, trying not to shift too much even though there’s a restless vibration running along her body. The painkillers only work when she stays still. Too much movement, and they’re not strong enough to prevent the nerves screaming at her when she pushes an injury in a way that it should not be pushed. 

 

She doesn’t realise that she’s fallen asleep until she hears Hanji calling her name gently. Nanaba’s right side feels aflame and she groans into the pain, stuffing her face into the crook of her elbow to hide childishly, as if she can banish it by refusing to look. Now that she is beginning to feel every inch of her body again, the perceived nonexistence of her right leg has her feeling uneven, off balance. It’s one step closer to real.

 

Hanji gets Nana’s catheter undone and Mike gets her to the bathroom, testing out her tolerance for the pain. She feels distinctly human after getting to brush her teeth and wash her face, and Mike takes her to their couch after. It is an avalanche of pillows, meant to keep her injuries from strain while letting her give her left side a break from bearing her weight. Nanaba’s never had bedsores and that is not something she wants to experience.

 

Hanji inspects her there, movements speaking for her lack of practice. It’s not like Nana is in a rush. The last lingering dose of pain medication is making her sleepy and the hot throbbing in her side makes her close her eyes. She’s shaken gently by Levi every time her eyes are closed for longer than a handful of seconds. The boy does not take his eyes off her. She returns his gaze as often as she can, when Mike’s eyes are otherwise occupied with Hanji’s explanations. 

 

Levi looks so small and ill, so roughed up. Her heart yearns for him. After seeing the ease at which his own uncle aimed a gun barrel at him and planned to blow his brains out, Nana wonders about Levi’s sense of belonging-- selfishly, knowing that Levi must have been punished for Nana’s protective action, she wants to know if Levi still considers her as his friend. The thought consumes her, makes her run in circles to justify both sides of the argument until she sighs down into the nest of pillows, unconscious.

 

“Moving down to Denver tomorrow,” Mike tells her the next time she’s awake. Their apartment, the last decade of her life, is packed away neatly in just two dozen cardboard boxes. “Hanji cleared you for the travel. Moblit will check you out when we arrive.” After he explains to her the next move, Mike grudgingly says, “Levi’s coming, too.”

 

She perks up some at that. She’s not familiar with the properties in Commerce City, and Levi recently spent a whole week there. Not just that, but it sounds like Mike is going to be extremely busy as they settle in, taking over from Moblit as Mike will become the highest ranking officer in Denver. Erwin wants to get the houses in order for operation and has tasked that to Mike, something about their time in Sina coming to an end. Having Levi to keep her company makes her feel at ease.

 

She loves Levi, her friendship with him more benign than a forced circumstance. Most of the working pets went to Monterey when Erwin and Nile were done with them, and any interactions Nanaba had with them felt unnatural anyway. For so much of her time here, Mike has left the leash between them long and slack, and to see pets muzzled and harnessed with their handlers’ boots in their necks, there's always been a sense of…  _ difference _ between her and them. And while Levi has Erwin’s boot on his neck, he's not squirming with anything other than desperate enjoyment and scrabbling to get Erwin to press his boot deeper, harder. That's what sets him apart. 

 

The boy had been so afraid when she met him the first time and until she understood his mannerisms, Nana had thought Levi hated her. He was truly cat-like, eventually coming and rubbing against her legs to ask for attention, purring when she gave it to him, showing her his belly. The change had been so gradual that she'd hardly realised it until the morning that he crawled into bed with her after she bit Mike, the day Erwin blacked her eye and strung her up like a slaughtered hog for punishment, the day Erwin carted Levi off to Denver and then punished him with solitude after the return. 

 

Nanaba dreams again, this time of Levi. He drags her through a desert and to an oasis and throws her into water to drown her. 

 

“It’s nothing to worry about yet,” Hanji is saying when Nanaba fades back into consciousness. “This is extremely taxing on her body, and the fact that it’s made it this far is incredible.”

 

“Hanji,” Mike sighs, gutted. “You were there, you read her file--”

 

“I know. These kinds of things can grow back. I thought Grisha was mistaken, but he produced a quantitative result. There’s no denying it. We need to get a date for it, to better understand whether there are risks.”

 

“It cannot continue,” Mike says sternly. “You understand? If there is even a  _ chance _ that something could go wrong.”

 

“I know.” 

 

Nanaba turns her head and the two look at her sharply, faces full of concern and guilt, but she can’t hold in the question despite the alarm blaring in her head. “What is it?”

 

Hanji looks at Mike who doesn’t look back. He’s reading Nanaba, judging whether or not to present her with the information he has. With skittish caution, Mike leans in close on the couch, his hand sliding around the back of her neck, fingers at the base of her skull. The first time he says it, she doesn’t hear him. She sees his lips move, form the words, but her brain does not process them. For a moment, she feels nothing but crushing disappointment, she wants to die, to tear her skin from her body and her hairs from her head and  _ die; _ but then the feeling passes and leaves her separate from herself and she can breathe.

 

“I’m,” she whispers, imploring, “pregnant?”

 

She refuses to even entertain the idea until she sees it with her own eyes, undeniable in existence, during her check-up after travelling. 

 

“Perfect,” Moblit says again, sliding the probe along Nanaba’s abdomen. “Baby’s heart is textbook, no abnormalities. Good heartrate, sounds great.”

 

“That's all there is to worry about?” Nanaba’s not taken her eyes from the small screen on the portable little machine this whole time. 

 

“Did you want to have the amnio done?” Moblit finally moves the transducer probe away and slips the plastic cover off inside out to contain the gel. Levi reaches over her to clean the residue from her skin with a tissue before taking it with the plastic to the wastebasket. When he gets back on the bed, Nanaba settles her head in his lap again. Moblit is saying, “There's a small risk for miscarriage. Anencephaly would only show up on the ultrasound, and I'll scan you very often to check baby’s growth anyway.”

 

“I… I don't know.” Nanaba watches the frozen image on the screen, a little bean measured from head to rump, 12+1. She'd been so obviously sick with Noah, and this time around she’s nearly completed the first trimester without even knowing she was pregnant. Having taken lithium, congenital heart defects are the main risk, but somehow her baby has a perfect heart, a perfect body, even a brain. She does not yet dare hope,  _ can not _ allow herself to love it yet,  _ not yet, _ but she wants to. She looks forward to the day it might become a reality. Her baby. It has been so long that that phrase was weighed down with grief, and now it is weightless, buoyant, and strange instead. 

 

Moving down to Denver has exhausted her physically, and processing all the changes life had given her in less than a week has taken all of her mental energy. She did nothing but sleep on a pile of blankets on the floor while Mike and Levi worked around the house, only woke up to get into bed when Levi told her that the frame and mattress were set up. It feels like she's been sleeping for a month but it's only Wednesday night; this time on Friday, she and Levi were in the backseat of an SUV on the way to Albuquerque where her life would change drastically. 

 

Slowly, she is adjusting to the reality of her limited mobility. Mike got a walking cane from his father, one with a gold eagle’s head for the handle. The wound in her side prevents her from attempting to walk yet, but as soon as she can, she will learn how to maneuver with a single functional leg. The hardest part so far is blocking out her right leg in her mind. She sees it there, still attached and pink with life, and she wants to move it, hitting a wall of frustration every time she has to realise,  _ again, _ that there is no feeling or control over it. 

 

“Just think about it,” Moblit says. “Otherwise, baby looks just fine. I’ll come by every night to check on you two, and then we’ll switch to weekly visits in my office.”

 

Mike sees Moblit out, but does not immediately return. After a few minutes, Levi skulks out from under Nana and over to the window to get a view of the driveway. 

 

He splits the blinds, peeks, says, “They’re talking. Mike’s smoking.”

 

Nana sighs and Levi must hear the weariness in it, because he’s quick to get on the bed with her again, stretched out on his side facing her. She rolls so that they’re face to face and then tucks her head under his chin. Levi’s tense body slowly allows the bed to hold him, and then he finally asks, “Are you happy about it?”

 

“Yes and no.” Nanaba tilts her head up so she can nuzzle Levi’s neck. “But if this baby survives, how do I raise it in this environment?”

 

“In the Organisation?” Levi’s arms wrap around her shoulders and she can feel his breath in her hair. “Or just Denver? Because this is a really nice neighbourhood. The schools for this district are probably all fancy or some shit.”

 

“The Organisation,” she clarifies. “I don’t know how Hanji has managed to keep her children separate from everything. She’s too touchy about her girls for me to ask.”

 

“I think she would understand you wanting to know,” Levi murmurs, lips sliding down to Nana’s forehead. “Mike was saying something to Doctor Zoe about having her evaluate you, maybe start therapy.”

 

She bristles at Levi’s secondhand information. “He’ll decide what he thinks is necessary but that does not mean I have to participate.”

 

“Until he orders you to.”

 

“Let me have my blissful ignorance,” she mutters. It is meant to sound playful, but she’s tired, and annoyance comes through instead. Levi responds and she hears it, but she’s not quite listening, and she briefly stirs when Levi gently untangles himself and slips from the bed. Morning comes immediately after that, with unpacking after breakfast and a massive furniture delivery. Their apartment in Sina had felt so cozy with its contents crowded in, but it had been a large studio and this house is so much larger. The living room itself must be the size of an entire floor of their old apartment building. The upstairs is just as spacious, even has a balcony wrapping around the front of the house. The increase in size means that the few pieces of furniture they brought down are terribly sparse and insufficient. 

 

“Who's paying for this?” Nanaba mutters. She sits at the top of the stairs, watching the delivery men team-lift and cart articles around. Mike, standing at the foot of the stairs, smirks and looks up to her. 

 

“Retirement gift from the Colonel.” 

 

Mike carries her down bridal style when the furniture for the bedrooms needs to be taken upstairs. Nanaba takes a residence in the plushest armchair in the den, getting a feel for it. It's a proper recliner, big and fluffy and swallowing her eagerly like a hungry maw. 

 

“How's it feel?” Mike touches his fingers to her side, then her leg, the latter of which she doesn't feel at all. 

 

“It's fine, doesn't hurt.” She can see herself spending time here. The den sits just off the living room through an archway. It is smaller and more cave-like, feels like a place she can come for comfort. There's a large television box sitting at the wall opposite her recliner, with several numbered boxes holding the pieces for an entertainment center. 

 

Mike’s goal is to have their downstairs portion of the house so normal and inconspicuous that they can host guests freely. The last thing they need is to come into a new neighbourhood and behave reclusively, secretively. That only ignites suspicions. They won't be unusual so they'll wedge themselves into the community easily, the wounded war veteran and her dedicated work-at-home husband, settling down and starting a family after the sudden end of a high speed military career. As she recovers, they'll paint themselves as the go-to neighbours, the ‘our door is always open’ couple willing to babysit or dogsit or gossip over a drink. Doing favours for others will gain them trust quickly, and no one will know that they belong to a known terrorist group.

 

“I'll arrange it,” Mike says, nodding at the set up for the television. “Move things how you want them. Den is yours.”

 

“You don't want a man cave?” Nana teases gently. 

 

Mike chuffs through his nose in amusement and slides his hand around the back of her neck, leans in and whispers, “I don't need a man cave when the whole house is mine.”

 

“You're gonna make all the other husbands jealous,” Nana murmurs back, pushing her nose into his cheek. Without her needing to ask he gives her a kiss. Mike tasks Levi out to Nana after that, tells him to get her anything she needs as soon as she asks. She pats the recliner seat and Levi is quick to climb in on her left side so as not to rub against stitches or jostle fractured ribs. 

 

“I go to Andrew’s tomorrow,” Levi tells her. “I don’t think it’ll be too bad.”

 

“Will you bring me something back?” 

 

“Of course.”

 

;;;

 

Erwin is on his way back from the delicatessen across the road when he smells the cigarette smoke. At first, he assumes Mike is back for another visit and briefing, but as he gets closer, Erwin knows the scent is all wrong. These days, he doesn’t go out without his holsters slung around his shoulders under his coat, but he rounds the corner and finds no barrel pointed, so his own gun stays put.

 

“Where’s my fucking nephew?” Kenny Ackerman asks, no pleasantries, strictly business. 

 

“Safe.” Erwin pulls his keys from his pocket. “You owe me information, Ackerman.”

 

“Likewise, Smith.” Kenny crushes his cigarette with his heel while Erwin unlocks the door. 

 

“Top floor, the Major General’s office,” Erwin directs. Darius is out. Kenny does not sit, so neither does Erwin. 

 

“Let’s make it quick,” Kenny says, hocking up a wad of phlegm and spitting it right onto the hardwood. Erwin does not remove his gaze from Kenny’s face, no matter the distraction. “That compound you ’ere after? I ain't ever seen it, it don’t exist.”

 

“Then, I’m sure you’ve had a marvellous vacation.”

 

Kenny shrugs. “Nah, been running drugs up from Karanes. Ya could learn a thing or two from their business model.”

 

Erwin tilts his head as an invitation. Karanes is an old plantation island, smacked right in the middle of the ocean between Key West and Havana. As far as Erwin knew, no inhabitants remained since the coup forty years ago. Erwin remembers having read somewhere that the US government went in and slaughtered every man where he stood, both slave and citizen alike, to end the stand-off and claim the fertile island as a territory. Sanctions prevented that from reaching fruition. 

 

Everything Kenny says stews with a grain of salt. Erwin has confirmation of the compound’s existence from the coordinates gained in Arthur’s interrogation, but perhaps Kenny  _ has _ been muling, and isn’t feeding Erwin stale information just for information’s sake. He'll entertain this. 

 

“They done cultivated their own market of drugs: cocaine tea hybrids, marijuana spliced into fruit ‘r whatever, whole array a edible psychotics, mushrooms like ya wouldn’ believe. Bananas that can pass customs. I can't even name half the shit they grow there.”

 

Erwin waits without speaking until Kenny lets out a grizzled, expectant, “Well?”

 

“Does the compound cease to exist, or is it that you cannot confirm its existence with your own senses?”

 

Kenny draws his mouth into a scowl. “Can’t I have a single god damned secret?”

 

Erwin tilts his head agreeably. “You may, at a price.”

 

It is not difficult to smoke out the meaning. Kenny is here for Levi, and Erwin would let him keep his information and forfeit his nephew. The bare bones intel is in Erwin’s hands-- he could, in theory, dispose of Kenny and gather his own fine-tuned details, but Kenny is ten years intimate with the inner workings, the history, the infrastructure. It is too valuable. He entertains the wayward idea for a fleeting heartbeat.

 

Kenny moves his head in a considering back-and-forth motion before swatting his hand at the air in mimic dismissal. “Yeah right. Bargain first, then info.”

 

“Your price,” Erwin inquires, inflection absent. 

 

“Ya already know.”

 

“Enlighten me.”

 

“Give me Levi, in exchange I tell ya everything.”

 

Erwin does not ponder long. He wants to draw Kenny deeper, and apparent eagerness will pave that road. “Yes, on two conditions. I get to drop Levi off to you in Florida on a date of my own choosing, and you will provide proof of life as requested for as long as it is requested; in exchange, you tell me every gear in all of Arsa’s operations.”

 

“I can do more than that,” Kenny replies, all boastful pride. “I can even tell ya who oils the god damn gears.”

 

“Then we have a deal,” Erwin says without any true negotiation, as if being cowed by his fierce desire to give  _ anything _ for the info. His polite smile meets Kenny’s sinister grin.

 

An hour later, Erwin records a new greeting on his voicemail, a message of inconspicuous code, and then he sets ablaze the apartment building in its very center. He has good reason now for hastily moving their operations center to Denver, and from the progress Mike has made in the last month, the neat little row of five houses in Commerce City is reasonably ready for occupants. Windows have been secured with heavy drapery,  _ for sale _ signs have  _ sold! _ stickers slapped over them, furniture deliveries have been made. The ruse of a greedy real estate agent needing to suddenly offload the homes matches the heart-wrenching market upset. Erwin smells foreclosures like a coming rain. A perfect time to scout for new recruits.

 

Kenny Ackerman took longer to come around than Erwin had planned. Levi was to be in Denver for three weeks at most, but here now is the sixth of December, a grand total of seven weeks since he’s seen his boy. As it goes, Kenny figured Erwin would send Levi away, but Kenny underestimated his resolve, thought that Erwin had given up on Kenny’s arrival and had brought Levi back by now. Nothing had pleased Erwin more, in that tense moment, than to see Kenny look crestfallen as he realised that his nephew was nowhere nearby. The wait proved to gain Kenny nothing, and Erwin everything. Laying in wait, Erwin had, without Levi for a distraction, schemed for hours until his dreams even saw him hunched over his workspace.

 

Their meeting was ultimately without incident. Kenny’s threats were easily batted down by Erwin’s over-planning. Predictably, an empty-handed Kenny accused Erwin of cowardice for hiding Levi away, an accusation that Erwin took without hesitation. He pulled Kenny into a false sense of security before he bared his teeth, snapping for a taste of blood. And now that his tail is quivering between his legs, Kenny will, without a doubt, leak Organisation intel.

 

The time to move is now, when attention will be focused on witch hunts. Of course, the Organisation has claimed so few of their own  _ crimes  _ that the public is beginning to see them as a government-materialised façade, but there are always patriots looking for a reason to harass their fellow citizens. Some amount of that may be excused as human nature. Asserting dominance has, in past versions of humanity, insured survival; it's not the same now, when a strong society is one that works together. 

 

Erwin does not call Marie as the flames begin to glow through the windows. Insurance will rebuild her tavern. The fire, Erwin made sure, started in the basement where flames would easily travel. It will reach the gas pipes soon, and then Erwin has only to disappear into the night.

 

In the knowledge that moving headquarters was both inevitable and forthcoming, Erwin had done some spring cleaning. Relevant files sit in a plastic sterilite tubs in Max Zacharius’ trailer. Equipment is dispersed between his Sina officers, the ones unable to relocate to Denver. There are no remaining fictitious leases for the apartments, the municipal utility records have been cleared thanks to Armin. According to investigators, they'll discover the building's upper floors were uninhabited and they'll blame the fire on squatters.

 

Sina may have over a hundred-thousand people now, but it's wealthy-small-town laziness has yet to catch up to its population. That is why it has been perfect for hiding for so many years. It'll be switching roles with Denver now, the satellite becoming the headquarters. Erwin plans for the Organisation to grow. Over a decade without any major societal evolution means two things: the rich are complacent, the poor are fed up and looking for revolution. It’s time to collect irons for the fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look okay, everytime i was like "no, mike, she's not pregnant", mike came and tugged my ear and gave me a firm talking to about "it's about god damn time to be giving her some happiness for fuck's sake." 
> 
> next time... the time skip, featuring levi.


	18. Archangel, Angelica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A master's hands are required for breeding, rehoming, and licensing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ch19 should be ready in two weeks, on 18 september! 
> 
> warnings: chapter is unbeta'ed, there's the briefest mention of mpreg, and levi has a naughty daydream.

Erwin downplays the bakery, Levi realised in the first hour of his first day working for Andrew. Of course, Erwin had only taken Levi around in the off-hours, right after opening rush or just prior to closing, so it was only natural for Levi to assume it was nothing special. However, the bakery is a booming business, feeding Denver's hunger for the outlandish goods Andrew and his crew produce. 

 

There is one large group of apprentice bakers employed. The first shift, Levi learns through groggy and foggy sunrises, come in with Andrew at three in the morning. Mike brings Levi at that time as well, to be the extra set of hands in the prep work. Levi carts bulk supplies around as needed. There’s a strict first-in-first-out system and he learns immediately; containers are emptied completely, thoroughly washed and dried before they can be refilled. There are labelled containers of various size for each item of stock, from four gallon tubs to fifty-five gallon drums. It takes a week before Levi picks up the rhythm and can predict what empties when, but there are still days when more containers need cleaning than he anticipates. The other employees are part-time cashiers meant to mind the front of the store, waiting on customers, answering phones, taking orders, and keeping everything tidy.

 

There is a lot to learn, just in the names of supplies alone. There are seven kinds of flour in use here: pastry, all-purpose, self-rising, bread, cake, whole wheat, and semolina; they use nine kinds of sugar: granulated, caster, light brown, dark brown, confectioner’s, pearl, sanding, demerara, and muscovado. Those take Levi the longest to learn. Spices and herbs take less time-- he was averagely proficient in them before, but the differences between them are much more vast than the grain size. There are nuts and candies that he already knows, in the same bulk-sized containers that make his stomach either turn sour and growl. 

 

Andrew lets him pick a treat each for himself and his housemates, the same courtesy he gives all of his employees. By Levi’s fifth work day, he sees that Nanaba has a thing for the tiny prinsesstarta, so he vows to snag them when they’re available on Mondays and Tuesdays. About half of what they make are daily staples, the other half changes depending on the menu according to the weekday, and there are also special orders to be filled, like the flood of apple pies for a wedding that Levi remembers helping with last time he was here.  

 

Levi stays busy at work but he’s always anxious to go back to the house for Nanaba’s sake. Most of her day is spent in her recliner, marvelling at television or reading, usually falling asleep, so isolated now. Mike’s responsibilities are taking him away more than expected, and she’s not well enough to go with him yet; Levi has been tasked out to Andrew and spends ten hours at the bakery nearly every day, coming back in the early afternoon. Her body is struggling to acquiesce all the demands made, and she would be allowed more time to rest without needing to exercise if it weren’t for the increased risk of blood clots that comes with pregnancy. Levi knows that she suffers through small exercises with a smile because of the way Mike praises her for it, says she is his good girl and his sweet girl and his Nanabitch. She preens under him.

 

Mike is busy with his duties late into the night, meaning that Levi does not have to spend too much time around him. He takes Levi through their fitness routine when Levi gets home from the bakery at two, the bus ride taking an hour or so, and then they walk Nanaba. After he gets the pets’ schedule outlined for the evening, he leaves and doesn't come back until around midnight, when they're both fast asleep. Only after he drops Levi off does Mike go back home and get proper sleep, though he somehow manages to get out of bed before his wife to take care of her needs. 

 

Towards Levi, Mike acts with aloof disinterest, rarely using words, usually ordering Levi around with whistles or snaps instead, as if Levi is just a dog in their home. Levi knows this is intentional. This is his punishment for failing to incapacitate Kenny. This is his punishment for Nanaba being injured as a result. But he’d frozen when he saw his uncle, too confused to obey. Even now, he can’t quite think of Kenny’s face without his muscles tensing, his heart thumping in his chest, the low hum of anxiety in his brain spiking. 

 

It’s safer not to think of it, despite living with the repercussions. What works best to calm him when Kenny slips into his brain, unsurprisingly, is Erwin. Levi imagines Erwin, entwining with Erwin, Erwin’s hands,  _ anything _ about his man. He even thinks about the dumb way Erwin rubs sleep from his eyes late at night, resisting. Oh, what Levi would give to be able to brew Erwin’s late night tea or coffee, to serve it, to hear  _ ‘my little katze’  _ with a stroke of affection. 

 

Levi has learned so much, between working at the bakery and taking on the brunt of the housework in Nana’s place. Truly, Levi is eager to get back to his man and show off his new skill sets because he will be able to better care for his man. He misses Erwin, tries to distract himself during every waking moment so that the gaping chasm in his chest does not overwhelm him. It's the worst at night, when he's curling up on the foot of the bed, knowing that Nana is being held by the one who loves her most, and Levi only has his own hands on his body. 

 

Sometimes Nana is in her den when Levi emerges from his shower, like she is today. More often than not, she is sleeping with the television on or her tablet running a show and today is, once again, no different. Levi makes tea for two, her favourite strawberry blend, sets them on the end table between the recliner and the sofa with the box from the bakery. 

 

“Nanaba,” Levi murmurs above the noise of the television. A woman is crying with a TLC logo in the bottom right hand corner. “Nana, come on, let's have a snack.”

 

“I'm up.” She opens her eyes without startling and blinks at Levi with a bleariness that he is getting used to. Her physical state, the enormous stress on her body, is draining her in ways he cannot imagine. 

 

Levi sits on the floor at her feet and invites himself between her knees before folding his arms on her good leg and resting his chin there. Her hand misses the first time, swats at the air above his head, and then she gets it right and cups his cheek, a finger brushing the keloid scar of his missing ear. 

 

Nanaba smiles down at him. “What would you like to watch?”

 

“I don't know what there is.” Save the one time in Albuquerque, Levi hasn't had freewill access to media since Erwin took him in. He rubs his nose into her pizza-patterned leggings when he says, “You decide.”

 

She nods her head toward the screen. “This one is about inescapable debt, the kind people get divorced over. This lady can't pay back the hospital bill for her cancer treatment and her husband left her.”

 

“Fuck,” Levi mutters in disgust. 

 

They're silent for a little a moment before she murmurs, “Twenty years ago, I wouldn't have believed it could get here.”

 

Levi perks up. “Twenty years ago? You never talk about your life before the Organisation.”

 

Nanaba tenses, a wash of fear over her features, and then she settles back down and scratches her fingers along his scalp. “I’m…,” she says, tugging the tie from his hair and letting it free, “remembering.”

 

;;;

 

Erwin calls on the first of November, greeting Levi with an enticingly low, “Hello, sweet boy.”

 

Andrew sent Levi home with an extra blue box, one of the large foldovers ones for cakes. He'd already gotten a trio of prinsesstarta for Nanaba all packed up, but when he went to ask Andrew for clarification on the addition, the pâtissier just said, “On the house.” Nanaba was awake and almost brimming with excitement when Levi got home, but instead of making her way over to see what the day’s treat was, she went to the second, larger box and lifted the lid to reveal a small, modestly decorated birthday cake. 

 

For a while, she had lost some muscle mass, but since taking to a forearm crutch, she's regaining most of her strength, more lively again, reverting the Nana that Levi knows, her resolve at full power. 

 

Levi was taken through his exercise routine as usual, and then they walked their street with Nana between them. Instead of leaving after that, Mike ran out to the grocery store and came back with a big paper bag of things for dinner. Levi expected to have to cook by himself, but Nana pulled up a stool and helped. She couldn't bend and twist too much, but she wanted to have a hand in it as much as possible. After they ate an early dinner, Mike bundled his wife up to protect her from the deep autumn evening’s chill, and on the way out of the door, he told Levi, “Answer the phone.”

 

Their house phone sits on a cradle mounted to the wall in the kitchen, complete with a curled cord, something straight from Levi’s childhood. He's never been allowed to answer this phone-- hell, he'd only touched Erwin’s mobile a handful of times. Levi locked the door behind Mike and Nana, and he walked into the kitchen, looking at the phone as he passed it, suddenly filled with nervous anticipation. Washing the dishes helped to dispel some of his nervousness, but it was still a tickle in his stomach when he finished. Levi wiped down the counters, and when no ringing pierced the silence, he wiped the rest of the kitchen surfaces, too. Every time he passed the house phone, he looked at it, wondered what Mike knew,  _ tried _ not to obsess. Still, when Levi was done cleaning up, he stayed in the kitchen, sitting on a barstool at the island and waiting until finally, his perseverance paid off.

 

“Erwin,” Levi breathes. This is better than he hoped for. It's been two long weeks since he say Erwin, since he heard his man’s voice. 

 

“Did you enjoy Mike’s birthday dinner?”

 

“Yes.” Levi smiles into the phone, his shoulders bunching inward, twirling one finger in the curly cord.

 

Erwin’s chuckles echo over the landline. “He updates me on your behaviour. You've been a good boy, I'm proud.”

 

Levi is grateful that Erwin can't see him, the way he's flushing up his neck like a bashful little thing. This is the first praise he's gotten from his man since Albuquerque and it soothes his spirit. Their time apart is a punishment, yes, but Erwin is  _ proud _ of him. “Thank you, Erwin.”

 

“I'll come and bring you home soon, darling boy,” Erwin promises. “Keep making me proud, katze.”

 

“Yes,” Levi says hopefully, curling the phone cord around his forearm, wishing to be closer. “Of course, Erwin. Anything you want.”

 

“Good boy,” Erwin purrs and Levi feels his knees go weak, feels a hot surge in his blood. “Goodnight, my sweet katze.”

 

“Good- goodnight,” Levi stammers, because it feels so sudden. He wants to beg for Erwin to stay, to keep talking to him and calling him by all manner of endearments. But Levi knows that Erwin gives him what he needs. Erwin must have known that Levi was feeling detached and needed to hear his voice, and so Erwin must have called to rectify that. Levi has no doubts about it. Erwin knows him so well and knows exactly how to care for him, so Levi trusts in that fact and does not beg. The line clicks and goes into dial tone a moment after.

 

Mike and Nana come back a few hours later and Levi is still in the kitchen, replaying the conversation in his head over and over. It was less than a minute long but he's been rolling in it, reliving it. 

 

;;;

 

Erwin calls the next Wednesday after dinner. Nanaba answers it with a chipper “Hello?” and holds it out for Levi. His heart thumps in his chest, traitorously hopeful anticipation, rewarded when he hears Erwin’s, “Hello, my boy.”

 

Levi's knees are weak immediately. Nanaba smiles at him and goes to sit back down at the table to wait for Levi’s phone call to be over. They're just barely in view of one another but she has her attention turned to her tablet. 

 

“Erwin,” Levi says, and before he can stop himself, “I miss you.”

 

“I miss  _ you, _ sweet boy.” There's the sound of rustling and fabric, and when Erwin speaks again, it's more low and husky. “Have you touched yourself and thought of me?”

 

Oh, how  _ badly _ Levi wants to be able to give an affirmation, but he cannot lie to a man who knows everything about him. “I haven't.” 

 

“What if I want you to? What if I want you to fuck your own hand while thinking of me, darling?”

 

Levi cuts a glance at Nana, so sure that she knows the sinful things Erwin is saying, but she doesn't even look up at Levi. His throat is so suddenly dry. 

 

Erwin takes his stunned silence with a predatory laugh. “You will do that for me, I know you will. If I tell you to, you will, because you're my good boy. You love to make me proud.”

 

Levi's knees press together of their own volition and he squirms. Very quietly, he answers, “Yes, Erwin.”

 

His man purrs in response, a pleased-sounding moan of approval. “Such a good boy, my katze. Mike told me about your week. I'm so very pleased with you.”

 

Levi swallows and smiles and blushes, dips his head and curls his shoulders up around his jaw. “Erwin….”

 

“You're so red, aren't you?”

 

“Yes,” Levi whispers. He can feel it in his toes. 

 

“I'll come and bring you home soon,” Erwin promises again. “Keep making me proud, katze.”

 

“Yes, anything,” Levi proclaims desperately, feeling the end of another short conversation is near. “Anything, Erwin. I want to see you.”

 

Erwin indulges him. “I want to see you, too, katze. But your Uncle Kenny wanted to kill you and he's still on the loose. I can't risk your safety.”

 

Levi swallows not with lust, but with anxiety now. He hasn't thought of Kenny at all today, and now that Erwin's brought it up, he feels a pulling in his gut, like his stomach will be yanked out through his mouth. “You're right,” Levi says quickly to try and banish his reaction. “I'm sorry. I trust you.”

 

“Good boy,” Erwin purrs again. “Goodnight, my sweet katze.”

 

“Goodnight,” Levi says, failing at masking his disappointment. He sets the phone in its cradle and stands there for a moment before he realises that Erwin never gave him a clear order about touching himself. However, the anxiety coursing through him at the mention of Kenny zaps his appetite. 

 

;;;

 

Erwin's calls become a blessing and a curse. Levi is on his best behaviour everyday, but he does not get his praise from Mike and Nanaba. Instead, Levi has to wait until the next Wednesday rolls around to hear it from Erwin, and a part of him is frustrated by that. Still, he looks forward to Wednesday nights after dinner. It feels good to have Erwin’s praise. Levi may be under Mike’s hand right now, but it's Erwin that he was made for; his mind and his body and his soul react to Erwin like no other. 

 

Nanaba’s collection of sonograms grows twice weekly. She pins them to the fridge with magnets like a timeline, showing the way her baby evolves from a weird looking piglet to a tiny human, different steps in its development highlighted. Her baby is healthy and active, there's a series of scans from last week that show the baby bouncing around to avoid the transducer probe. There are always scans of the baby’s heart, and sometimes Nanaba uses Mike’s phone to record the sound of the quick heartbeat during their visits with Moblit so that Levi can hear it when they get home.

 

Today, Nana waddles in on the cane, absolutely beaming. “Guess.”

 

Levi only has two options, so he doesn't hesitate to go with his gut. “Is it a boy?”

 

When she gets to him, she digs the scan from her coat pocket and holds it up for him to see. Her baby has its hands in front of its face in the 4-D scan, a little speech bubble coming from the mouth that says, “I'm a shy boy!”

 

Levi grins despite how cheesy the caption is. “A boy?”

 

Nanaba nods, a toothy grin immovable from her face. “Yeah. A boy.”

 

“Oh my god,” Levi says, looking at the scan and then back to Nanaba again. “Oh my god, you're having a boy!”

 

“I'm having a boy!” Nanaba giggles. When Levi hugs her around the middle, coat and all, she snakes her free arm around his shoulders and presses her face into his neck. “Another boy.”

 

Levi can hear Mike's footsteps approach but he doesn't pull back. Nanaba gets to be a mother again. She gets to have a son and raise him and watch him grow, and maybe the Organisation isn't an ideal place for a child, but the baby boy will have two parents who love him immensely and will make it work. The Albuquerque injury retired her, but Mike is still very much active, and Levi imagines getting to babysit on nights when Mike needs Nana to go with him. 

 

“Go rest,” the man says to her, a large hand cupping her shoulder and kneading. “It's a lot of excitement.”

 

Nanaba hugs onto Levi tighter. “Nap with me, Levi.”

 

“Okay,” he answers. “Let's get you up to your chair.”

 

Levi gets her to the den where they strip down and Mike tucks them in together in the recliner. It's going to be a late night, he tells them, so Levi is to make dinner for Nana and bring it to her. Bedtime is at ten. 

 

The whole night passes uneventfully; Erwin does not call and it twists knots up in Levi’s brain. Did he do something wrong? Is there something that Erwin is unhappy with him for? How can he correct whatever his misstep is and earn his man’s favour once more? Or worse… did Kenny get to Erwin? 

 

That makes him sick enough to bend over and throw up in the toilet bowl after he puts Nana to bed. He can't stand the thought that Erwin might be hurt, or even dead-- that's got to be impossible, Levi tells himself. Erwin cannot be harmed. Erwin can outsmart Kenny. But it's the familial ties that tear Levi in half. Kenny is the only family he has left. Yet at the same time, Kenny left Levi to bounce from foster home to foster home, never even reaching out to give Levi hope that he wasn't entirely alone. And then Kenny meant to put a bullet through Levi’s head, got Nana instead. What does Levi mean to Kenny? It's not like Levi has fond childhood memories to reminisce over. It feels like the ties that bind them are dissolved by Kenny’s actions, but when he looks at Kenny, he sees his Mama and it makes him yearn for her. 

 

Levi sits back against the bathtub and wipes a hand across the back of his mouth. His throat burns and his teeth feel fuzzy, but he doesn't get up to clean himself yet. He focuses on the unclean feelings because that's the only thing keeping him from thinking of his mama’s intestines spilling onto the floor. 

 

He concentrates on the way his breathing feels, how it stings his windpipe in the aftermath of stomach acid. This is an old friend. His medications used to make him sick like this all the time, that's how he ended up so thin by the time Erwin gave him a home. Levi grips his upper arms, measuring their diameter with the circumference his thumb and middle finger make. He can't touch the fingertips together anymore. Of their own accord, his hands slide from his arms to his pectorals, cupping the budding muscles, stray tickling brushes over his nipples as his fingers slide to his abdomen. Levi thinks of Nana in bed in the other room, the baby boy growing in her belly, rubbing his own the way she rubs hers now. What would it be like to have Erwin’s children? Would Levi look as smitten as Nana every time he felt a kick or a flip? Lower, his hands go, his thoughts unrestrained, when he thinks about getting pregnant by Erwin, thinks about Erwin spreading him open and fucking him down down  _ down _ into the mattress and spilling seed inside him in long, hot ribbons. 

 

Levi has one dry hand squeezing the base of his cock by the time the pleasure chases him from his daydream. He cums with a silently opened mouth and an upward thrust of his hips, cums so hard that he falls onto his side and passes out. 

 

;;;

 

Erwin didn't call last night and Mike didn't come home in time to take Levi to work, so by three-thirty in the morning, Levi feels incredibly frustrated. He paces around the kitchen, watching the house phone, watching the dark windows for any sign of Mike’s arrival in the driveway. Mike’s house is the first one in the row when coming to the edge of the neighbourhood, so any headlights Levi is waiting to see will not be through traffic. 

 

Nanaba continues to sleep soundly and Levi will not disturb her. She's improving greatly but she still requires so much more rest than she did before. 

 

Levi sits in the chair at the head of the dining table and lays his head down. He had woken in the bathroom with his soft cock still out, covered in sticky dried cum, the wispy remnants of his daydream and wet dream evaporating. Had Mike been home on time, he would have found Levi first, so Levi is at least a little glad to be saved from that embarrassment, but he's ready to get to work. There's too much rumbling around in his head right now. He needs that steady, satisfying distraction. 

 

Finally, Levi catches a glare of light and he perks up, standing and all but running to the foyer where takes his sweatshirt from the coat closet and pulls it hastily over his head. Before he can reach for the deadbolt on the front door, it's unlocked from the outside and the knob twists. Mike steps in, looking at Levi and smirking with the flare of his nostrils. Instead of closing the door behind himself, Mike steps back to clear the way to invite someone in. 

 

Erwin enters the home, shuts and locks the front door behind him. Without looking at Levi, he asks Mike, “Do you return custody?”

 

“Yes,” Mike says without any inflection, already turned to head up the stairs. “I told Andrew he won't be coming in.”

 

“Thank you,” Erwin says, unzipping his jacket and shrugging out of it. Levi is still standing in the way of the coat closet, so he greedily grabs at Erwin’s jacket and puts it on a hanger. After he closes the door, Levi feels a caress on his neck and freezes, uncertain what to expect. Erwin is  _ here. _

 

Erwin is smiling at him fondly, wrinkling the corners of his eyes. “What about  _ your _ jacket, katze?”

 

Levi looks down at himself and feels a pang of embarrassment because he's indeed still in his sweatshirt. He pulls it back off quickly and hangs it up again, and when he finishes, Erwin takes his hand. 

 

“Let's have some water and get in bed,” Erwin suggests, his deep voice unaltered by a landline. He's here. 

 

Levi doesn't know what else to do so he follows Erwin through the foyer, the living room, and into the and kitchen. Once there, Levi springs into action, retrieving a glass from the cabinet and filling it with water from the filtered pitcher in the refrigerator. Erwin thanks him quietly and drinks it in three gulps, sets the empty vessel upside down in the sink. Erwin leads him upstairs and to the bedroom furthest away from the house’s other occupants. 

 

“You look well,” Erwin says when they're alone, smiling as he threads his fingers into Levi’s hair. “You need a haircut.”

 

But Levi hasn't quite moved past his shock, and he murmurs, “You're here.” There's a tornado in his chest, in his head, stirring him up and making him feel like a violin strung too tightly. The rush of emotion opens his eyes to how numb he's been in his man’s absence, how much he's been locking away his thoughts without fully processing them. 

 

Erwin gives him an inquisitive look and then leans forward to kiss the top of Levi's head. “I'm here.”

 

Levi can feel his eyes welling with tears and he doesn't understand why, only presses into Erwin’s body and wraps his arms tight. One of Erwin’s large hands pets his hair, the other on the small of his back, and it makes it that much harder for Levi to hold his internal storm at bay. 

 

“It's alright to be overwhelmed, darling,” Erwin whispers, cocooning himself around Levi, leading him to the bed. Having a name put to the torrent of emotions he's feeling, Levi’s defenses crumble, the dam breaks, and he cries. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next time... let's see what baggage erwin brought with him to denver >:)


	19. Sage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the patience, i love yall, have all my kisses *MWAH*
> 
> ca'sh ch20 ou'side uhhhh 16 october. 
> 
> (warning for unbeta'd writing and description of murder)

_ “Don’t know where he’s at, but he ain’t in his head.”  _ Mike’s cautioning words are especially apparent to Erwin when he enters the home. Levi stands at the coat closet looking vaguely frustrated, largely vacant. There’s a deadness behind his eyes that Erwin tries to smooth back, failing to succeed until Levi breaks down in his arms once they're alone in the bedroom.

 

“Erwiiiin,” his boy wails, fingernails picking into Erwin’s skin through the fabric of his shirt. 

 

_ “Shhh,” _ Erwin tries to soothe, petting Levi’s hair, but the boy is not in control of himself. “Shh, katze, darling, I’m here, I’ve got you, darling.”

 

Levi scrabbles up Erwin’s body when Erwin sets them both on the bed, clinging like a frightened cat, but Erwin does not declaw his boy yet. 

 

“You’re here,” Levi gasps. “Was I good, Erwin?”

 

“Of course, darling.” Erwin cups a hand at the base of Levi’s skull and grips the grown-out undercut between his fingers. 

 

“Erwin, I- I missed you so much.” There’s a little tremor in his voice when his boy asks, “What did I do wrong to make you take so long?”

 

It would be so easy to use that and twist it, make the length of their time apart Levi’s fault, but Erwin does not do that. He tells the truth. “I wanted to make sure you were safe, katze boy, and that took a long time.”

 

“I didn’t do anything wrong?”

 

“No, my sweet boy.” Erwin tugs Levi’s head back with a finger through his collar and slips one of his eclipsing hands over Levi’s hip bone. “You were marvellous.”

 

“Marvellous?” Levi echos in happy disbelief. “Erwin, was I really?”

 

“You were very well behaved and obedient, yes,” he assures his boy. “You made me incredibly proud to call you mine. I’m proud of you, Levi.”

 

His boy breaks into a watery smile that he quickly presses into Erwin’s chest, cries muffled by Erwin’s shirt. Figuring it can only strengthen Levi’s bond to him, Erwin spouts praise, tells Levi how good he is, how perfect. What seems to really do the boy in is when Erwin dares to murmur, “I trust you, darling. You’ve shown me that I can trust you.”

 

Levi’s shoulders shake suspiciously like hyperventilation, confirmed when Erwin lifts Levi’s head back again and gets a good look at him. He’s gone red in the face, his eyes two puffy splotches. He stutters badly as he asks, “You trust me?”

 

Erwin knows this is a momentous revelation for Levi. He’s looking like he’s been waiting to hear those words his whole life, and where Erwin is concerned, he probably has. Framing Levi’s face, Erwin looks him in the eyes and calmly agrees, “I trust you.”

 

It’s enough to make Levi break down in another fit of tears all over again. This is obviously what Levi needs. Mike had been telling Erwin about Levi’s constant dissociating, long periods only broken by Nanaba’s gentle coaxing. Right now, he's being rushed by everything he's locked away-- every time he pushed back an emotional response, it was being pooled in the reservoir that is now drowning him. This is something in Levi that Erwin needs to mend before he can give Levi the whole truth for the last ten and a half years of their interlocked lives.

 

Erwin continues to shush the little noirette and offer him all manner of affectionate touches, while his boy cries until he’s ugly with it, until his eyes puff up impossibly and his nose clogs and he goes hoarse. Only then is Erwin sure that his kisses will be welcomed, and oh how good it feels to be right. Their first kiss, Erwin watches Levi’s closed eyes. It’s not until the third chaste press of lips that Levi’s brows quirk in recognition and he seeks Erwin’s mouth in return. 

 

“Good boy, katze.” Erwin wastes no time in sliding his tongue between Levi’s lips, lapping at the roof of his mouth and slithering his tongue upon Levi’s own. Breathily, stricken with lust, he commands, “Open for me, darling, let me have you.”

 

Pitiful whines become needy where they’re caught in Erwin’s throat.  _ God,  _ does it feel good. Levi is so sweet for Erwin, unspoilt morsels surrendered. Erwin devours like he means to crawl down Levi’s windpipe and nestle in his voice box. It takes only a few minutes for Levi’s hips to begin a slow rocking, a moment more for that rocking to become grinding. 

 

“Erwin,” Levi breathes, finally opening his eyes to look up. There’s a few wandering streaks of light coming in from the streetlights outside, piercing Levi’s irises and setting them aflame. He still looks pathetic, but he’s in his head now. Erwin wants to bring him back to his body as well.

 

“Show me what you want, darling.” Erwin sits up, giving Levi room to move. “Let me see how much you missed me.”

 

Levi flushes as he obeys, yanking layers of clothing from his frame. He watches Erwin watch him as Erwin undresses as well, and then they’re two bodies colliding in the bedding. The comforter is tossed back as Levi spreads out on the sheets, hungry, his uncut cock standing to full attention. Erwin takes it in his mouth, settling into the bed between his boy’s legs, his arms encircling Levi’s narrow hips and his hands gripping at Levi’s ribs to pin him down in the pillows. Thin fingers knot in Erwin’s hair timidly, so he pushes his head back into the sensation, encouraging his boy’s exploration. 

 

“I missed you,” Levi murmurs, his voice nasal from crying. His breathing is catching on the shaky remains of gasps as he speaks. “Erwin, I missed you so much. It all feels like a dream now, like I was dreaming for so  _ fucking _ long, Erwin, I can't remember anything but your calls--”

 

Erwin swallows down Levi’s prick until his nose presses into the thicket of Levi’s dark curls to effectively silence him. When he swallows around the head, Levi jumps, tugging Erwin’s hair, hissing dissolving into whining and a quiet keen of, “I love you.”

 

“I love you,” Erwin pulls off Levi’s cock to say. “Tell me, sweet boy, how you touched yourself, tell me everything.”

 

“I…,” Levi starts, gasps when Erwin bites a nipple, “Last night, I… I fantasised about you getting me… pregnant.”

 

The last word comes so quietly that Erwin feels mistaken, but the fierce red on Levi’s cheeks tells him that he heard correctly. Any uncertainty he may feel, he keeps from his face as he says, “What brought this on, my boy?”

 

Biting his lip, Levi looks away, his fingers meeting at the back of Erwin’s neck. “Nanaba… she's so happy to have a baby. She's so… in love. And I thought about you, about you fucking me, and about me being…  _ that _ and....”

 

“It felt good?”

 

Levi bites his lip again and nods, looking so embarrassed with himself, but Erwin looks up Levi’s body to his face, to Levi’s bottom lip trapped between teeth, and Erwin allows himself an indulgence, rises up to bite Levi’s lip until he can taste the hot blood. Just for tonight, he can let his guard down and  _ enjoy _ his boy just for the sake of enjoying; they've missed one another so much, and they deserve some time together unadulterated by manipulation or exploitation. That's what Erwin tells himself, but this in itself, showing Levi his own vulnerable underbelly to earn Levi’s submission, is also manipulation (but Erwin does not keep it on the forefront of his mind). 

 

Indeed, Erwin brings Levi wholeheartedly into his body, again, again, and  _ again.  _ Erwin spreads Levi out and drives into him, drawing Levi’s overwhelming emotions to the surface through tears running down his cheeks. In between sex, they hold one another and whisper, catching up on the last seven weeks apart. The last time Erwin arouses, they go slow, Erwin slipping into Levi’s cum-slick hole easily, and they make love as the sun rises, grasping one another desperately. In those moments, Erwin savours his boy, thanks the moon that Levi is still  _ his,  _ and allows himself to feel overwhelmed, too. 

 

;;;

 

Mike knocks on their door around noon. They wash up in the shower together and go downstairs, where Levi brews green tea for Erwin while Erwin looks over Nana’s sonograms. The mother-to-be is sitting on a stool near the house phone, taking the calls of Organisation members as they come in. To Erwin, she looks fully recovered and healthy, a neat and tiny bump beginning to form low between her hips, but the fact that she has not yet begun to work at Andrew’s bakery tells Erwin that her recovery is timid. Still, though, the quiet beaming on Mike’s face as he stands at Erwin’s side, explaining the progress of the sonograms, says that she’s thriving where it counts most.

 

News of her pregnancy, while unexpected, came as a great relief to Erwin. This baby boy is not a replacement for the one she lost, but it may just help her to heal that old wound without Madeleine showing her face. One slip-up like that, and he’d be forced to  _ control _ the situation, but Mike says that she is handling it all well without needing maintenance or manipulation, so that exceeds Erwin’s expectations.

 

And to find out that Levi’s had a wicked little fantasy… well, a little unhinging never hurt the boy so long as he was in Erwin’s grip, and it’s no different now.

 

“Thank you, katze,” he murmurs when Levi slides the mug into his waiting hand. His boy nearly preens under him, even for something so small, and it makes Erwin lean in and kiss his forehead. He can see a tender smile on Levi's face as he scuttles off to make Mike’s coffee out of habit. 

 

“Nana’s actin’ like a real war veteran,” Mike tells Erwin, leaning their heads together to speak quietly. “Making myself well known; she’s less social.”

 

“You’ve explained her recent injury and discharge?” Erwin guesses.

 

“They eat it up,” confirms Mike. “Keeps ‘em from prying, too. Don’t wanna be insensitive.”

 

“Erwin,” Nanaba interrupts, hand covering the receiver. “It’s Nile. He says the line is secure.”

 

In the corner of his eye, he can see Mike’s nose twitch. Erwin trades his tea for the corded house phone and holds it to his ear with an all-too pleasant, “Good morning.”

 

_ “Erwin, you son of a bitch,”  _ Nile starts.  _ “You left me to clean up this clusterfuck?” _

 

“This is nothing that you are unprepared for, or that cannot be brought back,” Erwin assures him. “The fire was an unfortunate necessity with all our safety at risk--”

 

_ “Darius is dead,” _ Nile cuts him off.  _ “Police are keeping it hush but when Marie went to check on the girls this morning, she found him. Shot through the head, so she grabbed the girls and brought them here.” _

 

“Are they all accounted for?”

 

_ “All thirteen, luckily. Instead of staying and reporting it, Marie waited until Zacklay’s absence was criticised and his assistant found him; then she met me here to tell me what she saw.” _ Nile lets out a long sigh.  _ “Erwin, why do I have a feeling you’re in over your head.” _

 

“Thank you for informing me of today’s events, Nile, and I sincerely wish I were able to explain this to you.”

 

_ “So you have  _ no _ clue?” _ Nile asks with a hint of suspicion.  _ “What if I told you that Darius was shot through the head twice, both bullets entering at an eye socket, but what killed him looks to be a small slice through the jugular?” _

 

Erwin’s fist on the receiver tightens before he says, “That’s a long-dead signature. Perhaps we have a copycat.”

 

_ “Erwin, stop bullshitting me. That’s Kenny Ackerman’s work.” _

 

“There’s a possibility that you’re correct, Nile. I was approached by Kenny yesterday afternoon; our discussion went well, and I was under no impression that this would be his next move.” Erwin leaves out the details of  _ why _ the former Organisation member is still alive, but that’s fine because Nile is more focused on the mess in his lap than stray members.

 

_ “Fucking. Shit. Alright, Darius didn’t keep incriminating evidence in his home or his office; it was all at the apartment building. That place is a smouldering pile of bricks. Firefighters couldn’t save a scrap of it. That was you, right?” _

 

“You’re correct,” Erwin says again. “Anything irreplaceable that served a purpose was saved. Everything else was destroyed.”

 

_ “But how’s this going to come back and bite us in the ass?”  _ Nile presses. He’s always been a little more cautious about change than Erwin. 

 

“Unless Kenny comes out and testifies, we’re clear.”

 

_ “He’s our first priority, right? He has to be silenced.” _

 

“He will be,” Erwin promises.

 

_ “When?” _

 

Erwin’s gazes falters for a moment and cuts to Levi’s back, his boy’s shoulders hunched and stiff with anxiety, his hands gripping the counter, coffee forgotten. A sudden need to calm Levi rushes upon him. Dismissively, he tells Nile, “In good time.”

 

_ “How do you know he’s not gonna rat us out before that, Erwin?” _

 

“I have something he wants, and when he gets it, I’ll have another something he wants.”

 

_ “Can I get a goddamn straight answer out of you?” _

 

“Not yet,” Erwin says, deadpan. Levi’s looking so tightly wound up listening to one side of the conversation like this. The colonel wishes he’d sent him out of the room or had Nanaba distract him. This wasn’t something for Levi to hear.

 

There’s far-away chatter on Nile’s end as someone speaks to him, and he replies muffled before he says clearly to Erwin,  _ “I’ve got to go. The courthouse is a scramble this morning. The ranks are shifting. Everyone wants to be judge.” _

 

“Is that what you want, too?”

 

_ “Don’t start that with me,” _ Nile snaps.  _ “Bye.” _

 

Erwin hangs up the house phone without a parting and goes to his boy as quickly as he can. The noirette is a paradox of limp and tense, unresponsive, even when Erwin cups the back of his head and turns them to face one another.

 

“Katze,” Erwin coos, going for something gently first. Levi nods an acknowledgement.

 

“I’m okay.”

 

“Don’t lie to me.” Erwin turns Levi back to his forgotten task and the boy takes it back up in robotic movements. Mike thanks him for the coffee and catches himself about to give an order, swallows it down with a taste from his mug instead.

 

“Bring everything in from the truck,” Erwin commands, just to give Levi something to do. “The keys are in my coat pocket.”

 

As soon as Levi shuts the front door behind him, Erwin asks, “He’s still reacting badly to Kenny’s name?”

 

Mike shakes his head not in disagreement. “Ain’t been processing nothing, I  _ told _ you. Darius is dead,” the last is more statement than question.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You knew what Kenny was gonna do.”

 

Erwin nods and finds his mug of green tea on the kitchen island, leaning over it on his elbows. “That’s why the fire was necessary. It’ll help keep Kenny’s mouth shut. He won’t know where we’re centered now.”

 

“Still gonna snatch his kid?”

 

“Armin will meet her soon and take her back to Hanji’s house, since her children will not be staying there over the holidays this year. Together with Moblit, they will begin the work.”

 

“You really think--” Mike is cut off by the front door opening.

 

“Take it upstairs,” Erwin orders without looking Levi’s way, and as soon as he’s disappeared again, Mike leans into Erwin over the island.

 

“You really think your boy gonna kill Kenny? Can’t even stand the sound of his name.”

 

“He’ll do it because I’ll tell him it’s the only way for me to bring him back home.”

 

“Cold-hearted bastard,” Mike swears. “We’re all going to prison.”

 

“Have faith in him.”

 

“I can’t, Erwin,” Mike whispers, heated. “Nana took four bullets the last time I had faith in him.”

 

Before they can finish the conversation, Levi is making his way back downstairs. Mike shoots Erwin a look that says they’re done talking anyway, but when Erwin turns to leave the kitchen, he hears Nanaba say quietly to Mike,  _ “If I can, you can.” _

 

Levi is on Erwin’s heels back to the bedroom without a word. Once the door shuts, though, he stands by the window awkwardly, looking out over the backyard, the perimeter of the neighbourhood. The bags he brought in from the truck are sitting together on the foot of the bed, a tightly packed duffel and backpack. Other than his favourite gun and Levi’s Benchmade, all their weapons are secure with Hanji and Moblit at her home in Sina. Armin will bring them when he travels down for the Everglades mission. Erwin still needs to discuss possibilities with Mike without having Levi present; Nanaba is retired and Levi will have already changed hands, meaning they’re dreadfully shorthanded and Mike  _ needs _ to go to Florida. One of the next available options is Eren, though the kid is a novice sniper, skills still terribly unrefined. It’s probably about time to promote him, anyway. Darius brought only a few members from Monterey when he went to sort through their mess in October. One team in particular is made of a single handler and three very devoted pets. Erwin hasn’t seen them in action, nor does he have any paperwork on their accomplishments, but they might be worth calling in. They were valuable enough to bring back for a reason. 

 

Instead of unpacking, Erwin moves behind Levi and wraps his arms around his boy’s shoulders, Levi’s head at the perfect height to set his chin. 

 

“We’ll be moving into the middle house when we get back,” Erwin decides to tell him, to give him something to look forward to. 

 

Levi takes the bait without fail. “Back? Where are we going?”

 

“I have a surprise for you.” One of Erwin’s hands grasps the front of Levi’s throat, pushing the leather of his collar into his skin. It’s not a threatening hold, not even strong enough to affect him, but it’s solid. “Ask me what it is.”

 

A pause as the adam’s apple under Erwin’s palm bobs, and then, “What’s my surprise?”

 

Erwin digs his fingers into Levi’s neck, mindful of the blood flow and nerves and oxygen, pulls Levi back flush against him, unsatisfied until Levi whimpers in his hold. Into the shell of his right ear, Erwin whispers the answer, and then bites the corner of his jaw.

 

“Really?” Levi gasps, and that childish awestruck wonder has Erwin lifting Levi’s hand, kissing the nubs where his ring and pinkie fingers used to be, has Erwin licking a stripe down his boy’s hand and forearm. The shiver trapped between them melts.

 

“Do I lie to you?”

 

Levi shakes his head as best he can. “You don’t.”

 

“We’ll leave tonight,” Erwin promises. “I have some business with Mike, so you’ll be here with Nanaba. You’re my good boy, yes, katze?”

 

“I’m your good boy,” Levi echos. The hand holding his neck departs and slithers down his torso, resting at last over the quivering muscles low on his abdomen. Erwin takes a handful of Levi’s t-shirt with a sensual tug. 

 

;;;

 

They’re standing on their private little balcony when the sun finally crests and shimmers over the water, so Erwin asks, “Do you like the room?”

 

Levi doesn’t try to hide the way his lips curl as he watches white birds sitting on the surface of the man-made lake. Crossing his arms on the railing and leaning casually, he replies, “Yeah, I do… but is everything in this place going to have obnoxious ears?”

 

Yesterday afternoon, Mike and Erwin had left the house to plan for the Miami mission, had come back to find Levi and Nanaba preparing dinner. It had been a nice and quiet night, though Erwin had spent a better portion of it afraid that Nana might spill the beans with her clinginess. She hung around Levi like a conjoined twin, continuously touching him or embracing him, to the point that it was hard to brush it off as hormones. She’d miss him while they were gone; that was what Mike settled on. Levi, unknowing of the deal with Kenny, had been accepting of her affection without question. To see them off and drink up every last moment with Levi possible, Nanaba had taken her first car ride in over a month, nestling in the front seat next to Mike as he drove to the airport. She didn’t get out when they stopped at the departures platform to unload, so Levi had leaned into the car and given her the biggest bear hug that Erwin had ever seen his boy initiate.

 

Something about parting with Nana had seemed to put Levi on edge afterward. Before they checked in, Erwin had taken them to the bathrooms beside ticketing and dug through his duffel to find the unofficial prescription of Valium. 

 

“Just to take the edge off,” Erwin had told Levi when he pressed the pill on the boy’s tongue, but it was a wonder that Levi made it past the security checkpoint. What was supposed to smooth his rough edges had instead made him incredibly drowsy and a little nonsensical, but at least he was not anxious. They’d barely sat down after boarding their aircraft when Levi passed out, the hood of his sweatshirt up and his arms crossed protectively over his chest. With a half-filled flight, there were no other passengers on their row, so Erwin wasted no time in reclining his seat and pulled Levi into his ribs like he was born to rest there, and he dozed.

 

The Orlando airport was only just waking up when they deboarded. Milky dawn muddied the horizon. Levi came out of his drugged slumber like a rolling tide, needed to stay tucked into Erwin’s side even after baggage claim. Only when they were approaching the complimentary shuttle, with its body painted in happy cartoon characters, did Levi perk up.

 

“Almost there,” Erwin had promised as they rolled down the quiet city streets and then onto the expansive property of their destination. Only one other group was checking in, just as Erwin had hoped. They had done well in avoiding crowds for their entire journey. Erwin stood in line while Levi perused the lobby of the Grand Floridian, circled the impressive Christmas tree several times and was still staring up at it after Erwin had them checked in and sorted. 

 

Up in their club-level suite, Levi had taken his time exploring, noting the detail work-- more pointedly, noticing the glaring Disney motif at every turn, something Erwin expected considering it was, well,  _ Disney World _ . Out on the balcony, Levi had finally found a reprieve from themed interior design and settled himself in one of the chairs before Erwin came out to ask him if he liked the room.

 

Now, Erwin graces his thumb over Levi’s lips, flirts with the tip against Levi’s teeth. “Are the ears going to be a problem?”

 

Levi laps at Erwin’s thumb, lets his tongue wrap around it before he retreats and says, “No.”

 

“Good.” Erwin pinches the noirette’s chin and steals a kiss in the warm morning air. Nothing heated, just something slow and lazy, something to set the pace for their stay. “Because we’ll be here all week.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this series will have a part three, and i'll want a coauthor for that, so stay tuned to eruriotica for an announcement *wink*


	20. Olive Oil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! 
> 
> warning: manipulation.

The siren song of a hot shower finally pulls Levi in from the balcony. He’s never been somewhere like this, but he knows it has to cost a fortune and it colours his cheeks to know it is _his_ gift. Unfastening his collar as he walks, he basks in the thought that Erwin always takes such good care of him, that Erwin loves him just as much as he loves Erwin.

 

It’s every child's wish: Disney World. Levi would be lying to say he didn't dream of it when he was young. It's a little surreal to be here now-- or maybe that's just the lingering Valium making everything tilt to the side. Still, _this_ is what Erwin is giving him because he's a good boy and it's hard to believe: a suite in the Grand Floridian and the promise of an entire week, no work, no distractions, just _Erwin._ God, Levi’s toes curl just thinking about it, thinking about how Erwin was fucking him relentlessly just twenty-four hours ago, thinking about what's the come over the next seven days. He doesn’t even consider whether or not he will have anxiety over the crowds because he knows without a doubt that Erwin is going to be right beside him, keeping him safe and level-headed.

 

He comes through the sitting area and into their temporary bedroom. On the bed, Erwin has the duffel unzipped and two new pairs of boxers laid out, socks, toothbrushes, and a hairbrush with a single bright pink scrunchie. It matches his identification tags when he sets his collar on the bed. Levi kicks his shoes off and leaves them in a heap, then turns around.

 

“Do you want to sleep then eat, or eat and then sleep?” Erwin’s already naked, leaning his hip against the long counter with its double sinks. Levi doesn’t answer, but Erwin doesn’t seem to be in a rush for a response.

 

Levi’s clothes are left in a crumpled heap on the floor just outside of the bathroom, but instead of slinking into the running shower, Levi sinks to his knees before his man.

 

“Thank you,” Levi says and he’s not sure what comes over him, why he feels an undeniable urge to bend and kiss Erwin’s feet, why something tells him that he _has_ to, like the way he has to breathe. Eight fingers take hold of Erwin’s left ankle as Levi presses his lips to the tuft of silky hair on top of Erwin’s foot, he repeats the same again on the right foot, then murmurs, “Thank you, Erwin.”

 

When Levi goes to lift his head, Erwin’s got a hand on it, keeping him down and he does not resist it. There’s nothing but the sound of water beating the bathtub’s bottom for a long moment.

 

“Anything for a good and perfect boy, katze, and you are the best.”

 

Levi hunches his shoulders and rests his forehead on Erwin's shin, decides to kiss that, too, decides to let his tongue worship. Erwin’s fingers are rough as they card through his hair, as he allows Levi a minute of reverence, and then he’s tugging him upward.

 

“Let’s clean up,” Erwin tells him like an offer instead of an order.

 

Nothing erotic happens in the shower. Levi leans into the large hands as they rub soap into his skin, suddenly drained beyond belief from travelling overnight. Recognising the exhaustion, Erwin sends him out to dry off and get dressed, and Levi climbs into bed afterward. Dry and in new undergarments, Levi settles between the sheets contently, but he’s curious, too, and he pulls the duffel closer, rifles through it, not expecting to see nearly a dozen pairs of patterned leggings like the ones he shared with Nanaba while he was in Denver. There’s also a couple pairs of Erwin’s jeans, then plenty more boxers and socks, as well as a ton of identical, large white t-shirts. And that thought comes back to him-- a whole week here.

 

Levi bunches his hair up in the towel to dry it but it still flops damply on his shoulders when he’s done. It’s gotten ridiculously long now, dripping ends dangling at his armpits.

 

“Do you like the patterns?” Erwin asks when he’s slipping on his boxers after returning both towels to the bathroom. The band cuts through Erwin’s happy trail. That draws Levi’s gaze up his man’s belly to his chest, the thick hair still sticking to his skin in a silky river. Levi can’t help but follow the way it swirls over his pecs, follows the curve of Erwin's muscles to his clavicle to his neck, his jaw, his mouth--

 

Erwin is watching Levi with a sort of satisfied smirk and Levi looks away, tucking his chin in. After a moment, Erwin brushes against his body and then he’s sitting behind his boy, lifting his head with a tug of hair. The collar comes around his neck and Erwin fastens it. When his man is finished, his large hands cup Levi’s shoulders, a reminder of his skin on display, the heavy scars that Erwin says are only seen, not felt.

 

“I got them for you because I liked the way you looked in Mike’s update photos,” Erwin explains. “You’re cute in them, and I thought you would like to finally have more clothes of your own.”

 

Levi looks back in the duffel and really looks at the leggings. They’re meant for women, he knows, but Erwin has picked mostly gender-neutral ones, though several lean feminine, especially a pair of shiny silver ones that remind Levi of polished stainless steel. “I like them. Thank you.”

 

Erwin presses a kiss to the top of Levi’s head. Without a word, Erwin coaxes him to sit between his legs, passes Levi the television remote before taking the hairbrush for himself. Levi clicks the television on and then draws the bedcovers up around them.

 

“Can we sleep first?” Levi finally answers from before the shower, and even though the answer is obvious, it doesn’t feel right not to ask first.

 

“Yes.” Erwin gathers his hair back with a sweep of the hairbrush. “This is one of the least busy weeks of the year, but it will still be more people than I know you are comfortable being around. I want you well relaxed.”

 

The way Erwin says it drives a quiver through Levi that makes his hips wiggle. He is still so sore from their reunion, but it is the kind of soreness that feels good, like stretching out overused muscles.

 

Behind him, Erwin murmurs, “Calm down, darling.”

 

“Okay, Erwin.” The weather report hums on as Erwin brushes Levi’s hair, and it promises warm temperatures with plenty of sunshine, a few scattered thunderstorms in the evening. Erwin pulls his hair up to the top of his head and twists it into a bun, securing it with the pink scrunchie.

 

“If your hair dries like this, it will be very pretty for me.”

 

“I need a haircut.”

 

Erwin scratches at Levi’s scalp where his undercut now grows down his neck. “I think there’s a princess salon somewhere around here.”

 

Levi pushes his head back in his man’s grip, asking for more. “You want me to be your pretty little princess?”

 

“You,” Erwin says, gripping a fist full of the shorter hairs and pulling Levi’s head back until his neck is surrendered, “already are.”

 

The embarrassing whine that leaves him is unbidden, and with a quick jerk of Levi’s hair, Erwin pulls another from him before devouring his vulnerable flesh with little kisses. Erwin spreads his legs and it pulls Levi deeper into the cradle made of his pelvis. Even in his exhaustion, a pleasantness is creeping into his belly, fuelled by the way Erwin takes his mouth in slow, thorough kisses. A whimper is met with a growl, Erwin rising in aggression. He pushes them up and over, until Levi is stretched out on his belly with Erwin on top of him.

 

“Relax,” Erwin orders quietly. “You’re going to get wound up and restless.”

 

“Okay,” Levi nods, wanting to be obedient above all. Consciously, he pushes his limbs into limpness, loosens his control over his body until he puddles down in the sheets. Slumping into the bed feels good.

 

“Marvellous boy mine,” Erwin praises with hands massaging Levi’s ass. Those hands move around to hip bones. “Good boy. Relax. I’ve got you.”

 

Levi nods again and sinks in, down, down, _down._

 

;;;

 

Erwin lets them sleep just enough, but not so much that their internal clocks will begin to sync to an 0700 bedtime.

 

Levi awakes to a hand stroking lazily between his legs just a few hours later. He’s still backwards in the bed, his head at the foot of it where Erwin had turned them over, climbed on top of him, and grounded him to help him sleep.

 

“You need to eat,” Erwin says in the place of a greeting, though he continues to caress Levi’s morning erection. It’s not a touch meant to bring about a release, and it feels good just to be touched for the sake of it. “Our best bet is Nineteen-Hundred Park Fare. It’s a buffet. Are you up for that?”

 

“Yeah, alright,” Levi replies. It’s less self-assured and instead more trusting of Erwin’s opinions. They dress and brush their teeth, and after Erwin takes Levi’s hair down to release a cascade of loose-barrel curls, they depart with Erwin’s own hair still messy over his forehead instead of combed to the side. They must look like quite the couple from afar; Erwin in plain clothes looking like a man intent on enjoying the laziness that vacation affords him, and Levi with his long hair, leather collar, oversized t-shirt, moon-and-stars leggings. It could be worse-- they could be wearing matching _‘Mr’ & ‘Mrs’ _ sweatshirts like the newlyweds waiting in line in front of them.

 

They wait for a long time before an unreserved table opens up, but it is still less of a wait than Levi anticipates. The host seats them and then Erwin leans over and tells Levi to stay put. The place is loud and busy just in the midst of the tables, but thinking of having to navigate the actually buffet is gives Levi shivers. Erwin, of course being big, blonde, and attractive, has no problem. Everyone moves out of his way, even the bratty entitled kids.

 

“There’s all kinds of sweets in the park,” Erwin tells him when he sets down two plates of fish and vegetables. “Be a good boy and earn them.”

 

That has Levi sitting up straight in his seat immediately, ready to impress Erwin with his listening skills.

 

“Now,” Erwin says, pulling two pink plastic bracelets from his pocket. He takes Levi’s wrist and snaps it on as he explains, “This is your magic band. It is everything you need, just scan it. There are plenty of photo opportunities around the park, as well as snack stands, just have your band scanned. You’ll also need this to get to our room and get into the parks. Don’t worry, I’ll show you as we go.”

 

Erwin demonstrates by paying for their lunch when they’re finished, and Levi is glad that his man knows his uncertainty without it having to be voiced. He knows that Erwin does not think he is stupid. As they head out of the restaurant and across the lake, Erwin tells Levi about some of the bigger attractions and asks what Levi has an appetite for. They bypass tickets sales and breeze through security, presenting their magic bands instead because Erwin’s already purchased their park admissions for the week. It’ll be Magic Kingdom today, and Levi wonders in giddiness what’s coming tomorrow.

 

“You said there’s sweets here,” Levi reminds him as soon as they’re into the park. He means it as a question in anticipation, but he ends up sounding more demanding than he intended. Erwin doesn’t correct him for it, only steers him toward the Information building by hs elbow.

 

There’s an entire wall of pamphlets. Several are duplicates, like the maps and main attractions list, but for the most part, each slot holds something different. Erwin sweeps his arm out in a welcoming gesture. “Have your pick, darling,” he says sweetly.

 

But Levi feels paralysed. He has no idea where to begin. There’s too many to read, too many to choose from, god, there’s so much noise, too many people having too many conversations and his heart is running a charge in his chest because this is all new, everything is new and unfamiliar and none of it feels right and--

 

Erwin’s hand slips around Levi’s waist in offered comfort and he curls into his man’s ribs without regard for their surroundings.

 

“I’m sorry,” Levi mutters, genuine. “I didn’t mean to sound bratty.”

 

“Good boy,” Erwin kisses into his forehead. “Let me pick rewards for you when you earn them, alright, sweet boy?”

 

Levi is quick to nod, rubbing his nose against Erwin’s t-shirt sleeve as he does. “Yes. I trust you.”

 

It’s a rough start to their first day and Levi feels off-kilter, and the feeling does not dissipate. It gets worse, so much that by the time they get down Main Street ten minutes later, Levi tugs the back pocket of Erwin’s jeans with a shaking hand.

 

“Katze?” Erwin twists to face his boy, lifts his chin and Levi watches the way his eyes widen in silent understanding. One hand pushes Levi’s head against Erwin’s chest and holds it there for a moment. To quietly confirm, he whispers, “Do you need to be centered?”

 

Levi nods with a deep inhale, suddenly feeling so bad. There’s so many people, so much noise, so _much._ It makes him dizzy and it makes his head spin, his gut falls below the pavement and his chest feels like it swells with helium. He doesn’t realise he’s fainting until Erwin jerks to catch him with a gentle, “Whoa, Levi, look at me, boy.” Hearing his name from Erwin’s mouth brings him a moment of clarity, but it’s not enough to sustain him. While he does not fully lose consciousness, his control over his body does lapse, forcing Erwin to hold his weight.

 

“Look at me, Levi,” Erwin growls and Levi’s eyes snap open because he just wants to be obedient. “This nice clerk says the first aid station is just around the corner. Do you need to go there?”

 

Levi doesn’t see the clerk. He only sees Erwin with a halo glowing from the store’s ceiling light behind his head. As Levi's body comes back to him in a heartbeat, he finds that he’s sprawled on the floor, that Erwin must have set him down instead of letting him crumple. The shop is packed with people but Levi does not recall coming in at all.

 

“I’m taking you to first aid,” Erwin says when he gets no answer. He gets Levi back on wobbly legs and bares his weight. The station is indeed just around the corner but as they prepare to go in, Levi drags his heels against the concrete, bringing them to a stop.

 

“I’m fine,” he wheezes out. He doesn’t want a nurse poking him and touching him, especially a strange one. “I just need to drink water.”

 

“At least sit in the air conditioning for a moment.” Erwin reaches past Levi and opens the door, so entrance is compulsory. Levi’s retort that it’s not even that hot gets caught in his throat because it must be, after all. The cool air hits him in the face in such a way that he feels stupidly blind having not noticed the heat outside. It feels like late summer in Wyoming, Levi thinks. The good and warm kind of sunny, hot enough that the wind does not inhibit any kind of heat build up.

 

There’s a bored looking nurse sitting at the front desk, and she doesn’t hide her relief at not having to engage them when Erwin tells her that Levi needs to sit and have water.

 

“Do you want to go back to the room?” Erwin asks him after he finishes a liter.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Erwin presses his fingers along the back of Levi’s neck, one slipping beneath the collar to rub the skin. “Eager boy.”

 

Levi pushes them to leave the first aid station before he’s feeling ready. Erwin doesn’t ask what brought on the spell, but Levi is absolutely sure that Erwin understands it, with the way he keeps an arm around his shoulders protectively. Erwin must know that Levi was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of people-- Erwin had purposefully brought them here in one of the least busy weeks, suspended between Thanksgiving and Christmas when there were few special events to draw in crowds.

 

They queue in a line of families for a prime photography spot in front of the iconic Cinderella Castle and Erwin pulls Levi into him, chest to chest, enveloping him in his hold.

 

“Do you think,” his man whispers into his left ear, “you’ll be alright to keep walking around after dark?”

 

“Stay here until it closes?”

 

“Yes.” Erwin pulls back and pecks his forehead, moves them forward carefully by a few steps, Levi following his lead and walking backwards so not to break the embrace. They must look lovestruck.

 

“Yeah.” Levi nuzzles at the front of Erwin’s t-shirt instead of asking to have the promise of cock whenever they get back to their room. By the way a large hand cradles the back of his head and squeezes his skull, he thinks Erwin gets it.

 

“Being out at night with crowds of strangers,” Erwin clarifies, “You’ll be alright?”

 

“What do I get if I’m a good boy?” Levi asks instead, hoping for an incentive even though he aims to have pleasing behaviour regardless.

 

Erwin hums thoughtfully but when he sets his lips against Levi’s ear and says, “I’ll desecrate you thoroughly,” with a soft kiss, it’s clearly something that he’s been meaning to say.

 

The park photographer takes a shot of Levi alone in front of the castle and then gets a few of Levi with Erwin, and when she finishes, Erwin presents his band for her to scan, and then they’re off again. As they walk further toward the castle, Erwin explains that their pictures will be uploaded to his account online, and that they can look through them later together.

 

“After you desecrate me?” Levi asks and it makes Erwin smirk at him.

 

He laces his fingers with Levi’s in a faintly possessive hold so that they can walk comfortably. “Before. There won’t be enough sense left in your head when I’m done with you.”

 

Levi swallows and unabashedly lets the shiver run through his body. God, they’re in public and Erwin is saying things like this to him, he craves to have them alone again, to have whatever Erwin plans for him in privacy.

 

They walk over the bridge and through the castle, mindful of people taking personal photographs as they make their way into Liberty Square, and apparently, Levi has earned himself a snack. He sits on a bench out of the way of pedestrians, watches Erwin at a snack cart, pays close attention to how he pays by having his band scanned, perks up when Erwin hands him one of the mickey-mouse-shaped ice cream bars.

 

“You’re doing very well with all the stimulus, katze,” Erwin says. “I’m proud.”

 

Embarrassed, Levi hides his grin behind a bite into the treat. Their first few hours in the Magic Kingdom are spent in a similar fashion. They circle the entire place once, stopping at almost every park photographer and getting pictures together, having a snack after every time until Erwin has shown Levi the four remaining sections: Frontierland, Adventureland, Tomorrowland, and Fantasyland. Erwin tells him that they’ll have another day dedicated to Magic Kingdom a little later in the week as he asks if anything in particular caught Levi’s fancy.

 

A few of the rides have definitely given him a rush of excitement, but Levi’s never been on any in his life, and his anxiety, though it has been surprisingly moderate since his fainting, is outweighing the logical side of his brain. He _knows_ it is safe, but he can’t silence the nagging in the back of his head, _‘but what if?’_

 

“I don’t really want to ride anything,” Levi admits, using his spoon to play in the last drops of his dole whip. “I like _this_ so far. This is nice.”

 

“We have some fast passes, we can choose a few rides to skip the lines.” Erwin offers his own half-finished dole whip and Levi takes it, setting his empty cup on the bench beside his hip. When Levi only shrugs, Erwin tries to tempt him with, “We can go on some kiddie rides.”

 

“Maybe another day?”

 

Erwin tilts his head at Levi curiously but does not push the subject anymore. “Alright. Let’s get an early dinner and go to our room instead of staying after dark.”

 

“We’ve been eating all day,” Levi says, shovels a final spoonful of his confection into his mouth, hoping to avoid brain freeze. He’s been successful so far.

 

_“Sweets,_ katze. We’ve had sweets all afternoon. You’re going to need real food.” Erwin leans down at the waist to say, “Trust me.”

 

;;;

 

“Gorgeous.”

 

Levi twitches but quickly stills himself for Erwin’s inspection. He sits in naked seiza on the coffee table in the front room of their suite while Erwin circles him with praise. All of his hair has been brushed over left, exposing the silver-pink keloid of his missing ear, and he unconsciously tilts his head to the side, offering that scar for Erwin to touch. But Erwin steps behind him, scrapes a fingernail lightly up the valley of Levi’s spine, past the old lacerations and cigarette burns that his tongue just finished worshipping.

 

“Glorious.”

 

“Please,” Levi whimpers, arches and lets his head fall back, creating a long curve from his neck, his mouth forced open with the angle.

 

“‘Please’ what?” Erwin grabs a fist of black hair and yanks it forward, pulling until Levi is bent in tight thirds, face smushed down into the wood. A gentler hand smoothes out the cruelty inflicted on his scalp. “Beg for me, katze darling, you’re so sweet when you beg for me.”

 

Levi’s knees spread as his hips jerk back, giving in, because he is Erwin’s good boy, Erwin’s good and perfect and obedient boy, Erwin’s boy who will do whatever he is told.

 

;;;

 

The sky is purple-orange with light pollution when Levi wakes up alone on the couch. His body is tired like the bone-breaking kind of weariness that he’s experienced more than a few times before and he moves it slowly. Last night still aches in his hips and inner thighs, he knows his skin has piles of bruises from hands strong enough to break him holding him down and forcing him to surrender. And he loves the feeling, the memory.

 

There’s a melancholy in the realisation that they are leaving today and leaving all of this behind.

 

It’s been a week beyond anything Levi could have imagined. Erwin has spoiled him, doted on him in unbelievable ways. This is a true vacation. Levi feels like a fat and lazy cat well gorged on pleasure but still yearning for more and more until there's nothing left to take, and Erwin does not disallow that selfishness. He's been fed and fucked to his heart’s content and still Erwin pours more into him. His obedience to Erwin has earned him this gift and that knowledge spurs his devotion further.

 

Secretly, Levi hopes to be good enough for Erwin to give him this again next year. They've spent a whole week exploring all of the different Disney parks and still there is so much to discover. Every morning, they ate a good breakfast and then set off to the parks as the gates opened, taking official pictures at many of the iconic locations and stopping to have a sweet treat right after. If a ride was declared tame enough by Levi's anxious standards, they applied a fast pass if one were available so that they didn't waste time in the long lines.

 

Sometimes, Erwin took pictures of him on his mobile phone and that was something new entirely. Candids, Erwin called them, because he wanted to remember Levi’s ‘childlike awe’ later on. By the late afternoon every day, they were usually worn out from all the walking and so Erwin would decide on a place for early dinner and he'd make sure Levi ate well. The trek back to the Grand Floridian, whether they walked or bussed or rode the train, was slow going with heavy steps, but that feeling dissipated as soon as the door to their suite closed behind them.

 

Erwin would strip Levi down and touch him all over, taste the sweat on his neck or under his arms, tug him into a hot shower to wash off the smell of crowds, and then Erwin would stretch Levi out on the bed and fuck him with thick fingers until he would cum crying. Their nights usually wrapped up on the couch, the television on in the background while Levi laid his head on Erwin’s chest and they cycled through the day’s pictures and photographs when they uploaded onto Erwin’s online account. More often than not, Erwin would sink between his boy’s thighs after that, go slow enough to put Levi to sleep with his pleasure.

 

“Good morning,” Levi rasps when Erwin steps in through the doorway with a mesh bag of clean, folded laundry.

 

“Good morning, katze boy,” Erwin says with a gentle smile. “Let me put this away and then I have something to tell you.”

 

While Erwin deals with their clothing, Levi goes through his morning routine in the bathroom, and his outfit for the day is already laid out on the foot of the bed when he emerges. Levi dresses quickly and finds Erwin out on the balcony taking a phone call, so he sits on the couch to wait patiently, watching as the sunrise tempts the horizon, giving the world an eerie, underwater quality.

 

Erwin finishes his call and comes back inside to sit beside his boy, cups Levi’s jaw so that he can stroke his thumb over the scar of Levi’s missing ear. Between them, the air feels easy. A few gentle kisses have Levi melting into Erwin’s chest, pliant and willing for anything he might be given.

 

“I want to tell you something,” Erwin kisses into the corner of Levi’s mouth.

 

“Yeah?” Levi drawls when Erwin licks at the underside of his jaw, large hands lazy around his neck.

 

“I’m responsible for your torture,” Erwin breathes against his lips and Levi jerks back, but Erwin’s gripping him, strong fingers sliding behind Levi’s head and holding him in place.

 

“You--”

 

But another chaste kiss silences him so that Erwin can say, “I was lieutenant at the time of your capture alongside your mother--”

 

“Wait, no!” Levi pushes back. He doesn’t want to hear this. He doesn’t want to think of what happened almost eleven years ago, not here, not in this place that Erwin has given him so many good memories. He doesn't want to taint this.

 

Erwin’s hold on him is solid as he lets Levi struggle. “Yes, darling. You were not supposed to be captured, remember? And your mother used your presence as a shield for so long that the order was given to take her regardless, making you a little bonus prize.”

 

Levi whines in his throat and he wants to claw at Erwin, wants to bite him and make him bleed for these words. How can he fucking sit there and say this so sweetly? How can he say this, how can he claim that he’s responsible?

 

Erwin pulls Levi’s head against his chest and wraps his free arm around Levi’s shoulders. “I decided to have you broken, and oh darling, you broke so beautifully.”

 

“You cut me up?” Levi growls, his brain digging up the repressed memories, making his skin tingle and sting.

 

“I didn’t come in direct contact with you back then.” Erwin rubs a soothing hand down Levi’s spine and for a moment, he relaxes into the sensation, wants to be still and let Erwin speak without interrupting him because that is what a good boy should do. And why shouldn’t he? Would it really hurt him to let Erwin’s words wash over him? Besides, Erwin knows him better than anyone else does. Slowly, Levi lets the tension seep from his body and it’s a conscious effort.

 

Erwin continues, “When it was decided that your well-being would be used against your mother, I was the one who ordered Mike to do it all. I had your ear and fingers removed, I had your legs broken, I had you burned and cut. All of your scars, they’ve been my marks on you, and you’ve worn them so beautifully all these years.”

 

By now, Levi’s heart is thumping a stampede, his blood a loud rush in his ears. Mike… big men with big knives… there were two. There were two of them in the cell with Levi and his mama, but Levi's long lost the sense of their faces, his mind only remembers them as blurry and shapeless. But as this new knowledge seeps in, he plasters Mike’s face over the one who--

 

Levi must be crying because Erwin licks at his cheeks like it's a tender exchange. “Katze, sweet boy. I had planned to keep you for myself. I never wanted you to escape. You were mine from the moment they put the hood over your head and dragged you out to the compound. You were never supposed to have to go through foster care, _especially_ the way you did. I never intended for that to happen.”

 

There's two halves of Levi fighting for dominance. One, angry and betrayed, wanting to fight this, fight Erwin, _hurt_ Erwin for what he's done. The other, placid and content, happy with the revelation of Erwin’s deeds meddling for so long. Even now, that other part of Levi is winning, turning him into a puddle right in Erwin’s palm, and the angry side of him burns all the hotter for it. How pathetic is he, to find comfort in this? What the _fuck_ is wrong with him, why can't he see how harmful Erwin is, how toxic their every encounter has been? Erwin's just been playing with him like a cat with a mouse for almost half of his life, his fucking life has just been an experiment to Erwin, a fucking _game_.

 

But for the moment, the calmer side of him eclipses the other.

 

“That's it, good boy,” Erwin praises when Levi sinks limply in his grasp. “I'm sorry that I let you go that first time, my love.”

 

“Why did you?” Levi whines like a needy puppy, the fire in the back of his brain furious with his own actions.

 

“Kenny wanted to make a deal.” Erwin doesn't say it with any inflection, completely neutral. “He did not want you in Organisation custody while you were so young. In exchange for waiting ten years, he took on a long-term mission infiltrating a drug smuggling ring.”

 

A third side of Levi emerges, upset not with Erwin but with Kenny. How dare Kenny interfere and leave him stranded like he did, how fucking _dare_ Kenny take him from Erwin’s waiting grasp and force him to live for a decade in misery and solitude. Levi could have stayed with Erwin right after his torture. He could have healed from the ordeal, physically and mentally, under Erwin’s care, never an unwanted stray, instead always Erwin’s boy like he was meant to be. His heart squeezes painfully thinking about what could have been, and he doesn't think he can forgive Kenny for taking that away from him.

 

His two angry sides butt heads like rams and Levi feels shaken down to the core of his mind, feels the foundation crack and split and crumble just a little and he's confused by himself, confused that he's not sure which he wants, or what he wants to do now, or why Erwin is telling him this--

 

“Breathe deeply, you're hyperventilating,” Erwin commands him sternly. Levi closes his eyes and pushes all the air from his lungs, lets them sit empty for a moment while his heart bottoms out, then inhales in staggering steps until his lungs are protestingly full. “That's it, perfect boy, just breathe.”

 

Levi does as he's told, focuses on it because it's easier than thinking, than addressing the battlefront of his mind.

 

“Look at me, darling.” Erwin waits patiently until he is obedient, until he can hold eye contact. “Your uncle tried to kill you in Albuquerque. He wants to have you dead rather than in my care, and the only way to spare your life is to give you to him.” All of the warring thoughts go silent and Levi’s world tilts sideways, then upside down, but Erwin does not stop speaking. “I'm going to take you to him today. Katze, my good boy, you'll be safe there.”

 

“I want to be with you,” Levi hears himself say. “Erwin, I can't go, I want to be with you, please, don't make me go.”

 

“You have to. As long as you're with me, Kenny won't stop trying to kill you until he's dead. I can't lose you like that, darling. I can't live knowing you're dead.” Erwin's hands cup the sides of his face as he speaks. “You've become my everything, Levi. I love you.”

 

“Erwin, I love you, please, don't make me go.” Levi's hands fist in the t-shirt before him, pulling down and stretching out the collar but he doesn't care right now. His whole world is being demolished right here on the couch where Erwin made love to him.

 

“I can't let him kill you.”

 

“I can't live without you,” Levi cries and it feels true. He can't imagine a life without Erwin now, does not want it, and every side of him is united in that. Even the part of him that wants to hurt Erwin wants to stay in his man’s hands because he is cared for here. No one has ever treated him so well, no one ever will again. It has to be Erwin. It can be no other. His weeping comes openly, shamelessly, “Please, Erwin, I want to stay with you. Please, _please,_ don't make me go, let me stay, I can't live without you, _Erwin!”_

 

“Then find a way to come back to me, baby.” Erwin kisses him and Levi surges up to meet him, fuelled by anger and sorrow and disbelief. This can't be happening, this can't be. Levi's whole life belongs to Erwin.

 

“I'll kill him,” Levi breaks their kiss and promises. “If he won't let me be with you, I'll kill him, Erwin. I swear it. I'll kill him and I’ll come home. I belong with you, I _have_ to be with you.”

 

Erwin's sad, watery smile is the last thing Levi sees before the hairs on the back of his neck raise and his world abruptly goes black.


	21. Black Cat Bone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While a black cat bone may bring the user good luck, wealth, and fame, it often brings about a gruesome and untimely death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see y'all next time. you guys have been awesome. let me kiss you all.

Kenny stomps his cigarette out on the asphalt when the coaxing proves unrewarding. Erwin recognises the no nonsense tone when the senior Ackerman growls, “Getchur ass over here.”

 

Levi’s shoulders bunch up defensively but Kenny disregards it, grabs Levi’s upper arm and yanks him forward to be swallowed by Kenny’s squad and shoved into a black Jetta. Erwin stands, disinterested, hands open at his sides and posture as relaxed and non-threatening as he wishes he actually felt. This is supposed to be a simple, unarmed exchange. He’s taken a risk in complying to guarantee his boy’s safety.

 

With Levi safely out of Erwin’s reach, Kenny’s stance slacks into something casual. He puts his hands on his hips and cocks one of his knees out sideway.

 

“So, Smith, whatcha gonna hold over my head?”

 

Erwin looks at Kenny without giving anything away, and Kenny’s accomplishment of Levi is making him boast, “I know you think y’re gonna get the upperhand and I’ma tell ya: it ain’t happening.”

 

“We made a deal. I am honouring my end,” Erwin states.

 

“That’s why,” Kenny drawls proudly, “I had a phone call with Mikasa. You remember I had a kid, right? Before I went on your errand.”

 

Erwin does not let a single emotion through his steel-facade. He waits, as if bored, for Kenny to empty out more of the details he’s desperate for.

 

“See, Mikasa been running away an awful lot. Kids like her, no one really cares if they run off ‘nd never come back. Bein’ her father and all, I figured. Hey. Kid probably needs some quality time with her daddy. That’ll straighten her out.” Kenny looks Erwin dead in the eye, face straight, to say, “Who knows what woulda happened to her. Especially after her little friend went missing.”

 

Erwin waits. That’s all he can do. He’s at the mercy of the guns aligned with Kenny.

 

Kenny’s jovial again in a moment, taking a step and making Erwin turn his head to keep the Ackerman in his line of sight. “Course, you should probably know that when I was in Sina, I went to visit Frankie ‘bout setting up a deal. Liver failure, huh, did ya know? Nasty way to go.”

 

All Erwin can do is wait. Listen.

 

“Pretty little Magnolia gal’s in charge now. Isabel was more than willing to accept my offer for partnership. Ask her, when ya get home. Then you and me can make a deal.” Kenny leans back and grins wide while Erwin exerts every ounce of control over his responses, barely contains the widening of his eyes, his sharp inhale. “Yeah, Smith, so whatever you planned on doing at my compound, ya probably shouldn’t. Ya know. Seein’ as it’d expose you and your Organisation, too.”

 

“It sounds like you win,” Erwin finally says, neutral. “Why not just kill me?”

 

“Nah,” Kenny sighs and takes another step, now putting him behind Erwin. One bony hand sits on Erwin’s shoulder, a finger pointed back toward the three men with guns. “That boy needs to see your downfall first.”

 

“Am I not humble enough for you, yet?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Erwin is too unconfident to bluff. All he can do is wait.

 

“The last my nephew is gonna see of ya, is you on your knees crying and hollering.”

 

One of Kenny’s thugs step forward, holding Levi’s collar. Kenny takes it in the hand that’s hovering alongside Erwin’s head, fingers gripping the pink heart.

 

;;;

 

This pain, this heartbreak, Levi deserves this. He _earned_ it. Palming his bare throat, he swallows back a watery whine, reality and anxiety mixing deadly. He’s a pathetic, worthless waste, and now he’s been discarded by the only person in his life to give him purpose. He’s losing track of himself, of his memories. He keeps reliving them and every time, he changes them, little by little, and they’re warping into something he can’t make sense of. They’re untrustworthy without Erwin.

 

White knuckles on the steering wheel, Erwin had threatened, “If you don’t shut your mouth, I will pull over and gag you.”

 

Levi’s mouth had hung open for a moment before he remembered himself and closed it, but he didn’t take his eyes from Erwin. He’d fainted, that’s what Erwin had said when he came to at the suite. There was no familiarity in his man then, nothing in Erwin’s eyes or the tone of his voice that gave Levi any hope that they could stay together, and the shock of it had coaxed him into false agreeableness. It wasn't until they were packed up-- in separate bags-- and loaded into a rental vehicle that Levi had truly understood. Erwin was letting him go, and while it had to be done for Levi's own safety, Levi became illogical with desperation.

 

And that’s when the begging had started. Levi tried to talk about it at first, tried to bargain with Erwin, but Erwin scolded him for being selfish. Levi had wished, so fervently, that he could have gone back to Albuquerque and followed Erwin’s order. The regret for his actions filled him, made him hate himself for being weak and useless and disobedient. Erwin had always been right: as long as Levi followed orders, Erwin would care for him. And he wanted another chance to prove himself, only to find it was too late. That’s when the begging became outright pleas, making Erwin sigh with even more disappointment. It was an act, it _had_ to be, some cruel, cold mask meant to make their parting easier that actually tore off pieces of Levi instead of giving him a good, clean split.

 

Erwin had not wanted to hear anything Levi had to say. There was a moment of disbelief, then acceptance, before Levi wheezed out a shaky breath with tears welling in his eyes. This was all his fault. Erwin forced to surrender him to Kenny. Erwin’s distant behaviour. Nanaba, _fuck,_ Nana’s permanent disability. If he’d just followed the goddamn order, had shot Kenny, he could have avoided all of this.

 

Numbness is better than racing thoughts, but Levi takes no comfort in the hollowness as it claims his brain. It eases him down and out of his body, out of the fucking problems he created for himself, somewhere that nothing of importance, including his own life, exists. He wants to kill himself. There’s a dangerous hum, low-lying and seductive, promising to return him to Erwin in death. It’s too quiet in Kenny’s apartment building today. It makes his mind overcompensate.

 

“I took you,” Erwin had started once Levi shut his mouth, “and I broke you down until you were nothing. I rebuilt you through manipulating you with positive and negative reinforcement. You were lonely and exceptionally receptive to affection. You were easy.”

 

Levi pushes the heels of his hands into his eye sockets. It’s been a week since that, and he can’t wrangle in its intrusiveness. It makes him feel so goddamn blind, so fucking stupid, because looking back, it’s so obvious. It’s all so fucking obvious. But even though he knows the truth now, he can’t _not_ want Erwin back. Because even though he was only a pet, a thing, something Erwin _used,_ he had _belonged_ to Erwin.

 

He had belonged.

 

Levi had not wanted to take that step away from Erwin but he'd been _forced_ by his uncle, hadn't even gotten the chance to say goodbye before he was whisked away. He knows he would have cried, but he needed to tell Erwin that he'd see him soon, that he loved him, and instead, that was stolen from him.

 

His fingers shake remembering when he unfastened his collar at gunpoint, when he handed it over, when everyone else piled into the car around him and they drove off, leaving Erwin on his knees in the church parking lot, clutching at his head, how Levi had wanted to leap from the moving vehicle and be with his man, the only man who gave a damn about him--

 

Everything in his mind goes so fast. He’s got to slow it down. He’s got to drown it. Thinking straight is not going to happen. Coping has to come another way. It burns on the way down.

 

;;;

 

Erwin calls off the Arsa mission while he’s in the hospital. Mike flies down to escort him back, and he endures an interrogation from the emergency room staff, because an ambulance brought Erwin in with his right eye hacked into pieces and Erwin feigned ignorance on the circumstance of his injury. He’s shortly discharged and they return to Denver empty-handed. No Levi, no William, not even Kenny’s head.

 

It seems that Kenny Ackerman was well spooked by their meeting in Sina the week prior, because he began to negotiate a deal with Magnolia, tying up the Organisation in his scheme in the process. There is no safe way to withdraw protection from Magnolia’s prescription drug dealing, especially because a large amount of Organisation funding is the service fee for providing that protection. Now, with Magnolia plunging into illegal recreational drugs, forming an alliance with Kenny to do so, some amount of Organisation protection will need to extend to Florida as well. It was a mocking courtesy the way that Kenny had told Erwin to confirm with Magnolia, and then they could meet again and work out their protection deal. It will bring in more money for the Organisation, and with Darius dead and Erwin replacing him as Major General, that responsibility falls on him. He has to think about the big picture. Much more money coming in steadily helps them to expand the way he envisions.

 

With Erwin’s cooperation and secrecy snared, storming Arsa’s illegal drug testing facility would expose all known associates, and that is something that cannot happen now. Whether he likes it or not, he is back on even footing with Kenny. Erwin had surrendered Levi. Kenny used Levi for Erwin’s downfall. Erwin hopes Kenny enjoyed watching him scream because it would be the _only_ time.

 

The last night with Levi had been beyond painful. Erwin had made love to his boy good and slow, untangling only when he was certain Levi was sleeping soundly, to go retrieve a rental car for the drive down into the southern tip of Florida. Levi’s tearful begging had nearly undone him but he held to his resolve. Erwin can only have faith that Levi will follow through.

 

Levi was supposed to bring him everything he wanted, but he'd been essential in Erwin’s downfall instead. Still, he cannot bring himself to feel any ill for his boy. His heart squeezes with fond memory. Where decorating and furnishing their new home is concerned, Erwin takes Levi’s tastes into consideration. It gives him something to look forward to: Levi living with him again, sharing a proper bed with him, working with him, having his boy in his arms. This is his goal. Carefully, he takes the tender feathers of his memory and sorts them, puts them in cardboard boxes and buries them deep within his mind, saving them for a time when they’ll be appreciated.

 

In Denver for a fresh start, Erwin begins a new plan.

  
;;;  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
;;;  


“What’s in the goddamn cup?” Kenny grunts when Levi joins him at the long table in Uri’s kitchen.

 

“None of your goddamn business,” Levi spits, tipping it back to swallow a burning mouthful.

 

“It’s nine in the morning,” Kenny scoffs but Levi is not listening at this point. He doesn’t really give a fuck what kind of judgement Kenny wants to pass on him because it is none of his fucking business. Kenny didn’t bother to correct this habit as he saw it forming. Getting on Levi’s case now that it’s ingrained is pointless.

 

“Where’m I going today?” Levi lets the empty cup hit the table harder than necessary.

 

Kenny side-eyes him disdainfully. “Need ya to clean the church.”

 

Levi growls but doesn’t say anything. It’s better than being stuck at the soup kitchen all day, taking care of whoever passes through needing a hand-out. He doesn’t mind the charity work, really, but he minds people assuming the things they assume about him. Small, thin, long haired men don’t do well around Jesus culture.

 

He’s sober enough to drive himself through the slow traffic across Miami to the megachurch that Uri pastors. It keeps him busy: vacuuming, scrubbing toilets, mopping, dusting, polishing. He can drink and he doesn’t have to think. Kenny will pay him in cash tomorrow morning. Levi will pay his rent and use the leftover to buy a fresh bottle of something cheap. He likes his one-room apartment because he can afford it alone and because he spends enough time in opulence bought by blood money and tithe-- though he supposes there's not much difference between the two.

 

He locks up the church and drags through traffic again, well over the legal limit but no one’s moving fast enough for it to be noticeable. Babydoll greets him with a chorus of meowing when he opens his apartment door, and his first tasks are to feed her and then clean her litter box. A shower takes the smell of cleaning products from his body. Dinner is a week-old leftover burger from the back of his refrigerator, microwaved and chased with tequila.

 

Levi still sleeps curled up tight on a couch instead of in a bed, hugging the dog bed that he was compelled to purchase when he saw it in Walmart because it was the same one Erwin bought for him. A length of transport chain stays balanced on the arm of the couch. Babydoll’s collar is black leather, her nametag is a bright pink heart. He still exercises the way Mike trained him to. He owns an old, white, two-door truck with a bench seat. He wears his hair up all of the time now, even in public, shows the silver-pink keloid that he hid for so long: _‘all of your scars, they’ve been my marks on you, and you’ve worn them so beautifully all these years.’_

 

It's like there's some kind of fucked up barrier in his mind that will not allow him to let these rituals go simply because they're tied together with a thread happiness, contentment, and joy. And Levi is not necessarily ashamed of them, nor does he wish to dispel these rituals, but they're his and they're _private_ and they give him hope.

 

The day he turns twenty-seven, that hope pays off. He’s about to get the chance to kill Erwin Smith.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm looking for a collaborator, details coming to eruriotica.tumblr very soon!

**Author's Note:**

> forgive me fandom for i have sinned
> 
> feel free to say something on [ my tumblr ](https://minxiebutt.tumblr.com) or browse the [ series tag](http://minxiebutt.tumblr.com/tagged/fic%3A-rda)


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